I just heard two elevator pitches
Surgeons both, too int’rested in riches
Yet I found them quite funny
Even if they loved money
Though I said ‘No,’ they left me in stitches
Categories:
in stitches, extended metaphor, funny, work,
Form: Limerick
An utterly Useless Tale
On a big round oak table in a living room, a vase, in its small crack, lived two house ants. They were sitting outside, considering a box of matches on the tabletop.
“if the box was empty, I’m sure I could push an inch or two the first and said. “Yeah,” the other snorted.
A man came into the room, took a matchstick out of the box, and put it back on the table, this time by its edge, and walked out.
The first ant giggled and said, “If we both push the box, it will fall on
the floor, no one will know how it ended there.”
They traversed the vast expanse of the table, pushed the box off the table, hurried back into their crack, and laughed heartily.
They had been frightened
people usually kill house ants at first
sight. The man came back, saw the box on the floor, shook his head, picked it up, and placed it back on the table. Our ants were in stitches
They were tempted to push the box on the floor again
but gave it up, the risk someone could come in with a duster
was too great
Back at their crack, they went to sleep
Categories:
in stitches, absence, abuse, age, anti
Form: ABC
Halloween TREATS 'LAY' on the STREET
In the 'GREY', the SCENE PRISTINE
Costumes MIXED and FIXED as the children roam in fleet
Children of all 'AGES', DRESS to IMPRESS
Ready for their 'STAGES', to present LOUD and PROUD
Waiting to EXPRESS at the door of the ADDRESS
FOOLS and GHOULS and 'WITCHES' too
QUEUE up in 'STITCHES' to show off their BOO!
And collect their TREATS as they meander along the STREETS so new
Categories:
in stitches, halloween,
Form: Verse
An unconventional comedian
Indian born comic Spike Milligan
His dark humour in sketches
Had the people in stitches
Without doubt was a very funny man.
When his friend Harry Secombe passed away
Spikes quite darkish humour came into play
Said "Glad he went before me
He'd have sang out of pity "
At Spike's service they played one anyway .
Now peacefully in his grave he lies still
In a lonely church yard up on the hill
His dark humour won the day
When sadly he passed away
His headstone says , I told you I was ill...
Categories:
in stitches, dark, death, humor,
Form: Limerick
Fears of wizards and witches
That place the spells
and puts you in stitches
Angels and demons
That makes you yell
With swords and pitchforks
To keep you in hell
Kings and Queens
Unlimited power
Cruelty begun for untold hours
Lawmen and criminals
But here’s the pun
Verses our mortality
They both have guns
Priest make the sacrifices
Rabbis tell us why
Mothers loving children
Fathers discipline make them cry
Daughters raised in fashion
Away from the passions of the sons
Judges playing politicians
Lawyers lying for cases won
Time is a gift of the living
Where death is the deadline begun
Freedom is worth beginning
If risk is worth a son
The law once protected
But now we regret
The law we once loved
Has now become a threat
What happened to the paperwork
The Magna Carta and Constitution
Where is God
in all this disillusion
A new heaven
And new earth
Are His only solution
To end this mess
and all this confusion
Categories:
in stitches, bullying, christian, future, meaningful,
Form: Rhyme
Grace was full of joy, happiness, frolicking with mirth.
Could hotfoot it across a ballroom in spite of her girth.
Her tomfoolery had us in stitches most of the time.
I believe she said she weighed four hundred and nine.
Some people were turned off by her corpulent face.
I was not one of them, I adored our friend, Little Grace.
She brought so many stories to the table, all of them great.
A fabulous guest, she never stayed too long or too late.
Little Grace is coming! I would tell the kids. Hide your dolls.
She loved to paint moustaches on them and take off their falls
Don’t get me wrong, the children adored Little Grace too.
Animated and enthusiastic, she always knew what to say and do.
Categories:
in stitches, 10th grade, 11th grade,
Form: Rhyme
Blue haired jokester woman with a hey hey hey
Kept me in stitches and laugh lines most of the day
I loved everything about her; we called her May Kay.
When she wanted to leave, we begged her to stay!
Categories:
in stitches, 2nd grade, 3rd grade,
Form: Monorhyme
Humor, O humor, you bring us delight
With your wit and your charm, you shine so bright
You can turn a frown into a grin
And make us forget the troubles we're in
From slapstick to satire, you come in all forms
You can make us laugh with your whimsical norms
You tickle our funny bone and ease our stress
And make us forget all the things we obsess
You can be clever, or silly, or absurd
And leave us in stitches, that's for sure
You can make us see the world in a new light
And lift us up when we're feeling uptight
You can be dry, or dark, or even crude
And still bring us joy with your playful mood
You help us cope with life's challenges and pains
And give us the strength to start again
So here's to you, humor, you bring us such cheer
Your magic is real, and that's quite clear
You help us connect with our fellow man
And make us appreciate the laughter in our plan
So let us embrace you, with all of our heart
And let your joyousness never depart
For you are the light that guides us through the night
And makes everything in this world just right
Categories:
in stitches, humor, humorous,
Form: Free verse
Time has told me
the error I must find
Time has asked me to ask for no more
Where's the lightness I seek
A rose without a thorn
is no option
Things I could say
Time well tell you
To bear beside me
Even ways you need to laugh
leave me in stitches
Time has told me
A random thought
for a troubled man
A distant ocean on a foreign shore
how they came and go
Categories:
in stitches, age, allegory,
Form: Free verse
Johnny Boffo was a comic's comic.
Johnny, JB to his friends,
had the late night crowd in stitches
with a variety of one-liners
and amusing anecdotes.
After his last set he
left the Comedy Barn
and while crossing the street
to his motel room
was struck and killed
by a speeding cattle truck.
They say he died happy;
but I kinda of doubt it.
Categories:
in stitches, sad,
Form: Free verse
So many more. Just a sampling of favorites, per contest instructions.
For each poet I have included a sampling of titles in parentheses.
THREE OF MY FAVORITES
Gershon Wolf
Gershon lands me in stitches.
In his wise and funny hands,
I can’t help but smile or laugh.
A grin happens, belly twitches.
(Sex Sells, War is Hell; Tingles, Twitches, Creaks;
Scant Solace in the Solstice, Old Bessie)
Caron Krutsinger
Caron carries me to Wonderland.
Her muse and faeries’ mischievous.
Earthbound - school, kids and pets.
Her quaint stories, written offhand.
(Sleeping Elfin Baby, Santa Puppy Begs for Bones,
Unicorn with the Rainbow Tail, Fluffy Fat Robin)
Evelyn Judy Buehler
Evelyn’s poems’ immersed in hues.
An imagistic touch of stirring magic.
God will gift her with eternal colors -
Not one of them, she will refuse.
(Clashing Colors, Scarlet Noon, Green Door, Moonlight Blue)
12/30/2022
Who is your best PS poet or poetess Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Sotto Poet
Categories:
in stitches, poets,
Form: Rhyme
A padded cell is no place for me
Today I intend to be forever free
That caped crusader will rue the day
They locked my maniacal laughter away
No prison
No asylum can keep me under lock and key
Not even Arkham with all its security
Soon I will have my revenge on those two
Who think they have dismantled my crew
How helpless the masked man will be
When the end of Robin he will see
And screens throughout Gotham City
Will witness my gleeful superiority.
But first I must surprise the orderly
Who will bring my evening meal to me.
Once the key is turned in the door
Quickly will I bring him to the floor
Where he will end up in stitches
Relieved of his uniform and britches
Hush ,I hear him turn the key
Soon from Arkham will I be free
Categories:
in stitches, anger, crazy,
Form: Rhyme
An exceptional wit can sometimes be shocking
Affecting the proverbial Christmas stocking,
I cannot remember being left so in stitches
As an adult, I got a stocking full of switches.
Written November 21, 2022
Categories:
in stitches, humor,
Form: Light Verse
We have only a moment
till our present is past
for only in memory
can anything last
why we have photos
descriptive notes
recordings we make
thinking somehow the
moments can be stored
to take
but minds fail
and technologies have
glitches
just pass a whisper around
then compare while laughing
in stitches
wondering if life
is the butt of some joke
in the end all moments
going up in smoke
Categories:
in stitches, fate, feelings, humorous, introspection,
Form: Free verse
So long, Norm MacDonald
The best of weekend update staff
Thanks for keeping us in stitches
We'll remember you in laughs
Nov 3, 2022
Categories:
in stitches, memorial,
Form: Epitaph
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