Christmas Hilarious Poems

Yule dinner mishap.
Menu chosen, peon chef;
Lactose –explosion!
...

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Xmas is here tonight
At midnight, what a night!
Let's write a bad poem about Christmas
Before the Midnight Mass
As we offer our best wishes to all on...

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Climbing onto Santa's knee
didn’t fill me with Christmas glee
for his suit was wet
and it wasn't just sweat
‘cause it smelt a lot like pee.


(Limerick)


12/18/2022


A Funny Santa...

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Santa visits us but once a year
Cookies are waiting, never to fear
Sweet little Helen, so kind
Mixed in Ex-lax to remind
Last year, he had left coal...

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On Christmas morning, beneath the tree
Wonderous gifts her heart could foresee
When she opened her gifts
She knew these were spendthrifts
The rest of the day she felt...

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She opened her gifts on Christmas morn
Beneath the paper, a gift she’d scorn
Lacey Panties unflawed
She thought, "what a tightwad!"
Panties in a wad since they’d been...

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Brilliant snowflakes shimmering on the pines
Reminding me the Christmas play has come
Now, if only I could simply remember my lines
Ooops, I forgot… Now the play...

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Candy canes, sugar cookies and more
Sneaking joy into stockings galore
Except for Uncle Bob
Who was always a slob
His held brush, comb and blade he’d ignore




I Need...

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1tKP2npRz4

Sister Yanny baked brownies in the orphanage.  This was a  rare occasion 
for money was scarce and there were more important things to...

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Adorned in her Christmas Eve negligee, on a promise for her Christmassy treat
Dog-tired Mr Claus, his mojo stuck on pause, left Mrs C feeling incomplete

Written...

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On a snow covered beach in the middle of Summer
Basking in the gloominess of a dark so much glummer
There lived a cow who the cowboy...

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The cat was crazy, so we named him Craze Meister Threes. 
He was irrational, a fire ball who took down Christmas Trees. 
Why did you...

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Heading into Bethlehem ...
Three Wise Men, 
In search of a stable.

Heading out of Bethlehem ...
Three Wise Turkeys,
While they were - still able....

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H – Have Yourself a Messy Little Christmas
I   -        IMPROVISATION
L – Little Drummer Bouy
A – Auld...

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Christmas came to the town of Asheville
Each one asked St. Nick for a treadmill
Instead, he gave them bikes
Treating them all like tikes
Then he told them...

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