Helluva Poems | Examples

Bonavista Barista

In the lovely town of Bonavista, 
a smart business lady named Krista
serves coffee and tea
and most folks agree
she's really one helluva barista!

This smart business woman named Krista,
who lives in the town of Bonavista,
wears bright stylish clothes
so everyone knows
she's a barista and fashionista!

State of the Union

A shouting senile old fool tanking in the polls trying to save his a-rse.

It would take someone a helluva lot smarter than Joe to gaslight me.


                                          ~~~


The State of the Union - a fact checker’s wet dream!

*Joe says America is better off now than it was three years ago. That’s not the      dementia speaking, that’s his contempt for America speaking. The only people better off in the last three years are illegal aliens.

*Joe says Trump is a threat to democracy. Funny, I don’t remember democracy being under siege under Trump’s presidency. But I do remember Trump being under siege by the media because their girl, Hillary, lost.

*No Joe, weaponising the justice system to attack your political opponents is a threat to democracy. Duh! Selling out America to enrich you and your family and steal classified documents to give to a ghost writer to write a book for an $8 million advance and keep them in your garage is a threat to democracy.

The only thing Donald J Trump is a threat to is their idiocracy!


Either vote this corrupt lying arrogant addled old fool out or impeach!

56 Corvette

I want a car, an older car, a 56 Corvette
That will drive down the highway miles, speeding fast with no regret.
I want a car that's sleek and smooth and gives one helluva ride. 
An old car that knows its stuff and can do a "Hollywood Slide".

Gigs

For those of you who aren't 
Musically au fait 
Let me describe to you
How to set up gigs to play

Despite your best efforts 
And the preparation done 
Inevitably some snag 
Will bite you on the bum 

You lug in all the gear 
It weighs a helluva lot 
Only to discover the stage 
Is the size of a table top 

Only a single power point 
Is available for you to use 
Leads are strung up everywhere 
To trip on as you choose 
 
Tension is running high 
As a preliminary strum 
Causes feedback squeals 
But the worst is yet to come... 

The mics are on the blink 
The lightings really dim 
Someone breaks a string 
It's pandemonium!

Coconut Coconut

Coconut, coconut
Brown and hairy
Trying to crack you 
Is bloody scary

Holding you gingerly
And fairly afraid 
I set to with gusto 
Wielding a blade 

And once I succeed 
I'm flush with success.... 
But I see you've shattered  
Into a helluva mess

True Beauty Comes From Within

What just happened yesterday
Must have been dreaming I guess
Met a beautiful stunning young lady
Left me in a helluva mess

Always thought I was in total control 
But she knocked me back on my ass
Drooling from my gaping mouth
A totally out-of-control mess

Can't believe her feminine guile
Don't get me wrong, I ain't complaining
This is what love's all about
It belts you hard on the side of the head

Always prided myself in keeping cool
But exceptions still do happen
If you'd asked me a couple of days ago
Can't imagine it slackening

Just goes to show you my dear friends
No one's immune to the love bug
You could be as old as a hundred and six
Still affects you like a drug

The Love Bug

What just happened yesterday
Must have been dreaming I guess
Met a beautiful stunning young lady
Left me in a helluva mess

Always thought I was in total control 
But she knocked me back on my ass
Drooling from my gaping mouth
A totally out-of-control mess

Can't believe her feminine guile
Don't get me wrong, I ain't complaining
This is what love's all about
It belts you hard on the side of the head

Always prided myself in keeping cool
But exceptions still do happen
If you'd asked me a couple of days ago
Can't imagine it slackening

Just goes to show you my dear friends
No one's immune to the love bug
You could be as old as a hundred and six
Can still affect you like a drug

Yoga

Her hip was decidedly dickey
She was not as flexible as before
Various joints were complaining
She had trouble getting up from the floor

She was not as young as she was
Bits of her were definitely aging
Inside she didn't feel any different
But the outside was certainly fading

So it was time to get some help
It was time to stop mucking around
Before her get up and go had gone
Some form of exercise had to be found

Yoga seemed the logical choice
She welcomed it with warm embrace
Soon she would feel twenty again
Dream on! If only that were the case

The poses were near on impossible
With names like ‘warrior’, ‘pigeon’ and ‘tree’
Every muscle she possessed rebelled
She desperately wanted to flee

Would anyone notice if she left?
Could she creep out the door unseen?
Thankful for a moment’s distraction
She speedily fled from the scene

So if she wasn't going to exercise
In order to be able to rise and shine
She was just going have to live with it
And drink a helluva lot of wine

Sir-Prize

Late to the doc
    I ran the last block

  Was about to enter
    when right in the center

  of the office 
    there she stood 

  my old flame

  My brain went a-reelin'
    the room spun around
  I saw 'twarn't no use
    to put my head down

  and pretend it was over
    'cos Lord knows it was not...

  Twenty years later for lovers
    just ain't a helluva lot

It All Works Out

Morrison's musical Doors close ~ he opens up a helluva gym

Covid Limericks

BIG FRANKIE.

A bank robber named Big Frankie Mulqueen
In the bank he walked armed and looking mean
An old dear took him to task
For not wearing a face mask 
Embarrassed he quickly ran from the scene... 

ROUGH RIDE.

This last year's been one helluva rough ride
Covid has been a pain in the backside
No sneezing or spitting
No hugging or kissing 
And it's affecting everyone worldwide... 

MAXINE.

There was an old women called Maxine
Last week she had the covid vaccine
But when she woke up in bed 
Found she'd grown another head
And her hands and her feet had turned green... 

CHINA BEWARE.

If you're travelling to China beware
To test for covid your bottom is bare
You'll sure shed a tear
When they probe your rear
Just ensure your wearing clean underwear...




 
 Written 25th May 2021

A Mouse You Say

A mouse you say
As if to denigrate my worth
make of me something small.
Knowing nothing of my heart,
my will, my daring, my courage.
You see me as weak.
Have you ever risked all
To bring food to your family?
Outrun a snarling barn cat?
Stealthily snatched the cheese
from the springing death of a mouse trap?”

You know not the trepidations
I wrestle with, feel not the fears
I overcome, hear not the song
within my soul.  And yet
you judge me
not knowing that I
am one helluva mouse.


©5/21/2021

Personification Poem 150 Poetry contest

Be All Things To All Men

To devout Roman Catholics I posture as Pope,
but that's in no way the end of my scope.
Zealous aspirations I daily inspire
by promising to deliver the coming Messiah.
Bible-belt believers in any doubt or suspense
are soon reassured by Vice President  Pence.
Proud boys, not famed for their devotion to God,
stand by in the street awaiting a nod.
Just in case your sympathies lie with the Devil,
to you I  can promise a helluva revel.

The Nonagenarian Fraternity

Today I'm celebratin' my final day as an Octogenarian.

Tomorrow I'll join the Fraternity of The Nonagenarian!

The decades have passed so fleet but its been one helluva ride,

And somehow I've managed to survive and taken it all in stride!

Now, 'tis my earnest goal to become a dashin' Centenarian!

(I suppose that could happen should I opt to be a Vegetarian!)

Next time I see my doc I'm gonna ask if he has sufficient clout,

To keep lubricatin' these old bones to ensure that my aim he can bring about!

December Humour

THE SAILOR

There was a young sailor from Rothesay
Sailed his yacht around the bay of Biscay
But a storm sunk his boat 
He's no longer afloat
And the wind blew his life raft away... 

EDWARD GUMP

A parachutist called Edward Gump
Went up in a plane to do a jump
The ripcord got stuck
He said "just my luck" 
Hit the ground with one helluva bump... 

FREDDIE

Did you hear about old Freddie O'Toole 
Considered to be a bit of a fool
Hee waznt two brite
Cudent reed ur rite
That is what happens when you bunk off school..

ICELAND

Now Iceland has some unusual sights 
 P*n*s. museum and the northern lights
The museum for the bold
The lights a sight to behold 
Which ever you choose enjoy their delights... 

TOO MANY TO MENTION

Old father time moves too quickly I fear
I hope you all have plenty of good cheer 
Whatever you do
I'd like to wish you
Merry Christmas and a happy new year... 


Iceland has a museum dedicated to the male anatomy,
mainly animals but a man in the U. S. is donating his 
manhood when his time is up. 




Written 21st of December 2019.

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