The composer asked the Zen Master:
“I would like to write a Zen song
But I don’t know where to begin”
The Zen Master replied:
“I meditate all day long
But I never know where to begin”
President Obama’s wife asked the Zen Master:
“Since my husband became President
He has changed
I don’t know what to do about it”
The Zen Master replied:
“If I were you
I would become a nun
And pray all day for my husband
Until he wakes up from his dream
From wanting to be someone else”
The owl asked the Zen Master
“I hunt in the night
And I sleep in the day
How does that help me to get enlightened?”
The Zen Master replied:
“It sure has helped me”
The Zen Master asked Spiderman:
“With all the things you do every day
You must be enlightened?”
Spiderman replied:
“I am not Superman”
The Angel asked the Zen Master:
“What will happen to me
When I am retired from being an Angel?”
“That is a good question
We all have to think about retirement
Who will give us food stamps?”
One day after returning from the moon,
Jerry found a Raccoon in his drawing room.
He was surprised to see it watching TV,
enjoying'Tom and Jerry' show with much glee.
An idea crept into Jerry's mind soon
why not teach Tom a lesson by the Raccoon!
So Jerry told him about all his plights,
how Tom was harassing him day and night.
'OK,I'll teach him a lesson',was Raccoon's vow,
'but see that I act with you in cartoon show'.
Hearing this Jerry smiled,'sure,it will be soon
changed to a show of Jerry and Raccoon'.
Then he guided him to nearby Tom's house
stealthily big Raccoon followed little mouse.
At that time Tom was having a sound nap,
the big Raccoon easily took him in his lap.
'I will throw him over there to the moon',
smilingly murmured the big Raccoon.
What happened after this I don't know, sorry
can't tell you the end of this little story.
There may be a change in the cartoon show soon,
Tom may be missing,Jerry will act with that Raccoon!
© kashinath karmakar
=====================================
By:kashinath karmakar (30th March 2011,photo based)
THE EULOGY
When I'm As Dead...
As Dead...
As Dead Can Be
When I Breathe No More
And My Eye's Won't See
When My Heart No Longer
Has A Beat
When My Life Has Lost
To Deaths Defeat
When My Blood Has Drained
And Is No More
When I Am A Shell
Forevermore
When I'm Laid To Rest
In That Wooden Crate
One Day You Too
Will Find This Fate
When I Appear
In Slumbered Sleep
Please Wear A Smile
And Do Not Weep
Then Walk Me Down
That Lonesome Mile
And Bury Me
With Grace And Style
Before You Leave
Please Think Of Me
And Keep Me In
Your Memories
For The Day Will Come
We'll Meet Again
I'll Be The One To Greet
All My Friends
So Carry On
And Live Your Life
But Keep Your Hands
Off Of My Wife
Three girls weathered the Arizona heat
Ranch hands distributed straw cowboy hats
Without them we’d have fallen to sun’s defeat
As our horses bounded through desert flats
Far faster than the onlooking wildcats
My comrades suffering from heat stroke
We chilled the next day and drove to Tombstone
Where spirits of Wyatt and his crew were evoked
Marshal’s badges for sale, tickled my funny bone
Placed on my hat, in the sun the badge shone
The next day we rode again full speed
Tense fists clinging to the saddle horn
Through an area best known for tumbleweed
My hat flew off, a cactus now adorned
No longer on my head was it worn
After we returned to the stable
I set out on foot and retrieved my marshal hat
To reach it, I was nearly disabled
Coyotes did not put out a welcome mat
To shoo them away, I swung cactus like a bat
*Entry for Carol’s “My Favorite Hat or Bonnet” contest. (True, but for the swinging
of the cactus -- ouch!)
On my very first day in the military, I was issued a comb,
then the Army barber shaved off all of my hair that very afternoon.
On my second day in the military a toothbrush was issued to me.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked out all of my teeth.
On my third day in the military I was issued a jock strap.
I've been AWOL ever since and I'll be damned if I'm going back.
Alice Mulligan hailed from Killsoul
A red head who had a strange role
A brothel, she ran
Till one day a strange man
Sent Miss Mulligan right up the pole.
She couldn't believe her bad luck
She thought she'd managed to duck
An enormous ********
Escaped her protection
Poor Alice, she just ran amuck.
Day by day our Alice grew bigger
T'was a mystery who was the trigger
Now her business was finished
And Alice diminished
Thus ending her vim and her vigour.
entry for Deborah Guzzi's Limerick competition A young man who came from
~Dunkirk
See a pin, pick it up,
And all day long you'll have good luck.
See a pin, pick it up,
And all day long you'll have a pin
Half the day gone by and you ain't got nothing.
Three quarters of the day gone but you can't fall asleep...only six hours 'till eight o'clock.
How will you last, how will you stop from peeing your pants, how will you ever survive?
My nephew when he was two years old
Said sweetly "Grannies are for loving"
So I asked fishing for a compliment...
"What are aunts for?
He looked perplexed and shouted "Ants are for biting!!"
Another day he said his granny's lap was comfortable
So I had to ask...
Was I comfortable too?
He eagerly stated
"You are comfortable like a lounge chair!!"
My son saw a lady sweeping one day when he was one year old
and got excited and shouted "Mama look! she's brooming!!"
I was startled one day by a horse
While taking his picture of course.
So close had come he
Myself for to see,
We barely escaped intercourse.
A mare with a very nice fanny
meet a stallion who was very randy
when push came to shove
well...the two they made love
and gave birth to a fine colt named Candy!
While trotting one day 'cross the field
My mare caught her hoof on a wheel
thrown off I did drop
into a cow plop
face first and embarrassed for real!
There once was a man who started to shake
The day he was married his heart would break
It happened the day he saw
His ugly mother-in-law
'Twas way too much for the poor man to take
Okay I lied it wasn't a good mother-in-law poem
Somewhere in an overgrown yard
You'll find a lonely toe
Flesh and bone now all alone
Where the weeds will always grow
An accident destined to happen
While barefoot on the lawn
An evil tale with a gasoline smell
And the horror it would spawn
It happened early one morning
With the weed whacker by my side
It was nice and sunny but it's wasn't very funny
It was the day that a grown man cried
The weed whacker had a mind of its own
Like Jack the Ripper if you will
It got my big toe first with its blood filled thirst
Looking for some blood to spill
Well, I put it under my pillow
There's gotta be a toe fairy right?
When I woke the next day the toe was gone away
Disappearing in the middle of the night
And for all of those who are wondering
This story simply isn't true
At least not yet but don't you ever forget
When you're working in the yard wear a shoe
A lawyer pops up unannounced
her mundane day he wants to trounce
he tries to lead her on to play
he wants to see if she will stray
she cannot see the sense in that
away from her natural habitat
he tries to lead her on to play
perhaps she will another day
For she is a restless soul
the day to day she finds so droll
of foreign airs and lands she dreams
discovery of the forbidden things
for she is a restless soul
and this can sometimes take it's toll
A suited man with manicured hands
and silken sheets, expensive treats
flashy cars and trendy bars
airplane travel, he wants to unravel
her sweetest place and kiss her face
make her scream an erotic dream
Her thighs are primed to draw him in
but her heart he cannot win
for she steals the souls of men
who work all day in wig and pen
What? One day to live what shall I do?
Should I bungee jump or play the didgeridoo?
Go to the pub and run up a tab?
Maybe see every street from the back of a cab?
I know I will jump on a flight heading to Spain,
From the back of the plane, shout “Revenge for killing my brother Saddam Hussein”
Or, go into a shop and take a bite out of every chocolate bar,
Yes and take a baseball bat and bash my neighbour’s car
Or set my dog on my boss and tell him he has rabies
Chat up as many women and make lots of babies (worth a try in one day)
And when time is about to run out I’ll bend over
And kiss goodbye my grass and favourite clover
But the only thing that I can think at this moment that is not mine
That is, all this thinking what to do, I’ve run out of time
So with my last breath all I can say
I think I’ll leave you and go to pray.
**If I only had 1 day to live Poetry Contest **
(Warning) You need to watch english daytime t.v to really get the drift.............
Another day breaks, I open my eyes
It’s still rather early but I feel I must rise
Into the bathroom a little unsteady
I’m sure I’ll come round as I’m getting ready.
Out the window I sit and stare
A cup of tea and in my chair.
The day won’t seem quite so long
If I sit and watch the birds in song.
The TV’s on - nothing new
I’ll think I make another brew
Another poor soul through the ringer
That’s what you get with Gerry Springer!
I turn it over with a smile
Just in time for Jeremy Kyle!
The days long gone when I went “gyming”
Now I sit and watch Loose Women!
This afternoon its Noel’s best deals
But now its time for meals on wheels!
Frozen peas and a slice of ham
I suppose it’s better than war-time spam!
What’s for pudding? Spotted Dick?
I like my custard nice and thick
A little nap is what I need
To bring me right back up to speed.
It’s Bargain Hunt’s auction sale
Can’t wait for seven and Emmerdale!
Some mail to write with ink and pen
Then off to bed with News at Ten!
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