Long Funnyday Poems
Long Funnyday Poems. Below are the most popular long Funnyday by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Funnyday poems by poem length and keyword.
Here are 15 very, very, very short prose poems! I think it is better to do it this way
than to add 15 very short single poems. Hope you enjoy them
-----------------------------------
Voodoo
She kept trying
To make him
Disappear!
Until one day
After casting
A powerful spell
He vanished!
Oh… I forgot
He also took the car
-----------------------------------
Something Missing
Kissing her
While her teeth
Were sitting in a glass
By the bed
Was like
Eating oatmeal
Without
A spoon
-----------------------------------
Chatty Mornings
It was a perfect way
To start the day
As we looked at each other
And said nothing
Twice !!
-----------------------------------
The Perfect Woman
She was everything
Any man could ever want
Young
Beautiful
Intelligent
Happy
Naked
-----------------------------------
Unfortunate Fortunate’s
He tried to kill himself
With a gun
Several times
Fortunately
He was a poor shot
-----------------------------------
Almost Something
She said she loved me
But I knew exactly who she was
And coming from her
It almost meant… something
-----------------------------------
Not Cancer
The lump had bothered her
For quite some time
But after a physical examination
It turned out just to be her husband
-----------------------------------
Patty’s Underpants
Though she left hours ago
They were hanging leisurely
Just lying over the bedroom chair
As if to say... good morning!
-----------------------------------
Misinterpreting Signs
I thought I had grown lazy
Now I see I’ve just grown old
-----------------------------------
A Pleasant Thought
I pictured you as leaves on a tree
Fallen to the ground
Surrounding my home
Covering me
-----------------------------------
Like Him
His love for her was so deep
And so strong
That he would never allow her
To fall for a fool like him
-----------------------------------
Lucky
It happened to me
... Once!
-----------------------------------
Virginia
Inside the Dunkin Donuts
It looks like
New York
-----------------------------------
Cheech And Chong Meet Romeo And Juliet
It’s OK honey
I''m over 18
-----------------------------------
What To Look For In The Perfect Woman
-----------------------------------
many miles I have rome
and called many boats a home
they've taken many place
to meet alot of faces
I lived different lives
with three lovely wifes
the first on I met at a red light
got her pregnant that night
all she did was lie and demand
she even hit me with a frying pan
I was so angry with my spouse
I left on a boat called"she got the house"
well the second one was in a bar a wishing
that captain mike would take her fishin
I did call her honey
but I really married her for the money
then on day I was a thinking
maybe if I knocked her up she'd quit drinking
after 9 months my plan had worked
but it came with one small quork
one day I came home
she had moved to san antone
unset she didn't want to know me
I called the next sailboat "blow me!"
the third wife had a few zits
but I think I married her for her tig bits
not sure no memories I had
she was just there when I got out of rehab
couldn't tell you the times I had
she was young and had an attorney for a dad
her dad wanted so much to relate to me
that he even paid for my vi-sec-tow-me
but towards me he held some grudges
and in the same law firm with all the judges
sure the blame on me they'd be nailing
again I desided it was time to go sailing
so with my buddy dave
who loved to misbehave
I told my wife I was getting some bread
I got on my boat and took off instead
a year and a quarter sailing I don't deny
I called that boat the "ReasonY"
I sailed to fill a void but it was so skimpy
my sails were full but my soul was empty
couldn't find happiness where ever I rome
for the first time I desided to go home
two months to the day you could set your clock
I finally made it to my home dock
and to what supprize my eyes did see
my wife was standing there waiting for me
bye gones were by gones wrongs made right
she missed me so much and we made love all night
I traded the "ReasonY" for a gas guzzling power boat
to make sure I couldn't ever aford to go so remote
togo sailing with out her I promised I'd never
just to make sure we'd always be together
now my sails are gone and my soul is full
towards her I feel my heart pull
now everyday is like our first date
and we call our new boat "the soulmate"
by Capt. Mike Harris
TEEN AGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!
One day I came home with the flu.
My mother gave me a bowl of stew
All I can say is that the stew was thick like goo.
I still ate it thinking it was chicken stew.
Saturday morning I woke up watching Winnie The Pooh.
Mother made me a sandwich that was hard to chew
In the kitchen I saw 2 strange looking shells
Once I saw them I started getting dizzy spells
Eating turtle soup with out having a clue.
Made my face turn green and blue.
Walked into the living room.
My stomach still felt kind of doom.
My mother was watching the tube and singing along
Singing along to the,"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" song!
NOW THAT WAS WRONG!!!!!!
____________________________________________
.
TWO TURTLE DOVES
During Christmas, I always go hunting in the woods
I set out traps to catch me some goods
I caught two turtle in my first trap
Poor little things where full of crap.
I was singing "On the first day of Christmas" on my way back.
All I could think of was my Two Turtle (Doves), snack!
I took them inside and dipped them in water
They had no idea they where soon to be slaughter
My dad told me that turtle soup hits the right spot.
Silly turtles where already in the boiling pot
Looking at the pot one turtles was swimming around
I can't believe in the hot water he didn't even drown
I had to pull him out, and set him on the rebound.
I'll just cook him on my second round.
I am ready to eat my turtle stew.
Praising this soup with an mm mm thank you!
DARN!! Salt and Pepper was the main thing I forgot
Realizing napkins was the only thing I bought
I put the napkins on my lap.
I was about to have me some turtle snap.
I started singing my favorite Christmas song.
Suddenly the "Two Turtle Dove" part did not belong.
Singing softly to my favorite line
Eating the stew didn't feel fine.
""On The Second day of Christmas
CCCCCCCCCCCCCChrrriiissstamms
MMMMMMMMMMMy TRUE LOVVVVEE
Gave to me TWO TURTLE DOVVVVEE
With out having the jolly to sing along.
I had to put the stew to a side and be strong.
(now) THAT WAS WRONG!!!!!
((( HAVING FUN WITH MY OWN TURTLE CONTEST )))
Now that time is getting shorter for the arrival of my new home it has put quite a
stress on Shirlee and Fred. They have had to do rearranging out at their place in order to
accommodate my permanent cabin, besides working their full time jobs.
Friday Shirlee was off and there were some fittings on the skelgas tank that had
to be replaced before it could be put to use. (Now my days on the Nebraska and South
Dakota plains I seem to remember our source of heat was called skelgas even though it was
actually propane. Well that was a day ago I think) We also had errands pertaining to the
mobile home so I went out and picked her up and we went from there. Actually she has just
started working 4 days a week, ten hours a hours a day with Friday's off so we usually have
this day together anyway.
I started the day with a light breakfast (so we could eat in town) and loaded the
things I needed to take along and pulled out of the driveway. As I reached the end of our
street and was gazing into the sun waiting for the cross traffic to pass I was startled by a
sight in the distance. Probably a quarter mile ahead of me was a lake and as a large truck
passed by on the interstate I was shocked to see... The Loch Ness Monster slowly working his
way horizontal with the lake shore. Totally stunned I was then confused as to which road I
should take out to Shirlee's. Finally I decided I would take the interstate. As I passed under
the interstate to reach my turn off I breathed a sigh of relief as the monster turned out to be
a tractor with double appendages raised in the air and a cab with a rounded top. I started
laughing so hard I almost missed the turn off and had barely gained control as I reached the
house. After greeting the dogs I proceeded to do a little chore as Shirlee went outside to do
some of her chores. When she returned I was all but rolling on the floor reliving the earlier
scene. I had shared it with the dog while she was out. After urging I finally told her of the
incident. Eye brows raised she said, " I wondered for a minute as I didn't realize they were
land animals too." With that we departed for town.
Poor House
I’m so tired but I’ll be working ‘til the last day of my life,
this disease just overwhelms me, I think I caught it from my wife.
I’ve got nothing for a rainy day or for our golden years,
I keep sending half my paycheck off to MasterCard and Sears.
Sometimes I have to wonder where our meal will come from next,
then my wife says, “Don’t you worry Hon, I still have all these checks.
Why wait if you want something, just buy it now instead,
enjoy it while you still can,
you can’t spend nothing when you’re dead”.
If I try to put my foot down, we always wind up having sex,
then before my clothes are back on, she’s got my American Express.
I worry what we’re gonna’ do, when our hair has turned to grey,
she’s wants a condo in Miami, but the poor house is where we’ll stay.
I worry how we’re ever gonna’ put our girls through school,
when she’s turning up the thermostat and we can’t afford the fuel.
Having all these bills to pay doesn’t worry her at all,
‘cause she’s mastered the art of borrowing from Peter to pay Paul.
I would have left her years ago if I wasn’t so in love,
when I still had a pot to piss in, and a window to throw it out of.
It’s true I may be up the creek but I’m not paddling,
I’m almost doing splits on this slippery slope I’m straddling.
I’m so tired but I’ll be working ‘til the last day of my life,
this disease just overwhelms me, I think I caught it from my wife.
I’ve got nothing for a rainy day or for our golden years,
I keep sending half my paycheck off to MasterCard and Sears.
I would have left her years ago if I wasn’t so in love,
when we still had a pot to piss in,
and a window to throw it out of.
c Copyright 2007
Blessed are those that study English for they shall bite their tongues in order to pronounce
words.
Blessed are the Mathematicians for they shall calculate how stars came into existence.
Blessed are the I.R.K.(Islamic Religious Knowledge) students for they shall know the amount
of nots and lines in the Qu’ran.
Blessed are the C.R.K.(Christian Religious Knowledge) students for they shall memorize and
summarize the Bible.
Blessed are the Agriculturists for they shall plough and make ringes on the moon.
Blessed are the Historians for they shall have the opportunity to tell lies on what they do not
see.
Blessed are the Biologists for they shall find the amount of the heart beat of a living thing
from birth on earth.
Blessed are the Fine Artists for they shall draw the Kann Scape of heaven.
Blessed are the Economists for they shall save every kobo over a century.
Blessed are the Commerce students for they shall one day buy and sell in the Ozone Layer.
Blessed are the Home Management and Clothing and Textile students for they serve clothes
to the sun, moon and stars.
Blessed are the Food and Nutritionists for they serve food to the planets in the sky.
Blessed are the Chemistry students for they shall one day resolve human beings.
Blessed are those studying Literature for they shall one day write on how God was made.
Blessed are the Geographers for they shall burn in the atmosphere in an attempt to travel to
the sun.
Blessed are the Technicians for they shall construct houses, roads and bridges on the sun.
Blessed are the Physicists for they shall one day make the earth bounce and dance.
when Sally Sue was seven,
she was given a magic bean.
It wouldn't make her strong or fast or wise..
she didn't know what it would mean.
It was given to her by the sweetest lady,
her neighbor Julia Joe.
Who had more friends and loved ones
than Sally would ever know.
And Sally was kind and would help Miss Joe
every chance she'd get.
Sally was shy and didn't have many friends,
but loved Miss Joe from the day they met.
Then one day Miss Joe came to Sally
with a small, heart shaped box.
She said “in this box you'll find a key
that can open any and all locks.
It may seem silly and small my dear,
it may look like just a bean,
but it'll take you wherever you wish to go,
you'll see things you've never seen.
You'll be friendly and smart and beautiful and sweet,
you'll have more friends than you can count.
All you have to do it put your faith in the bean
and with the bean you must never doubt.”
Sally took the bean with pleasure
and became all that she was promised.
She grew up to be just like Miss Joe,
just as beautiful, sweet, and honest.
Sally took that bean everywhere she went
and became the most popular girl in town.
It gave her the confidence to do all that she wanted,
you couldn't help but smile when she was around.
miss Joe was very proud of her and still saw her all the time
Sally still came over to help clean.
And one morning in particular, sally stopped her work,
and asked the truth about the magic bean.
“I used to think I was invisible.
But in an instant, I became seen.
How could something so small hold so much power?”
“what power darling? It was just a bean.”
Form:
The New Sheriff
By Elton Camp
The election had been just the week before
Sheriff Johnson now held the office no more
Some the new sheriff didn’t know how to take
“I just hope we haven’t made a big mistake.”
On the very day the new term was to begin,
Sheriff Roberts entered the office with a grin
“Since none of you deputies voted for me
Now you’re every one out of jobs you see.”
With a voice and actions just that rough
The new sheriff was going to be tough
Crime would never again come to pay
Sheriff Roberts had now come their way
The sheriff then strapped on a black gun
“I’ll soon have all the crooks on the run.”
It took Sheriff Roberts only a little while
To hire new deputies with a sneering smile
“Every one of you boys will do what I say
Or I’ll fire your tails without any delay.”
The sheriff had been in office only a week
When a fight started at the bar by the creek
Sheriff Roberts roared up in a big cruiser
Inside the bar stood an enormous bruiser
The sheriff rushed right on inside
And slugged the guy hard in his side
When another fighter the sheriff saw
It was wham and pow right to his jaw
The sheriff looked around with a sneer
Quick as a flash, the room did clear
When to law and order there occurred a threat,
The sheriff was there to curse, fight, and sweat
All could see that the crime rate went down
From the time the new sheriff came around
Each day when the office did close,
The sheriff put on her dress and hose
She rubbed some rouge onto her face
At home, husband and child to embrace
The day that Mary lost her tooth
She felt quite scared to tell the truth.
It’s strange for her to thus behave
As generally she’s bold and brave.
Examining her tooth so white,
She clenched her fist and held it tight,
And through the day inside her head
Began to dread the thought of bed.
When as usual bed time came
Poor old Mary felt the same
She felt the gap between her gums
And trudged upstairs all sad and glum.
One eye open, one eye closed
She crossed her fingers and her toes
She snuggled down beneath the cover
Remembering the words of mother.
“If you’re good and go to sleep
And promise not to stir or peep
A fairy comes and takes your tooth
And leaves a coin by way of proof.”
This promise is what worried Mary.
She found the prospect rather scary.
To think some grubby little thief
Was breaking in to steal her teeth.
Deciding she would stay awake
And catch the sprite who’d try and take
Her favourite tooth, her bestest one,
Sadly fallen from her gum,
She gathered up her teddy bears
(Just in case they might be scared).
She hid herself behind the door
And settled down upon the floor......
.....Mary woke and scratched her nose
She hadn’t meant to have a doze
Fighting off her sense of doom
She held her breath and crossed the room.
She pulled the pillow from her bed
And raised her hands above her head,
For what she spotted underneath
Made her shout in disbelief.
Fifty p., that’s not so bad!
She babbled to her mum and dad
Fifty p. for rotten teeth!
This’ll buy me loads more sweets!
Lets Have Fun
Oh how we enjoy a festival,
It is a time to celebrate, and it’s annual,
Oft at this time we are boastful,
It’s a special time to time to dazzle!
There’s no better time than at harvest,
Hopefully this year’s crop is the biggest,
Our attentive labors have been the dearest,
We can only pray the product is the fairest!
What’s a good festival without laughter?,
Lots of fun, fare and plenty of banter,
Fun for all, no time for anger,
Colorful signs on each and every banner!
Colors aplenty of hue, mostly red,
So much to see, nothing should be misread,
Take in everything, don’t be a pinhead,
Plays, mimes, games, and food, especially cornbread!
Lots of vegetables, breads, and even an orange,
The games offer all a challenge,
Most fun is the throwing of a sponge,
Make no hesitation go for the plunge!
Bright are the banners, many of yellow,
Some folks are enjoying the game of bunko,
Turkey legs are available, served flambeau,
The more one participates, the more they glow!
Best to see are all those wondrous costumes,
No doubt they were held for this day in cloakrooms,
One came also enjoy various scented perfumes,
Ah, what scents are sniffed from those plumes!
Last not least is heard the joyous music,
All melodious, some serious, some classic and some comic,
This day is one of happiness, it is a classic,
None to compare with, this day is epic!