Fannie Poems

Apropos of John H Doe

        Apropos of John H. Doe
          A name we all know
   
        Just like Uncle Sam
         ~ He too’s on the lam



       ____________________
              'Critics Corner'
 (A random sample of published reviews):  

       "Subtly implicative, bigly"
          ~ Barron and Donald J. Trump, in unison

       "Emasculatory Triumph!!"
          ~ 'Fannie Femdom'

        "Lumpen Proletariat Barfola" 
          ~ Karl and Groucho Marx

        "Aso. Learry Derightfur Liting:"
           ~ Shohei Ohtani, (through an interpreter)

        "Yes, it IS poetry. So that means it's, well, a poem, written -- by a poet."
           ~ Kamala Harris, responding to a hardball question from Oprah W.

        "I fell asleep reading this... twice."
           ~ Joseph Robinette Biden

Yonah Ownah of the Eruv!

Yonah, Ownah of the Eruv!
Geo. Washington has the same birthday,
Like George the Father of our Country,
R’ Ribiat & Baila are blessed by many,
Even TA’s Gabbai “By Jove!”
Truly Baila’s rock solid “Belay”,
In Detroit, Yonah made his entry,
Torah sagacious & canny,
Yet “Rough & Ready”, a treasure trove,
Known for a Yiddish “Kopf” & Wood Handy,
Star of David “geometry”,
On cherry-picker, we pray that high up, he falls not on his “Fannie”,
May Yonah “laugh it off” and “keep his sanity!”

A Mother’s Love

Nature doesn't give a damn,
she will sign off on a mom dog
ripping open her puppy's belly
sucked up its insides like it was chili topping
on one of those hotdogs, you’d buy from
a street vendor downtown, and.

Sweet little Fannie 'the wife’s pooch',
was that mother from hell.
Devouring her first and only litter of three 
the day of their birth, but.

God bless the wife.
She still smacks on her lips and tells her,
she loves her.
Like she tells our children, our disappointments
each time they come by for a visit.

A Little Bit About Fannie

I’m in awe of Fannie, my female Coton del Tulear
since her pups were born, realizing now.

She just played the idiot for our amusement,
climbing on, and bouncing off furniture,
she knows damn well, 'she’s not allowed on'.

Running around after the old lady’s cat,
(one of my favorites)
her small enough to get anywhere the cat could.
Sorta evening up the outcome of the whole chase, but.

This not eating sometimes for days holding out for
table scraps.
Her worst bad habit bothers me the most.

I'm in awe of Fannie.
Now at first whimper from those pups of hers.
She’s up and running to them, and.

Did you know, the mom dog licks the pup’s genitals
to make them go to the bathroom, and then, eats or 
drinks their waste when they do.

As far as I’m concerned.
She could have those damn table scraps when 
those pups of hers are gone.
She’s earned them.

Female Footle Slang Names: Part 2

Big Bottom Gal

Fannie
Annie

Senior Citizen

Oldie 
Goldie

The Cleverer One

Sharper
Harper

Loves to Wear Negligees

Lacey
Gracie

Weird-sounding Girl

Nasal
Hazel

Miss Orderly

Tidy
Heidi

Routine Girl

Daily
Hailey

One to Emulate

Be a 
Gia

Another One to Emulate

Be a
Mia

So Cute

Bonnie
Lonnie

The Wild One

Crazy 
Maisie

Out of Her Weight Class

Puny
Junie

Extra Small

Skinny 
Minnie

Monoku In Song

the first cut may not always be the deepest ~ but it's the bloodiest

take a load off your fannie, Annie ~ but don't put your weight down on me

stumbled over a chair and broke my leg ~ while dancing with my eyes closed

put another dime in the jukebox, baby ~ or the music won't play

keep knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's door ~ most of us will not call it home

Icity Dickity Splickity Splay

ickity dickity splickity mertickity splay
Homer and Oscar have both had a persnickety day
They are dancing a swiggle wiggle jig, heading my way
I love watching these identical leprechauns on St. Patrick’s day

ickity dickity splickity mertickity blarney climbs out of the clay
March 17th is the yearly utmost happiness day for enchanted fey
eve rainbow is shining on us with leprechaun’s magic spray
Toodlie oodlie ooh dance is presented by Fannie O’Shay

ickity dickity splickity mertickity forms a new blue jay
Don’t you know that emerald is the color of this magic Irish Thursday?
The bird hops off without commenting, a tail feather sashay
reach for corned beef and cabbage, off an Irishman’s tray.

The Dubliners are heading out the backdoor toward the bay
Harmonizing the best they can with a high ho ho hig hey!
Is it always this much fun here? Asks a visitor from Monterey
had to tell him a ring tail truth, for he is not Irish, Okay?

Flatulent Fannie

Fannie Strumpet is a flatulent floozy
With each wiggle her rump lets out a doozy
She blows out so much gas
Foul vapor from her a$$
It's asphyxiating and makes me woozy

Fannie lets 'em rip without hesitation
When I point a finger in accusation
She points hers back at me
and laughs saying, "Phew Wee!"
I'm tempted to enact strangulation

I threatened to have the woman arrested 
Indecently walking around bare breasted
She farted in my face
Through her panties of lace
I think I was infected and molested

One night Fannie was with a man she'd just met
When she tooted he left, much to her regret
Rectal fumes exploded
He screamed, "You're corroded!"
Her tail expels toxins like a gas jet

Fannie saw a doctor of proctology
She farted without making an apology
She disgusted him so
He said, "Madame, just go.
You're a noxious threat to world ecology!"

I don't fear being assaulted by her smut
She was sued; the case was open and shut
The streets no longer stink
Cuz Fannie's in the clink
For hiding lethal weapons in her butt



October 1, 2021
May the Gas Be With You-Farts Part 2 Contest
Sponsored by Chantelle Anne Cooke

R R R Rip

Prayers are asked for the Reverend Hugh
Whose most private parts just grew and grew
When he saw Fannie
It seems that Grannie
Bit off a bit more than she could chew

Mary Yelvington 1876-1910

Mary Yelvington
1876-1910

George Towne, now there was a man;
Handsome as the devil; 
Strong as a bougainvillea vine.
And married to the redoubtable Fannie Towne,
Town shill, and occasional teetotaler of the dry brew!
Ol’ Fannie was oblivious to the treasure she owned;
That incredible athlete! 
That insufferable charmer!
At least after 3 o’clock, on most afternoons, 
She never knew,
Or cared one iota really, where her man was!
Other than the little dramas concerning the Townes,
Life in Whittier, at the turn of the 20th Century,
Was boring, I must say.
Boring as a book with no danger!
Dangerous days never arrived for me,
Nor did I ever make the acquaintance of a dangerous man.
My life’s journey indeed found intended joy, 
Ecstatic joy in singing the hymns at church;
And it found surprised sadness as well,
In not surviving pneumonia at age 34.
And now, here I am, buried deep in the dark dirt,
Of shady Mt. Olive Cemetery.
But if only I had tried.
Tried to whistle, and nestle up to the big lug;
The day I saw him at Central Park,
Sitting on a bench with his prim coat and hat,
The incredibly dangerous George Towne!

Visitor From the Past

She floats into the room -
Miss Fannie Lou Nance,
her long black dress
flowing without movement
as though adorning
a mannequin on wheels,

her small hat perched
on her elegant white hair.
A soft black cape warms
her shoulders, highlighting
the lovely broach at her throat
and matching buckle at her waist.

Her manner and tone
takes us back in time
to a gentle image
of life in a golden era,
of gilded edges and fortunes made,
a one way mirror into the past.

Headmistress of Crescent College,
a school for genteel young ladies
fortunate enough to be
bound by rigid rules,
but educated and encouraged
to go forth in life dauntless,
push the envelope beyond the norm, 
break the restraints,
lead the way. . .
              into a new dimension

Lucy Swain 1861-1896

Lucy Swain

1861 - 1896


Lies! Lies! All damnable lies!
I know the injustice of malicious gossip.
I know the outrage of a loose evil tongue.
In life, I was Lucy Swain, the maligned!
I was Lucy Swain, the indignant!
In truth, I was Lucy Swain, the law-abiding, god-fearing victim
Who resided over on Milton Avenue
With her bent-over heart-broken mother.
In fact, I was Lucy Swain, the innocent weeping victim
Of a thousand cruel hypocritical stares.
And so, let me shout it out
As loudly as my silent soul can,
From my deep grave here in Clark Cemetery:
I never set foot, not once, on Rideout Ranch!
I never set eyes on the winking blue orbs
Of the devastatingly handsome George Towne,
That philandering cad with the fine derby hat.
I never tasted the warm pulsating kisses from his sweet-tasting, pursed lips.
And I never felt the caressing electric touch
Of his firm groping fingers upon my bosom,
There, under the old cedar tree on Rideout Ranch!
Lies! All lies!
And as God is my witness
I never spent even one gloriously romantic moment
In the embrace of the incredibly strong arms
Of the sexy man married to Fannie Towne!
Amen!

Prince Fred

Once upon a time there lived a frog named Fred
Fred was a Prince, but he was unwed
So he sent word through the kingdom that he needed a bride
Tammy the green gowned lass blushed with pride
As she was chosen to be Fred's wife

But Fannie her jealous sister said "No not on your life"
And so the two sisters began to fight
Barry the blue frog shouted for everyone to be quiet
Then Gus the gecko performed the ceremony on a lily pad
Prince Fred married Tammy, which made Fannie quite sad

The reception was held at club Ribbit and was very nice
Even though Barry got drunk and upchucked on the rice
Alan  the alligator happened to be swimming by
When he saw all thos frogs he said "My Oh My"
All the guests were having a jolly good time

So Alan crashed the party and was delighted to dine
Fred and Tammy had slipped away
And spent their honeymoon in the Palace by the bay
There time together was filled with love and laughter
And they lived happily ever after


For Debbie's Fairy Tales contest
Personified objects: the frogs

Candidates

The highest office in our land will soon be decided.
Opponents spar, both tooth and nail; reputations derided.
“Just look at his voting record,” said one brash candidate. 
“His radical positions are so quick to desecrate.
Promptly, and viciously, his opponent fired right back,
With a profane, demeaning, and scourging attack.
 
“His way is misleading; his promises don’t ring true.
Just hollow rhetoric, for which he has no clue.
“Voters can’t believe his empty pledge that sounds cozy.
Our economy is at stake, yet he makes it sound so rosy.
“Unfortunately, to me the media has been most unkind.
Their reporters have attacked and maligned.

“My opponent, with flawed logic, and twisted facts,
Bashes me with unmerciful and lambasting attacks.
While his tax proposals will put us in a hole.
He will likely put our whole nation on the dole.
“And who will pay the bill? Surely we all will pay,
Since he betrothed Freddie Mac to Fannie Mae!”

Freddie and Fannie, Youtube

Hey Freddie and Fannie
I am not your nanny,
yet I gave you the big pill
made of 800 bil.

Tell your buddies on Wall Street
whose mothers they would cheat,
that we’re throwin’ the law book
at each scumbag crook.

We’ll seize all the brute’s vile loot
and each golden parachute,
when they jump from the rooftop
we’ll hear a kerplop.

Then we’ll open the champaign
and sadness we won’t feign,
we’ll fashion their carpet bags
into closing bell flags.


For its full glory, listen to my YouTube vesion at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6UnHANluOw

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