Dumbass Poems | Examples

As He Poured The Wine

You are such a tool  go back to school 
they yelled at him without hindsight 
You got nothing between your ears  
pack it up Joe, walk only by night 

He took his thermos and left for Rome 
feeling like a dumbass, quite stupid
When he got there, two arms alone 
greeted him,       " dad your home!"

You would have thought the King arrived 
together they made Osso in Buco ...  
Drinking in the elixir of life his child derived 
happiness, for his dad was really in the know!  

Joe gave his resignation and became a chef 
no, they didn't ask him for a passport.  
He worked with a nice old man named Jeff
together they served Portuguese red port; 

No one ever made him feel like a dum-dum again  
as he poured the wine he asked, ... " say when?"

The Night the Waves Bled

Its a Friday. You’re crazy about fridays. But really you’re more crazy for the outing you’ve set your mind to but really it’s for the drinks at happy hour.  It’s funny, cause we always attempt to make it for happy hour and yet, you fool, you leave your blow dryer plugged in. there. It’s under the sink- . Who left this here? I always leave these on the counter. There. Ugh, really? You left the champagne open, dumbass. Just taste it, okay. It’s okay. She’s still bubbly, like your chest right now, bubbling, as the fizz slowly severs your high wave, funny, who the  left the door open? UGH no no I’ll close it, ow… I just jabbed my toe onto the door. But on the brink of disaster, you laugh. The wave of bubble’s stopped though, and your Friday has just begun,  with the red wave of toe blood. Laugh.

Erie Hotel

Around 2004,
  my family and I started
 going on vacations to Erie
  twice a summer.
Accompanying us on these excursions
 were the Jenkinses--
 family friends who were more like actual family.
In addition to our typical week at the beach,
 they joined us for a sneak peek weekend
 earlier in the summer
  where we stayed at a hotel by the airport. 
 We'd sit on the lawn,
watching planes,
 us kids running around, 
  the adults drinking beer.
The outside pool was 
 our home.
 Cole & I would jump into 
 the deep end ad infinitum, 
 never ceasing to find the utmost joy
 in so simple an act. 
He commented on the blonde 
 strands of hair on my head,
 I lied and said that was my natural color--
just wanted to be blonde.
  But now the hotel is relegated only to memory;
 the long, entrance hallway;
 breakfast area where I burnt my mouth
by sipping hot chocolate
through a straw, 
like a dumbass,
in 2005.

Dumbass Genius Farm Boys Paradigm

Dumbass Genius Farm Boys Paradigm
David J Walker

“Genius” may have been the most ironic of all
The four-letter adverb monikers daily applied
To describe the general dissatisfaction 
With any and all work performed on the farm

“Way to go Genius” was the norm as
The tearing down process was performed
Can you be a Genius and a Dumbass 
at the same time 
as you chime in 
too late to make any sense 
of the Dumbass-Genius farm boy paradigm

“What do you think Genius” was the question
To the obvious answer that goes without saying 
To any coherent thing in the Kings English spoken 
With a deep Texas drawl 
“I know y’all aint that GD Dumb…dumbass”

“Y’all aint from round here, are ya Genius” 
I couldn’t believe it either, but I was and
I could drop the F-Bomb with the best of ‘em 
Forming a drawled word you’d never heard in the 
Middle of a sentence never spoken in 
Sunday school

“Hey Genius, get yer ass over here” 
I’d  heard that demand so many times that
I’d planned to send my ass and leave the
Rest of me behind
But that will be next time 
Dumbass Genius

People With Inflated Egos

People live with an inflated ego,
They think they rule the world.
Their little souls are covered with snow,
The world is just a shooting gallery.

School is no longer an assistant,
Its functions are, alas, lost.
She stupefies children on purpose,
So that they can think little.

People talk but don't listen,
They don't want to understand others.
It's more important for them to be the best,
How to help those who are scared.

Everyone tries to bite their neighbor,
To get above it yourself.
This story, as feat told
And received a medal on behalf of Himself.

Don't tell me what I can't do,
How do you know whether can or not?
You only see your limits
And just jealous, looking after.

I always walk away from people like that,
There's no point in talking to a dumbass.
They live only in their stupidity,
And they don't know who to cling to.

Snipers Dream Humour Is the Best Medicine

A Boy,
his Mother named Fred

Is better known to his Friend's

By the caustic nickname 

Snipers Dream

Because of the size of his head

Slimline was 2XL all around was constantly eating
Whereas
Fatt's was shaped like a cigarette 
and hardly ate at all

Tall Paul was 4 Foot something
Shorty was 6 Foot 6

Poor Boy wanted for nothing
While
Richie Rich had holes in his undies

Chatterbox hardly spoke
Comedy Dave never got a joke's punchline

Pasty had his own sunbed at home
Ladies Man can't talk to girl's

Brain's was born without any
Dumbass gets A*+ in every subject

Big Dick wears shorts in the showers
Roses has bad B.O is scared of soap
Smiley has yellow teeth

Aussy comes from South Africa
Jewish is Muslim
Homeboy is foreign

Each of us love our nickname
We all get along
Not 1 of us take offense

Because true Friendships are built
on a mutual similar sence of humour

Laughing is the best medicine

Berry Picking At Night

Sometimes
At three AM
On my fourth redbull and my second coke
When the dumbass on the conveyor belt put the bin in backwards for the thirtieth time and I want to kill him

I watch the bugs gathered ‘round the lightbulb 
And think 
At least I’ve got more time than them.

The Wrong Guy,

The cops showed up knocking on the door
I had no idea who they were looking for

They kept knocking and yelled police
I was standing there in utter disbelief

I finally went downstairs and opened it up 
I felt like I was running out of luck

They asked me my first and last name
I wasn’t about to play there game

They asked me if I could get dressed
And said they had a warrant for my arrest

I told them they had the wrong guy
Then i started to fear for my life
 
They all had there hands on there guns 
That’s when I decided it was time to run 

I ran out the back door and over the fence 
I am sort of a rebel with a lot of defiance

Running through back yards as fast as I can
Only to be caught and tased what a dumbass I am

The moral of the story is they were really looking for me
So obey the law if you want to stay free Hee! Hee!

The Freaks Picked the Wrong Family

(fact)

The freaks had picked the wrong family to mess with.
Emotional disturbance was caused in my son life.
Everything my son feel I go through it too for we are family.
As you can see being from the carribean  nobody mess with our children and assume they will live a happy life.
I am a mother who will pray on you souls even on your children life.
My son is my precious and one of a kind.
No body can't level up to him not even a relationship, nor
A freak that desperate for some.
I am a person of my word when I say family is more important than everyone I stare at. I will even break your heart for my son is more worthy than you.
Now that I see not only the freaks been violating my son life and mine and they to wonder why my son act up from being provoke from you like a dumbass freak.
As his mother who loves him dearly. I am gonna ruined your reputation for all you have done including with air earth fire water if you know what that means.

Education

daddy must have told me

Don't scold a lady,
son.  She will eviscerate 
you with precision

mama did tell me

Always be humble
and kind.  Yes, even when irked.
Please forgive me, Ma

I won

"Dumbass of the day"
awarded to one big fool.
Well deserved award.

Angry Ex-On-A-Roll

You called me a smartass, and this I must confess,
                  it’s better than that other part it seems that you know best.

Your better half you called your man and this seems sensible,
	     A donkey and a horse must breed to make a jackass whole.

Understand this now you shrew my punches I won’t pull,
	     I’d rather be a smartass than a dumbass for a fool.

You thought the grass was greener over on the other side,
	     Well I suppose no one will care where heifer’s choose abide.

Upon mature reflection I should thank you on my knees
	     The girls tell me I’ve aged like wine and you… well then there’s cheese.

Now now don’t get all upset I’m sure he loves you girl,
                   Just be prepared: those knee-knockers? They’re gonna make him hurl.

Is It Fair

Is it fair that she calls me a *****?
Is it fair that she calls me stupid?
Is it fair that she kicked me out and let me sleep outside?
All these things happened and it wasn't even my fault
She never let her son take blame just me
It would always be
You *****! You Dumbass! You whore!
With tears in my eyes I'd mentally cuss her,I'd picture myself leaving the house,with a smile on my face I'd say I will be back in 6 years
My life looks so perfect from far 
But as you walk closer,you realise..its all just a front
I'm tired of fighting I say,I'm tired of being the emotional punching bag
She treats me like she didn't give birth to me 
Like I'm the reason for her misery
She says she loves me but I know for a fact that I hate her
She treats me like I'm not her youngest daughter
She said she wishes I die
That's something I needed to hear
After having a tough day at school
So I ask again...is it fair that I'm still alive? 
Why am I alive?

Save Your Lousy Self

Save Your Lousy Self


Save your pity for a fool that is not witty
  save your sorrow for a jerk with no tomorrow
Save your scorn for your future unborn
  save your smartass for another dumbass
Save your lies for your coming black eyes
  save your taste for your own stupid waste
Save your frown for another silly clown
  save your next scam for your next big ham
Save your mistakes for your jump in the lake
  save your life for terrible and massive strife!
Save your love for next disease you can't get rid of
  save your mess for your next boatload of stress
Save your speech for your next loud screech
  save your help for your next born welp
Save your cries for your next false guise
  save your stand for your next super lousy band
Save your gasps for your next futile grasps
  save your retreat for your next huge defeat
Save your fall for your next crash into the wall
  save your pain for your next car wreck in the rain!

An exercise in "saving" for frugal people that are lousy scoundrels!!
I wrote this with a fool I know from my wild young days in mind...
A little slam for fun.....

Tank

I bought a tank at a war surplus store.
It's not something people are thankful for.
Just because I blow up their homes with the cannon and flatten their cars,
the jerks all think that I've gone too far.
I love this destruction, I didn't know I had it in me.
People want to drag me out of this tank and skin me.
The cops think they can stop me by firing bullets and yelling freeze.
Bullets can't damage this armored tank, they might as well use BBs.
The police just captured me because I'm a dumbass.
When I bought this tank, I forgot to fill it up with gas.

(This is a fictional poem.)

Don'T Eat My Pickles

I make my own pickles but they're no good.
When it comes to eating them, no one should.
They're even worse than the ones Aunt Bee made.
If you ever eat one, you'd better be afraid.
They taste like kerosene even though they're dill.
Don't eat my pickles, they've been known to kill.
A woman wanted some rat poison but she used my pickles instead.
In less than five minutes, every rat in her house was dead.
A man just took a bite of one of my pickles and he's gone blind.
If the dumbass had listened to me, he wouldn't be in this bind.
A lady wasted her money when she bought a baby carriage.
She ate one of my pickles and then she had a miscarriage.
If you come to my house, you'd better listen to me on the double.
Don't you dare eat one of my pickles or you will be in trouble.

(This is a fictional poem.)

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