Best Dumbass Poems
You said I was a dumbass cause I kept your unborn child
You sexing me like an animal, your going wild
You gave me three hundred dollars and walked away
Like a dumbass, nothing to say
I had a decison to make about whether to keep our unborn child
So much going through my mind, my thoughts going crazy
Never thinking about our baby!
I became a woman with an unborn child inside me
I couldn't talk to my mother, my mother put me in the streets
Sitting on the corner thoughts so deep
After hours of crying my eyes out
I slept a little, but could not sleep
The worst thing to think about was bringing our unborn child's life to an end
Even before it begins
I decided to keep my unborn child and let it have a chance
What was I thinking living in my life's circumstance
No father around I was confused and dazed
I had to also wonder where I'd stay
I went through the delivery, pain and the up's and down's
Sometimes regretting why I kept it around
I don't know what's going through my head
One minute I loved it then the next wishing it dead
Is this the thoughts of a mother to hate it more each day
All I can do is pray for these thoughts to go away
I think because I hate it's father, but what does that do
It makes me hate a child who had nothing to do with what I wanted and it was only you!
I hated it cause it's his child and I knew he hated it too!
What parents want an abortion?
A dumbass like me and you
No feelings, no emtions or motherly love
It's our child and we're suppose to love
Our aborted child who still lives
The saddest part is he became a man without a mother or father
He tried to not let our not loving him be a bother
You were apart of me and you; mine and yours
Something we should adore
Never figured out me, never stopped hating you
The tragedy is our child who I can never say really smiled
We both failed him and all we can do is thing about our lives
What about his life and all you can say
"You decided to keep him it's your problem even today!!!!"
Categories:
dumbass, abortion, baby, mother son,
Form:
Prose Poetry
Save Your Lousy Self
Save your pity for a fool that is not witty
save your sorrow for a jerk with no tomorrow
Save your scorn for your future unborn
save your smartass for another dumbass
Save your lies for your coming black eyes
save your taste for your own stupid waste
Save your frown for another silly clown
save your next scam for your next big ham
Save your mistakes for your jump in the lake
save your life for terrible and massive strife!
Save your love for next disease you can't get rid of
save your mess for your next boatload of stress
Save your speech for your next loud screech
save your help for your next born welp
Save your cries for your next false guise
save your stand for your next super lousy band
Save your gasps for your next futile grasps
save your retreat for your next huge defeat
Save your fall for your next crash into the wall
save your pain for your next car wreck in the rain!
An exercise in "saving" for frugal people that are lousy scoundrels!!
I wrote this with a fool I know from my wild young days in mind...
A little slam for fun.....
Categories:
dumbass, rude, slam,
Form:
Rhyme
can u tell me whomwhatwhere I am
or is everyone to blame
must i lose all Butt one limbs
and never hope to be the sames
I hide the mymemine unto all within'ins
and neverthewheretohereforwondery i was given
I don't know who u the Fu_k u r (emma)
I don't know why the Fu_k u r alive
But now I'm Aliveeeeeeeeeeee x four.
Capture, imprison, torture, mame, kill, set in motion , consider me
fake free and reset my soft soul aghast afire aspire so we gonad disagree
and catapault our doured desire decreed to a lightspeed stud unintended
in an each others doubledoubt, and are never in Needs Sleep'
of each other again, cold promise prism ed and feverent of a drop dead desire.
Take, seek, hold, love u, says no future me in a present pic
To you I am only a one moment of a pissed off past time promised
You saw in me and only in me, that OHIO boydunce dumbass
wishme was you wanto notto canto maybe?? diff in your socioclitiro
promisepremise that sillosuited your pillowpussy preferences in multiple
measures male militant, yet in the final sociocomehithermalermeter,
it was all a meremalematterhusbominus of vas def/difference diligence. Find a hole in the femalefalsewhale wall that TIMMERS r aplenty and they lay yr loins loyaly indignent unto a penalplay of Oreagonase ****** statute of unimmarital prepostincompliant prepost Tim, pleasure to get yrself to a BETTER ***** lounge, Eitheror, neither nor, one is whore and the never is torn tween shall ever meetgreet again; Cockaldodado!!!!
I am through with you. Or as Lester says, "You don't get to tell me what to do, ever again."
Categories:
dumbass, analogy, emotions, humor, marriage,
Form:
Free verse
You made a puerile and repugnant scene.
That was the night you broke a slot machine.
You did it in the casino right out in plain view.
There were scores of patrons around us to watch you.
You pestered me for money in a pertinacious way.
I kept saying to you, “No more money today.
You are having bad luck. This is not your night.”
Your ostensible behavior was enough to cause fright.
With your fist, you thoughtlessly broke the machine’s glass.
The men grabbed you immediately and hauled away your ass.
Furthermore, what happened next did not surprise me
The security guards treated you roughly.
In handcuffs across the floor, they took you away.
Upstairs in their office, you had to stay.
They had you in a dire predicament.
Casino security called the police department.
It was a wasted night with a comp I could not use.
For damages, I wound up paying your dues.
It seemed you realized what had occurred.
You were lucky not to be nailed with a criminal record.
Unfortunately, that did not stop your gambling.
Back to Atlantic City, you kept rambling.
Apparently, you have not learned your lesson to this day.
You thoughtlessly continue to throw your money away.
Categories:
dumbass, loss, people, recovery from...,
Form:
Rhyme
(This is a fictional poem)
Your girlfriend is pregnant and you believe that you're the dad.
But sex is something that you and she never had.
When I told you that she has to be cheating on me, you got pretty mad.
You believe she'd never be unfaithful and that's pretty bad.
You think a girl can get pregnant by receiving a french kiss.
You have the IQ of a dog and I don't believe this.
Categories:
dumbass, angst, friendship, funny,
Form:
Same within.Introspection of Sea Change
08/06/2016
Lemuel Griffiths
aka
Lem Gunn
Fiercest of battles above my head,
Same within.
Blue battling the grey,
'Never ending turmoil throughout time.
''I coulda' saved her,
Kept her sane.,
Love is strange'' .., I told him.., concluded,
The promenade train tooted, I repeated..,
His face didn't change.
I looked down and spoke again.,
''Okay, so the car died and the job went too, but the love was still there..,
Forever!''
..Resisting the 'half-horizon' stare.
I noted that the various chewing gum, well, wasn't, as a gull cried in a passing swoop.
''Going off with my neighbour, of all things.''
-half gritted teeth.
He'd finished his roll up and cast it underfoot...,
Saw, at last, my grief.
''Listen kid.., the world will go on.,
within you ., without ya', ya feel me?''.
There was a sudden gust .., I think he mumbled, 'dumbass'.
''You won't be the first, nor the last, old son,
There'll be plenty more forlorn sat there,
We still got 50 billion years 'fore the sun flickers out,
So where's tomorrow's cares?''
Well, that tickled me as he said take care,
And how he had to be getting himself on..,
And how the weather's all upside down this time of year,
And how deckchairs don't walk them-selves off the Prom.
The age of the mobile interruptions..,
Why'd's the planet need to spin so fast,
I ignore the text that she's moving,
And how she thanks me for the past, mispelt blast.
Then her Mother, two Brothers, three Sisters,
Invite me to a 'barbi', should the weather hold out,
But the job interview is what threw me.,
Life is fickle,
Of that,
There's no doubt.
Categories:
dumbass, betrayal, hope, humorous, lost
Form:
Narrative
I make my own pickles but they're no good.
When it comes to eating them, no one should.
They're even worse than the ones Aunt Bee made.
If you ever eat one, you'd better be afraid.
They taste like kerosene even though they're dill.
Don't eat my pickles, they've been known to kill.
A woman wanted some rat poison but she used my pickles instead.
In less than five minutes, every rat in her house was dead.
A man just took a bite of one of my pickles and he's gone blind.
If the dumbass had listened to me, he wouldn't be in this bind.
A lady wasted her money when she bought a baby carriage.
She ate one of my pickles and then she had a miscarriage.
If you come to my house, you'd better listen to me on the double.
Don't you dare eat one of my pickles or you will be in trouble.
(This is a fictional poem.)
Categories:
dumbass, funny, humor, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
You called me a smartass, and this I must confess,
it’s better than that other part it seems that you know best.
Your better half you called your man and this seems sensible,
A donkey and a horse must breed to make a jackass whole.
Understand this now you shrew my punches I won’t pull,
I’d rather be a smartass than a dumbass for a fool.
You thought the grass was greener over on the other side,
Well I suppose no one will care where heifer’s choose abide.
Upon mature reflection I should thank you on my knees
The girls tell me I’ve aged like wine and you… well then there’s cheese.
Now now don’t get all upset I’m sure he loves you girl,
Just be prepared: those knee-knockers? They’re gonna make him hurl.
Categories:
dumbass, anger, angst, break up,
Form:
Couplet
daddy must have told me
Don't scold a lady,
son. She will eviscerate
you with precision
mama did tell me
Always be humble
and kind. Yes, even when irked.
Please forgive me, Ma
I won
"Dumbass of the day"
awarded to one big fool.
Well deserved award.
Categories:
dumbass, for her, how i
Form:
Senryu
He's up in the morning at 7 a.m.
Black coffee and paper. Toast and jam
His hair is perfection. His tie is secure
He's ready to take on the day
From home to the office, a 90 minute trip
Dumbass drivers and cell phone quips
Thoughts for the job that race through his head
To help earn himself better pay
A tiger by nine, he's doing just fine
Then noon brings a lunch that's followed by wine
From one until five he then starts to morph
When it's off to the bar for some more
A couple of shots with a beer back to boot
Three hours later he's got a full snoot
An illegal drive from the bar to his home
Now he can really tie one on
The morning sun shines on the man he should be
The evening brings a change by degree
The evil elixir turns man to a monster
With all sense of sanity gone
Rockman
For the "Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde" contest by Yasmin Khan
7th place winner.
Categories:
dumbass, family, father, fear, husband,
Form:
Free verse
My neighbor, Pete, is very frustrated
For two weeks he has been constipated
Then, in Poetry Soup
I heard him yell, "Whoop Whoop!"
His laxative had been activated!
He eats spicy food and lot of legumes
Where he shows up, a gaseous cloud looms
Pete is kinda kinky
When he makes a stinky
He likes breathing in his odorous fumes
Beth's twenty years married to Pete Cooper
When he didn't flush, she said a blooper
Pete left a huge floater
And now I will quote her,
"Pete's poops always leave me in a stupor!"
One time dumbass Pete clogged up his commode
After his bowels dropped a giant load
Beth called in a plumber
Who was even dumber
He just watched as the toilet overflowed
Pete's a n a l gases continue to leak
Can't stand being around them cause they reek
When his farts are expelled
I threaten a butt weld
To solder it shut, Pete is such a freak!
No one sits near Pete at the town meeting
No friendly smiles does he get in greeting
People are of like mind
Beware of his behind
When his flatulence keeps on repeating
Beth's face becomes twisted into a scowl
She told Pete that she's throwing him the towel
Next time his fecal matter
Is 'neath the lid in splatter
She'll not clean his crap stains again. They're foul!
She won't wash skid marks from his briefs either
Nor cook bean casseroles for him neither
Beth's taken a firm stand
Gave Pete a reprimand
She's hoping that soon he'll want to leave her
Categories:
dumbass, humor,
Form:
Limerick
Simplicity…I have always been an advocate of simplicity.
Of telling people to stop and smell the calla lilies.
Of telling people the heart should always be followed, and to
Never listen to those who would bring you down.
You, my friend, are simply the best thing I have.
Of all the things that make life hell and hard, you are a heaven, and are never
Undervalued.
Well? You know who you are. Hearthfire. Bullfrog. Beloved dumbass.
Incidentally, you are also rather brilliant.
Long have you been the only thing that truly makes me smile, and I truly
Love how easy, how simply easy, laughter is with you.
Stay true to you, Hearthfire. You are
Extraordinary, and precious, and if
Even one in one hundred people were like
You, this would be a better world.
Of course, with that much awesomeness, who knows if the world could
Undertake such a venture?
And, regardless if the world could or not, the fact
Remains that as far as I’m concerned,
Every fifth shot of alcohol I ever take will be to you.
Long live our friendship, sweet love! May it ever be
Obscenely strong, and know that I treasure how I can be
Vulnerable with you. May you have
Everything that is good in life, my friend. Sincerely,
Daniexelle.
Categories:
dumbass, best friend, care, for
Form:
Acrostic
A Boy,
his Mother named Fred
Is better known to his Friend's
By the caustic nickname
Snipers Dream
Because of the size of his head
Slimline was 2XL all around was constantly eating
Whereas
Fatt's was shaped like a cigarette
and hardly ate at all
Tall Paul was 4 Foot something
Shorty was 6 Foot 6
Poor Boy wanted for nothing
While
Richie Rich had holes in his undies
Chatterbox hardly spoke
Comedy Dave never got a joke's punchline
Pasty had his own sunbed at home
Ladies Man can't talk to girl's
Brain's was born without any
Dumbass gets A*+ in every subject
Big Dick wears shorts in the showers
Roses has bad B.O is scared of soap
Smiley has yellow teeth
Aussy comes from South Africa
Jewish is Muslim
Homeboy is foreign
Each of us love our nickname
We all get along
Not 1 of us take offense
Because true Friendships are built
on a mutual similar sence of humour
Laughing is the best medicine
Categories:
dumbass, funny,
Form:
Free verse
I bought a tank at a war surplus store.
It's not something people are thankful for.
Just because I blow up their homes with the cannon and flatten their cars,
the jerks all think that I've gone too far.
I love this destruction, I didn't know I had it in me.
People want to drag me out of this tank and skin me.
The cops think they can stop me by firing bullets and yelling freeze.
Bullets can't damage this armored tank, they might as well use BBs.
The police just captured me because I'm a dumbass.
When I bought this tank, I forgot to fill it up with gas.
(This is a fictional poem.)
Categories:
dumbass, funny, humor, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
I try but i fail
this is not right
I'm a solider from hell
when i cant have a girl
my usual reaction is oh well
i think you can tell
but what am i trying to say
i dont even know
either you're to high
or i'm to low
i've never felt like this
this feeling is comming from my soul
but we are opposite each other
like love and joy
is to hatred and anger
you're the beautiful kind girl
i'm the ugly cruel outsider
and all my stupid mistakes
turned me into a fighter
I'm the dumbass with the lighter
ready to unleash the fire
you are all i think about
like a hungry bear thinks of a trout
like a reciever thinks of his touchdown route
i want you
there is no doubt
you soothe my hatred
like water you put the fire out
i just wanna be with you
but i dont think there's away
i'm so confused
i dont know what to do or what to say
i wanna be with you
i used to love being alone
but when i'm with you
you reveal a world i've never known
i wish i could be with you
Categories:
dumbass, girlfriend-boyfriend, happiness, life, lovelove,
Form:
Rhyme