“Let’s hang this heavy picture,”
I heard my wife say to me.
Giving her a claw hammer
I put a steel nail up high.
“When I nod my head, hit it.”
…That’s the last thing I recall.
She did not mean to kill him
But she did
A never before unknown self
Had risen from the bowels of preservation
He had approached her with a claw hammer
And something snapped
Possibly because she had already had three hospital visits
Black eye, broken jaw, bruised tibia, broken collar bone,
All accidents.
Oh no he would never hurt her
You saved yourself, her relatives told her. Good for you.
You are evil, his relatives told her. You deserve all kinds of punishments.
She was horrified,
Not realizing she had
This self-preservation in her.
The first two years had been wonderful before the beatings began.
She grieved those two years the ten years she was in prison.
There's something about my wife that astounds me.
She won't use any appliance unless it's made by GE.
I bought her a washing machine that was made by Whirlpool.
That was a dumb decision and I soon learned that I'm a fool.
My wife got so mad that she caved my head in with a claw hammer.
Now she's holding a grudge because she spent a year in the slammer.
General Electric Appliances are the only appliances she will use.
I'll remember that in the future because I don't like to be abused.
She demands GE appliances because GE brings good things to life.
From now on I'll buy nothing but GE because I'm scared of my wife.
Its handle, darkened with age,
had split from bottom end up.
It’s necessary to hold it together,
with a tight grip,
while striking the nail.
“I bought this in Montana,” he said,
holding up the hammer he was using
to repair my wisteria trellis.
“Whoa,” I said.
“Can you still use it?”
“Watch,” he said,
driving nails into wood.
He looked at me in triumph,
hand extended toward the trellis arm,
now straight as an arrow.
His eyes spoke to me,
not of an old hammer's worth,
but of his own un-laureled vitality,
the promise,
and the permanence of love.
i spit words much better than you
there is nothing at all that you can do
check out my spelling and my epic grammar
i'll smash your face in with a claw hammer
i carve my name in all your brains
remember me like the smell when it rains
with my fists of fury i'll knock you out
no-one can tell what the hell im on about
my poems make you think
sit down fools and take a drink
while i amaze you all with my dark power
no-one wants to read a poem about a flower
or a fluffy cloud or falling in love
we want to read about death from above
i go against the grain and dont get a lot of views
but that certainly doesnt mean i'll go boo hoo hoo
it makes me stronger faster smarter
dont count me out i'll have your guts for garters
so what have we learned from me today
listen quite closely to what i do and say
don't self publish its ever so vain
im sure it'll cause you nothing but pain
when you get rejected
it cant be what you all expected
im the best poet in the world bar none
better than byron shelley keats and donne
i best be off to write a dreary haiku
oh wait thats not me its obviously you
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