H ealth forsakes you
O ver and over magic tonics promise recovery
P otential healing lures promising in the trees, again
E ven Eve knows better than to pick and eat, again
To lie up in this bed and be so weak,
Daydream of the world and can't even speak.
Everyone thinks I'm strong, but they don't have a clue.
I'm fighting for my life with everything to lose.
People think I'm so strong, but I just smile to keep from crying,
Shedding my pain to the side, but inside, I'm slowly dying.
I ask my God why this is happening to me;
I haven't lived my life yet; I have a family.
To motion and not move, being paralyzed is cruel,
But that is my life, and I've got everything to lose.
Sometimes, I wonder why I stay.
I'm getting older and older, and my life is fading away.
Don't feel sorry for me; my mental is strong,
But it's fading away because my physical is gone.
I love the winter, the way it whirls my breath
Away; reminds me I am alive, there's hope.
I love the ferns bejeweled in snow, the heath
As it patterns our legs, walking forest-roads.
I love the spring, that washes snow away,
Brings flowers, strong roots, fragile and pale-
Seeming. I love the summer, storm-blaze
Lazy lightning, theater of stars, golden corn
That nourishes body and soul. Yet much more
I love my friend, Artemis-twin, born
Under the weight of July, dice against the score,
Surviving, with lightning bolt in her spine.
Her autumn rain, soft and healing, but strong,
Metallic purple dancing in wind-song.
duskfall creature,
tipsy on the blood of the covenant,
tell me, when did you pull the ninth card?
when your fangs grew in
and your eyes grew tired,
what made you build the castle walls?
the sunlight burns, you protest,
every silver-backed mirror a reminder to forget.
close the books, put down your stakes,
because the real world doesn’t work like that, creature of the night.
shame hasn’t cured the illness.
you paint a picture of their stares in the back of your eyelids
etch their whispers into the corners of your mind,
bear the weight of their crosses.
duskfall creature,
drunkenly playing the hermit,
why do you push the wooden stake against your own chest?
Shingles is something I live with daily
Chosen for me by whom?
I have no idea.
I doubt it is my choice, as it is painful.
My skin is tender; shingles is red, raw, sore, and rough.
This disease is something I try to forget about every day.
I can push it back into the farthest corners of my brain.
If I am deeply engaged in painting, cartooning, or writing.
But then BAM it comes back in full force, unbidden, unwelcome.
This malady is something I have lived with for over two years.
My doctor has told me it might be until the end of my life.
I remember staring at a bottle of morphine and codeine one time.
The doctor had warned me if I took them both, I would die.
I was in enough pain at that moment to almost do it.
I have no idea why I didn’t.
I threw the morphine pills away,
so I cannot ever be tempted with that again.
In case the pain gets worse.
I woke up this morning
To a very dark, gray day
And the aches and pains
That I wished would go away
It's dark and it's cold
And everything is wet
All day I've been wondering
"Is it bedtime yet?"
I know the rain
Helps the flowers grow,
The earth needs the rain to live
This I know
But when I sit up in bed
When I wake
A creak and a moan
Are the noises I make.
Sometimes I cry
When the pain gets real bad
Sometimes I cry "why me?"
Sometimes it makes me mad
I know this is all part
Of God's plan
Who am I to question
The motives of this Man?
I may shed a few tears
As I get through this day
With God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit
With me, I pray
The earths pressure changes
With each passing storm
Some, like me, can feel it
Sometimes it makes me squirm.
Sometimes I swell
And my bones'll break
Sometimes I wonder
"How much more can I take?"
Then the clouds'll open
Before too long
The sun will shine
The birds will sing their song
Time goes on
And back comes the rain
And coming with it
Will be the pain
And I will do
What I usually do
And that is pray for God
To help me through.
-11/13/2018
Pain it's back again
Coursing through each vein
Pain it never leaves
Consuming me for its needs
Pain hangs on me
Theres no where to hide or flee
Pain my bestest friend
Haunting me to no end
Pain emotional physical
It's no luxury or paradisiacal
Pain lies in wait
Pouncing no need for bait
Pain arrives unannounced
Staying for hundreds of rounds
Pain has no relief
Its nothing but a life theif
Pain haunts my life
With destruction and strife
Pain owns my mind and body
With no antidote or antibody
Pain rules my whole life
I just wish I could have the sweet relief of the afterlife.
Untitled
Deathly living till dying breath.
Somber dreaming a lively death.
Body ailing, self enemy.
Ever changing the remedy.
Boldly living from open womb.
Never changing, to closing tomb.
Never living a normal life.
Ever planning for daily strife.
~J.D. Cromwell
Pain is a constant
Like the ticks of a clock
Counting out the agony of my existence
Without pain, there is no life
Or is there?
Is there an old shoe box in my brain
Where lies the faded picture of a better time?
I am afraid.
If I knew that others surf the wave that bandies me about like a sock in a dryer,
Would I stop swimming?
When others build castles from the sand that swallows me whole,
Does the Lifeguard care?
Does He even notice?
My salvation is a dream,
So I escape into the gospel of Beautyrest,
Where I place all my hope.
I am a creature of the night,
Dreading the sunrise when my clock ticks again
Living for the quiet, dark night to erase my pain, my memory, my tomorrow.
Is heaven just a state where we finally sleep for all eternity?
That is my greatest hope.
Because my shoebox is way too small.
And these waves are way too big.
And the sunrise, it keeps coming, no matter how many Ambien I load in my clip.
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