Best Zookeeper Poems
Lookin' after pests
Keepin' a CLOSE eye on 'em
"Those wild animals!"
Roamin' around zoo
Searchin' for sneaky monkey
Hidin' in a tree
Zookeeper gets mad
"Where's Marty, the smartypants!?"
"He TOOK my cage keys!"
Categories:
zookeeper, adventure, animal, confusion, courage,
Form:
Haiku
When I was just seven, so small
My best friend Jacob, outdid us all
He had a pet Cobra, cool as could be
He forgot to feed it for a whole week you see
So I killed him
When I was fourteen, I went to the zoo
So many animals, all lounging around
Some seemed starved and some seemed week
One poor zebra died right on its feet
So I killed a Zookeeper
When I was twenty one I met a young blonde
We dated and loved and times where great
Her pet Collie so youthful with such playful traits
She left him in the car, the heat at one hundred and eight
So I killed my girlfriend
I am older now, a full mature twenty eight
My neighbor Miss Jennings has a cat we call him Mate
He loves all the felines all over the town
Till Miss Jennings had him neutered the Mate is down
So I killed Miss Jennings
Now I am thirty five and working so hard
At the animal shelter as the night guard
They bring in the wounded, the week and defenseless
All these humans who treat pets with out any senses
So I killed few strangers who mistreated pets
I am forty-two and work for the park
Where they come every day walking their pets after dark
In leashes so tight and bound round the neck
How is the good? Oh what the heck
So I killed all of them too
Now I am forty nine and in county jail
For some serial crimes they accuse me of committing
All I did was love animals, who are they kidding?
I am the hero in this story you all must see?
So I escaped and killed the jailor and now I am free
I have read the local papers; I am on the front page
They want to put me in a prison cage
Oh and there is PETA, who claim me as Saint
I am so proud why I might almost faint
But I kill myself as my final act
To be with the animals I loved till the last
Categories:
zookeeper, animal, humorous, pets,
Form:
Verse
HOLY COW! It's Bigfoot, there in the brush
Lower your voices- he's skiddish
Now, hush
I know his habits, I'm privy as hell
An expert and scholar, I've studied him well
While in line at the grocery
For years I've immersed
In various tabloids becoming well versed
I even speak sasquatch
Oh, you don’t believe?!
It's a cross between Latin and baboonanese
His dads a zookeeper, his mothers a chimp
Her name is Chin Chin- his name is Chip
He's a renaissance man
Well at least is half way
The other halves savage in need of a shave
Just stash those cameras he hates paparazzi
And Jack Links commercials
And rappers with posses
He loathes boy bands and people named Josh
And meat from a can
And Spicegirls called Posh
He's against any wars
but supports the troops
And completely abhors
When his fur cakes with poop
detests media bias
mainly FOX NEWS
But believes Bill O'reilly
has interesting views
He enjoys fine wine and deep conversation
Flinging his poo and masturbation
Those would be two of his favorite hobbies
The world calls him Big Foot
His pops calls him Robbie
Categories:
zookeeper, funny,
Form:
Rhyme
The zoo zebra had zero zest for his zombie like zoo life
But, was very zealous to zone out and count his zany stripes
Appearing to be very Zen to visitors passing by
At his zenith, he would zoom free upon the plains
Now he just zigzags around his tiny pen
Looking for zucchini snacks the zookeeper left for him
Categories:
zookeeper, loss, solitude,
Form:
Alliteration
No matter a man's call or profession
He must use all the proper protection
Ask the zookeeper why
For he lost his left eye
When the elephant got an ********
Made for Bawdy
Poetry II Contest on
6/29/14
Categories:
zookeeper, animal, humorous,
Form:
Limerick
While watching the zookeeper feed
The penguins was pleasing, indeed.
A simple technique –
One fish for each beak
Seemed to work without witnessing greed.
The turtles and ducks were fed, too,
By a pond that’s a part of the zoo.
A big bowl filled with grain
Nestled on their terrain
But they weren’t the eaters on view.
For two pigeons were chomping away
And to add to that urban display
Into this habitat
Crawled the skeeviest rat
Who decided he might as well stay.
Just a typical day in the park
Where all creatures once housed in the ark
Coexist and live free
To a certain degree,
Though I wish some would stay in the dark!
Categories:
zookeeper, animal, new york,
Form:
Limerick
I got the arrow pointing at you
Yeah, you stupid
So everyone around will know
about the next dumb thing you do
You don't go sit on a mall bench, next to little old ladies,
then take off your shoe
That's just plain stupid, even for you
At least you kept your sock on
before you took a chew
You make me want to scream, pull out my hair,
every time you stink up the store,
making everyone flatulently aware
That is so stupid
Go to the bathroom or outside somewhere
and foul up the air
Going shopping with stupid,
they oughta give me some kind of award
For always heading off the next disaster,
whenever he gets distracted or bored
Sifting through the garbage
for that half-eaten tasty treat
Howling with the cartoon videos ...
Wil E. Coyote here, makes me wanna go beep beep,
and run him off the road, put the manbaby to sleep
Stupid is, as stupid does,
that's the saying I suppose
But, man ... why do you have to go walking 'round
with those straws sticking out of your nose
If I'm with Mr. Moron, what does that say about me?
it's stupid of you to even ask --- I'm his zookeeper,
so children, please don't feed the talking monkey
Oh boy, I didn't mean to insult all you monkeys out there,
I know you all are smarter than my man
But if you go shopping with stupid often enough,
you're bound to get stuck in stupid quicksand
I need some help over here,
stupid just knocked over all those cans,
I need some help over here,
stupid just turned on all of those fans
With those fans blowing ...
Cash come raining down like green confetti
during shift transfer
Guess their happy meal was stupid spaghetti
Shopping with stupid has changed everyone's holiday plans
Now everybody loves Mr. Stupid,
for putting all that free money in their hands
Categories:
zookeeper, humor, humorous, parody, satire,
Form:
Light Verse
Poet Destroyer is such a fox
Just look at her long, silky locks.
She just may be gunning
Watch out for her cunning.
She can scare you right out of your socks.
Poet Destroyer’s on site each day.
Writing poems, she does have a way.
She’s as swift as a cat
Everywhere she is at
On this website, she looks for her prey..
Of PD, you had better beware.
She can be ferocious like a bear.
She can take a bite
Out of anyone on site
Spit you out and never even care.
Poet Destroyer can be so loose.
She’s as ferocious as a mongoose.
Her road you don’t take
If you are a snake
Give it up, it will be of no use.
PD can sting like a scorpion.
You can’t think you have the battle won.
Unlike anything,
She has a big sting.
With her tail, you can become undone.
Despite her untamed interior
She displays a sweet exterior.
In all she can do
She is like a zoo
You have to be a great zookeeper.
Categories:
zookeeper, animals, dedicationfor her, for
Form:
Limerick
The story of seahorses is as enchanting as can be,
they’re a sweet little family living under the sea.
They wear skeletons on the outside for all to see.
One thousand eggs the dear daddy underlies
and gives birth to the babies called tiny “fries”.
A magical creature that changes color to pretend
to blend in with their surroundings for days on end.
Having skin not scales they are fish that transcend.
Seahorses only live under the warm tropical waters,
the proud daddy raises the sweet sons and daughters.
Blessings they bring to all children to love to gaze
in the turquois aquarium as the zookeeper displays.
Only seven miniature ounces a seahorse weighs.
Around the world fifty-four species do appear
and are under threat because of food and souvenirs.
Seahorses adore coral reefs and green seagrass beds
and have no teeth to eat so plankton they’re fed.
Under the ocean they’ve been known turn red
to match the debris found on the shoreline,
then back to yellow and green when they’re fine.
Seahorses are curious creatures so beautiful and slim
and when threatened by others, fast they swim.
They can catch their prey on a capricious whim.
I do think they’re an excellent and marvel creation,
full of dazzling charisma and captivating fascination.
Seahorses Contest
Julia Ward
May 6, 2018
Categories:
zookeeper, nature, ocean,
Form:
Rhyme
haibun
case dismissed
judge in the monkey suit
takes out zookeeper
Did you hear the one about the judge in the monkey suit?
No, but I spotted that lady zookeeper,
what a knockout in her sexy black dress.
The story I heard was that the judge
took out the zookeeper.
That explains the tuxedo - to dinner and a play, maybe?
Did I say tuxedo? I said monkey suit - he belted her one in front of
the jury. Knocked her out cold right there in the courtroom?
What was he...some kind of animal rights' activist?
I dunno? but the jury sure was a monkey's uncle.
Categories:
zookeeper, funny,
Form:
Verse
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGX_Z1Yo9TQ
He loves to keep them all well fed
his mantra is always quip and trim
early to rise and early to bed
but Ali, well he loves to sleep in
Categories:
zookeeper, creation,
Form:
Rhyme
Every since he ate the dung bug, on his face appeared the balls
From eye whole down to his bottom he was covered with them all
But I ain’t seen nothing like him in any amphibious hall
That wet, chameleon kindred sure has some mean pimples
He stands looking at you, trying to seem really mean
Feeling kind of bumpy, never can stay clean
He lays body a twicth’n, trying not to fall
That wet, chameleon kindred sure has some mean pimples
He’s a pimpled lizard, walks with a twist
A pimpled lizard’s living in the mist
How do you think he cures it, I don’t know
What is covering his hood?
Bugs give him satisfaction, loves the buzzes and the smells
Eats lightning bugs a flashing, swats them with his tail
Always has a good day, head can tilt and all
That wet, chameleon kindred sure has some mean pimples
He can eat like a sow, an amphibious eating champ
His tongue he can flick, faster than you can clap your hand
He’s unusual and able, he can eat any pest
The zookeeper dumps them in, he gobbles them up with zest
He’s got crazy sticky fingers, he can even use them all
That wet, chameleon kindred sure has some mean pimples
He’s a pimpled lizard, walks with a twist
A pimpled lizard’s living in the mist
He’s a pimpled lizard, he’s got a million pores
A pimpled lizard, an ugly pimpled lord
He’s gory lord, He’s gory lord
I thought I saw his belly now shaking
But it’s just a new pimple on his skin, his skin, his skin
For John Heck's contest
A really, really, really bad parody of Elton John's, "Pinball Wizard"
Guess I shouldn't have eaten those mushrooms
Categories:
zookeeper, funny
Form:
Lyric
o my goodness she accidentally let one loose
the bus was crowded but that was no excuse
afraid she’d ripped her dress of chiffon
she was embarrassed but didn’t let on
she knew the day was off to a bad start
though she’d gotten away with that colossal fart
got to work fifteen minutes late
her boss threw a pail at her the animals couldn’t wait
she'd rushed off as fast as she could
when she made it to the fence knew she was good
but then she accidentally let another loose
scaring off a nervous frantic goose
though feathers flew she finally caught it
not her proudest moment she had to admit
next off to feed an angry grumpy mongoose
wouldn’t you know it… she accidentally let one loose
to top off her first morning not going well
told the zookeeper she wanted back to the unemployment carousel
AP: Honorable Mention 2020
Categories:
zookeeper, adventure, angst, animal, food,
Form:
Rhyme
i am honestly drawing a blank
i am struggling to underline the underlying reasons
my head is spinning and the rest of my body is stone still frozen
just yesterday, we were laughing it up and being big ole kids
interrogative sentences are dominating my thoughts
excruciating exclamatory expressions are slowly boiling my body
the bed that she sleeps in is warm and comfortable
the basement sofa that i am sleeping on is old, worn, careless, and cold
i stare at the pitch black darkness and do not notice daylight creeping in
the space has turned into an alternate reality with no close route to escape
i start my day with a liquefied case of babbling bubbleguts
as i head upstairs with an already raw backside, you smile and say good morning
your smile is the prettiest that it has ever been
your routine is as smooth as us getting along on a regular day
before your true inner emotions come out, i grab a cheese danish and an orange juice and head back downstairs
i don't know why i got this stuff for breakfast because i just cannot eat
my stomach is in too many frustration knots
my head is not throbbing from the multiple blanks that i drew throughout the night
i slowly and reluctantly head back upstairs with a prayer bag filled with peanuts
love is a zookeeper with a thick layered itinerary
if it all was so simple, i actually think that i would lose interest and remain ignorant
Categories:
zookeeper, life, love, truth,
Form:
Free verse
The insane things I would do if I was
a keeper at a zoo
I would tell an owl he's aloud to blink
And tell a skunk that he doesn't stink
I would show the lion who is king
And teach the bees how to sing.
I tell the hygiene its OK to cry
And encourage the penguins to fly
I would play music for the rhinos to dance
And buy the elephant a pair of pants
I would teach the monkeys how to be good
And give the termite vegetables not wood
I would have no fencing to keep them apart from man
I'm off to the zoo tomorrow so I can start my plan
Categories:
zookeeper, animal,
Form:
Rhyme