Best Witticism Poems
Aren't many or any finer than Dan me ol mucker & china who now looks out for nightmare cooks or crooks making money off the books with rare meat on dirty hooks in filthy nooks but don't care want to give him a shiner for saying don't be hasty or cheat prepare pukka tasty tucker & succour...safe fayre to eat for every diner...
Owners booming hysteria at inspector criteria
Kitchens so unclean like a war scene in Liberia
Zooming in you find they're grooming Listeria
Rightly fuming that it is blooming like wisteria
Hardly stellar told fella to have old mortadella
Rank covered in dank mould stank in the cellar
Dan who's a fan of Paul Weller is a fortune teller
Scores on doors stop more spores of Salmonella
Suss some are no faff or fuss a them & us schism
Despairing whiners cuss not caring about criticism
Cleanliness next to Godliness just an anachronism
Foolish witticism as diners get ghoulish botulism
Out of date food they buy deny do things on the fly
Just comply no treason and here’s the reason why
If duff stuff you season on the sly to try and get by
The Council’s the fall guy as folks do die from Ecoli
Hunch lunch or brunch scare dodgy ware of tupper
Owners get shirty but it’s so dirty can’t serve supper
Ask my man Dan this is not a masterplan to scupper
A public sector inspector would rather have a cuppa
True love lost direction
when bloomed my affection
for you, who magically weave word
decidedly smitten
by your comic verse written
my long-dead emotions were stirred
Chats online
yours and mine
the order of the day
word-sparring and witticism
rhyming and rhythm
intoxicating; who needs rosé?
By poetry joined
rich phrases we coined
muuuchly our lives intertwined
o'er miles merged our aura
with a burning urge for a
naked horizontal align
When in waltzed a skirt
you hit pay dirt
a writer within her own right
my utopia thwarted
firm resolve faltered
my love remains steadfast despite
What do I know of dedication, of devotion
I who have not fought on land or over ocean
What can I recount of sacrifice
I who was raised in America, in paradise
What can I tell of bravery, of heroism
I who pen poetry and witticism
And yet I’ve engaged in mortal combat, my dears
~ Been married now for nigh on 50 years
Oral Presentation of a Poem
Introduction
This poem to me God Himself imparted
Even if you happen to be heavy hearted
Should always stick around for a while
God will greet you with a great big smile.
Poem Itself
Have heard that only to certain degrees
But yet not ever can you perfectly please
Someone with personal poem you wrote;
All of the time it took and had to devote.
Are all pretty picky with their criticism
Knowing my poems have much witticism
Intention was detected as being quite clear
Bringing on great happiness and good cheer.
A few might leave you somewhat spellbound
With some words not seeming safe and sound
That perhaps in a poem were meant to be
A soliloquy which had designs of hostility.
Sadness, sin with a wanting to repent
May be among few poems I emailed and sent;
Are an example of how hard people tried
Then in end few tried and committed suicide.
Which one of them was it you would prefer
To be everlasting and continue to endure;
Poet Laureate soon was on one bright day
When I find out oral poetry will be best way.
James Thomas Horn, Retired Veteran
www.poetrysoup.com
www.story-telling-around-the-world.com
Here I sit again, silent,
not saying anything,
pondering instead,
what it was I should have said;
Too, too late now,
the moment's gone,
the chance for some clever comeback,
some clever witticism
lost from this present now,
Which too quickly became then
and suddenly is past.
A fetching feminine
With magnificent melanin
A soft skin
With a shiny shin
A captivating cleavage
With syrupy sweat
A gorgeous girlfriend
With gleeful giggles
A warm woman
With humane heart
A mindful mother
With a sweet smile
A darling daughter
With healing hugs
A special sister
With a vigilant vision
A great granny
With invaluable insights
A natural nanny
With wondrous witticism
A habitable home
For a heavy heart
A verified vaccine
For a lonely lad
A pretty pioneer
Of a vibrant village
A success source
For majestic men
A black blossom
For dark dudes
A befitting babe
For any basking blaze
Mesmerizing melanin
Manifests in Melanie
A sent scent
Awakens Benjamin
A genuine jasmine
Flees from her black back
My beautiful black queen
NEVER bother bleaching!
what she said could be seen as hyperbole
not to come running on broken leg problem
but her wisdom portioned into golden prompts
saving for a rainy day comes up empty
the free market could benefit by her depth
she’s open-handed and supports socialism
however her intentions were never false
like threats of waiting for return of husband
witticism unsurpassed by comic excerpts
Mother is an apotheotic angel
Abecedarian poems are also known as alphabetical sequential writings.
Being deviously different and difficult to
Compile, compose and complete. Consequentially combining
Determination and deviant, driven poets devote determined time, and
Exercise extreme etymological enthusiasm
For forging a fitting composition that
Guarantees generous grades, and gracious responses.
Hardly a task for hapless or haphazard hit-and-miss
Inexperienced, indolent authors with illusory intent to
Justify or judge poetry. Justification requires a jury of
Knowledgeable critics, possessed of a knack for keeping
Lyricism and logical, laudable linguistic language in line!
Many Poets, maintain a masterful grasp of their manuscripts.
Narrative is not so noticeable in novices, nondescript, nor
Obscure, opinionated obdurate writers, and
Poor penmanship, periodically proves this point!
Questionable quills quite often quake at
Recording random rational and rhetorical rhymes.
Skill sidesteps them: sends some to settle for success on some other site.
Taking time to tackle and test their knowledge may
Unknowingly, undertake an unrewarding undertaking for
Views vary - very violently and vociferously at times,
When writers, with witticism, warmth and wisdom, waffle to
X rated Xanthippes or
Yield to the yells and yammering of yahoos, yokels and
Zealous zealots! Zesty writing of an alliterative ABeCedarian is zany!
Rhymer. November 16th, 2016.
Puff! Puff! Puff! Gonna get real buff
Working out like a fool every day
Wait till the girlies get a load of this bod
My gorgeous physique on display
Puff! Puff! Puff! Gonna get real buff
Girlies will want to slurp from my bowl
Trying to get in on some of the action
“Hang on now, show some control!”
Puff! Puff! Puff! Gonna get real buff
They'll all get a piece sooner or later
Surely can understand their excitement
I'll soon be one pumped up operator
Puff! Puff! Puff! Gonna get real buff
Alway knew I had animal magnetism
But I've taken that to a whole new level
Complimenting charm with witticism
Puff! Puff! Puff! Gonna get real buff
Working with the weights, a real jock
Soon be on the cover of “Muscle Power”
Great physique and abs like a rock!
(chuckle)
Best Friends
Tom Wright
When close friends depart this life,
And voice, by time, is stilled.
There's left within our hearts a void,
With fond memories to be filled.
In dawns muted hours, I still recall,
Jerry's witticism as if today.
Though recent years have bolted,
Since time whispered him away.
Theretofore I'd regarded not pain,
As being part of our friendship's cost.
Until death's gurney slowly passed,
And I beheld the friend I'd lost.
nowhere in the neon lights
does it say hold on for dear life
we grab the bridle and dig our heels in
bouncing up and down as it kicks and spins
we sit in the diner--it's near midnight
you can see the damnedest sights
we stir our coffee trying not to stare
at what's in here or hiding out there
we can never quite let go
holding on till hell freezes over
witticism only takes you so far
miles roll fast when you're in your car
the bitter tolls and burdens of sins
the fences we build that keep us in
begging to be misunderstood
as we turn our backs and leave for good
Amulet graced by gems
clad for stratum prow
tawny glyphs
margin of witticism
& quagmire
extravagant dictum
trivialize shores trails
summer ousted
& waves of wrangles
sundered the ocean
& swapped my spirit
in crimson burst
swirl to scatter
In demolishing ruins
& twilight crumble
slump of man
glittering Phoenix fire trail
scribble a cyan-xantos rhyme.
bore a shallow rostrum
defective soothsayer
haunts dreams?
hilltops & both
oceans & skies
cyclone of emotions
&
lethargic sadness
soul storm mulling.
5TH Place Contest winner
Written: July 19, 2022
A BRIAN STRAND PREMIERE CHOICE Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Brian Strand
a true legend with spoken words
the world’s oldest reigning monarch
rarely gives interviews
personal feelings not know
her beliefs fundamental importance
well known for her dry witticism
habits were parodied by media
know not to be a teetotaller
wants to see her kingdom live forever
hypocrisy lessened and faded
the future British world is hers
truth her glory, riches, and honours
reign acquired but never regretted
I think I'll die before I live
from time to time, I suppose
life seems more take than give
a cynical opinion sometimes shows
Michael, Gabriel or Azrael may
come to bring me my pink slip
and leave my future in disarray
ticket punched for the return trip
yet if I can get the jump on it
go ahead and postulate anyhow
a posthumous life might better befit
than what I've got here right now
today's stance an intractable position
a life well lived, for argument's sake
could depart now of my own volition
and leave some witticism at my wake
then folks who knew me, not one iota
could say "just seemed to be so content"
"though lately colder than North Dakota"
"To hell is what I think was meant"
and maybe I'll live on in my words
to make life both meaningful and bold
'stead of day's living for the birds
a posthumous life a thing to behold
'course I might need to think again
considering all the prose and cons
my best thinkin' might be just insane
afterlife might be a big come on.
maybe it's not any better than this
my Shangri-La might be right here
too hard to look back and reminisce
if I just posthumously disappear
© Goode Guy 2011-06-27
dear friends, we're gathered here...
Puff! Puff! Puff! Gonna get real buff
Working out like a fool every day
Wait till the girlies get a load of this bod
My gorgeous physique on display
Puff! Puff! Puff! Gonna get real buff
Girlies will want to slurp from my bowl
Trying to get in on some of the action
“Hang on now, show some control!”
Puff! Puff! Puff! Gonna get real buff
They'll all get a piece sooner or later
Really can understand their excitement
I'll soon be one pumped up operator
Puff! Puff! Puff! Gonna get real buff
Alway knew I had animal magnetism
But I've taken that to a whole new level
Complimenting charm with witticism
Puff! Puff! Puff! Gonna get real buff
Working with the weights, a real jock
Soon be on the cover of “Muscle Power”
Great physique and abs like a rock!
© Jack Ellison 2013