Best Whoppers Poems
Love is the essence.
Your presence is flavor.
I'll savor you "Now and Later."
Your sweetness is one,
of many candies,
not just good night pillow mint "Andes."
I'm a "sucker" for you,
like an "Everlasting Gobstopper," forever true.
Even if there's "Mounds" on the "Rocky Road,"
we'll "Crunch" it out and keep our oath.
You gave me a "Ring Pop" and I said, "I do."
You're forever my "Sweettart" and I love you.
You know I'm shy, but a great romancer.
"Red Rope" me in, like a "Jolly Rancher."
Let's make it "Good and Plenty,"
as true love's meant to be.
We'll start with "Hershey's Hugs,"
then we'll twist into "Kisses."
Doesn't that sound delicious?
I'll lick your "Necco,"
as you tickle my ears.
My "Snickers" are so hard,
I'm brought to tears.
I'll "Rollo"-ver and purr like a "KitKat"
while you tenderly rub my back.
"Mr. Goodbar," you're way above par.
You make relaxing easy,
like bendy "Laffy Taffy."
You give me "Red Hots" with your fingertips.
""M"mm "&" "M"mm," are upon my lips.
Take me to "Mars," in the "Milky Way,"
Take me anywhere, as long as you stay.
Call me "Baby Ruth," or whatever you please.
Call me your girl, or a playful tease.
You're a little nutty, my funny "Almond Joy."
When it's "Reece's," I'll play with your toy.
You're not so shabby, fancy "Sugar Daddy."
We'd make great "Sugar Babies."
Maybe with lots of practice,
we might have "Twix."
We could name them "Mike & Ike,"
or something we both like.
You're such a "Big Hunk,"
and I love "Whoppers."
Let's make this night one of many non-stoppers.
(Candy names were originally in bold instead of quotations, but it didn't transfer over
correctly.)
Impressionable young hearts do tell the grandest lies
When learned from grandfathers with sparkling eyes
Grandfathers living renewed through the breath of a grandchild
Oh grandfathers’ whoppers told in all kindness and glory
The bigger the whopper makes the child’s lies the cute little story
Thus the grandchild’s faith breeching walls of reasonable reality
Simply because beloved grandfather had told the story
My grandfather said it was so- tiny voice of pledged belief
And I believe him -for grandfather would never lie to me
So sleep little one- dream the telling’s of funny grandfathers beloved
For their little lies to you are meant to not make you a worried
But make you believe in the impossibilities of grandeur and extravagance
There is a Santa Clause
The fish really was so big it couldn’t fit in the boat
I wrestled a grizzly when I was just about your age
For in the telling of such blessed little lies
A remembrance of grandfather will never die
The wisdom and laughter thus remembered in each time’s telling
Will warm you over and over- as little lies do you begin the telling
I was walking on the heath near Rocky Road with Mike and Ike, we’d been pals since our college days and called ourselves The Three Musketeers. We’d just had our pay day and were off on a spending spree on 5th Avenue then going to play skittles and then go to a music gig at Mr Good Bar to hear Lemonhead and the Lifesavers and Take 5.
When we arrived at Goobers Superbowl; my first ball was a disaster! I dropped the bowling ball, oops butterfingers; performed a tootsie roll and scored zero! Mike and Ike burst out laughing - I could hear their snickers ! I called them nerds but in reality they are not air heads they are a couple of smarties! It’s such a shame I wasn’t playing last week as there was a bowling marathon and the winner was the person with the lowest skor I could have had such fun going on holiday to see the sno caps on Starburst mountain with the prize of 100 grand!
We were very hungry after bowling so decided to take 5 at whatchamacallits, which was previously the Charleston Chew diner. Their slo poke dove cocktails were the best bar none, they were absolute whoppers!. I ordered some chunky Swedish fish, spicy hot tamales and mounds of Boston baked beans and drank a filter coffee but it was milky, way too milky.
I got out my Samsung Galaxy phone to call to my uncle Henry. I joined the dots pattern on the screen to unlock the phone. He wanted to have a long chat as he’d recently retired as a jolly rancher but I told him I needed to get home to feed my cat Kit Kat. I said O Henry I’ve got to go now, and later I’ll ring you.
How sweet it is Poetry Contest sponsored by Carol Connell
9/30/18
Long poems, short poems
Wide poems, narrow
High poems, low poems
Romance, Cupid's arrow
Old poems, new poems
Red poems, blue poems
Luddite poems, uptight poems
Bawdy poems - screw 'em
Flower poems, color poems
Nature poems galore
Tall tales and whoppers
Who knows what's in store
Rhyme & Meter, Foot & Beat
Metaphor or Simile
Triolets and Woe is Me
Dot the i's, cross the t's
Stirring Odes and Tributes
Limericks, Epitaphs
If not too darn serious
Some will make you laugh
Futuristic? The past's terrific
Everything is unspecific
You see
~ Just call it Poetry
Grandpa told some more tall stories today.
He thinks his memories are true
but we all know he was always a self-made liar,
kidding all and sundry seven ways to Monday,
faking the figures for the giddy and gullible,
plagiarizing other peoples
experiences and making up whoppers.
Some think his rambling tales just adorable,
others hope he would not speak at all
for gobbledygook is his halting style.
When we check on his fibs
and question him
he just stares at us
blank-eyed like a fresh caught fish.
We have had to put him in a big white house
for his own safety
trouble is
no one else is safe now.
Rules: Use at least 10 candy names from those listed below.
(30 candy names used)
Tomorrow we'll explore our Galaxy,
not just by space ship, but with 'space nerds' too!
We smarties, gifted Mike and Ike, with me,
will start our marathon and journey through
the Milky Way, where now and later we'll
be called 'Three Musketeers', the best, bar none,
to capture live a star burst with great zeal,
or see sno-caps on spheres far from the sun.
We bet each other a full 100 grand,
that we'll make history on this space spree;
discover whoppers, things we beforehand
knew zero 'bout those sites we couldn't see.
We're on a rocky road, since asteroids
can put an end to pay day...must take 5,
and watch our every move like paranoids,
not air heads, if we want to stay alive.
We'll take along some good Boston Baked Beans
with hot tamales and Ike's Charleston Chew,
a snack his mom bakes filled with good proteins;
and frozen Swedish fish will please us too.
Okay, we're off to Club 5th Avenue
for a good meal before we board for flight.
The Jolly Rancher hamburg, or Dots stew,
are lifesavers to please our appetite
before we're stuck with whatchamacallit
food, Mr. Goodbar, cook, packed up to go.
Goodbye for now...from sunlit to starlit,
please wish us mounds of luck from down below.
Sandra M. Haight
~5th Place~
Contest: 'Screwed XIX
Sponsor: Rob Carmack
Judged: 01/02/2019
Candy Bar Words To Use (choose 10)
Dove, Chunky,100 Grand, Bar None, Galaxy, Marathon, Milky Way, Mounds, Mr. Good Bar, Pay Day, Rocky Road, Skor, Snickers, Take 5, Whatchamacallit, Zero, Skittles, Jolly Rancher, Starburst, Smarties, Three Musketeers, Tootsie Roll, Kit Kat, Air Heads, Boston Baked Beans, Charleston Chew, Dots, Hot Tamales, Lemonheads, Nerds, Slo Poke, Sno-Caps, Spree, O Henry, Whoppers, Swedish Fish, Butterfinger, Lifesavers, 5th Avenue, Mike and Ike, Heath, Goobers, Now and Later
Clem Kadidlehopper had two whoppers,
Two burgers with the works may be stoppers,
Double meat, egg, beetroot, tomato and cheese,
For a burger connoisseur this could only please,
No problem for Clem and his great big choppers.
alternate last line: Clem woofed them down with his great big choppers.
I thought lets go fishing
fancying a fish pie
or maybe fish and chips
that would do the trick
I set off, rod and bucket
full of worms in my hands
found a good spot to fish
by the rocks on the beach
Patiently I waited for a bite
then my rod dipped and bucked
soon I had four nice whoppers
flapping around in my bucket
Needing to answer call of nature
I slipped in between the trees
alas when I returned I found
one happy pelican looking full
An empty bucket he'd scoffed the lot
I sighed as I chucked a stone
it missed him by a country mile
no fish for supper I had no more worms
written 06/17/2013
contest Gone Fishing
sponsor Caleb Smith
Two friends near a bridge start to fish
Catching whoppers is so their wish
For a meal is to be sought
So no fish need to be bought
Like a hunter hunts for his dish
Just as they are about to cast
A funeral procession drives past
A fisher takes of his cap
This most respectful of chap
The thoughts of man in contrast
After the pause reverberates cheers
A beauty caught, bring out the beers
Hey Dave, what I've just seen
Shows fishers are never mean
Well we were married for nearly 20 years
* From a joke to a Limerick *
http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/humour-6.php
Ain't no wonder we're baffled about eatin' - ever'thing is taboo.
We're deluged by self-appointed gurus toutin' their points uv view.
Can't they desist and find somethin' more productive to do?
They can eat their tofu and water cress- I prefer a hearty stew!
The experts can't determine which is best, reg'lar coffee er decaf,
So I slurp my mornin' joe, settlin' fer a mug uv half n' half.
Fast foods ain't recommended but I'd fight fer Burger King Whoppers!
Ain't nobody tellin' me what I can er can't chomp on with my choppers!
Some folks say aigs is good fer you - some say they're not.
I eat 'em boiled, fried and scrambled - it don't mean diddley squat!
Another profound debate persists and causes me to muse,
Is whether it's wholesome er not to partake uv a snort of booze!
Seems these fellers jes' confound our lives and like to obfuscate,
Leavin' the rest uv us bewildered as they continue their debate.
My cholesteral, glucose and platelets wuz perfect in my last exam.
I've survived nigh four-score years eatin' pizza, cake and spam!
I guess its politically correct to engage in the latest dietary fad,
But in brief, here's the case uv my dear old Mom and Dad.
They et what they wanted and survived four-score years and more,
Never mindin' the cholesterol, fats and carbs that docs now abhor!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
A “Big Mac attack” and “Have it your way”
are all past slogans from fast food places
for most Americans fast food will stay
because Big Macs and Whoppers feed faces
Americans love to eat on the go
we love pizza hamburgers and hot dogs
and the value meals never cost much dough
other countries may think we’re all just hogs
truth be told we need to eat to survive
Burger King and MacDonald’s does the job
some may think fast food as food at a dive
Long John Silver does have corn on the cob
right or wrong fast food will never leave us
until the day all Americans bust
Life most certainly has its ups and downs.
Sometimes life may be as breathtaking as a Galaxy of whimsical Starburst.
Heroes and adored Lifesavers protect our most beloved towns.
The pessimistic Goobers in life are the absolute worst.
Even if there is a bump in your Rocky Road, remember you will always reach your dreams.
If you claim that you cannot fit in with the Smarties, then you are nothing but an Air Head.
Swim towards your goal like Swedish Fish soaring through a flowing stream.
Take 5 to pause and think, invent the next Whatchamacallit instead.
Tootsie Roll down your window and shout out in joyous bliss,
ignore Mike and Ike’s conniving Snickers.
Be ahead of the crowd because the Slo Pokes always miss.
Admire how the glorifying star within the Milky Way flickers.
Nothing is more rewarding than a gleeful Pay Day,
take the 100 Grand with pride because you earned it.
The Dove coos above and the illuminating smile on your face is there to stay,
but if you begin to taste the nauseating flavor of distasteful sourness, do not put up a fit.
Remember that one must taste the sour in order to appreciate the sweet,
take a risk like one of the Three Musketeers.
Think about all of the Hot Tamales you could potentially meet.
Face all of those belittling Whoppers of fears.
Eventually, you will connect all of life’s meaningful Dots.
Life will become a Candyland where it only rains colorful Skittles.
Run the exhilarating Marathon and miss Zero sweet spots.
Eventually, you will learn to adore life’s mind-boggling riddles.
October 4, 2018
How Sweet It Is Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Carol Connell
'Tis well-documented that George Washington had issues with his choppers.
'Tis also well-known that he was not prone to fabricating whoppers.
So it comes as no surprise and can be truly said of our first President,
That truer words were never spoken thru falser teeth by this honorable gent!
The rocky road of childhood lingers on
And still I hear the echoes of those nerds.
A galaxy away and yet so near,
I was the dove and they the preying birds.
Hey, 'chunky', ' lemonhead' they'd shout at me
And snickers would resound throughout the yard,
'Three Musketeers', 'The Smarties' they were called
They knew the skor, their taunts would leave me scarred.
The lies they told, the whoppers, made me cry
Take 5 one said as fist beat on my chest
At zero was my self-esteem back then
Their spree of ridicule was not suppressed.
Oh Henry!, now the years have rolled on by
Yet bitter, recollections still endure,
The starburst of your youth too soon was quenched
Pay day will come for them, you can be sure.
27/09/18
'How sweet it is' poetry contest : Sponsored by: Carol Connell
There was a long serving counter, high revolving chairs, and café smells.
There was a special taste of hamburgers served at this southern segregated café. My first encounter with the café and the tasty burgers was more than 50 years ago during those Jim Crow days of my childhood.
On a very busy block of a street called Issaquena was an eatery with two sides; one side for whites and the other for blacks. I never heard otherwise, but I would be shocked if those tasty juicy hamburgers had any stench of segregation in them. I’m confident that they were prepared by the same cook and equally fantastic on both sides.
I could never forget that little café and its mouth-watering burgers so memorable from my childhood bygone years. There’s a slight chance that it might still be there. But maybe not. Maybe the little café with those tasty burgers is holding its own against the likes of the Big Macs and the whoppers. Or maybe not. Perhaps it had to give way to new development or an urban renewal project. Or maybe not.
One can only hope that some things are forever. The fast food burger chains of today can never replace the taste of the homely hamburgers that I came to love. Those were bygone years of a time before hormonal injections, when people never asked, “What’s in this meat?” or, “Where’s the beef?”
I do not remember the café’s name, but I could never forget that ‘longed for taste’ of those burgers or its location. There was so much history made and life being lived in that little area of town. I am certain that these dear people also experienced and smelt the aroma of those burgers as they lingered close by.
It would be great to see those people again. If I should visit that street again, I suspect that non would be there. For sure, I will be looking for the burger shop. But if not there, the burgers and the people will always be a part of me wherever I go. If that café is not there, I shall determine to stand where it once stood and say, “Thanks for the memories".