Best Toilets Poems

I hurry to the ladies toilets
Because I need to use the loo
But all the cubicles are occupied
(There’s a stench of rancid pooh)

I stand there with my legs crossed
And I do a little ‘dance’
Oh hurry up and vacate the stall
Or I’m going to pee my pants!

I...

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We who remember outhouses
consider flushing toilets
the next thing to heaven.

Yet, we know, in heaven—
no need to search—
they do not exist.
The Apostle Paul said, 
“We shall not all sleep,
but we shall all be changed.”

No freckles,
no cowlick,
no twisted bones,
no missing members,
no lack of understanding.

Questions will all be...

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[To the tune of Ghost Riders In The Sky (loosely)]
                                *

Heaven’s almost everywhere but...

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Perished in thought burn all things to ash    
Like those inspired by a shadows edge,  
But who is blessed in the miracle of life, the complexity of thought and dream  
Under the question from ones conscience; 
Strange it is when...

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Perishes in time the meaning of our lives  
Instilling things from a darkness of shadow,  
But who did bless this miracle, the complexity of thought and dream  
Under the question from ones conscience; 
Strange it is when truth is breached  
By...

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There are no toilets up in Heaven, so I was told
Righteous are the perfect sheep in God's Holy fold
They no longer have the need to pee or drop a turd.
That's based on the information I recently heard.

But since I've had more time to ponder the...

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Miles and miles from Services,
and waiting for a tow.
There's never any toilets when you really need to go!

?Listening to wedding vows,
or going for a hike.
At times you need the toilet when the moment isn't right.

?Your parachute won't open.
You're screaming 'No, no, no!'
(There's never any toilets...

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Warning: vaguely gross content... hmm, can something be ‘vaguely’ gross?

NO TOILETS IN THE SKY
To the tune of Ghost Riders In The Sky (loosely)


Santa’s doing tinkles as he travels on his way
Sprinkling golden showers ’cross the moonlit sky today
He has no private place to pee which...

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I’m a special plumber
and I get the strangest requests…
Heaven called for toilet overflows,
This is real, not a game of chess.

You see, I’m also an angel 
with keys to the pearly gates.
Let me grab my holy plunger,
I may need to increase my rate!

Oh boy, it is...

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Here's a strange sign, causing quite a sensation
“Police Toilets Stolen... they have nothing to go on”
Motto said nothing could stump em
Guest some things are beyond them
Now what will they do, pee on the autobahn?...

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Here's a strange sign, causing quite a sensation
“Police Toilets Stolen... they have nothing to go on”
Motto said nothing could stump em
Guest some things are beyond them
Now what will they do, maybe pee on the autobahn?...

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Elephant guests break your toilets.
But their trunks are dope!
They wiggle through the hallways.
Squeezing through with oodles of hope.

By the time they decide to leave
You will wonder how you’ll cope.
Not caring your toilets are broken
Because elephants are dope!

One last thing to mention
Is that they steal all...

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Here's a strange sign, causing quite a sensation
“Police Toilets Stolen... they have nothing to go on”
Motto said nothing could stump em
Guest some things are beyond them
Now what will they do, maybe pee on the autobahn?...

Continue reading...

Who are you
Question asks daily,  
 Some people want to know
More about you, 

You look so meager in their bogus eyes, 
You don't possess what they have 
But your presence  continue 
giving them sleepless night. 
Hating you due to 
   What you don't see
           "Huuh!"

They are...

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I
Decades in America changed me
Yes, piglets are cute, obese ones not!
America regulates farming,  pets, husbandry 
People of color, here, practice pig-cleaning:
Pigs eat human feces; toilets are rude
And no toilet skills are taught
The public schools say, Kids can't use
Toilets right, so buildings stink, fail
(In my...

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