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No Toilets In Heaven

There are no toilets up in Heaven, so I was told
Righteous are the perfect sheep in God's Holy fold
They no longer have the need to pee or drop a turd.
That's based on the information I recently heard.

But since I've had more time to ponder the thought,
what if rumblings of thunder are the echoes of a fart?
Body waste would fall from Heaven on you and me.
Quite a perplexing problem for us. Do you agree?

Earth would be a toxic cesspool, if that were so
and down, down, down, the flushes would flow.
We'd have constant need of a massive sump pump
to remove the stinky caca when angels take a dump. 

Sitting on a throne is not the way I picture the divine.
God would never allow such a vile plumbing design.
He'd not pollute the planet he created for mankind.
No overflowing toilets in Heaven will you ever find.


October 7, 2021
The Throne in Heaven Contest
Sponsor: Jack Webster
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Dave Cox Date: 10/11/2021 6:25:00 PM Suppose they're wrong! No, that's impossible, all holy ministers of every religion tell us what heaven is like. I wonder if seven virgins are waiting for me? I bet they'll be Australian and God and his saints will watch while I scream, "Are you sure this isn't hell!" I will never taste the rain again. Loved this poem. Dave Login to Reply

Poet Tellaferro Date: 10/9/2021 3:51:00 PM I started reading this and choked on my coffee! Bahahahahahaah! So funny so good! Good work! Will be reading more of your work! Login to Reply Jenna Logan Date: 10/10/2021 6:07:00 AM ha ha Jehiel. Thanks, and I'm delighted that you enjoyed it. Sorry about the coffee incident.

Brian Sambourne Date: 10/9/2021 8:27:00 AM What an imaginative write! Your muse was not hiding behind the toilet for this one. Congratulations, Jenna! A winner in my book. Cheers, Brian Login to Reply Jenna Logan Date: 10/9/2021 8:45:00 AM Thanks, Brian. My muse dragged me into writing this one. LOL I'm not usually one for toilet humor.

Mark Koplin Date: 10/8/2021 8:03:00 AM Wow, that was awesome! Makes you stop and think doesn't it. Good luck in the contest. Login to Reply Jenna Logan Date: 10/8/2021 8:14:00 AM Good morning, Mark, and thanks. Yeah, that's not the kind of thoughts I'd ever had before.

David Kavanagh Date: 10/8/2021 6:50:00 AM This one is wicked Jenna, but in the best possible taste, some of the contest topics are designed to push all our buttons, this one needs real imagination, and sense of humour, and you excelled in both, good luck in the contest, cheers David Login to Reply Jenna Logan Date: 10/8/2021 8:13:00 AM Hi David. Wickedly good...I'll take that as a compliment. Your comments are making me smile. thanks!

Hilo Poet Date: 10/7/2021 6:23:00 PM I agree, no internal organs, digestive system, and as for hunger and thirst, they require a measure of desire, whereto, such excess baggage is unnecessary. Just past the pearly gates was a toilet with a sign saying 'permanently out-of-order'. I've read others and chosen not to tangle with such formidable competition, tho' all seemingly agree that hilarity is best! Here's hoping for you my friend, Aloha! Login to Reply Jenna Logan Date: 10/8/2021 6:31:00 AM Written with the hope that God will appreciate my humor, knowing there was no disrespect intended. lol Thanks for your informative and fun comments, William.

Rico Leffanta Date: 10/7/2021 11:29:00 AM What a ghastly thought! No toilets in heaven? Where do foodies go? Login to Reply Jenna Logan Date: 10/7/2021 2:38:00 PM I'm not sure food will be needed there, Rico. Thanks for stopping by.

Beryl Edmonds Date: 10/7/2021 10:17:00 AM Perhaps we get thunder and downpour of rain because heavenly loos are flushing again. Very amusing Jenna… Belle Login to Reply Jenna Logan Date: 10/7/2021 2:38:00 PM lol Thanks, Belle. Think about that next time you're caught in a shower.

L Milton Hankins Date: 10/7/2021 9:16:00 AM Excellent job, Jenna. I'm not tackling this one, because I get stopped by the idea that these functions don't exist in heaven. Of course, I don't believe in a heaven "up there," so...oh, well...you did a fine job with it. I expect to see this one at or near the top! Login to Reply Jenna Logan Date: 10/7/2021 2:37:00 PM Thank you so very much, Milt. It does give one pause for thought.

Victor Buhagiar Date: 10/7/2021 7:47:00 AM In heaven you are pure spirit. No need of toilets. Login to Reply Jenna Logan Date: 10/7/2021 2:37:00 PM not sure about that, Victor, but that's the gist of the poem.

John Lawless Date: 10/7/2021 7:38:00 AM But at least you could use your wings to fan the stink away.....I was leaning toward a write along these same lines for the contest but it seems to have been covered....er, uh, or uncovered.....thanks for the laugh, Jenna Login to Reply Jenna Logan Date: 10/7/2021 2:36:00 PM Why yes, we could! Open that toilet seat and write for the contest, John. It's at the whim of the judge. Thanks for the thoughts.

Tom Cunningham Date: 10/7/2021 7:10:00 AM No toilets above?, looks like we'll have to spend our pennies elsewhere lol. Tom Login to Reply Jenna Logan Date: 10/7/2021 2:35:00 PM Look at it this way...if we get there we won't need toilet paper. LOL I don't Heaven was made for me. I'll be one of the Earthbound and glad to remain.

Chris Green Date: 10/7/2021 6:58:00 AM Ha, that was really funny and clever. "to remove the stinky caca when angels take a dump." This line really made me laugh. Best of luck in the contest. Login to Reply Jenna Logan Date: 10/7/2021 2:34:00 PM I hesitated on that line, but what the hay...it presented the mood and humor I was looking for. Thanks, Chris.

Jan Allison Date: 10/7/2021 5:27:00 AM ha ha ha hilarious Jenna! hugs jan xx Login to Reply Jenna Logan Date: 10/7/2021 5:29:00 AM It should come as no surprise that you'd be first to comment on this one, Jan. It's not my style, and I don't like using some of those words, but I took one for the contest theme. lol Thanks!