Best Straight Shooter Poems
Men's minds are devious at the best of times
Also twisting their stories
I should know, I'm one of dem der guys
Pretty sure I'm no different than 98% of my fellow males
It's inbred into our psyche and of this I'm sure
We're really damn proud of it
However I'm a straight shooter
At the expense of my fellow males, I apologize
Hate blowing the whistle on youse guys
But I can't help it... as Georgie once said
"I cannot tell a lie"
Everything and I mean EVERYTHING
That comes out of my mouth
Is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth
So help... Z-Z-Z-A-A-A-A-A-P-!
© Jack Ellison 2014
Santa, I have an important request.
Please don't embarrass me with ho ho hos.
If you'd looked at my face you might have guessed.
I'm serious about fixing my nose.
I can sense you are stifling your laughter.
Your bowl full of jello, nicely restrained.
Proboscis happily ever after,
Would not appear that it's been candy caned.
Hire a team of rhinoplasty surgeons.
I create damaging winds with this thing.
Like the limb of an oak tree it burgeons.
Just yesterday a blue jay perched to sing.
Hurry, Dear Santa, its growth won't abate.
Go talk to Rudolph, as he can relate.
***********************************
There may be some problems I must address.
Lies emitted from hole under my snout.
Pains me Santa, I readily confess.
Please be patient as I utter these out.
I lied to Sonya about her red dress.
Made her butt dwarf a Volkswagen fender.
I lied to the postman, my home address.
Marked the water bill "Return To Sender".
I fibbed a little to co-worker, Sue.
Her peanut butter cookies smelled like feet.
But tell me, what the heck was I to do?
I wrapped and hid it in a slice of meat.
Santa, I am a serial liar.
Instead of my pants, set my nose on fire.
***********************************
I'll do better if button nose gifted.
I promise to be more a straight shooter.
A smaller nose, my spirits be lifted.
Seriously, would you want this hooter?
The fibs I told did no permanent harm,
But if you would like I can change all that.
Who "nose"? I may lose my personal charm.
If I tell my friend Sonya she is fat.
If you leave money in an envelope,
I'll pay the water bill before it's due.
I can rub Sue's cookies with fragrant soap.
For a nose job, I will eat one or two.
Santa, I know you smell something is rot.
But I am here to assure you, it's snot.
Written 12/12/2017
"From My Lips to Santa's Ears"
Contest
Hosted by Phillip Garcia
An ol’ cowboy once told me,
“Son, keep yor’ Saddle straight—
cinched up tight ‘n squared away,
an’ don’t depend on fate.
For if yor’ a straight shooter,
yor’ life will be real tame.
A handshake will be good ‘nough
ta trust yor’ family name.”
Now, I went along believin’
the whole world thought like that,
but fifty years have come ‘n gone
with politicians gettin’ fat!
They get upon that barren stump,
an’ swear to make things right,
but what I know ‘bout them folks,
makes me lose sleep at night.
Empty promises an’ shoutin’
‘bout things they’re gonna CHANGE—
folks aren’t really thinkin’
how their life—they’ll rearrange.
It’s all about the poor folks,
minorities ‘n such—
money from the rich guy,
an’ taxes that ain’t much.
But when I get ta figurin’
what will happen later on,
like when factories an’ plants close,
an’ rich guys are all gone—
Who’s gonna pay the wages
to feed my kids and ma?
I ain’t forgot DEPRESSION times,
an’ anguish that I saw.
An’ derned if I can figure out
why some folks are on the DOLE—
Could it be a case a LAZY,
an’ a life without no goal?
If no one in DC’s lyin’,
an’ the old ways never was,
I guess I’d give ‘em latitude
in their promises an’ buzz.
But I been ‘round just long enough
to know what’s right ‘n wrong—
an’ I ain’t taken in so much,
nor followin’ the throng.
There’s one more thing I gotta say
‘bout EVIL in this world,
“Ya don’t kill a grizzly with sweet talk,
an’ screamin’ like a girl.”
Men fought an’ died to keep us safe,
an’ let our FREEDOM ring—
that there’s the tune I’m followin’—
the anthem that I'll sing!
Tamara Hillman
©2008
Ping,Pong,Pang;
Zing,Zong,Zane,
Sink, Shank, Shock,
Out Of Mi Mind,
Crazy, but Out Witted,
By A Double turned, trim
Peeling thought,
I can't make sense, Totally
Lost among that,
Bing,bong,Bang;
Thang, cause another
Straight shooter,
gave it away, but
Only shoots mi disasters,
play ground, Cling, clang,
clung, goes the rock,
inside my brain,
Ding,dong,Dang;
I'm gone, and stoned,
out of mi Gored,
but Sex Ready,
Cause you,know you,
want some,don't you,
Hahaha,,, can't have none.....
Carma Reed
11-13-12
Chubby cherub with a bow
Looks my way and spreads those wings
Seems to have his sights on me
Cupid,shoot 'em straight!
for "Winged Cupid" contest
sponsored by Dr. Ram Mehta
An uncle through family
A fake person you see
He's not a straight shooter
More gay then a gay
Wishes he could ride your scooter
Loves to be on his knees
All over your ass more then fleas
If you ever met him
You would agree
Nothing real about him
Not even his hair
Wanted to be an heir
Took advantage
His dying brother, I swear
Not even shedding a tear
His time will come
So he better prepare
When it does
I will declare
I'll bang a drum
And not in dispair
So I'll take this time
Even though you're a scum
To say goodbye, good riddance
Alleluia , Amen
The Idiot
A long time ago there once lived a man
Shallow spring next to his pool had a plan
He had a dog named Jenny who used to bother him plenty
Shaped the dreams through his thick skull
In his thoughts he thought of a far off land with a castle in the sky
Dungeon & dragons would often walk on by
In this special place of homily he would often scream
Not to be noticed he would often hide under a desk drawer
The idiot was a grown man but acted like a boy
Would always carry a number 2 pencil with him in his pocket
Writing down memories of his far away land on an old book
Old Jenny would jump on his lap to take a look
Had a card board box outside his house to hide a little mouse
The idiot would never swim in the nearby ocean cause of jelly fish
Nobody knew but one day the idiot died inside his house
Such a tragic tirn of events for such a man with a plan
The coroner finally came with police nearby
His sharpened pencil stuck him in his heart
We will never forget the moments that we met the idiot
Perhaps he was a straight shooter after all
He had treasured a red rose that was plucked for his mother
Yet he had yet to achieve success in any way
Gone but not forgotten from each of our memories sway
A note was left in his pocket with special care
To let everyone know to honor hus sweet mother gone from here
Although many years have passed still have a reason to grasp
The idiot could have been any one of us you see
Men's minds are devious at the best of times
Always twisting their stories
I should know, I'm one of dem der guys
Pretty sure I'm no different than 98% of my fellow males
It's inbred into our psyche and of this I'm sure
We're really damn proud of it
However I'm a straight shooter
At the expense of my fellow males I apologize
Hate blowing the whistle on you guys
But I can't help it... as George Washington once said
“I cannot tell a lie”
Everything and I mean EVERYTHING
That comes out of my mouth
Is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth
So help... Z-Z-Z-A-A-A-A-A-P-!
Horn I Always Has Haiku Humor
When Trump stepped off curb,
Do not bother him or disturb,
As well as perturb.
Session by session,
Trump will make poor impression;
Does use deception,
At us stares and stares
While out you always wears,
When up or down stairs.
Trump is undressing.
Others will be impressing;
All his sins stressing.
Out sins poured and poured;
Trump had been told by our Lord,
History was restored.
Trump is a looter;
Ignorance needs a tutor.
Never straight shooter.
Trump does have an urge,
Be loser while being skirge,
As President must purge.
Trump is hard to bare;
A loser beyond compare;
Steels more than fair share.
Had looked at big board;
History had been restored;
Trump did bring on discord.
At us stares and stares;
For anyone Trump never cares';
Spent all of our fair shares.
Trump talks and rambles;
Not sure and always gambles;
Left us in shambles.
Trump last of liter;
Always has become bitter;
Needs baby sitter.
In sun, Trump does bask;
Refuses to wear his mask;
Even when we ask.
Trump does day by day,
Always leads our souls astray;
For sins he must pay.
Like last one the best.
Jim Horn
What’s In A Word
Humor: by Miracle Man
November 25, 2021
Today, much time is spent on word substituting,
we’re currently being asked to cease using the word looting.
Hoodlum sympathizers have deemed it a racist word,
but to me, looting’s appropriate, and much preferred.
Some waste time lobbying on a better word campaign,
but taking from another what they've labored to obtain.
In every sense of the word you've become a looter,
and must plead your case before some prosecutor.
Over time words evolved and many are now taboo,
and being called white privileged, I find offensive too.
But I tend to agree and, as always, a straight shooter,
smash and grab is more refined than just plain looter.
“Fools live to regret their words,
wise men to regret their silence.”
Will Henry
You never know what the future holds.
With love we try to hold on even though it comes and it goes.
In the present it feels like forever.
swallowing all doubts as we fear the pain,
we often hold on to love in vain,
hiding all the shame.
I'm tired of all these games.
Whats love if it's not forever,
temporary pleasure,
my hearts been through so much you could never measure.
They say the first cut is the deepest,
after your first your feel like your heart as been cursed,
you then put whats left in a hurse.
Fighting love when it knocks your door,
fully armed and equipped as you prepare for war.
Earning stripes, metals, and rewards.
You then ask yourself what is this going towards,
I'm drowning in all blood that pours.
Lonley nights, and countless fights.
I'm now being broken down by a straight shooter,
weapons so deadly, aimed and kept shooting steady.
I'm ready.
Ready to die for love, God watch over above.
Soul Ink.
Men's minds are devious at the best of times
Always twisting their stories
I should know, I'm one of dem der guys
Pretty sure I'm no different than 98% of my fellow males
It's inbred into our psyche and of this I'm sure
We're really damn proud of it
However I'm a straight shooter
At the expense of my fellow males I apologize
Hate blowing the whistle on you guys
But I can't help it... as George Washington once said
“I cannot tell a lie
Everything and I mean EVERYTHING
That comes out of my mouth
Is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth
So help... Z-Z-Z-A-A-A-A-A-P-!”
Georgie
being straight shooter
needed another tutor
who knew computer
being straight shooter
needed another tutor
who knew computer
Men's minds are devious at the best of times
Always twisting their stories
I should know, I'm one of dem der guys
Pretty sure I'm no different than 98% of my fellow males
It's inbred into our psyche and of this I'm sure
We're really damn proud of it
However I'm a straight shooter
At the expense of my fellow males I apologize
Hate blowing the whistle on you guys
But I can't help it... as George Washington once said
“I cannot tell a lie”
Everything and I mean EVERYTHING
That comes out of my mouth
Is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth
So help me... Z-Z-Z-A-A-A-A-A-P-!