Best Smart Aleck Poems
Sonnet ‘O Sarcasm, Not
When too frequently posed the question of “you’re not mad at me are you?”
The quick, smart Aleck, retort of “dogs get mad, people get angry or even”, usually follows depending on what they did do.
The following discourse exacerbates whatever is a ’brew.
I say this sometimes anyway, it has become a habit; some do not have a clue!
Imagine that? Sarcasm comes off as nasty, who knew?
Many times, it is condescending, like boasting, who the hell are you?
Human beings are social animals alike our hornet friends
Each hornet communicating with his or her own secret language, no sarcasm necessary
When one stirs up a hornets’ nest, literally or metaphorically, neither species tend to break out into song as the ends
Spell it please? I- T. Huh? Will you say that again? That again!Sarcastic tones sound immensely arrogant and demeaning.
Laughter is absolutely non-essential to sarcasm, like when shortcomings are used to shame.
Do not be discouraged, even Plato has been to blame
Some think sarcasm funny, but it is the lowest form of wit,
And using it to bring others down makes me as mad as a hornet.
How 'Bout Stoichiometry For A Conversational Hook?
Nary a clue exists about
the relationship between
relative quantities of substances
taking part in a clean
(non GMO contaminated)
gluten free reaction,
or forming a mean
compound, typically a ratio
of whole integers umpteen
place holders long proudly,
(albeit microscopically)
swaggering analogous
to a prideful
home coming queen
walking with her beau
appearing much older looking
than a latte (drinking) teen,
the third word up above, (affright
full looking, isle
lid lashing sorely,
trying, torquing, and
testing vision, i.e. eye sight),
where with insight
red left to right
across conventionally,
sans persons write
ting, and/or read
ding English, who might
live within neck of the woods,
how zing this knight,
where the whirled wide webbing
haint so bright
this smart aleck (comprised
fancy title), excite
ting immediate uptight
reaction came to "light"
just in the nick of time
to spur a sprite
lee chary reader to take
pro nouns hubble flight
(at what the ĵ** -
in reference quite
understandably to multi
syllable chemical airtight
romance masquerade),
this barred bard did write
unfamiliar word, which undoubtedly
triggered consternation,
and fierce urge to bite
and/ or sentence this "FAKE" cur,
who whiz unable to height
ten interest toward me senseless
poetics with supreme delight.
I looked up the word 'boor' in my Funk n' Wagnalls to verify the truth.
I found that, "A 'boor' is one who's ill-bred, crude and somewhat uncouth!"
I find boors obnoxious and inconsiderate jerks when they flaunt their gall!
Their disgusting, rude and churlish behavior nearly drives me up the wall!
I detest loud-mouthed youths (and adults) who I suppose vie for attention.
Their total lack of respect for anything is beyond my comprehension!
Their public display of putrid language is offensive to others' ears.
Free speech is fine but public vulgarity could be reined in, it appears!
My eyes glaze over when gasbags bore me with trivial conversation,
And don't get to the point and babble on and on without cessation!
In a fine cafe why don't boors stifle cell phones and let people dine in peace!
Their chattering is akin to a pair of magpies or a skein of honking geese!
Teenage boors practically make love in malls that is offensive to many others.
Aren't kiddies today taught be a bit more discreet by their pops and mothers?
They tote their boom boxes with 'music' blaring throughout the 'hood.
I'd like to tell them where they can shove those things if I legally could!
I loathe smart aleck boors who tailgate and impair my driving vision.
Don't they know this lack of common sense is apt to cause a collision?
I reckon I'd better wind this down and not bore with further dissertation,
But no doubt by now with boorish boors you can sense my frustration!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Placed No. 5 in Linda's "I'm Bored With_____" Contest - May 2011
I anticipated a campin' trip in the mountains a few days ago.
Ah, the splendor of the risin' sun while slurpin' a mug o' joe!
I greeted one morn with a hearty "HOWDY!", I was so engrossed!
Alas, my euphoria was shattered when the echo replied, "GIT LOST!"
Ahhhh...they make me so mad:
A fool, a buffoon, an unruly lad,
A prankster, a trickster, a tattler,
A gigolo, a lounger and an idler;
An impostor, a pretender and a loafer,
A party crasher, a tailgater and a golfer,
A boondoggle or a task of a tall order,
And the deals done under-the-counter.
I often tear my hair out at a silly pun
Or at a smart aleck who can outrun,
A hoax or a scam drives me crazy
that is absurd, witless or sleazy.
But look into my eyes lovingly
And whisper sweet nothing softly,
Hold my hands and be pretty sexy,
And oh...Man, I'll just go crazy!
I'm so annoyed contest by Mary Oliver Rotman
Ahhhhhh.... they make me so mad!
A fool, a buffoon, an unruly lad,
A prankster, a trickster, a tattler,
A gigolo, a lounger and an idler;
An imposter, a pretender and a loafer,
A party crasher, a tailgater and a golfer,
A boondoggle or a task of a tall order,
And the deals done under-the-counter!
I often tear my hair out at a silly pun
or at a smart aleck who can out-run,
A hoax or a scam drives me crazy
which is absurd, witless or sleazy.
But look into my eyes lovingly
and whisper sweet nothing softly,
Hold my hands and be pretty sexy
And oh ... Man, I’ll just go crazy!
~"What Annoys You?" contest by Frank Herrera.
*Image of Blackboard Questions by Pixabay.
the blackboard: seku
a smart aleck
writes with the classroom chalk~~
why am I green
2022 April 07
*seku: A senryu of three lines with less than seventeen syllables
Didn’t your momma raise you better than that,
when in the house you take off your hat.
Tell me that wasn’t a smart aleck comment you said,
your momma will spank your butt red.
For you my boy I got some news,
quit that foul language that you use.
Otherwise you will have to cope,
with a mouthful of momma’s dish soap.
Starting to eat dinner before saying grace,
will definitely get you a slap in the face.
Now eat everything that is on your plate,
or something bad you can anticipate.
Your unconscious lack of respect,
big trouble you are sure to expect.
Making fun of people who are old and fat,
your momma raised you better than that.
Don’t let your friends influence how you act,
because momma will find out for a fact.
Momma wants you to become a responsible man,
and to always do the best that you can.
However if you continue to be mean,
you may never see seventeen.
As your conscience, I say stop being such a brat,
for your momma who raised you better than that.
Trump Big Bone of Contention
Trump was big bone of contention;
Smart Aleck at political convention;
Much disdain;
Constant pain;
In ranks raised so much dissension.
Jim Horn
Santa and the Mrs. went out dancing
They went to the Red Chapel wild prancing.
Swing to the music and humped;
Pulled away, sway round, and jumped.
Pushed, wobble away, looked back proud, glancing.
Santa and the Mrs. partied hearty
Until night lit, busting their humps, smarty.
Woke with aching hangover.
Rudolph, out in the clover,
showing off bright nose, wittingly, arty.
Hey, Santa, running late and feel sixer.
Mrs. Santa did mix an elixir.
He drank till room stop spinning.
Smart aleck Rudolph, grinning.
Weak with sore belly, sobered up quicker.
SMART ALECK
Smugly
Ugly
CRAZY MINION
Wacky
Lackey
CRAMMED BRIEFCASE
Obese
Valise
GOOD FRIEND
Lover
Cover
BAR-HOPPING
Beaver
Fever
written September 4, 2021
Hark, Hallow Dark my dear pal, Titans Mars
rally Martian stars, tag team game Play--Card
Black, Naturals -- rare place reason, Blackguard
quandary, battlescarred, halt? Pass? Have cigars?
Smart-aleck, hmm! facial--compact, boxcars,
ugh! gawdawful. Beauty Triathalon,
He'll be back straightaway, mayhaps papers?
Your facial pasted atop Front page! Bazaars
trains, sidecars, racecars, famous! Alas, Shawn,
lad go faraway places, imagine!
Wanted to ... look balanced, thats it, smart-like
Cameras I take it! Fair and Square, dawn
speaking of that man, time has no passion
I want you meet mama, familylike
"Why don't you run" you asked me on our first date.
Well, we couldn't really call it a date 'cause you & I never planned on a accost.
Yes, I can be a smart aleck sometimes but I trust that you can be wise and into your
heart & say.
"I forgive you. I don't know what came over me."
Take me away to a better place, where you and I can just be ourselves.
No, pressure from your family or your friend. It can always just be you and me.
I wish that we could
run away together. For
all eternity.
That's my only wish, so please answer my cry.
I guess I never grew up. I'm not mature.
Anyway, why'd I wanna do that fur?
My mom called me smart aleck so many times,
I'd be rich if, for each one, I had dimes.
Want someone to do something, just say "don't".
It may be dumb, but you can't tell me they won't.
I have not finished painting on the jelly the persnickety cat said.
The lacksadaisical cat laughed, she is flexible in her head.
The Meow Hotel has high standards said Mr. Peabody One.
Smart Aleck Cat knew then she was about to have fun.
She ran with the toast to room four thirty-two.
When they answered she meowed “how do you do”?
That’s not the way we serve. Where is the rose?
Smart Aleck Cat laughed from her head to her toes.
I am serious Mr. Peabody One said, angry now.
He was so irritated. She said, “Don’t have a cow!”
I guess they never married, my listener said.
“They actually did, and they remain wed.”