Best Jerked Poems
A man with a quiet demeanor
was cursed with a miniscule wiener.
He tried lotions and pills
But not one cured his ills.
Now he's a silent nail hole cleaner.
BY DALE GREGORY COZART
His todger though tiny still worked.
When he went for a wee it jerked.
He could still have full sex.
It was rather complex,
but when it was over he smirked.
BY JAN ALLISON
His wee-wee was indeed very wee
to the extent that no one could see.
When asked, “Are you a man?”
He replied, “Yes, I am.
You can follow up stream when I pee.”
BY DALE GREGORY COZART
Went out for a night with a hooker
Blonde but thick and no looker
When she saw his todger
Said my dog is bigger
You're taking me for a sucker
BY SEREN ROBERTS
A silent curse shrunk his wee to a teeny thing
I swear it is no bigger than a lil chicken wing
For sex a useless reject
Can't tell when its erect
We make jokes about his miniature ding a ling
BY MARTI
Wait a minute please, I won't tell a lie
isn't always small, it's big as apple pie
the winds were mighty chilly
affecting my poor old Willie
now you hurt my feelings, think I'm gonna cry
BY TIM SMITH
Big Bertha said, "It ain't the cubic inches
nope, the part for me what clinches
is strokes per minute
while they's in it
not a tool needs movin' with winches."
BY LIM'RICK FLATS
if you want join in the fun!
Categories:
jerked, body, humor,
Form:
Limerick
I
jerked it
out to place
it back in and
it seems as though I can't get any out.
I
jerked it
out again
to place it back
in, yet, no luck in getting any out.
So,
I tried
ANOTHER
form of Pleasure,
taking off the lid and using plastic.
I
simply
just wanted
to drink my milk-
shake using a straw but a spoon will do.
Pace, G
04-20-2012
Categories:
jerked, funny, life,
Form:
Tetractys
Pigtails loosen yet messed,
twisted by pliant fingertips
of evening’s devilry…
tracing her budding breasts,
embers gleam from a lamplight, dim…
his jerked breathing quickens to rake
this young, tender flesh---
from pink , blood red, to pale yellow... despicable!
Invading her territory,
the blister of muffled silence
grates adolescent wails,yet…
crazed feasting of desire remains.
She quivers under a toppled quilt
brushed in wounded cotton...despicable!
And while darkness slides on metal frame,
he riles, riles with abandon,
grinning under a sinister moon
arsenic as the sweat of male hunger
to ravage a girlish body... trembling, trembling
while her cupped mouth stutters,
‘Please step-dad, no!’
‘Hush…dear baby, I am your angel,
guarding you from evil wolves..despicable!
Quietly, he pins the knob of conquest
until the frail child's porcelain doll
splatters on the floor, and then…
.............
Re-Posted /1/2017
Contest: Let's Talk About It
Sponsor: Richard Lamoureux
Categories:
jerked, abuse, evil, girl,
Form:
Free verse
"I dreamt, I was a butterfly or was I,
a butterfly dreaming . . ."
But I was only the cocoon grub,
attached to a ceiling,
So I hung there thoughts of enrapturing,
fascinating, the meaning,
But I was still a sordid bug,
unloved a heart for stealing,
Outside was a Billabong, (Aussie water hole)
enchanting was the feeling,
I jerked the zip and let me rip,
away from the cocoon,
delightful slip an swerve,
with constant wheeling
I had bloody wings an things,
entrancing was the moon,
Don Johnson 8-july-11
Poet Destroyer ~ A
Contest Name any old butterfly poem....
Categories:
jerked, adventurebutterfly,
Form:
Rhyme
Santas little helpers were busy having fun
Wrapping and labelling the presents ready for the Xmas run
The reindeer had their coats washed smelt of lavender and things
The sleigh had been revarnished was now bright and glowing.
The reigns were now polished as a surprise for Santa Claus
So he would look the kiddy not a drab old droopy drawers
The presents were in the sack, in house order for delivery
Santa admired his reigns not realising they were slippery.
He jerked the reigns as a nod for the reindeers"
To start their pulling then it happened, oh dear
The reigns slipped through Santa's fingers reindeer were off at speed
Luckily thomas was out with his tank engine knew he had to try and stop the steeds
He puffed along the track shouting at Santa to hang on tight
Then disappeared into a tunnel giving Santa such a fright
The minions were out in their millions pulling on the reigns to stop the race
While batman flew in voicing his opinion that a race at Xmas wasn't the place
Said to the minions you want to help, Santa is exhausted not in the mood to yo ho ho ho
Deliver these presents off you go but be quiet those children mustn't know
But if you peeped and saw yellow Santas Instead of the usual red one
It's the minions helping out until the presents are all gone.
Santa is snoring now he has had a stressful day
Think before you do more than help it sometimes doesn't pay .
Penned 26 November 2014
Categories:
jerked, christmas,
Form:
Rhyme
On the park bench in the starkness of a city facing darkness,
I was drinking, feeling tipsy, working on some poetry.
Close by me was something lurking; suddenly it started jerking,
and it seemed that it was *twerking!, How could I write poetry?
“Will you stop!” I fairly bellowed, “I am writing poetry!”
But it jerked incessantly.
I was reaching now my limit, but it acted like a dimwit,
covered up by nearby bushes. What it was I had to see!
Though the thing was well in my sight, how I wish I had a flash light,
for it had become a dark night, and this thing was close by me!
Poetry was fleeing from me. This thing was too close by me,
and it twerked incessantly.
I could see the bushes moving. It was like the thing was grooving.
But to what could it be grooving with no beat or melody?
What it heard, I was not hearing; in the shadows I sat peering
wondering if it was leering. How could I write poetry
if that thing was leering at me as I wrote my poetry?
It just jerked incessantly.
Though my heart was filled with such dread, boldly I spoke up and I said,
“You there, like some kind of pervert, just how crazy can you be?
Show yourself. Why are you irking me, like Miley Cyrus twerking
in the bushes where you’re lurking oh so close by me?
But the figure uttered nothing though it was so close by me
twerking on incessantly.
Finally I got much bolder. Getting up, I walked right over
to those bushes where the figure hid. I had to see!
What I saw in New York City in that park was not too pretty!
And for me it was a pity, it destroyed my poetry,
For I’m finding out now when I want to write more poetry
it flows not incessantly.
In my mind it stays forever. Will it ever leave? No, never.
What I saw still haunts me when I try to write my poetry.
I just see that creature lurking in the bushes ever jerking
with its tiny butt a ‘twerking. What an ugly creepy monkey
Why the heck can’t I forget the sight of that dumb monkey
twerking there incessantly?!
*If you don't know what twerking is (one poet didn't) see About this Poem for the link!
(A parody on The Raven, trying to use the same meter and line length of Poe's poem. My apologies if I veered too far off course in how it inspired me!!)
Categories:
jerked, parody,
Form:
Rhyme
If you have not read my earlier ones, please check out the first in the series and see if you like the story. It will help this make more sense.
Ricky slowly sauntered up the stairs, as you know most little boys don't like going to bed. When Ricky got to his room I noticed the Bunk Bed against the wall and a dresser on an adjacent wall. Why I knew what these things were is beyond me, perhaps it is a part of hearing Ricky's mind. Ricky walked over to the window and placed me on the sill. This was great because it was a clear night and I could see the twinkling stars in the black velvet sky. The street itself was dark except for a few lights in other windows and an occasional car driving by.
I turned my attention to the room, Ricky's brother Roy climbed a ladder to the top bunk and Ricky got into the lower bunk. I could tell Ricky was scared about what was under the bed. I have to admit I felt much safer being over here on the window sill. If it had not been for the giant stuffed St. Bernard that he took to bed with him, who knows what those monsters might have done to him. His companion's name was Bully and I could tell they had been friends a long time. As Ricky was begining to sleep I felt this falling sensation and he jerked awake. I can't express how that scared me, I thought I was falling and that would not be good, after all I am made of glass. Thankfully a few minutes later Ricky was fast asleep and I drifted along with him. It had been a very good day. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....
If you are enjoying this tale let me know and I will continue on with it. Thanks for reading it.
Categories:
jerked, adventure, crush,
Form:
Personification
Hurriedly, silently, in purposeful fluid movements
and long, determined strides, he dashed among
the thickets, bending and darting amidst the vines
searching for a perfect little place to stay and hide.
Stealthily and noiselessly he slithered underneath
lush, leafy overhangs shielding him from the sun -
keen, cautious, like a crouching, hungry predator
anxious not to draw unwanted attention to himself.
The birds on treetops hushed their singing in haste
as the woods turned suddenly still - frozen in place,
shocked, stunned and unprepared to bear witness
to the mysterious man’s strange, diabolical scheme.
He threw a quick look to his left and another to the right
then jerked, turning his head around to make doubly sure
that no human soul finds him in this quiet, secluded place
about to carry out his dark, sinister and unplanned crime.
Taking a deep, measured breath and now totally reassured
of being truly alone, away from prying eyes to a gory crime,
in his madness he violently yanked down his old Levi jeans,
squatted to the ground, grimacing, and…ahh, sweet release!
Categories:
jerked, funny, mystery
Form:
Dramatic Verse
I have become like him; nocturnal.
Prematurely anaesthetised by exhaustion
then jerked awake into the darkness.
How long since I have slept 'til dawn?
A stifled yawn veiling scurrying thoughts.
Tennis match of emotions; back and forth;
volleying, lobbing this way and that.
The game, set and match of insomnia.
Then rallying forth as dawn brings clarity.
Despairing disparity sleeping finally.
The silence of the night amplifies my heartbeat.
Each breath echoes in the unsettled gloom.
As the dawn casts its ghostly light around the room
sleepless wakefulness wanes with the retiring moon,
and the owl rests, fatigued by his 'whooing'.
Unlike me he can sleep by day, the night is his time,
not mine; I am the intruder in the darkness;
a restless insomniac with an overactive brain.
Sleep well majestic wise one. No doubt,
when night falls, I will share your company again.
Categories:
jerked, introspectionnight, night,
Form:
Free verse
Missed Flight
I hated my life
I hated me.
My life was cherished
IT hated me.
IT held no value
IT held no worth.
IT simply decided to leave this Earth.
IT held the knife
IT loved what IT felt.
This wouldn't work
IT got a belt.
High on pills
mixed with booze.
IT could hang Itself
and would not lose.
There IT stood
My belt hooked tight.
IT stepped off the stool
IT began it's flight.
IT jerked and IT struggled
not wanting to die.
The tight belt broke
IT did not fly.
The belt did break and I was set free.
It was a higher Being, it was not me.
Now I am wasted and very scared
Not believing what happened
Just glad MY life was spared.
Categories:
jerked, blessing, suicide,
Form:
Rhyme
TOOTHLESS in 1927
Toothles her tail began to switch,
Tuppy said “you’re too old, just stay a bit,”
Tuppy rode away to where,
A knocking stick a Roo would snare,
Roo hides pegged upon the ground,
Pounds shillings and pence, to be found,
From whence.
She galloped down the boundary fence ,
Clubbed a Roo right out of sense,
Got down then to skin this Roo,
Who sprang right up and bit her too,
He grabbed her close and then,
Jerked up a foot to disembowel, when,
Toothless cleared the fence,
Toothless took the Roo by the throat,
Strangulation the intent, I quote,
Death did then commence.
Kangaroo would seem very nice,
Docile friendly, but watch twice,
If his female is in season,
You could be clawed, bitten and slashed,
And Skippy might.
Don’t let your dog in water with,
Old Skip will drown him till his stiff,
But Roo’s out there in millions are,
Springing bounding fences ha ha,
And following the grass Tom Tit…
Toothless was an old greyhound female used for catching Roos on the bound….Don Johnson
Categories:
jerked, adventure,
Form:
Ballad
The sun set low
And my heart split asunder
The wind blew hard with traces of slow
Darkness spread around and pierced deep under
My blooming valley of roses
Causing them to wrinkle and writher
Poison seeped through my immaterial illusionary world
And caused my heaven a devastating destruction
Smithereens of cutting glass started flowing in my blood
Caused me to shed tears, which made my imaginary world flood
The night seemed eternal, the silence so bloody
Chilled my nerves with horror so relentlessly
Stung my heart with so horrible notions
O how I wished I could lose myself in a twirling motion
With sight and tears, my head rested to a weak slumber
Jerked awake the next morn with a head struck with thunder
The tears so mercilessly had intervened with my peace connection
To stay serene for the next few hours was something beyond imagination
O how I dearly desired the whole ordeal was just a wicked dream
But reality chases one even in a protective realm
Ambled I feebly with a heart soaked in dolor
To a room which I considered my treasure trove
Where I had hatched all my sunny memories and flourished in their fragrance
Where flowed swiftly my memory river with steadiness
With broken sighs and a distressed heart
I set forth to design a beautiful card
But relinquished my work before it was accomplished
Well aware I was that fate would not have it acknowledged
With uncontrollable emotions and a heart filled with desperation
Broke off into a million tears which filled my sea of emotions
With withered reminiscences and scattered notions
How I wept! With great pain I sobbed
As if of worthy fortunes someone had me robbed
My plight seemed everlasting, my love ever flowing
Through the misty valleys where there was no hope of blooming
Into long cherished dreams and sentimental illusions
If it was God’s ordained Will, then there was no solution
Except to bear the whole trial with forbearance
But I failed to practise that, and made undesired interference
In matters where things were already so bleak
But I ensured that my next few months were doomed to make me weak
That’s another story, I desire to abandon it for now
Sometimes later, so farewell for now
Categories:
jerked, lost love, me, heart,
Form:
Lyric
It came without warning four hours before morning,
respecter of no man nor beast,
though the house was secure it had got in before
and headed straight up the stairs for a feast.
In bed I'd just turned when I felt my leg burn
as the fearsome thing tore at the skin,
I twisted and jerked, none of these tactics worked
as its teeth burrowed further within.
Now prostrate on the floor, I scrambled for the door,
gritted teeth in the silence, I begged,
but no mercy was shown, and I think it's well known
that there's nothing like cramp in your leg.
Categories:
jerked, pain,
Form:
Rhyme
The ghostly grippe on Zorro's goolies,
as the ghostly footsteps fall,
some old bugger called d'hoolie,
jerked his chain and was not enthralled,
gelded by the facination,
would he get her would he fall,
rising, falling, flaccid, hesitation,
Zorro needs some other's balls....
Don
Categories:
jerked, adventure,
Form:
Ballade
Snatched and grabbed, reefed off me horse,
Just crossed over the watercourse,
Big white light it came and got,
Zapped me, jerked me up aloft,
A bloody flying saucer.
Saw the circle spinning disk,
With panels from one did whisk,
Beam of light had done the job,
In me pocket, thirty bob?
Darkness came within my head,
Aliens, bug eyed did me force,
Anger burned hot instead,
Tucker had, no bloody sauce?
New planet appeared with a jolt ,
Purple haze was a taking holdt
Pink of sky with glass buildings clear,
An orange sun was setting here,
Bugeye came and led me in,
To the glassy citadel,
Hover beds without support,
Lifted up no bed clothes sport,
A specimen in their jar,
Often watched and fed bizarre,
Jabbering bugs saw something rare,
Aussie drongo with whiskers there.
Not Just Any Sunset
Sponsored by: Paula Swanson
Categories:
jerked, adventure, me, light, light,
Form:
Rhyme