Best In My Own Time Poems
What if I confessed my love to you,
Tell me just what would you do?
Would you match my heart with yours
Or would you leave me lost and torn?
What if you found you felt the same
And had only fate to blame?
Tell me just how far would you reach
For you to prove that love to me?
I am but a man
With love in mind and heart at hand.
Would you take this gift from me
In your hands or set it free?
All of these questions fill my mind,
But I know my deeds will come back in my own time.
And still I wonder why I can find no sympathy in these lines.
Tell me why, these thoughts have consumed life.
Sometimes I wonder, sometimes I wonder.
If chose to walk away
Would you beg me to stay?
Would you run after me
If I felt I had to leave?
Or would stay behind
And carry on with your own life?
Could you forget just what we had
And send me off to some unknown land?
As a memory I would have to stay.
Sometimes I wonder if
It would be better of that way.
Sometimes I wonder why
I can't find sympathy in these lines.
Still I wonder why: I am but a man
With love in mind and heart at hand.
All of these questions fill my mind.
But I know my deeds will come back in my own time.
And still I wonder why I can find no sympathy in these lines.
Tell me why, these thoughts have consumed life.
I still wonder why with love in mind and heart and hand.
Religion binds us in guilt
Using sins it restricts
Religion with its dogmatic doctrines
Feels the need to control everything
Demands we worship at their feet
Expects supplication and blind belief
Encouraging you part with cash
Like that will bring redemption back
No matter how devoted you may be
It doesn't stop them judging harshly you and me
But the truth is I reside in love
When I converse with my God
In my own space and in my own time
God is omniscient by design
So he hears me no matter where I be
And God always watches over me
Hears my wishes and no my dreams
He is never to busy to visit me
I don't need churches, mosques or temples
And I won't be made to fear or tremble
My God is peaceful, forgiving and gentle
My God is everything that is resembled by love
And by compassion and kindness too
I love my God and he loves me too
And he gave me free will to pick and choose
Just how I live my life
He trusts me to live it right
So I struggle each day
To make my God proud each day
So I worship my God in my own unique way.
I don't always know how to tell you whats on my mind
I'm slowly sayin' goodbye to the life I'm leaving behind
In my heart I know for sure that its time to let it all go
But baby be patient
We need to take it nice and slow
I carry no sorrows and kee[ no secrets
But baby I'm not ready to move too far ahead just yet
Take a deep breath and actually hear what I'm tryin' to say
If you just take your time I'll let you lead the way
I've got to do this in my own time
Im not ready to shine
Its still my time to live and learn
And only then can I carry the name I'll earn
If you're going then I really need you to be gone
When I have a weak moment, I need you to be strong
I need you to act like you don't care, while I learn to move on
So if I call you, then please don't pick up the Phone
I'll convince myself I'm over you, but then the drink will make me think different
Or I'll dream about you, just as the thoughts of you begin to escape from my system
It will lead me to call you, in hopes I can make things right
Even though I know you're not meant to be by my side
My heart was broken into 2 pieces but I gave you one
I deleted our pictures, but drunk me, will believe we can take new ones
Love dies often, and we all move on at a different pace
Our chapter is done, but at times, I may think we have a missing page
At times I'll think about you, and it will make me miss us
If you receive a call from me, then please don't pick up
We just aren't meant to be, and there's no hard feelings
I just hope you'll let me move on in my own time while my heart's healing
I'm sorry, I know this is a lot to ask
I'm trying to find a key to the future before I lock the past
You're a great girl and I wish you nothing but the best
But please be strong enough to ignore my calls and delete my texts
If you're going then I really need you to be gone
When I have a weak moment, I need you to be strong
I need you to act like you don't care, while I learn to move on
So if I call you, then please don't pick up the Phone
You're about to see there's no difference between a tortured artist or a Wounded animal
Picking up a pen was the only way to make my depression manageable
At times it seemed that beating depression wasn't Fathomable
The hurt poet sometimes has to let loose with his pen and that should be Understandable
The nice guy with a pen turns into a cross between Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger and Hannibal
When the smoke clears from my rhymes, they're still flammable
My whole life I was told I couldn't but now it's Laughable
What they told me I didn't have, I didn't lack at all
When I found my strengths, it's like when Lionel Messi has the ball
No one can get near, and the world is about to see something magical
The great ones always learn from their mistakes, and aren't scared to retake steps
I learned to live with it, before I learned how to escape stress
I used to miss my old girl, but now I focus on the girls I haven't had a chance to date yet
Because as I got older I realised a relationship needs more than just great sex
I wish I realised it while I was younger, so I'd have felt heartbreak less
I'm honest to a fault, so I'll willingly admit some of my feelings for her haven't been erased yet
But I'm getting there and doing it in my own time
I don't care for people telling me what I should feel inside my own mind
If I fall short it won't be by much
Check my track record, anytime I got knocked down, I always got back up
I've been knocked down many times, but you won't find anyone who reacts quicker
I just saw that Ariana Grande has split up with Mac Miller
And I'll probably lose the plot
If I don't take this chance to shoot my shot
Ariana I'm trying to win your heart for good and play no games with your head
Let's settle down and start a family together, the only downside is I'll probably last 30 seconds in bed
"Oh god why did he say that?, did he really need to go there"
Go where?, the belt?, he's always saying things that go below there
I forgot this world is sensitive and doesn't know how to take a joke
You can't break what's broke
I was stuck in the dark, but I escaped with hope
I'm hard to kill
My art is real
And the tortured artist is like a Wounded animal because you should try to keep away from both
There is a secret place,
out in my own time space.
You have to enter in a fast pace,
like you are trying to win a race.
I entered through a sinking door.
Inside there are many wonders galore.
Many things in store.
Nothing in there will be a bore.
This place should be banned.
No one should enter, it's surrounded by sinking sand.
If they try to enter ,there punishment should be gran,
they should be whipped by hand.
This place is easy to forget.
It seems like a threat.
This place can put you in debt.
So fly far away on a jet.
Now I am in my own time
My mind drives in overtime
A crashing of cards
I play a game of patients
Decisions made
So easy to turn around
You say the words I longed to listen too
So wanted to hear from your lips
Time went slowly with the wordless words
Now you say you loved me and love me still
I turn inside to out with the sacred of thought
I can not turn back the road I am on
We had the path we had it all
But the emptyness you gave made us fall
A love from my heart and more haunts my being
I see you stand there near to tears
A tear that falls like its knocking at my door
I climbed a mountain to release the pain I hid inside
I can not walk down the staircase again
My strength has been worn and torn for long enough
You say you will change that is a danger of knowing
As one bitten twice so shy now
I will love forever more
But now I have to close the door
I draw their spirits close to me and breathe,
and still I find, there's something to believe.
I need their energies to make me strong.
I hear the subtle echoes: Samhain's song.
Nobody feels my reason - hears my rhyme.
My rhythms only work in my own time.
My words - they might make sense in my own mind.
My friends need other words - ones I can't find.
There is an angel buried somewhere near,
who told me that there's nothing left to fear.
Now, all my friends who've passed or gone away -
this is one life. What more is there to say?
In this one life, I'll mend what I can mend.
True friendship is eternal - has no end.
I leave behind my cherished gift of Love.
It is the incarnate as a beautiful spirit soaring from above.
Remember me when my life recedes as my soul gives.
Yes, I truly, in my own time and way, have lived.
Evolving into a pure state of joyful and wonderful love, I begin to cry.
I am touched by your sorrow and mournful loss, as we say goodbye.
Please be of good cheer and with heart, celebrate my dash.
In this dash we all have lived in love that will forever last.
I will be here with my brother Jesus to embrace you when you leave.
Please give them the gift of our Fathers Love so they will believe.
Here I stand before you with so much racing through my mind,
You have always been the graceful patient one; knowing I would come in my own time.
So much time I have wasted, with so much I need to say to you,
I know I must have been crazy; not just to face you and be true.
I’m going to lay it on the line, my thoughts and dreams, and my heart and soul.
I’m nervous because I haven’t done this before, and let out the things you will be told.
My thoughts of you are many,
My dreams of us have always been there to,
My heart is yours that is easy,
Our souls become one as I pour mine out to you,
All these things I should have said before, I don’t know why I was afraid.
You have my heart within your hands now, as I give it to you today.
Your eyes they show brilliance and your smile warms me when I am down,
I love the way your hair falls about me; when were close I know my heart’s been found,
When I dream you’re there with your soothing voice, I need to hear every day,
You calm me with your words, when my mind seems to slip away,
My words sometimes are not many, and there are times I act with no thought,
I know I can drive you crazy, but for you my heart has been caught,
There’s the softness in your touch that sends shivers down my spine,
So many feelings flowing through me knowing I am yours and you are mine.
I used to try and numb the pain with this brandy I'm sipping
Why am I holding on to everything that's missing?
I got so used to being in pain, I fell in love with the painful scars
I think I've got a heartbreak addiction
I've been stabbed in the back by people who claimed they loved me
So excuse me if I get scared and won't allow you to hug me
Will I ever be more than the ex self-harmer who hides behind sarcasm to try and make everything funny?
I'm trying to move on in my own time but it seems that people want to rush me
When things start going well, I begin to start Panicking
With the weight of the world on my shoulders, I'm trying to not drop anything that I'm handling
Writers block hit when I needed words the most
drinking daily became my way of managing
I'm drowning in my own tears while trying to out swim the sharks
I really like a girl, but I've still got demons to fight before I can try to win her heart
I want something real with her, it's deeper than just wanting to get her naked and have her in my bed
But I lack the courage to give love a chance and I'm unable to converse the words in my head
So I sit in silence to try and kill that noise
What do I need when Alcohol and girls are no longer enough to fill my void
So I'm sat alone trying to find what I'm looking for
I can't soften my own pain but here I am trying to cushion yours
Those who were raised on love, see things different than those of us who were raised on survival
People die daily, so I'm feeling guilty from when I used to be suicidal
But it was my weakest moments that helped me to see my strength
I've crashed a thousand times, yet people expect me to not be filled with dents
I used to try and numb the pain with this brandy I'm sipping
I need to stop holding onto things that were missing
I got so used to being hurt, that I fell in love with the painful scars
I think I developed a heartbreak addiction
Life's passions all absorbed on green grasses
as the innocent treasures tamed and measured
accordingly we shy away the aftermath of past
stoned bridges enhance the connection point
while the cold calmness unwind the myths
for our must we define a place hidden where as
the teak wood stained with old disagreements
left unsaid and so morbidly left undone
as we hinder to blades of shame while
the light in the chambers of this excellent
brownstone manner as the banner swing
my own practice in my own time as this is
my space a place where inside looking out speaks
to the gnomes on the lawns why the rain leaks
the lost pebbles from pass over showers
distinctively poured like clock work and yet
the client approaches the foyer the beginning
of a sit down as the Lincoln doors are doing
an open and shut dance for the laws in the land
as I charm the gnomes at Cambridge arms
One last time
The stage is mine
The Media's stunned
That deal now canned.
What were they thinking
With clearly no inkling
I'd throw in a wrench
And create such a stench.
Congress in tatters
The Senate all flutters
Biden in hiding
With me still presiding.
As to those in the country
Needing such bounty
In my own time
I may give them a dime.
Some might well suffer
Just makes them far tougher
Christmas or not
I won't be forgot.
Bottom line folks
And this isn't a hoax
They robbed me this time
But the country's still mine
What's a few years
Watching Biden in tears
I'll show that has-been
By getting back in!
Do Tell the therapist I'll get there in my own time
I'm just not ready to let you examine my mind
For so long I hid behind being insane
Bipolar so the thoughts are illogical in my brain
Half of me thinks my poetry sucks, the other half thinks no one can compete with my pen game
Tell the readers I'm sorry if I use too many punchlines, I grew up on Hip-Hop
I love using double rhymes, but I hope my message doesn't get lost
I'm so lost myself, I'd never try to say I'm perfect
I've been a male whore, I apologize, as a poet I should find a better way to word it
Tell Chantal I'm sincerely sorry, I wish we could go back for a fresh start
I don't need to give it to you, because you've still got my heart
Depression had such a hold of me I couldn't let you get close
Now I'm in a better place but can't get another chance with you, so I'm still broke
Tell my Biological sperm donor that his love and a hug was all I craved
So when I get to the heaven gates I'm going to punch him in his face
Do tell all my exes and every girl I've dated
I always wanted more than to just see them naked
But I was unable to show the love I wanted to express
Do tell the grim reaper I survived my suicidal attempts, so I don't have a fear of death
I'm just trying to find my way back to the right path after being dragged through hell
I just hope you don't judge me for all of this that I want to tell
Do not turn the superior eye of critical passivity upon these efforts
…. We must not be ambitious. We cannot aspire to masterpieces.
We may content ourselves with a joy ride in a paint-box.
Quote- Winston Churchill, Painting as a Pastime.
***************
That Which Within Art's Paradings, Imitates Life
This beating heart once dwelt within a hidden place
to preserve what I loved and could never replace
in youth, I set my throne in purple-crested hills
in forest's foliage where Nature overspills
safer refuge, a child's most magnificent shield
within that nether realm there my soul never yields.
Dear are the gifts given we so blindly refuse.
As always the same lies we rinse and then reuse.
All this wicked world and all of its savage blades
offered sanctuary in hideous parades
yet in valiant spirit, I knew such was so wrong
I refused, to join its repugnant bustling throngs
decisions made, I have yet to ever regret
those that youthful life and its wild-born journey set.
Dear are the gifts given we so blindly refuse.
As always the same lies we rinse and then reuse.
Now I have survived, in my own time growing strong
I changed my dreams but not ever my youthful song
as time using its power delivered decay
I fear neither its wrath nor its destructive way
for life has taught me, we are but mere molded clay
here today, only to be gone some future day.
Dear are the gifts given we so blindly refuse.
As always the same lies we rinse and then reuse.
Robert J. Lindley, original Sept- 24th-1992
edited, 10/17 2020. 10/18 2020...
Rhyme, ( From Ancient Dead Stars Fly Death's Truest Signs )
Syllables per line:
0 12 12 12 12 12 12
0 12 12
0 12 12 12 12 12 12
0 12 12
0 12 12 12 12 12 12
0 12 12
Total number of syllables:288
Total number of words:212
Note:
A straightjacket he refused to wear
Claiming life is boring and so unfair
Yet its colors are marvelously grand
And its epic pains more than he could stand
RJL, 1992...
****************
"From a rainbow, he tore off a delicious piece,
To eat its vanishing visionary release"
Quote- RJL- 1992.