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Heartbreak Addiction

I used to try and numb the pain with this brandy I'm sipping 
Why am I holding on to everything that's missing? 
I got so used to being in pain, I fell in love with the painful scars
I think I've got a heartbreak addiction 

I've been stabbed in the back by people who claimed they loved me
So excuse me if I get scared and won't allow you to hug me
Will I ever be more than the ex self-harmer who hides behind sarcasm to try and make everything funny? 
I'm trying to move on in my own time but it seems that people want to rush me

When things start going well, I begin to start Panicking
With the weight of the world on my shoulders, I'm trying to not drop anything that I'm handling 
Writers block hit when I needed words the most
drinking daily became my way of managing 

I'm drowning in my own tears while trying to out swim the sharks 
 I really like a girl, but I've still got demons to fight before I can try to win her heart 
I want something real with her, it's deeper than just wanting to get her naked and have her in my bed 
But I lack the courage to give love a chance and I'm unable to converse the words in my head

So I sit in silence to try and kill that noise
What do I need when Alcohol and girls are no longer enough to fill my void
So I'm sat alone trying to find what I'm looking for
I can't soften my own pain but here I am trying to cushion yours

Those who were raised on love, see things different than those of us who were raised on survival 
People die daily, so I'm feeling guilty from when I used to be suicidal
But it was my weakest moments that helped me to see my strength 
I've crashed a thousand times, yet people expect me to not be filled with dents

I used to try and numb the pain with this brandy I'm sipping 
I need to stop holding onto things that were missing 
I got so used to being hurt, that I fell in love with the painful scars
I think I developed a heartbreak addiction

Copyright © Alex Duffy | Year Posted 2019

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Nick Trim Date: 4/9/2019 8:12:00 AM Relatable stuff mate? You’re not alone, well expressed write, well done Login to Reply Alex Duffy Date: 4/30/2019 4:12:00 AM thank you, I think we all go through it at some point, glad you enjoyed it, thank you I appreciate it

Just Dylan Date: 4/8/2019 8:15:00 AM Thanks for sharing these powerful emotions. I particular love the image of ... "drowning in my own tears while trying to out swim the sharks"... It's brilliant :) Login to Reply Alex Duffy Date: 4/30/2019 4:13:00 AM thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed that line, I had it in my head for a while and needed to use it in the right poem, thank you for your kind words :) I appreciate it