Heartbreak Addiction

I used to try and numb the pain with this brandy I'm sipping Why am I holding on to everything that's missing? I got so used to being in pain, I fell in love with the painful scars I think I've got a heartbreak addiction I've been stabbed in the back by people who claimed they loved me So excuse me if I get scared and won't allow you to hug me Will I ever be more than the ex self-harmer who hides behind sarcasm to try and make everything funny? I'm trying to move on in my own time but it seems that people want to rush me When things start going well, I begin to start Panicking With the weight of the world on my shoulders, I'm trying to not drop anything that I'm handling Writers block hit when I needed words the most drinking daily became my way of managing I'm drowning in my own tears while trying to out swim the sharks I really like a girl, but I've still got demons to fight before I can try to win her heart I want something real with her, it's deeper than just wanting to get her naked and have her in my bed But I lack the courage to give love a chance and I'm unable to converse the words in my head So I sit in silence to try and kill that noise What do I need when Alcohol and girls are no longer enough to fill my void So I'm sat alone trying to find what I'm looking for I can't soften my own pain but here I am trying to cushion yours Those who were raised on love, see things different than those of us who were raised on survival People die daily, so I'm feeling guilty from when I used to be suicidal But it was my weakest moments that helped me to see my strength I've crashed a thousand times, yet people expect me to not be filled with dents I used to try and numb the pain with this brandy I'm sipping I need to stop holding onto things that were missing I got so used to being hurt, that I fell in love with the painful scars I think I developed a heartbreak addiction