Best Hos Poems
Santa, I have an important request.
Please don't embarrass me with ho ho hos.
If you'd looked at my face you might have guessed.
I'm serious about fixing my nose.
I can sense you are stifling your laughter.
Your bowl full of jello, nicely restrained.
Proboscis happily ever after,
Would not appear that it's been candy caned.
Hire a team of rhinoplasty surgeons.
I create damaging winds with this thing.
Like the limb of an oak tree it burgeons.
Just yesterday a blue jay perched to sing.
Hurry, Dear Santa, its growth won't abate.
Go talk to Rudolph, as he can relate.
***********************************
There may be some problems I must address.
Lies emitted from hole under my snout.
Pains me Santa, I readily confess.
Please be patient as I utter these out.
I lied to Sonya about her red dress.
Made her butt dwarf a Volkswagen fender.
I lied to the postman, my home address.
Marked the water bill "Return To Sender".
I fibbed a little to co-worker, Sue.
Her peanut butter cookies smelled like feet.
But tell me, what the heck was I to do?
I wrapped and hid it in a slice of meat.
Santa, I am a serial liar.
Instead of my pants, set my nose on fire.
***********************************
I'll do better if button nose gifted.
I promise to be more a straight shooter.
A smaller nose, my spirits be lifted.
Seriously, would you want this hooter?
The fibs I told did no permanent harm,
But if you would like I can change all that.
Who "nose"? I may lose my personal charm.
If I tell my friend Sonya she is fat.
If you leave money in an envelope,
I'll pay the water bill before it's due.
I can rub Sue's cookies with fragrant soap.
For a nose job, I will eat one or two.
Santa, I know you smell something is rot.
But I am here to assure you, it's snot.
Written 12/12/2017
"From My Lips to Santa's Ears"
Contest
Hosted by Phillip Garcia
Form:
Sonnet
There is a corruption we all should abhor,
It starts on the left, and corrupts to the core,
Cancer of the soul, if left to go on,
It takes bit by bit, ’till the whole soul is gone.
Makes people think that there are no values,
That everything’s fine if it’s ‘true to you,’
Moral absolutes they loudly disclaim,
Then turn and wonder why the world seems insane,
Why their true feelings don’t bring happy lives,
Only leads to a black rage deep in inside,
‘being true to you’ is a moral perverse,
With no standard to judge, things get much worse.
What’s ‘true to one’s self’ for those fond of rape?
Should the serial killer show his ‘true’ face?
And what of the types who change ‘truth’ every week,
Then act offended if anyone speaks?
The corruption permits them to silence all,
Pushing more and more, until it all falls.
The corruption pushes out all real beauty,
Replaces it with the fecal and ugly,
Throws out the masters who’s work defies time,
Declares that splatter and blank space is ‘sublime.’
Renir, Bougereau, Bierstadt, and Degas,
Masters whose paintings amazed all who saw ,
Now me have charlatans, ‘artist statements,’
An art world that can’t uplift, just dement.
The same trend pus music into a plight,
Ignore Beethoven, ’cause his skin as white,
No longer to Mozart do critics clap,
But ‘es and ’hos,’ that’s where it’s at!
Celebrate decline, claim that it’s ‘sincere,’
As it there’s no ‘real’ behind beauty and cheer...
CONCLUDES IN PART II.
Form:
Rhyme
A Klingon Love Poem
(In Klingon and English)
tlhIngan bang bom tlhab
(pa' tlhIngan 'ej English Hol)
tugh mate beast qem jIH
flesh, cobalt jIb tear rip
metallic jeD rip qIj vo' DapIHchugh
ghaH ghob'e' nasty, Hegh mInDu' qul
Hurgh qab leathery
uglier Dunmo' tay embrace
dungeons Hurgh foreplay yInISQo' maHvaD
DeSDu' muSHa'ghach objects hurling jej
ravDaq pound, lojmIt pach maH
bey HoS jachpu'DI' DeSDu' morg maS
roar rur heavenly ghe''or Qo'noS vergh
jaQ neH rIQ qet bangwI'
Dub inflicted Hoch latlhpu'
rol taj jej taj
'ej HIv Ho' sharper
'Iw 'uQ'a' Hoch latlhpu' maH
ghob wej qa''a''e' pemHov lust
A Klingon Love Poem
(In Klingon and English)
Bring me a female mating beast
To pound her flesh, to tear her cobalt hair
Rip the thick metallic black from the head
She must be nasty, with fire in the eyes for death
A dark leathery face
The uglier the better for the ritual embrace
Let us foreplay in dungeons dark
Hurling sharp objects at love
We will scorch the floors, claw the doors
Howl out loud at the moons of Morg
Roar like heavenly hell on Kronos shores
My love runs deep in the wounds
Inflicted on each others backs
With razor sharp knives
And sharper teeth attacks
We will feast on each others blood
Do battle till the sun comes up with lust
Form:
Free verse
Death, Hell and the Grave Defeated
"I will ransom them from the power of the grave ; I will redeem them from death. Where, O death, are your plagues? Where, O grave, is your destruction?" Hos 13:14 NIV
Death, hell and the grave
Were defeated at the cross,
Although Christ's life appeared a failure;
No possible gain just loss.
This is where death lost its victory;
Resurrection made possible.
Just as Christ was resurrected;
Called forth by God’s heavenly angel.
Christ raised not a hand to resist
The evil powers at his side.
Without His total surrender,
Death’s grave would forever reside.
The cross was perceived as failure,
But it was victory instead.
For that was the world's perception
Of our Savior’s bloodshed.
Death, hell and the grave
Have been defeated for some time.
Although death persists,
The righteous find their Spring time.
Christ will soon come
To call them from their graves;
Take them home to heaven;
Where sin no more enslaves.
Poem featured in Maureen's book entitled, Easter Poems
Copyright © Maureen LeFanue 2009-2012
www.maureenlefanue.com
Form:
Rhyme
Gods provision is never far away
Gods provides for us every day
just as he provides for the birds that eat worm
and for those that eat seed
God provides for our ever need
just like wild flowers that clothe the grass
so eloquently
when you seek ye first the kingdom of God
all these things will be added unto you Amen
Philippians 4:19
19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus Amen
2 Corinthians 9
8 And God is able to make all grace every favour and earthly blessing come to you in abundance, so that you may always and under all circumstances and whatever the need be self-sufficient [possessing enough to require no aid or support and furnished in abundance for every good work and charitable donation.
9 As it is written, He the benevolent person scatters abroad; He gives to the poor; His deeds of justice and goodness and kindness and benevolence will go on and endure forever! Ps. 112:9.
10 And God Who provides seed for the sower and bread for eating will also provide and multiply your [resources for] sowing and increase the fruits of your righteousness which manifests itself in active goodness, kindness, and charity. Isa. 55:10; Hos. 10:12. Amen
Form:
Rhyme
I was waken up by the chickens with their kwukwukwu sound.
I looked through the window and smiled to myself, the weather was beautiful.
As I was looking I saw some men standing next to my neighbours house.
They were standing in a form of a circle with their heads looking down.
I was disturbed by a knock on my door.
Three women walked in and sadness was written all over their faces.
"Your brother was shot last night." They said.
My voice failed me.
"Ha..have they taken him to hos..pital?" I asked with my shivering voice.
"He is dead."
I couldn't say anything, I became numb.
I gave out a loud sad cry.
My cries echoed around the environment, with sirens as my instruments to my sad song.
Words replayed on my mind "He is dead...He is dead."
Form:
Dark landscape
Moon-lit ruins
Guitars sing to you
Kallístei,
Hos en álloi kósmoi*
The temple rises
Saffron on the cliffs
Aphrodite stands
On the waves
*For the most beautiful; as if in another world
Form:
Free verse
Unopposed Camel Toes ( Mono tetra) (Adult)
While watching you promoting clothes
That do away with camel toes
I had misgivings, I suppose
and these are those, and these are those.
It's not so now, but used to be
teen boys would learn anatomy
by watching surreptitiously
hints they would see, hints they would see.
Now girls at ten wear red lipstick
with black mascara brushed on thick
as though they want to turn a trick.
I think that's sick. I think that's sick.
But women out of puberty
who choose to dress outrageously
can make that choice it seems to me.
They should be free, they should be free.
When girls wear tramp stamps on their backs
and see-through clothes are sold at Sak's
and plastic surgeons augment racks
You should relax. Phoenix, relax.
When guys shoved socks into their pants
their meager manhood to enhance
they hoped to heck they'd draw a glance.
they took a chance, they took a chance.
For those of us who only watch
I don't like ideas that would botch
a camel toe define a crotch.
A lovely notch. A lovely notch.
When street-walkers show camel toes
it's advertising 'cus they're "hos"
and one's defined slit clearly shows
just where it goes, just where it goes.
Form:
Rhyme
Tala tala jhardaichu
Jimdai bhayera pani mardaichu
Aafnu jindagi bada
Mo nai alik sardaichu
Kati din pachi ta manche le malie
thukkcha
Tei apman bata bachnu mo jasto
lukcha
Tara je sukai pani hos
Yo sabai le mero mutu dhukcha
Tara j sukai pani hos mo hardina
Maile kosaile pani manparos mo
telai tardina
Ani Jo sukai le malie chot pugaos
Mo telai kahile mardina mardina
Form:
ABC
What is up with Santa?
I mean, I do not know;
Has fame gone up to his head?
Has he fallen off his sled?
Why can’t he get with the times?
Think of some new catchy lines?
Drop the Ho, Hos, lose some weight,
With no beard he’d look great!
If he wants not to be seen
Why it’s red, not khaki green?
Why not get some stealth tech deer
No one’d know, he’s far or near,
Say he followed all the trends,
Would our children love him then?
If he knocked or rang the bell
Like the man from DHL?
I guess it is our own biz
To keep him the way he is,
Priceless smiles and precious memories
Of young and much older babies...
Form:
Rhyme
High-ho! High-ho! High-ho!
it’s off to the pub and gig we go
Willy Wonka ticket stubs in our hand
on our way to see the band
Climb the fence, jump the turnstiles
into the crowd down the aisles
See the arena, upon the stage behold
the lights, cables, speakers, and scaffold
Part the red sea of people in our sway
with thy staff and lead the way
Under the stars on the speedway rings
inside the gates of Western Springs
Our coats filled with smuggled beer
or a leaky wine bladder for all to share
Roll a doobie with a zig zag ultra thin
so we may puff the magic dragon
“Roll another one just like the other one”
and blow me a smokin’ shotgun
“You been holdin’ on to it
and I sure would like a hit”
Soon as house lights dim and intro fades
it’s time to storm the barricades
Microphones and amps wired for sound
flares burn, the drums pound
The voice, the music, the riffs, the licks
the blazin’ set, the pyrotechnics
Have a swig and have a blow
and sit back and enjoy the show
Now breathe in the atmosphere
the chill, the sweat, the smoky air
"Hey, don’t bogart that joint my friend
pass it over to me again"
And when it’s all over yell out for more
for a final wild and rockin’ encore
And watch the girls backstage queue
in their lipstick and heels for the crew
Where High ho! High ho! In a limo
off to do the band high hos go!
Written: May 2015
Western Springs is an old speedway
stadium in Auckland, New Zealand
that doubles as a rock concert venue.
Picture above is David Bowie concert.
Form:
Couplet
Have You Ever Hidden an Ide Before?
To where would I be riding and abiding?
If and when I ran over a Glad Tiding
Who had forgotten to bring his starch
Then turned out being in an ide of March.
I never have had an ide before
But taken for ride and ended up sore
Then when I marched into an ide
He and I crushed together and did collide.
Then when the ide became my idol
What would be hos omnipotent title
But when you lied and are an ide
Where will you be able to abide?
Could see ide was approaching shore
And not sure what he was looking for
Was it me not bright and being so dumb
So an ide someday will soon become.
What if I had been an ide honest and true?
Would I still be loved by all of you?
Can you really believe this for real
Ide was determined to be ideal
And of whole part that was so scary
They became Moe, Curly, Terry and Larry.
If you read this poem that I have done
You probably would be the only one
Who left your falsies in a frosted fridge
Then was thrown from London Bridge.
Couldn't resist. Yes, we both are getting excited
And one day by Queen may be knighted
Being great friends you will be invited
And all of England has become disquieted.
James Thomas Horn, Retired Veteran and Poet
The falsies I was referring to was teeth replacements.
Form:
Couplet
Christmas is the season to be jolly
The holiday brings merriment and joys
With ho ho ho's and halls decked with holly
There's mistletoe and pine of loblolly
Santa has many elves that he employs
Christmas is the season to be jolly
He got letters from Andrew and Polly
Reading them is a task Santa enjoys
With ho ho ho's and halls decked with holly
Polly asked Santa for a sweet dolly
One calling, "Mama," in baby noise
Christmas is the season to be jolly
One elf got silly, ending in folly
Santa forgave him for the broken toys
With ho ho ho's and halls decked with holly
A boy name Ollie, wanted a collie
The perfect present for good little boys
Christmas is the season to be jolly
With ho ho ho's and halls decked with holly
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
December 12, 2020
Deck The Halls Contest
Sponsored by: Joseph May
Form:
Villanelle
15th's Crystal, My Dream Tryst Pal!
Due to our friends Michelle & Yedidia,
Hos V' Shalom, My rough shell didn't get Rid o' Yah!
Braving her high dive, Echoing catastrophe,
Barbara cared! Leaven n' Grit, for me a Pasta Trophy,
Together we dared, I also shook in my boots,
Vets o' domestic strife, yet Emunah in Jewish roots,
Me the sincere Ger, she the Ba'alus Teshuva, fixed,
Anomalies o' Families shared, We like Cholent mixed,
Now in Quarantine Serene o' Corona Virus,
Bananagram companions, Not letting virus Try Us,
Listen! Hear the birds singing? Tweeting n' Agreeing!
Our 15th renewal also each Hearing n' Seeing,
I wonder "Why me?" Ataxia, an ugly swan but Crystal,
That Hashem blessed us together is amazingly Mystical!
Form:
Rhyme
As I am slowly fading away
My body grows weaker & weaker each day.
Injections into my arms
then into my other bodily parts.
A needle been filled only with poison
That's why with this poem my words in am voicing.
My life started out all good to begin
But along the path of journey I noticed something missing.
Was it the love of another or just even a friend
Someone whom I could truly rely on in life to depend.
Where & when did life change so dramatically
When did I on my life become lost along its pathway?
Who wad to blame for letting me down
Who or another could I lay the blame on & frown.
Because I didn't see what I had done wrong
Perhaps I'd become blinded when weakness was strong.
I couldn't admit to being the failure that today I've become
Why am in being punished in more ways most & even more some.
I began taking to drinking alcoholic beverages quite
Which become more by the days & nights passing in cloyded hazily sight.
Then when hos was no longer doing its best in my need
it was then i took to substances much greater for my habit to feed.
Losing my friends my family tried to warn me in vain
The path I had chosen was going to kill me only if I chose in it's habits sustain.
But still they stood by me & probably battled harder than me
For I could no longer see as soon tarred with the label of a heroine junkie.
Only tooting at first until I wanted it's hit to be strengthend more
That's when I took to the injecting with needles in my skins every pore.
And when I ran out of feeling for only the effects of the drugs
Soon I began rattling heavily in pain in this blinded game only for mugs.
Friends were no longer & family was now scarce in my life
Soon to be all alone in darkness of a bottomless pit in its strife.
In deeper and deeper I soon began stealing from shops
Then even off the closest of kin until shopped to the cops.
Sat in my police cell I soon started to think
about what went wrong in life choices sending me to the depths that I sink
Form:
Free verse