Best Hissy Fit Poems
Miss Kitty Katt was famous in the small hometown of mine
And Buster was the town dog -- never knew a boundary line.
Miss Kitty knew no limits except those she had drawn
Which included one she’d posted -- “All dogs stay off this lawn.”
She made it known some time ago and everybody knew
That no dog ever was allowed – they knew what would ensue.
Buster and Tom were hangin’ out. There ain’t no doubt up to no good.
Just out there strollin’ in the hood – Looked up and there Miss Kitty stood.
Now Tom, he knew Miss Kitty -- and Buster was his friend.
And he recognized the trouble they both would soon be in.
Miss Kitty started hissing the way that mad cats do
She had been here many times before and knew just what to do.
She just made straight for Tom with fire in her eyes
Anyone who saw her knew her hate was not disguised.
Miss Kitty’s scream was piercing -- her intent, there was no doubt,
They were walking in her yard and she meant to drive them out.
Ol’ Tom he realized just what there was in store
Since he had also been here many times before.
It sure should draw some water that he was of her kind
But all ol’ Tom could think about was savin’ his behind.
Salvation soon trumped honor and Valor? --- Nowhere to be found.
Tom quickly realized he had no choice – he knelt down to the ground
Miss Kitty in her hissy fit soared right o’er ol’ Tom’s back.
And Buster stood there helpless to handle the attack.
What happened wasn’t pretty and Buster had no doubt
This crazy maddened mama cat was there to take him out.
Nothing could be said or done to change what was to be
When Buster, with a side step knocked Miss Kitty to her knees.
I suppose we’ll always wonder just what went on that day
When Buster and the Tom Katt just went out to play
The Morning News has brought up questions about this strange event
Like how Buster got his broken leg and where Miss Kitty went.
Farewell, then, AUKN boss,
The next this year makes three.
By the time they find a substitute,
Slovenes will be at sea.
He tried to cover his behind;
AUKN boss of bosses,
As every week, balances grew bleak:
He weighed merits and losses.
With all this he'd no time to eat,
And round and round he flew.
And now he's split in a hissy-fit;
So helmsman, too-de-loo!
Day after day, day after day,
He drifted on the ocean;
Guano-vernment rained on his ship
Their suggestions for promotion.
Cousins, cousins, everywhere,
Corporate boards crosslink;
Cousins, cousins, everywhere,
Let's take you for a drink.
Accountants talking rot: O Christ!
Missions, visions - oh please!
Yea, slimy characters need legs
And slimy policies.
So has he done an hellish thing?
Not hired who? We dunno:
Was it absurd, to have a separate curd
From the whey Slovenia owes?
This wretch won't play, after 60 days;
Pissflaps, he'll have to go!
God help ya, gospod Bencina
From the fiends, that plague us thus! -
It's time to go — shot like cross-bow,
The AUKN boss.
Ah! walk-out day! what evil looks
Had I from Ernst and Young!
Who's at a loss? AUKN's boss
Wouldn't take a bung?
"You'll be" quoth one, "abolished - no
Stigma to double-cross."
He chose to go - why? We don't know:
Harmless AUKN boss.
Re-reading the original gave me a great idea for dinner until I realised all the storks have all flapped off to Africa for the winter. Pity, as I have some ancient marinade from Tuš. Like the subject of the poem, I didn't have the stamina for a Coleridge-length effort.
Story: http://www.sloveniatimes.com/total-mess-in-state-owned-capital-asset-management
The National Poet Of Slovenia In A Language People Understand interprets important Slovenian affairs for the non-Slovene speaking world. www.maria.si
Having an inflated ego is detrimental to living a good life
It's a self-serving trait that can lead to tragedy and strife
One who's overconfident is arrogant, his hubris is rife
Overplaying his hand will cut like the blade of a knife
Some think they're better than the rest but should beware
of what happened in the race between tortoise and hare
When a hand is overplayed, there are screams, "Not fair!"
Pompous are those who are caught in their own snare
People who are uppity and conceited are easily derailed,
throwing a hissy fit when they find their ship has sailed
Dealing themselves a hand, but overplayed, it failed
They'd not be in a fool's paradise if modesty had prevailed
Narcissistic egotists seldom change. They don't understand
that when losing cards lie on the table, openly fanned,
they'd have been better off if they hadn't acted so grand
Those who overplay a hand, need a rebuke of reprimand
Taking everything for granted, with pleasure they boast
With excessive vanity, they need attention more than most,
but if I were to lift a glass, as if to honor them with a toast,
it would obviously be satirical and more indicative of a roast
November 21, 2022
Pick-A-Title, Vol 33 Contest
Sponsored by Eward Ibeh
Dragon sat in the bushes all night long, for he wanted to catch himself a Leprechaun.
See Leprechauns have gold by the buckets full, and Dragon wanted himself… some.
So our sly little Dragon had put a lit up rainbow, on our garage door, to be cast on…
St. Patrick’s Day was in the morning, and he wanted some of those golden charms.
He’d read: You gotta get up, so very early, to be able, to even a little, trick those guys.
For those wily Leprechauns are the cleverest critters, which were ever seen… to arise.
So Dragon had dressed up in the Irish green, topped with a cute little Leprechaun hat.
You see, Dragon believed he was, the slyest thing, put on this earth, here… ever… yet.
Sure enough, at the break of dawn… a Leprechaun came snooping, stealthily around.
Strangely, he looked about 3 years old, the same age of our Dragon, or there, around.
They hit it off immediately, with so much in common, at that tender age and time.
Finally together, they dug up the pot of gold, which the Leprechaun’s magic did rise.
They had decided to share the wealth, of any gold, they did hope to some how find
But darn, the Leprechaun was unhappy, at the small amount of gold before his eyes.
He swore our Dragon had dug it up early, and already taken his own share… after all…
Dragons were known to be the greediest things ever put on this earth, he did recall.
Yes, he’d seen thru Dragons disguise, and had seen the wily-ness of it all… so true…
So the Leprechaun threw a crying hissy fit, the likes of which Dragon had never knew.
He raged on and on, how his new best friend could ever think to cheat him, Boo Hoo!
Now, Dragon began to feel very guilty for what he had originally, truly, wanted to do.
So in the end he gave it all away, to his newest best friend, who left without an adieu.
At that our dear little Dragon, felt proud for what he had finally achieved and done.
That is until he looked at his own little bitty horde of gold… that was suddenly gone!
Yep the little Leprechaun, had stolen it fast away! With his magic he had transferred…
Dragons gold to the Leprechauns beloved pot! Now Dragon became enflamed at it all!
At what the Leprechaun had done… Until Grandpa Troll reminded him with the moral:
Don’t be surprised… if you get burned… when you play with fire, my little friend!
The End!
Written 3-17-2017
Some green some blue saying how do you do
some you sniff some you swallow some you puff from a bottle
some are big some are small some make you feel ten feet tall
some bring you up some take you down some have your head spinning around
feeling good got that hit and believing at anytime you can quit
but you come down from that high and with life you can't cope
so you run out to the nearest corner looking to score some more dope
Thought you had it all together thought you could handle it
but when you're without it you throw a real hissy fit
It's presence is overwhelming when it gets you in its grip
and if youre not careful your life will become a long drawnout trip.
new dog on the porch
our pet cat at the window
shrieks like a banshee
Indignation hair-raisingly sounded
when our “queen” cat was more than astounded
by the new pet Dad brought
to the house. Cat wailed “NOT
on MY watch.” Then that poor dog she hounded.
our cat’s hissy fit goes down as the worst in her catdom’s hiss-tory.
Jan. 25, 2022
For Charles Messina's Charlie Hai-Lim-Ku Poetry Contest
(inspired by a YouTube Video I saw on FB. it just cracks me up)
The cold and drafty dark castle nights,
eating boars head like its going out of style,
having new battles every other week,
God forbid if you had a yellow streak,
Women wearing long gowns which were warm,
except for their exposed cleavage and throats,
it's no wonder they all didn't catch pneumonia,
while working their spinning wheels from their sofas,
And better not fall into their shark filled moat,
the chances of living being very remote,
and if by chance you missed the drawbridge going up,
if your a midget, don't try to jump for it,
Better you not disagree with the king,
or he'd tie you down to the pendulum swing,
or worse yet if you were on his enemy list,
he'd do a lot more than just have a hissy fit,
But for fun they'd all watch the jousting match,
seeing who would get spear tipped by the lance,
every weekend they'd lose yet another injured man,
the men only competing because they'd get a free ham,
Every once in a while the troubadour would come round,
trying to cheer them up by acting like a minstrel clown,
just barely making it there by the skin of his teeth,
pulling all the arrows out of his seat,
As for animal entertainment a man would have to be desperate,
thinking a ordinary bear would always just relent,
having the bear stand up and dance around to the din,
the bear obviously hungry devouring the mans limb,
Whereupon the plague arrived right out of the blue,
as if the medieval people didn't have enough worrying to do,
suspiciously thinking it arrived because of out of habit,
"a pox upon you!" was said for harassment.
11-12-16
Look at time, just standing still
Evidently, if you just ask time to take a chill, she will
That's right, time agreed that she would wait for me
Time said, go on, take a big ol' hissy fit, flip out, feel free
I'll polish my nails while you have a break down, heck the whole world can wait,
Never ever will you have to make amends, or even consider having to compensate
Gee, I could use a facial too, I'll just make it a spa day
Go on, it's your pity party, you can dance the night away
Once you're sure you're ready to continue life, I'll turn my switch back on, okay?
This is one hundred percent factual, in a world called, "Yeah, right"
It would be nice, but life goes on regardless of what calamity life dishes out
Recognize the pain, experience it yes, but don't wallow in it's plight
Letting go takes hard work, but sometimes that's what life's about
When the work is done
breathe a sigh of relief then
experience life
Doo Doo the cat was irritated today; totally not sweet.
She had gone to the roof, and Horned Owl was sitting in her seat.
That is my place, she said, but his look could easily defeat.
He rolled his eyes, and went to sleep, his thoughts now complete.
Come on! Doo Doo shrieked. I need my seat; it is where I sit.
She screamed and yelled and stomped, had a big hissy fit.
Horned Owl raised an eyebrow but it did not annoy him one bit.
He closed his eye back up, to a narrow tiny half slit.
Doo Doo nearly had a conniption fit, she was angry as heck.
She went down to the barn and spoke to the hen named Old Peck.
You are annoying a Horned Owl? You are as crazy as young Beck.
Who is young Beck? She asked. A chick eaten by Horned owl. Oh heck!
Do Horned Owls eat cats? Doo Doo asked, horrified and now scared.
If you go back up there, you will find out, Old Peck said. She cared.
So Doo Doo the cat let Horned Owl have her favorite seat on the roof.
But she carries pepper spray now. Horned Owl’s eyes carry the proof.
I have the tendency to fall for people like raindrops
on a stormy afternoon
And I refuse to watch the news
It's the nonchalant route that I choose
No forecasts or predictions
because love isn't predictable now is it?
I'll remember that when I get hurt
and want to throw a hissy fit again
But we either lose or we win
It's the chance that we take
when we put all of our heart in
No one ever had a more devoted super patron.
He marveled at every painting and poem I thought up.
He cheered at each of my gaudy crazy color choices,
He toasted all my thoughts with a golden glass tribute cup.
He wanted to buy all, the first time I had a white arts and crafts carnival tent.
I was against this of course, wanting a chance to sell to others, to share my soul.
This life is not yours, he said, you are more sensitive, artistic, heaven-sent.
But I wanted to sell to excited children, and their mothers, that was my goal.
My marvelous patron talked me into selling online, and that worked out for a bit.
I was gleeful and happy and awhirl with joy with each sale, so tried and true.
But when I went to visit him, and saw each painting in his home, I threw a hissy fit.
I wanted to sell to others, I said, I didn’t want all of them to be sold to you.
Now when I sell a painting or a poem, I run home all aquiver, excitedly glad.
Sales always chase away any insane feelings of disappointment or unexpected gloom.
I have a patron who believes in me, a man who is honest, and never a cad.
Best of all, to deliver it, all I have to do is walk to my own living room.
Tit had a hissy fit and called tat fat
while tat apologized after the fact
tit kept egging him on with rude remarks
while tat used tact leaving tit in the dark
Tit called tat names all night and day
till she saw tat and their cat Tater Tot at play
tat said I would prefer not to play tit for tat
but would rather play tic tac toe with the cat
With that tit realized that tit for tat was a useless attack
finally forgiving tat for eating all of her tic tac's
3-19-18
I'll be gone this time tomorrow
I’ll catch a freight at dawn.
One goes east, another goes west
An' I don't care which way
Came to Texas out of Tulsa
Lookin' for a future -
Got a lot of knots on my head
An' here an' there a stitch.
Nobody told me 'bout these gals -
They’re Texans through and through.
I wandered to a dance hall bright
Started to drink my fill.
Well, mercy me, the place was packed
With women of great beauty!
I slicked my hair, put on a grin,
Looked for me a brunette.
I saw one standin' all alone,
Dark hair and flashin' eyes.
I moseyed over tall and slick
Started conversation
I was talkin' she was noddin'
We both was drinkin' ale -
I thought the time had surely come,
An' whispered in her ear.
Don't know what she was lookin' for,
But what I said ain't right !
She hit me with a cold Lone Star
An' threw a hissy fit !
She kicked me with them pointy toes,
Pounded with her bracelet.
Pulled the belt right off her britches -
Hit me with the buckles.
After awhile she got wore out
An' stopped to catch some air.
Well, I crawled out the nearest door -
I swear half beat to death !
So I'm patched up just sittin' here
An waitin' for a freight.
I'll ride ‘til I’m out of Texas -
I won't be back again.
May 12, 2016
For contest I Drew A Blank, John Lawless
Comes the first day of spring
and everything is in bloom,
while the bugs start
invading way too soon,
And while living down south
were always making hand motions,
to ward off the flying insects
that give us grievous emotions,
Outdoor eating can be quite a task
not prepared for having to eat so fast,
vagabond fly's arriving in the no fly zone
making you wish you were eating indoors at home,
Just opening your door a crack at night
the twinkly stars look so charming,
till the mosquitos come indoors
which can be quite alarming,
Chasing them around trying
to kill them off one by one,
then while trying to sleep at night
the sole survivor pokes fun,
You hear it buzzing round your face
as you quickly turn on the light,
the mosquito plays hide and seek
waiting to get a bloody bite,
You want to spray your room
to finally kill the flying intruder,
but afraid that the powerful fumes will
just leave you in a chemical stupor,
So you try to kill off all the bugs
alternating using a swatter and a bug spray mist,
annoying and elusive as they all are
while trying not to have a hissy fit.
5-11-17
Doggone Cat
Domestication’s dormancy- be damned
I’d choose to go outside – not in this sand
I will pass on love and hugs for I am certain
destiny demands I climb the curtain
He lies there floppy eared – slow shaking head
wondering how I live the life I’ve led
I walk the wire fence - to his dismay
snicker at his doubts – for me it’s play
at the sound of tires screech – he shields his eyes
relaxing at the sound of curse filled sighs
only to see me counting – claws to five
then launching to a twenty foot swan dive.
On occasion I’ll take a little nip
a dance around the room – a private trip
then throw a “hissy-fit” – attack the couch
he lies in slobbering slumber – what a slouch.
I tempt the “Kitty’s Fate” by counting coup
on passing dogs who seek an outdoor loo
engender quite the howling – ‘coup de grass”
landing leash bound walkers on their ass.
As moonlight throws her shadow on the moor
I listen to the loathsome beast’s dull snore
curl beside his warmth upon the floor
add to the snoring hum a slumbering purr.
John G. Lawless
©11/1/2017