Best Hearties Poems
Here we are in 1650, which is ten minutes to five
swing the wheel to the West, which is left,
put your sun cream away, man the mizzen and the stays
as we set off for some murder and some theft.
You'll find us as your hosts on the sunny Barbary Coast
and from there we venture forth to ply our trade
we've been out leaving them for dead from the Atlantic to the Med
before we skittle off back home our fortunes made
With a yo-ho-ho and a barrel of grog
and an arrr and some other cliches
table leg for a thigh and a patch on me eye
as a Pirate I will end my days
As I previously stated we all get inebriated
from our copious imbibing of the grog
our excuse is there's no Cola in the bars of Hispaniola
which is why we need the hair of the dog
With a yo-ho-ho and a barrel of grog
and an arrr and some other cliches
table leg for a thigh and a patch on me eye
as a Pirate I will end my days
Got a woman in Bermuda and another in Tortuga
and they give me lots of lovin' for some coins
and although they're very foxy they're just both a pair of doxies
which I'm sure explains the rash around me groin
With a yo-ho-ho and a barrel of grog
and an arrr and some other cliches
table leg for a thigh and a patch on me eye
as a Pirate I will end my days
Now we're really no buffoons when it comes down to doubloons
and our treasure chests are burstin' at the seams
then old Blackbeard started spouting about doing our accounting
so I said (before I shot him) 'in your dreams'
(ye chorus)
As we skirmish the Atlantic I was starting to get frantic
since the one thing on my voyage I've always feared
is the men who've not been coming for a while across some women
have all started wearing lipstick, which is weird
(arr, the chorus again)
Well it's reached that point me hearties where we anchor down and party
so me shipmates here on board I'd like to thank
though the mix of food and beer has now given me diarrhea
which is why I've made our cook just walk the plank
(for thee last time, chorus, arrrr)
September 17th 2015, 'A pirate's life for me' contest, sponsor Kelly Deschler
(Author's note- there are several spellings of diarrhea, but it doesn't matter, they all have 'arr' in 'em, me hearties)
Arggh me hearties! We're takin' a long-awaited vacation!
Th' enchantin' isles uv th' Caribbean is ar final destination!
Hoist th' Jolly Roger an' them billowin' sails an' let's git 'er underway!
Th' Spanish Main is ripe fer pillagin' so let's git thar without delay!
Ye signed on fer this here little cruise knowin' I runs a very tight ship.
Ye do yer jobs, don't complain an' don't ye dare give me any lip!
Ye'll git three squars a day an' yer daily tot uv rum as well.
An' I 'spect ye ta stick wit' me tho' we may ketch almighty hell!
Now if'n we happen ta meet a sloop er two upon th' boundin' main,
Ah'll 'spect ye ta wield yer swords an' cause th' scoundrels pain!
Jes' keep in mind that ye'll share in th' booty that we acquire,
An' I promise ye a proper burial at sea if'n ye should expire!
Arggh me maties! Ah'm anxious ta run me fingers thro' them pieces uv eight!
An' git me paws on them thar island beauties! Aye! I kin hardly wait!
Ye! Up thar in th' crow's nest! Keep a sharp lookout fer any ships at sea!
An' ye fellers on th' deck aim them cannons true when ye hear "far!" frum me!
Ah don't reckon that we'll be received as welcome guests in any port,
An' them wily natives will 'ave thar guns aimed at us frum ever' fort!
But if'n ye keep yer swords honed an' yer blunder busses' powder dry,
We'll carry off thar wimmin an' swag as we wave ta them goodbye!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Placed No. 9 in Paula Swanson's "A Tale o' Pillagin'" Contest - July 2010
The pirates were all drinking rum and were drunk
And failed to see the treacherous rocks up ahead
There was one almighty crash and the ship sunk
And they ended up in Davy Jones locker all dead.
Written 17th August 2021.
(All right you scallywags of questionable seaworthiness, we begin with an up-tempo step-liveliness.)
Send him aloft, high into the crow's nest,
He'll keep watch with his keen young sight.
Let me out, the wind is a-freshenin',
Roll me up in the middle of the night.
Over to the hatch and have a check within the hold, lad,
So we know that down below, the ship is nice and tight.
Roll into the galley, and fetch the cook potatoes,
But throw 'em in the water if they've got the bleedin' blight.
Roll me out into the wet heart o' the glossy sea,
Hand me down a whoppin' tankard o' rum,
Tomorrow, on the hunt we'll be,
The Captain knows where that foreign vessel's from.
Roll me into our sheltered island hideaway,
We can sleep a while before dawn's early fight.
Give us one drink but we're gonna cut it off right there,
Gotta wake up in the mornin,' gotta wake up feelin' right.
Roll me out, now we're after a prize, boys,
Watch out for the shallows in the middle of the bight,
Roll me away, don't let them hit us broadside,
They'll soon surrender to our mighty pirate fright.
(Okay, me hearties, slow it down a shark's whisker...)
Now we're all as happy as the humpback whale,
We'll treat the prisoners fairly, or it's impolite,
The sun slips below the rail, the briny dark will then prevail,
The crew's asleep, full fathoms deep, of moonlight take a bite.
Roll me easy, there's peace upon the ocean,
The softest wind, and stars a-burnin' bright,
Drift through the water with that slow rockin' motion,
When we make it back to shore, our tales they will write.
(Avast ye now, slow it on down until yer barely makin' a wake...)
Roll me quiet when I think about my lost girl,
Nothin's bigger then than me a-wonderin' why,
Roll me back because I can't forget the dead boy,
And turn your head away, before I start to cry.
Almost New Year
Tic Toc, the countdown’s started,
Another year’s nigh done.
Break out the poppers, the salt and the coal,
In with the new and out with the old,
As parties rage on across the land,
Fresh hopes emerge for boy and man.
Mistakes forgiven, mishaps forgot,
Alliances forged with every shot.
The old care not, the young don’t know,
The lovers see through Rosie glow,
Unrealistic vows we make
For ‘New Year’s Resolution’ sake, but
Blinded by hope and fooled by fear
We welcome in this brand new year.
Drink up ye hearties, make merry ye men,
Our future begins with the chimes of Big Ben.
Bin' snifflin' 'nent th' hour o' 12
'pon high deck by me scurvy self
me soulless hearties, dogs o' scum
on lower decks a-flappin' gums
Me keg be dry; I've downed me grog
me head's a-swirl wit' nowt but fog
me ticker's tight; I'm sans me glow
tho' stoked up fer me tit-eyed beau
Th' horizon's bleak; me warty toad
whose slimy self on me has growed
wit' bladed quill scribed clerihew
'n gabbered' wit' a tongue askew
Be cursed, yer nit off bearded buns
o' rottin' dead whale steeped in sun
this 'ere pirate yer beseech
creep whence yer hail, yer vermin leech
NOTE: ALL 'MISTAKES' ARE DELIBERATELY PLACED TO ACCOMMODATE PIRATE SPEAK.
For Nathan's contest. I found myself "at sea" when jilted, hence I opted for pirate lingo.
"over the waters blue the night winds sigh, the breakers roar”...Lord Byron
I love to be upon the sea
When’er the tides are high
For rough sea does not bother me
Or thunder of the sky
Of this maybe you wonder why
It’s just the way I am
Unafraid and so brave am I
I’m Simple Sailor Sam.
Sailing along I sing with glee
Until the night is nigh
A time to rest this busy bee
To acquire earned shut eye
How quickly time goes floating by
I’m not a lonesome man
As my adventures keep me spry
I’m Simple Sailor Sam.
There’s lots to explore o’er the sea
Dolphins come to say Hi
With acrobatics that cheer me
As I am sailing by
For scenery I have the sky
A gift to an helmsman
Such a jolly sea dog am I
I’m Simple Sailor Sam.
So my hearties please do not cry
I do the best I can
Roaming raging tempests am I
I’m Simple Sailor Sam.
Almost New Year
Tic Toc, the countdown’s started,
Another year’s nigh done.
Break out the poppers, the salt and the coal,
In with the new and out with the old,
As parties rage on across the land,
Resulutions emerge from boy and man.
Mistakes forgiven, mishaps forgot,
Alliances forges with every shot.
The old care not, the young don’t know,
The lovers see through Rosie glow,
Blinded by hope and fooled by fear
We welcome in a brand new year.
Drink up ye hearties, make merry ye men,
Your future begins with the chimes of Big Ben
Heather Buxton
A sailor who loved costume parties
would shout out a wild, “Aye, me hearties!”
This old buccaneer,
role playing with cheer,
got mimicked by all the young smarties.
April 14, 2019
entered in Tania Kitchin's Pirate Themed Poetry Contest Placed third
The rangy longhorns were rounded up and tended to.
Over the Colorado plains a fearsome blizzard blew!
'Twas Christmas Day! The cowpokes paid no mind to the storm,
As they huddled 'round the potbellied stove all snug and warm!
While 'Cooky' stuffed the turkey for their Christmas fare,
Frivolity, fun and comradeship filled the air!
The old bunkhouse was decorated as best they could.
In a corner a tree formed from tumbleweeds stood.
They recalled Christmases past when they were boys,
Sharin' happy family lore and distant Yuletide joys.
One read from Luke the story of Jesus and the manger.
He is their faithful sidekick - to them He is no stranger!
They sang carols accompanied by a harmonica and guitar,
And sipped spicy cider and coffee as black as tar!
With cups of wassail they proposed raucous toasts,
And regaled each other with timely and witty ripostes!
'Cooky' yelled, "Come 'n git it, all's ready 'round the board!"
They doffed their hats for the blessin' and thanked the Lord.
Though the hoi polloi celebrated at the Ritz with gala parties,
That would never do for these range ridin' hearties!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
I wasn’t much of a bonnet gal
never wanting to mess my hair
at scouts I was the first rascal
to toss that beanie in the air
and run the *ell out of there!
My college days brought brims most carnal
which dipped low in the front like Cher’s.
And head scarfs I removed, a scadal,
to wrap around my bosoms bare
so cold in the concerts open-air.
Much latter, at my wedding avowal
with a veil over the whole affair,
I walked down the isle triumphal
with a husband most debonair
and oodles of family who stared.
But my most favorite hat was lethal,
as a pirates moll, I had savior faire,
black leather and most demonical
with peacock feathers trailing for flair
“Argghh, me hearties, I was the bonniest there.”
Avast me hearties, the pirate cried
We’ll take this ship, the Spaniards pride
Give no mercy, give no quarter
Not to the captain or his daughter
Board the ship and at our leisure
Kill the crew and find the treasure
Then to Tortuga set our course
With no regrets and no remorse
Once in port we’ll give ’em hell
And one day soon they’re bound to tell
Of the sailors who were brave and bold
Took the ship and the Spanish gold
So belay there lads lets get things started
This aint no trade for those faint hearted
Load your pistols grab your cutlass
We’ll show the Spaniards we aint gutless
Splice the main brace, mind that beam
Oh ! Bugger me its just a dream
© John W Fenn 22-12-2008
Those Braves
As pearls remain in sea bed
Braves should be sieved from bravery
yes, the perfection of job can win
By the parameters of human hearts
Those braves did earn from zeroes
Never expected perks and rewards
titles and classes did not pour there
Who they are hearties or braves !
One notion and single motion in faith and path
Always guided them ahead go ahead
Do not judge the results or weathers
Would be favor or depth of fates
Yes they are all those who vitalized the world
Countless their bravery gave humans lives
I love them appreciate them praise and accelerate
Those braves are sources of inspirations for all to raise.
27 6 2017
Brexit Sonnet No. 25
'Treasure These Islands’
So has the ship really sailed away
With second EU vote stowed in hold?
No blasting horn was heard across the bay,
And we were not of this leaving schedule told.
Our all inclusive, most elusive guest,
Has rummaged yet again for leading role.
Potent power, his hand should rudely wrest,
From those who've rented out their hollow soul.
As anchors raise and hands are all on decks,
As white coated Stewards fuss and rush with work,
As all aboard means Captain's final checks.
None of these, their duties lightly shirk.
So avast me hearties, and hoist the mainbrace square
And treasure these islands, with referenda fair.
©Keith Murphy
Avast me hearties, the pirate cried
We’ll take this ship, the Spaniards pride
Give no mercy, give no quarter
Not to the captain or his daughter
Board the ship and at our leisure
Kill the crew and find the treasure
Then to Tortuga set our course
With no regrets and no remorse
Once in port we’ll give ’em hell
And one day soon they’re bound to tell
Of the sailors who were brave and bold
Took the ship and the Spanish gold
So belay there lads lets get things started
This aint no trade for those faint hearted
Load your pistols grab your cutlass
We’ll show the Spaniards we aint gutless
Splice the main brace, mind that beam
Oh ! Bugger me its just a dream
© John W Fenn 22-12-2008