Best Ha Ha Poems
H ate
A imed
T owards
E veryone
R eceiving
S omething
G ood
O ften
A ngry
W anting
A nything
Y ou
H ave
A nd
H ad
A nd
H ow
A nnoying
I THOUGHT YOU NEVER ASKED
This morning the taste of mint and chocolate
Upon my tongue
My exposed nipples under my silky gown
you whisper words in my ear
that I never heard before
I sigh! with admiration as I tiptoe
to reach for your kiss
I put my arms around your neck
You whispered softly
Make me hard with your eyes
Be my dark surprise
Ha! Ha!
Why the laughter?
Babe! it my way of saying yes!
Oh! yes! oh yes
and more
15 years, 20 jobs
11 ambulance rides
15 people died
moved 20 times
countless admissions to a hospital
the right to my own person overlooked
4 murders
2 suicides
the police and psychiatrists covering their tracks
lengthy period of punishment
look it up in the charter of rights and freedoms
war criminal doctorate in malpractice
the biker gangs overtaking the police system
a global enemy
me your blond haired blue eyed poetic criminal
100 year war mission victom
im sure even politicians and tv journalists have
infiltration instruction to micromanage a society
built on someone elses empire of lies
prepare the funeral pyre
the kiss and tell blackmail of sabotoge
name one persons life today
they have not completely destroyed
among the homeless in your shelters
you sniff out the senses of your enemies
Egg in the church basket like the mafia
who only takes care of their own
the list of ancestries and family trees
of guilty by association
red carpet grave funeral party
recruited for war
instructed on their mission
letter in the mail
and no escape for them
lost on an island
global enemies sent
different uniforms worn
representing the doublestandards of their vile crimes
police, and doctors, judges, and criminals alike
the layers of your life to get to drug ring bosses
stranded on this island to become a true war hero this time
either dead before you get there
or dead upon arrival
survival instincts of the jail house maximum security
island arrivals
Global enemies of all sides
sent to this modern bermuda triangle
the global army insists upon it
in the end we bomb the million stranded starving terrorists
forced to die a hero
the seven names on this list of enemy powers
guilty by association in the criminal records
Ha Ha Ha super soldiers
im just a blonde haired blue eyed poetic criminal
your 100 year long war mission
finaly explained, your long term plan for survival
Round em up
everyone of them
your global enemy that has caused this much confusion
lead to the wars we fight today
the truth remains unknown
global enemies all around the world
the terror that they spread
like the rise of the hell's angels
By any other name what is in a name prosody Rosa Dee the sweet voices arise in Consonance assonance resonance Renaissance you see being reborn by the word frequency colorfully resurrected euphoric euphony your flowing down along the Dee an Irish sea without life the screams of cacophony cantos of Muirghein the queens nightmare winds of change blow upon the wordy mare but the word in question rhimes with prosody so you see to alliterate the marrying sounds honest dissonance choosing rather to write it down nomadiclly poeticlly phonetically as Rosa Dee instead harboring to the odic glottis lotus within hours hope to see a singing laughing flower
My tamahawk kills
You all better hide from me
Just kidding, i suck
(this is a Haiku about Call Of Duty: Black OPS)
Blessed be the name of Lord Ha-Ha.
I worship at the altar of Ha-Ha.
In his blood I am washed.
In his raiment I am clothed.
In his breastplate I will conquer
And in his name I will trust.
The honor of his blessing I will seek.
The grace of his presence I will covet.
He leads me to channel 60
He splitteth my sides.
My cups runneth over with mammary juice.
The fruit of his womb is as ambrosia
And I will dwell in the house of Ha-Ha forever.
frankly zapped after wildly oscillating
in tandem with seven bobble heads and ten French horns)
a devilish trumpeting event
by pre-Christian Celtic festival standards
with a “proto” Don twick or tweeting
like a Taj Mahal wonder of webbed, wide world scout
Samhain celebrated on nightfall of October 31
for bachanalia, candy corn, dreaded locks tot tout.
Now, the Celts I met lived 2,000 years ago
in the area now Ireland,
the United Kingdom and northern France,
believed that the dead,
cuz the underworld could not tolerate nor find stand
ding room, thus returned to earth on Samhain –
accessing a outdated map drawn by Rand McNally.
Though all roads leading to Rome,
would be millenniums as future did advance
but (mentioned for no particular rhyme nor reason)
only for discordant anachronism
Lewis Carroll took a tumble,
and neither fat nor slim chance,
would never find him completing Alice in Wonderland,
cuz quite an expanse
of centuries extant between his accidental slip
somewhere back in time at a glance
hence, he befell the same fate,
how Alice would never en hance
her life, yet the first stanza hailed
as powerful punch from grunting naked tribesman
with armstrong brandishing big lance
which phallic symbol extolled bare necessity,
and no need to wear seer sucker pants
even when inaugurating the ritual, including the verse
..."The time has come," the Walrus said
"To talk of ma ny things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."...
set the listeners in a trance
emptying coffers of bipedal feral simians to add vance
this yearly practice filling rucksacks
with berries, carrion and twigs.
Whether ya favor Golem, Hobgoblins, or Dybyk,
take pause buffer ja pour out massed goodies heck
enjoy satiating yar sweet tooth while still able to lick
every morsel of junk food afterwards a tooth pick
might be necessary to remove gobs that didst stick
analogous to tallow melted from candle wick.
After becoming confident
(das ernest frank gent) handled ignition
jerryrigged knobs, levers, motors,
nameless other parts quintessentially,
set registers to “understand” vital www xy zone.
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A blitzkrieg capstone detonated explosive forcees
generating horrendous instantaneous jolt,
Krakatoa lost mighty noise,
outrageous phenomena qualified regarding
tremendous unearthly violent
whiplashing xing yawping zeitgeist!
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Imagine; The giant from Jack and the beanstalk, deign
Paul Bun, or the Jolly Green Giant,
straddling an imaginary line
between fall and winter. Therein lied the rub
(a tub tub three men in a tub), a question of mine
if pecking peccadillos peculiar per pretend puppies
engaged in any...Snoop...doggy style spine
tingling homosexual behavior,
no who matter intimated naked playtime also flourished
amidst can dyed cornicopia of good 'n plenty eats
contrasted with paucity,
life and death, Halloween evolved
as a celebration and superstition with wine
woman and song. Such weaning of the hallow,
or hallow of the weaner originated
with ancient Celtic festival of Samhain,
when village people would light vanity of bonfires,
and wear politically incorrect costumes
to ward off roaming ghosts of inept leaders
if necessary rivaling Tarzan impressions
swinging on a vine.
The Mound of the Hostages car bon mot dated
(by this amateur sigh hint hussed)
at 4,500 to 5000 years old, or there about
suggesting Samhain celebrated long before
first Celts arrived in Ireland
about 2,500 years ago with no cleats boot riveting clout
Samhain (pronounced /'s??w?n/
SAH-win or /'sa?.?n/ SOW-in,
Irish pronunciation: without,
or possibly Greek to this doubt
ting Thomas – [s??u?n?]),
a Gaelic festival marking the end,
when pollination ceased to flout
ushered advent of harvest season,
and beginning cust tomb of caw king grout,
discussing the epic winter of Gilgamesh,
or the "darker half" of the year,
when one feasted on giblets and sauer kraut
Halloween rooted er beer reed in ancient biers
caravansari doggedly exhumed along route,
66 (the third beastly 6
My friends call me gay,
not ha ha funny
My enemies call me *****,
they say I dress
like an androdyous honey
My mama with tough love,
tells me:
I’m living a sinful lifestyle
My daddy growls and disavows:
says I’m his biological son,
but not his spiritual child
Nothing is ha ha funny
about this situation at all
Mixed emotions got me
on a Bunson burn
Beaker of roiling XY chromsomes
and testosterone hormones
Homosexual agony
is tormenting me
Desires I feel for another man;
attraction so strong, so womanly
God said those feelings ain’t natural,
and shouldn’t be inside of me tempting
Not one safe place to breathe
in this heterosexual society
I got man-sized hands
and a feminine weighted heart
But, do you wanna know
the real funny part
I’ll give you a good
Pagliacci laughing head start
My partner likes to dress up
as a man
Likes to wear custom fabric pants
Drapes himself in the dark cloak
of a masculine life
But says he can only be himself
when he’s around me,
and away from his wife
Ha ha ... funny story, don’t you think —
I think not!
Unafraid of corrupt abuse of
power sharing a bed with
my abusive ex husband
Definitely changed my locks
after the graveyard dirt left
behind from mafia scum
corrupt Talisa shaw Alicia
Hilton jay Townsend Johnson
Henry Danita delmont oh
Danny boy or girl agents
agents left over from my
abusive ex husband brothals
obsession to my American
poetry sending a few old
hitmen from Gotti degenerate
crews leaving threats hahaha
Immature laughing seeing
a murdered woman Gargano
unsolved Chicago murders
Ha ha ha R Hondas sadness
rolling with Gargano garbage
faking their deaths extortion
of traumatic brain injury claim
on behalf of my injuries money
laundering Milwaukee drug smugglers
stash in order to commit heist
on disabled Americans and their families
Your love gives, it takes
burdened smiles and crystal flakes
fall from pained eye
and then a lie
slips from your lips
into a hush
heart crush
jibbidy doo
sunny and warm
clouds invade
rain starts to fall
it pours
thunder cracks
broken branches tap against the glass
the noise is so irritating
it makes want to kick some......butt?
is this a suckish rhyme or what?
A vivarium is neither a plant or an epic entry. Instead of entry-level why not try a bulbous flow? Why? Why is a savvy question asked by a curved arched triangle whose speech is dialect. Yo, be known by a trapeze artist! Oh a mighty wrath of a single aromatic hydrocarbon air. Wonderful. Great. The tap tap tapping of a whirlpool is very enigmatic isn't it ? But a single ladle lord of custard custodians is a pilot engineering feat. Open to discussion on a boating plate. Interesting. Suppose a shark would come to the supper table. Big high top. Good. But a top barging top hat is very amusing and clever. Speaks to the dead. Communicates with animals. And spins along a road hollering a hound tune. In a haze of lights. Wow. It is not to be considered normal when a pig visits a public house. Full of puzzles and pubescence pubes. Development of deviant cutlery drawers and essences of distinguished tongues. Oh how quaint. Radiuses are to be drawn in a pink pen. And numbers on a list are very very very very very revelational indeed. So take a bow. And a curtsey and clean ears out with a wooded spoon. Baste a beast. Testicular formation of rice. Hahahaha and a swollen souk. Swelling swimming spun spinning sharks saying shite songs. Haha and a worm in a cloak with outstretched arms. Xxxxx colonic irrigation. Xxxxx testator gators. Xxxx theasaurus. Z.
MOO HA HA HAH! (with kudos to E.A. Poe)
There was an eerie peal I knew
When just a reborn child
I sat listening
Listening for that cast iron steel-gray
midnight shattering clang
CLANG!
Once -
Twice -
Then this macabre strain that would trip familiar space
Motoring round my meatless inner skull
Like a damn black hearse
All Saints Eve should have explained –
Some pumpkin-headed prankster
In the belfry legs wrapped around the bell tower rope
Smiling mischief –
But NO!
This was no call to worship
Unless to pay homage to Bedlam’s King
No church hymn this opus
The foul Dies Irae struck into my very soul
With nowhere to hide the tender flesh
And now as the sun sets I cower in my cell
Brain full of Draculaean horror
Waiting
WAITING!
Listening
Listening for those ghoul-mad midnight bells
The Trolls were out Halloween night; it’s their favorite time of the year.
The baby one had a Tutu on, and a great big smile, from ear to ear.
Grandpa Troll came along, and led his band down the streets, that night.
The neighbors were happy to see them there, to protect us all from pranks.
Needless to say, the town had a prize for the best costumes of the year.
The winners got goodies, at the ice cream store, who could ask for more?
Well, most of the town didn’t know, that our Trolls… were really real.
You can bet, the secret got out, after they won the costume show, this year.
As you can surmise, the ice cream prize… became the undoing of the Trolls.
After one little bite… they all dropped like flies, as a brain freeze did unfold.
You can bet, as the Trolls lay there, I’d never seen more beautiful grins.
Nirvana in life is hard to find… You can bet, they’d found theirs, my friend.
Candy is great; I heard them all say… with their bags full to the brim.
But ice cream, you see… was the coup complete… it must be a sin!
Now ice cream has become the hit of the town… along with watching a Troll.
It’s so tres Troll, and fascinating, you know… to watch the brain freeze…
Lay them flat on their back, again!
CSEastman 9-16-2012
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