Best Gossipy Poems
From what Eye can see
My gossipy neighbor
always nose best
He said she said we did and they were.
My brain has shut down.
Slammed shut with a banging sound.
Clang!
I am sure this is fascinating talk for the
townies who have lived in this small town
forever and also share stories of he, she, we,
they, said, did, and whatever….
For a person who escaped all of this
gossipy stuff, and has not been exposed to
much of it since 1970, it holds zip appeal.
My mind refuses to open up,
writing poetry behind the locked door,
not letting any of the he said, she said, they did
stuff in.
Reminding me why we made our escape.
I once heard an old, gossipy rat
Whose desire was to live in my flat,
So kitty got her way
They’re buddies to this day,
And party on gin for a chit-chat
2/21/2016
Jan Allison's Limerick #2 --For Fun Contest
Old Mr. Nicholson
totters across the town square
to the barbershop where
Clive has cut his hair
for the last forty years or so
Not hardly needing
even a trim
but pretending
he has a reason besides
the gossip waiting within
Inside, the shop smells like hair tonic
shaving cream and old leather
and the only noticeable things
that Clive's changed
in the last forty years
are the calendar, magazines
and gumball machine
Tall and gaunt, Clive stoops and
shuffles around the shop
a bit slow and shaky, but still
the cheapest and best around
as he drawls out the latest
scuttlebutt from all over town
Harry Van Hoorn leans
sideways in the old barber chair
hanging on every word like an old hound
ears flapping in the breeze
making an odd squinchy face as he
holds back a sneeze
bits of loose hair tickling his nose
While old Arnie Bruner
broods in the corner
his usual sour-faced self
like an old prune
all wrinkled and dried up
without a single good thing to say
“Well, hello Ed!” Clive stops and says
as Mr. Nicholson sidles in
he amiably waves his comb in the air
continuing to work on Harry's hair
thoroughly ignored as he
continues to speak
“Long time, no see!” Harry sings out
even though they were both
in here just last week
“Hiya Harry!” Mr. Nicholson says
in his high-pitched little whine
“Have you heard about-”
“Oh wait, lemme guess-” Arnie breaks in
in his growly bass
“...it's about that place... next door to-”
“Jim and Grace” Harry cuts in
“No, I was going to say-”
Mr. Nicholson chirps
a bit snappily
“It must be about Jenny Mae...”
Harry chortles gleefully
“No, it's gotta be about Faye!-”
Arnie belts out grumpily
Meanwhile, they're missing
all the scorching details
of the greatest scandal
as Clive croons on
amid the din
of his gabby, blabby customers
each desperate
to get a word in
Back and forth, in and out
with bickers and shouts
hums, warbles, trills, groans
solos and accidental duets
their crazy cacophony has become
a funny (albeit gossipy) kind
of barbershop quartet!
any superstitious peasants
out there tonight
TV junkies gossipy groupies
smooth talking saxophonists
am I talking too fast
for couple's therapy
uh oh here comes
another scar on my head
the optimist would say
the scar of opportunity
fortunately digression is an art
that never plays for keeps
you don't want to become
the unwitting tool
of smarter people do you
you do
it's your worst nightmare
instead let's play museum
you have eye
you have other eye
you will however need an augury
let's step onto the showroom floor
where we have our latest models
Bill the mechanic seer
could tell your fate
from a pile of tossed grease rags
he was right almost every time
he even told 3 circus anteaters
they would run for President
and they did
Edwina the cleaning lady sibyl
could swing a vacuum bag
round her head and tell from the
dust cloud if you were gonna die
from gall bladder or aphrodisiac
Zaza the 1 trick pony
could hoof the innards of a road kill
and you'd find love
an astronomer named Ziggy
told our planet that a big rock
was coming from the sky like a freight train
that's why I'm appearing before you
in this ethereal minimum medium
you'll have to forgive me
if I show a lack of enthusiasm
for this dangerous matter
I may have fallen captive to the tow
of the clandestine echelons
working their hands like bug legs
in a sign language
that horrifies the deaf
I've scanned this
for alien message implants
you won't need a map of area 51
just a chicken wire cage
which is always as refreshing as
another lash of the cane
take permission out behind the toadstools
and put a bullet up its shirt
they just hand me the script
and I broadcast what I'm told
radio free Carthage
From "Engine of Didactic Beauty" available on Amazon
Artist Portfolio: http://walteralter.site11.com/
we've all done it
or we used to do it
nowadays we can feign
sending messages
in touch-and-go back streets
in dodgy areas at night
in the office to appear
being busy
to avoid babbling
with a colleague
to avoid a bothersome
old lady at the bus stop
bell didn't invent the
gossipy horn
he jibber-jabbered
with the mutt
which is another
prop you could
pretend to be
chewing the fat with
talk with a stuffed animal
talk with a photo
talk with a tomato plant
talk with the mirror
sweden had their
own phone number
so you could pretend
to be talking to them
Mr Phil Osophy
Was Informative and Gossipy
His acquired Knowledge
Came from attending College
I Beg Pardon, University
It is a stand outside and shout “whee” kind of day
The sun is brightly shining, the squirrels out to play,
The smell of freshly mown grass plays with the breeze
I can measure the happiness by the leaves in the trees.
The birds are twittering and excitedly flying about,
They don’t seem to care I yelled an ear-splitting shout,
My gossipy neighbor has nothing nefarious to chide
So, all in all, it is an “up, up and away” day outside.
FIRST PLACE WINNER
Written June 28, 2021
for Brian Strand's Couplet Contest
She blows the prettiest bubbles from the moon.
Adorable! Said an antelope, who acts like a goon.
She is probably coming back to earth, and I mean soon.
This was stated by a gossipy grandpa baboon.
Quite awful had been the gossip:
About a widening girl's hip.
"Why would it not Holy Men trip
And apart the toughest skirt rip?"
Quite idle had been the gossip:
About Eves' wears eyes could off strip;
From speaker worker's sweat drip,
Sometimes, audience clammy hands grip
Gossipy lips that could wine sip;
There were hands who could his glass tip!
Lips good at digging a deep pit:
Its shovels never made a slip...
As the gist gets sweeter lost zip,
Stabbing Truths and lies bit by bit
Their source, sure, is getting a tip,
As a hip keeps receiving whip!
Lasted it had two hours,
Round the indulged bottles flowers
Two Ladies Having Tea
in a very floral flat;
looking out at the sea
with Bea, the cat.
Peonies and roses
adorning the room;
lend an air of symmetry
on a spring afternoon.
A gossipy moment
among good friends;
a moment that Bea hopes
with cat treats, will end.
Stained glass windows
White candles
Hard wooden pews
Beautiful hymns
A congregation scrubbed clean,
ready to hear
the ordained one.
He is not a humble man,
fond of rebuking
those who oppose him.
You probably didn’t see him
passionately kissing his secretary.
But I did!
The self-righteous love
a weekly church service,
and they know the difference
between the regulars,
and the common visitor.
When sitting next to
gossipy church ladies,
I hope their poison
doesn’t affect me.
I once tried to join a church,
that I attended faithfully.
But I was young,
and didn’t have enough income,
for them to bother.
I’ve endured countless sermons
in my life.
They carry common themes.
Hand over your cash,
so you may receive blessings.
We will build more buildings.
Hire more staff.
I think God would spend
his money on the poor.
I am quite certain, that Jesus
would vomit on a pew.
I have clear goals
when trapped in a Sunday debacle.
I pray that I am able,
to stay awake for the entire
pointless show.
Every thing was fine.
No one complained, and then
one fated day the Kooka burra's came..
People who never learned to keep in their own lane.
They never read our regs., which is very plain,
at first they claimed one half the parking in their own name..
Mr. Kook's crochety, petty, and a bully.
Mrs. Kook's gossipy and engages in tom foolery..
The kooka burra's are nesting here in our condo tree,
taking over as if they were the only owner family.
"Stop Kooka burra's"
"Stop Kooka burra's"
Start consulting the other three!!
Three old crows were standing head-to-head
Conversing in the hallway between the classes
Wondering who they were dissing, with dread,
I knew fellow teachers they thought jacka**es,
And, occasionally, I had been on their hit list
Every workplace has a similar gossipy klatch
If they suddenly vanished, they’d not be missed
They liked nothing better than a pis*ing match.
I made a practice to stay clear of their clucking
I’ve never enjoyed putting other people down,
While some people enjoy what I call mucking
Their favored pastime, a proverbial knockdown.
I prefer spending my time building others up
Helping those out who are having a rough time,
Avoiding those who engage in childish trollop
While adhering to my chosen ethical paradigm.
Written July 5, 2022
I love you
Send my smiles to her inbox
Your gossipy cat