Barbershop Quartet

Old Mr. Nicholson
totters across the town square
to the barbershop where
Clive has cut his hair
for the last forty years or so

Not hardly needing
even a trim
but pretending
he has a reason besides
the gossip waiting within

Inside, the shop smells like hair tonic
shaving cream and old leather
and the only noticeable things
that Clive's changed
in the last forty years
are the calendar, magazines
and gumball machine

Tall and gaunt, Clive stoops and
shuffles around the shop
a bit slow and shaky, but still
the cheapest and best around
as he drawls out the latest
scuttlebutt from all over town

Harry Van Hoorn leans
sideways in the old barber chair
hanging on every word like an old hound
ears flapping in the breeze
making an odd squinchy face as he
holds back a sneeze
bits of loose hair tickling his nose

While old Arnie Bruner
broods in the corner
his usual sour-faced self
like an old prune
all wrinkled and dried up
without a single good thing to say

“Well, hello Ed!” Clive stops and says
as Mr. Nicholson sidles in
he amiably waves his comb in the air
continuing to work on Harry's hair
thoroughly ignored as he
continues to speak 

“Long time, no see!” Harry sings out
even though they were both
in here just last week

“Hiya Harry!” Mr. Nicholson says
in his high-pitched little whine
“Have you heard about-”

“Oh wait, lemme guess-” Arnie breaks in
in his growly bass
“...it's about that place... next door to-”

“Jim and Grace” Harry cuts in
 
“No, I was going to say-”
Mr. Nicholson chirps
a bit snappily

“It must be about Jenny Mae...”
Harry chortles gleefully

“No, it's gotta be about Faye!-”
Arnie belts out grumpily

Meanwhile, they're missing
all the scorching details
of the greatest scandal
as Clive croons on
amid the din
of his gabby, blabby customers
each desperate
to get a word in

Back and forth, in and out
with bickers and shouts
hums, warbles, trills, groans
solos and accidental duets
their crazy cacophony has become
a funny (albeit gossipy) kind
of barbershop quartet!

Copyright © | Year Posted 2018



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Date: 10/24/2018 11:26:00 PM
Awesome; I really like this one and the mental picture that comes with it; -JT
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Mcferran Avatar
Rhona Mcferran
Date: 10/25/2018 3:46:00 AM
Thank you!! I am so glad you enjoyed it! ;)
Date: 10/20/2018 9:02:00 AM
Hilariously done! It is so funny in every single line. How did I miss seeing this for two days? I am going down your list now to see what other gems I have missed. You have done the Andy Griffith Show proud with this one, and every small hometown barbershop is laughing their a**es off.
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Mcferran Avatar
Rhona Mcferran
Date: 10/20/2018 4:53:00 PM
Thank you, my friend!! ;) This one was actually based on the barbershop where I grew up. (Despite the stereotype, the men were worse gossips than the women!)
Date: 10/18/2018 1:03:00 PM
what a cute idea calling these gossips a barbershop quartet. charming narrative.
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Mcferran Avatar
Rhona Mcferran
Date: 10/18/2018 8:22:00 PM
Thank you so much! ;)
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