Best Gas Poems

Our oldest light goes by the name cosmic 
microwave background radiation—
CMB for short. She's everywhere: 
fluorescent birdsong of modern offices, 
hum of corner store ice cream cases. 
Have you heard of her? This gal was born 
screaming into freedom from the expansion 
of a bang...

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Lumpy Rumpy, now a high school lad,
I'm afraid is still acting very bad,
In his school laboratory he did amass,
Some stinking, self-made, rotten egg gas.

He corked it up in a chemistry vial,
Then down the town, he strolled for a while,
Choosing a site, the local paper shop,
He...

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I feel a blockage has occurred...
It must have been all that stuffing and Turkey bird...
The gurgles, the rumbling, the passing of gas...
It’s beyond my control ,Oh dear, please let this pass...
We have guests you see...
So I don’t have the privilege to just get up and...

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They are going to put up the prices
But say we will hardly notice the cost
They plan to increase the standing charges 
But spread them out so we can’t see what we’ve lost

The standing charge it will increase
But the cost of the gas will go down
When...

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My eco car runs on natural gas
Naught to sixty, what a blast
It runs like a dream
Refueled by baked beans
All free from a humans ass...

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I guessed that they called it mustard gas because of it,s yellow hue.
Once you got a mouthfull there was nothing you could do.
Your throat explodes,your lungs implode as your brain screams out for air.
You rip the skin off your windpipe but you don,t even care.
Where...

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So it's back to the limericks I go
Been neglecting my friends I know 
If I make you guys laugh
And involuntarily pass gas
The relief on your faces will show


© Jack Ellison 2015




For Judy...

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There was an old man from Bluegrass,
          who always ate green sassafras.
                        His...

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Limerick: Once the Yogi of Himalaya
                      or the laughing gas Yogi

		I

Once the Yogi of Himalaya
Preached laughing loud with Prânâyâma*
They thought him immortal
Put him on...

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Gas crisis and smog emissions
Coal war economy
Urban sprawl
Forcing rural withdrawal
While cutting down the trees.

Gas prices and tax submissions
Political parody
Fly to the moon
Live within a cocoon
But this trip will not be free.

Before technical transitions
Sublime ecology
Now it’s ride on a horse
With a meter of course
To measure flatulency....

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This is for Andrea D. who asked for my Cow Gas poems.  I have at least one more to 
post.  Look for California Cows.    Mike

Cow Gas

I’m putting my cows all on Beano
With the veggies they eat – oh the gas
Eight...

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My van is on push!
Can I borrow some money
To fill up the tank....

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A young man in overalls 
remarked to me: 
"How 'bout them Redskins?" 
I couldn't think of anything 
worthwhile to say, so 
I refrained from speaking....

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Jan caught a jet plane to New York
Where bacon does not come from pork
To end her trip
Jan let one rip
The Captain delivered a stork

Jan's flight was Economy grade
Stuck between an old man and old maid
In the middle row
Which way should she blow?
"Hey!  I've got...

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If you hear the sound of rat-tat-a-tat
It's not a woodpecker or a chattering cat
Tis George F. Latulence an aristocrat
Playing ping pong with his gold crested bat.

A competitor and show-off he deems to be
Dresses each day in his noble finery
Pantaloons his normal fancy day wear
His ancestry,...

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