Best Funnywrite Poems
I want to write a funny poem, one without meaning
So that everytime you read it, your going to start peeing
It will make you laugh
think of Giraffes
Possibly fart
and eat a pop-tart
Who knows maybe you will cry
only because its so dumb it's funny but you dont know why
This poem will talk about gypsies and snickers
maybe nerds who are nose pickers
Or maybe Chuck Norris
OMG did you know he drives a ford tauras
Who knows, maybe this poem could be famous
or maybe people might call me an ignoramous
Oh well, this poem I write one day will be awesome
Im thinking about even including a possum
His name will be Gerald
Omg HE IS PREGNANT NO>... NOT WILL FERRELL
Anyway Gerald will love snickers and chuck norris
Gerald will also get into a fight with a taurtus..
Scratch all that, that was not funny
Im just going to write about the Trix bunny
I’ve been diagnosed with Adult ADHD,
Seems I don’t have the ability to concentrate inside of me.
I get distracted by the simplest of things,
Hey, that was a foul! What are you looking at ref?!?!?
And cannot focus on…Ha ha, look at that guy’s bling.
I’ve been diagnosed with Adult ADHD,
Oh, did I already say that?
Hey, what’s this spot on my hand?
Do you think it’s something I should get looked at?
I’ve been diagnosed with Adult ADHD,
The doctor suggested some unusual therapy,
Said maybe I should try writing poetry,
Maybe focusing on that could help fix me.
Honey, why haven’t we installed the wireless mouse, yet?
The wires almost knocked over my drink.
Now where was I?
Oh yeah, I was going to write a poem, I think.
I’ve been diagnosed with Adult ADHD,
I should look that up on the Internet.
What time is it?
Cindy, is Spencer home from school yet?
I’ve been diagnosed with Adult ADHD.
How many times have I written that sentence?
Oh, there’s Spencer. Hey, you want to go out and play?
I’ll write my poem later today.
>
I’ve been diagnosed with Adult ADHD,
Although I think they are full of crock,
They say I have a problem concentrating,
I say that I do not.
They challenged me to write a poem,
I can do it – I’ll show ‘um.
Hey, somebody answer the phone.
What’s this – is somebody writing a poem on this PC?
Oh, was that me?
Honey, what was it the Doctor said I had?
Oh yeah, Adult ADHD,
My wife said, “If that’s true,
It’s the only thing ADULT about you.”
Very funny, Honey.
Now, what was I doing?
Oh look, Ohio State is on TV.
Maybe I’ll come back to this later – whatever it is I was doing.
I was set to post a blog today
Then saw the note that said one more day
I've finally mastered a comment or two
And say hats off to POETRYSOUP
Since I've moved my computer been in a glitch
Nothing I'd do would heal it's itch
Then poetrysoup had their big spill
And all of my dreams went down hill
Yesterday, I really got mad
And ran a program I didn't know I had
When it came up with 42
My heart was broke, my computer was through
Or so I thought
I read a little farther and there I found
A whole bunch of things they said made it unsound
I grited my teeth and said what the ------ well
Marked all of the spots and punched the bell
When all was said and done
It said it had taken care of 71
I thought than what is left
I wrote an e-mail and it was blessed
Today I got back to you
And wanted to write a blog too
But a note said not right yet
So I wrote this poem for you instead
I just think of the problems I've had
And bow my head in shame
For if I had had the problems like poetrysoup
All our dreams would go up in flames
So I'll wait a few more days
Knowing I'll write a blog soon
And until then if I get anticy
I'll do what the cow did and jump over the moon
Form:
If he nodded at the president, hello,
the president would write it in his personal bio.
He told jokes to the Dalai Lama.
The Dalai laughed, even though they were about his mamma.
Once he threw out the opening pitch for a baseball game.
Two weeks later, he was inducted into the hall of fame.
If he was given a speeding violation,
the officer would put himself on probation.
After he works out at the gym on his own,
people bottle up his sweat and wear it as cologne.
If he painted a masterpiece,
DaVinci's value would decrease.
I don't always write poems, but when I do,
I prefer to be great, I hope you do too.
WRITER'S BLOCK
THE WOULD-BE POET
I thought I'd write a word or two,
Like all them famous poets do,
And then mayhap I would be known,
And folks would ask me to intone,
The lyrics that were world renown,
In recitals throughout town;
So I sat down with pen and waited,
For inspiration, breath abated.
I waited long into the night,
Then came the dawn and morning's light.
I thought I'd write a word or two,
Short story, pome, just one or two,
But seems to me there's no such luck,
So I got in my pick up truck,
And drove around to clear my head,
It did no good, my muse is dead;
Or else she's just abandoned me,
I prayed to her on bended knee,
But as far as I can see,
This effort's in futility.
DANG!!!
For Block, Block, Block Contest by Detroyer Poet
Middle Rhyme
Poems using internal rhyme I write them all the time
It is a way to express and sometimes to confess
I write them in my own way and make a point with what I say
Poetry Soup has many contests, man I hope I win cuz I really want this
You do crosswords for fun, I write poems of the run
This is the first try at internal rhyme sorry I lied in the first line
If you like writing poems too keep em coming and I’ll read them soon.
Form:
I can write a poem
That simply doesn't rhyme
I know you think I can't
But I do it all the....day long
I know what you thought
You thought I already messed up
But an old dog can learn new tricks
And so can her....baby dog
Now if you're sitting there waiting
For me to write the wrong word
I can write things beside rhymes
No matter what you've....been told
Well now I'm almost finished
And still no words sound the same
But if I make just one mistake
I've only myself to....fuss at
See, I've almost made it
For this is my final verse
For all of those who wanted me to fail
It's okay to....cuss
This time you've really thrown me a challengin' curve, Mr. Flach!
You've asked this old "rhymer" to write somethin' called "free verse!"
To concoct such a "masterpiece" is agin' my poetical "religion!"
But if you insist, I'll give it a try sans my dictionary and thesaurus!
I suppose I could come up with somethin' dealin' with current politics,
But that might cause a flap with those who disagree with me.
Perhaps somethin' to do with hot romance, moonlit beaches and love,
But I'm not very astute about such things and would probably botch it!
Oh, I know! How about an animal theme about rabbits and their prolific habits.
Nah! Probably with my acidic tongue I'd leave folks "hoppin'" mad!
There's always nature things to write about - rivers, mountains and such.
Maybe I could concoct a stirrin' verse such as Kilmer's memorable "Trees!"
I could write about guv'ment meddlin', taxes and the high cost of livin',
But I'd get so angry that I might throw rocks at an occupied hearse!
So I'd better control myself and compose somethin' rather mundane,
Like feedin' squirrels and pigeons and contemplatin' the settin' sun!
Joe, though I doubt this composition will rate a Pulitzer Prize for poetry,
I've had a ton of fun and my first "free verse" made for easy writin'!
But I'd better forego writin' free verse before it gets any "vorse!"
And stick to usin' rhyme, rhythm and meter for my verse!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Honorable Mention in Joe Flach's "A Poem That Doesn't Rhyme - July 2010
What a fun
I'm getting tickle,
to write a poem,on
eco-friendly vehicle!
Isn't it better
to write an essay,
old school days
you may say!
Let me try
for a while,
to write a rhyme
in my style!
I have got
a friendly vehicle,
with some eco-
just miracle!
Some people say
vehicle no:11,
capable of reaching
even to heaven!
I prefer,to
walk on foot,
what a vehicle
simple and cute!
Isn't it friendly
with some eco-,
you people decide
let me go!
© kashinath karmakar (25th May,2011)
============================
Contest:Eco-friendly vehicle
Sponsor:Robb A. Copp
My wife said write a sensitive poem
I don't even know what that means
I could always write about flatulence
Since I'm pretty partial to beans
Okay, here I go
Something sensitive for the masses
I'm guessing it has nothing to do
With those bean's invisible gasses
That four letter word that starts with an F
Yes, I'm talking about fear
People can get pretty sensitive
If they're standing anywhere near
I don't think this is what she meant
But it's as sensitive as I can be
And even while I'm writing this
She's sitting there staring at me
So I guess I'd better end this poem
Before the fighting starts
Who knew she'd be so sensitive
To a poem written about.....you know
At the computer
I decided to compose
The verse was quickly
And very accurately closed
When I pressed the
Submit tab the program
Back to login tab goes
My beautiful work going, going, goes
Tears, tears, tears flow
( I have learned this lesson several times and the poetry never ever comes
exactly back to my mind ...it is lost forever in cyberspace floating around. I say
over and over always write it down, write it down.)
Form:
As I try to write this poem,
I find:
13 stuck keys
1 jammed space bar
5 upside down numbers
8 miss spelled words
3 missing letters
1 reason I didn't finish
And thats why I didn't write this poem
If I write 3 lines
Do I also have to kiss behinds
If I have the blues
Will you give this some views
If I write about vomit
Will I get a comment
Form:
My wife said write a love poem
So that's what I will do
Someone said that roses are red
Or was it violets are blue?
Oh well, you understand my meaning
You know what I'm trying to say
Your eyes are like a pickled beet
So stop looking at me that way
Your kiss is like a bathroom plunger
Each time you suck my face
Your smile looks like a circus clown
That came from outer space
Your breath smells like an armpit
That brings me to my knees
Your hair is like a brillo pad
As stiff as a summer breeze
Your voice is like a banshee in heat
My wife say's, "That's Enough!!!"
I tried to tell her I don't know how
To write this mushy stuff
LOSING HOME
I’ve looked so long now, seems forever
For a place that once I called home;
And I thought that I would never
Simply roam and feel so alone.
For a place that once I called home
It was mine so long, long ago; now I
Simply roam and feel so alone
With regret and despair; yes, I cry.
It was mine so long, long ago; now I
Stand accused of depraved desertion.
With regret and despair, yes; I cry
All I did was to write with assertion.
Stand accused of depraved desertion?
The address was wrong; it's a shame.
All I did was to write with assertion
Of my love for sweet, sweet Lorraine.
The address was wrong, it's a shame,
And I thought that I would never.
Of my love for sweet, sweet Lorraine...
I've looked so long now, seems forever.