Best Funny House Poems

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First you got an alligator.

Next came a giraffe.

Lions ride your elevator,

bears hide in your bath.

Bunnies,

   chimps,

       (a duck?),

            raccoons..... 

      ...

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A little grey mouse 
snuck into the house 
to get himself out of the cold. 

Then the house cat 
Who saw where he sat 
pursued him I am told. 

The lazy old dog 
who sleeps like log 
was startled by the chase, 

So she woke...

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I bought a house that nobody else wanted.
I got it dirt cheap because it was haunted.
It was once owned by a murderess and nobody could trust her.
Things got so bad in that house that I called the Ghostbusters.
But those four women came running out of...

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Harmless guest


Underneath Zoom chair
Some small creature fleeing in confusion

Ah ha, a brown lizard, harmless four-legged guest

Hiding and scared, aren’t you?
So am I
Please do not visit me in bed tonight

Mi-casa-su-casa
prey on insects and spiders all you want
and Thank you
for house cleaning service

Mi-casa-su-casa
Enjoy this big playground
hanging out...

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The taste of homemade Carmel so sweet/ everyone I know desires the treat.

After one night in the kitchen covered/ half the pan gone, next morning discovered. 

 Is it my beagle Lily whom loves any food? / she seems in a hyper beagle mood.

 I...

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Poor Tim, the timorous, one cold dark day

set out to prove that TIMID he was not!

He ventured one whole night alone to stay

inside the empty house his friends had sought.

The house was old. . . unlocked, it beckoned Tim.

He neared its door; his trepidation grew.

His...

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Spring and the great reveal!

Winter is now in full retreat,
those darkest days of rain and sleet,
the clouds will part, as if cut by knife,
the sun warms the earth to beckon life

I throw back the curtains in every room,
to let in the rays and light the...

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I cheated when I went to the electrician school.
I don't know what I'm doing, I am truly a fool.
I always screw up every house that I wire.
When the power is turned on, people scream "Fire!"

I connect 110 volt wires to 220 outlets and 220 to...

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Housework what a chore
I refuse to do it any more 
My poor hands have blisters 
And my hands are sore
Oh my what a bore.

The more you do
The more you find
It's such hard work
And I don't have the time.

Some peoples houses are like a show room
Mine...

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A new life it seems 
Has come my way
In the mountains 
And plains of Wy-o-ming

I look out of my window
And Antelope play
Go out to the kids place
Where the buffalo stay

The rain has been plenty
And the winds not still
If you call blowing
A 500 lb ol’ lady...

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It's not impossible that my house stink.
At times there festers garbage in a sack
behind a closet door, and once the sink
got clogged with who-knows-what; sent water back
up filthy and all black; I dished it out
scoop by nasty scoop into a pan.
That damn disposal broke. ...

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Inebriated Bob painted his house bright pink
His poor neighbors raised a  hell-of-a stink
Then in October
Finally got sober
Took one look at the house and asked for a drink
     

For the Tickle Me Pink contest...

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How To Get Rich From Gambling

By Elton Camp

Probabilities is what gambling is all about
With enough trials, probability will work out
Though gambling will put most in the ditch,
There also is a way from it to get filthy rich

Chances stay the same for each random event
Ignore that...

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My wife woke me up last night and said that she had been bitten all over by something,
She said she was certain it had not been me...
Alarmed! I rolled off the bed and landed on my knee.
Our baby was sleeping soundly and he did give...

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I have an ant farm and the ant that lives there works very hard,
He makes sure that his house is always neat and so is his yard.

When I stop by to look in on him I can see he loves me oh so much,
And I...

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