Best Fitter Poems
i am a ye olde chastity belt maker and fitter
Fitting is free
I love my occupation
As I hold the key
For an emergency
Their men want them fitting
While they are away at war
And my services are required
More and more
Something I adore.
The women beg me to set them free
And I give them what they need
For a fee.
So need a chastity belt?
Don't buy a cheap imitation from Hong Kong.
They have sharp edges and not that strong.
Just send me a E- arrow
And I'll be there quicker than a falcon after a sparrow.
This weeks special offer hurry!
Buy two get one free
I aim to please
If I still have the energy.
I'm very popular you know
So come on wenches and ye olde maidens
Give me a go How else you gonna know?.
Peter Dome. copyright.2014. July.
Good tidings young maidens it is me
The chastity belt bespoke fitter
To all princess and queen
I could tell many a tale about the things I've seen
But alas the crusades are over
No need for chastity belts no more
I did good business when the men were at war.
I'm having a closing down sale
Many bargains I've made
It's ok your secrets with me
I still fit free
With pride and dignity.
Of course I might have to make a mould with my hands
To make a correct fit
But I've had plenty of practice and been about a bit.
So come on you wenches and fair maidens
Come lay on my couch
And I'll soon get around to fitting you out
Because there's talk of another war
The men will be fighting again away
My sizes range from small to extra large
With no extra charge
Free can opener if you lose the key
And I'm readily available in an emergency
What ever that emergency maybe.
See me advertise in ye olde Cosmo magazine
With a picture of a massive one I fitted for the queen
I also sell armoured breast belts
With lock and key of course I'll have to measure
And mould your wares on display
I do that for fun you don't have to pay.
Ok Ladies I'll stay open and not close down
A new crusade has started and I'm the only man left around
Send me a E arrow or a talkagram
And I travel to please you from olde Nottingham town.
Any offers?.
Peter Dome.copyright.2014. Aug.
The Kitchen Fitter
As the wire set alight I cursed his low born name
Then he hit me with a bill and I said you go to hell.
To court he did take me, to pay he was going to make me.
The first appearance was a joke, the judge in squash shorts and a coat
He wanted time to read the papers thoroughly through and through
The kitchen fitter looked smug, but I said just watch your mug
He said, you will have to pay and I told him, no, no way
I said if you do proceed you will greatly regret this deed
The fitter laughed as he told me that he could have bought and sold me
But in court I was to have the last laugh on him.
I stood there and defended my reason not to pay
The judge looked bored to him this was just another day
I said that it’s a crime and for it the fitter should do time
And a counter case I proceeded to relay
Just ask the low born fitter what bad parts he used that day
I began.
It is a criminal offence to take to court on some pretence
When you know that you don’t really have a claim
So I turned the tables on him, and the judge demanded to know
Hey you kitchen fitter, just what do you think is your game?
I proclaimed that he used faulty parts and that he knew it
And as the fire started their defence was gone because the fuses blew it
The judge decreed that I must succeed and he did proceed
To throw out the spurious claim for pay
I then related quietly that he had kept me up nightly
wondering how to put right the dubious work he did on that day.
The judge looked at me and he said oh I can guarantee
That the kitchen fitter will now be the one to pay
There will be compensation and I make a declaration
That if he comes before me in any shape or form again
Not only will he pay but he’ll come to rue the day
That he ever set foot in this court and your name tried to defame.
© 17/04 2013-04-17 Dragon, One Fitter Nil.
Contest entry: The Dragon Slayer Contest. True Story
A diesel fitter was on twitter,
He said, "We make leggings with glitter!"
When they are done
He is the one
Who then says, "Oh yeah, diesel fitter!"
I had to be much bitter,
Sure of the two The Fitter...
Away hours he'd fritter
On some spot steady sitter,
Never chats ends with Rita,
Engulfed in things that glitter
Fears of what in me bitter
I could betray as a hitter,
Peter dropping like litter
And never picking him up
An "I shan't - have - again pup"
So, its a lucky Peter,
For whom things have been neater.
Is there a template for feeling old?
a vision of what we would expect?
Should your state of being at eighty be less joyous
or should you present as being derelict?
Why not be gleeful, full of love and laughter
it's a greater state of feeling than remaining bitter
As I have matured , emotionally, physically and mentally
I have demonstrably in every way become so much fitter
Many a sunset has been viewed
knowing each night as I lay to rest
The sun next day will surely rise
excitedly tomorrow I'll face another quest
There are many moon glow memories
some are great ,some not so fine
Each and every experience I am surely blessed
live in the present and life will be sublime
My life upon this planet
has transformed in many ways
For fifty years now
I run on many days
Here's a message I deliver, I eat only raw organic fruits nuts and greens
over thirty years ago a decisive choice I made
At almost age of eighty there's no sign yet
that I'm about to fade
And then somehow my internal dial around the age of sixty
tuned into the frequency of the messages from God
So acutely now I listen to what He has to say
I take notice of the times He gives a gentle prod
Self love, self respect, love thy neighbour
the most important messages to receive
The heart the breath is our direct connection from God
Listen to God! No intermediaries attempting to deceive
In two months I'll complete
seventy eight rotations around the sun
My advice, never doubt the self
self belief, then life is full of fun