Best Fat Free Poems
It wiggles and jiggles
and feels fun to the touch,
a cinch to make;
something everyone loves.
There are a million flavours,
many are fat free,
jello has been around
for many centuries.
The colours are as vibrant
as a peacock's quills
just pick your favourite;
add water, and let chill.
For something so simple
to bring such pleasure,
it is one of life's mysteries,
that everyone treasures.
So lets pause for a moment
and give thanks to jello;
for who doesn't smile,
at the options of jello.
blueberries are not an option
oversize strawberries, maybe.
16 pack
of pop-tarts
the workers look worried
or weary
worn down by the woman who taps on her wrist-watch
with her forefinger
her painted mask forms a frown
her eyebrows are more aggressive
flashing lights
spilled onto the glossy floor tiles
the shelves are soaked in strange
i am invisible
avoiding intentional eye-contact
content to be
a casual observer
unnoticed by an acquaintance
out of context
unaccustomed to our bodies without barriers
beside the cereal boxes i wonder
if i look different behind bullet-proof glass
fat-free or chocolate 2%
there is no middle-ground
but i prefer the color blue to brown
so the choice is made easier
by arbitrary affections
this is where college students
collect the contents of their refrigerators
this is where bananas
are available after midnight
on a thursday
or is it friday?
all i can say is that it doesn’t matter much
in this fluorescent fantasy land
everything is affordable
especially time
because wages are waning
and the hunger will never cease.
What's for dinner?
Poor people
With no fat on their bones
you can eat them
and eat them.
They're practically fat free
I heard they can make you sick.
Not if you feed them cheese.
One block of cheese,
and they make a fine commodity.
You sure,
my uncle says ya hafta
dip em first in powdered milk.
Na, as long as ya feed em cheese
yer good.
Okay, gimmee three.
(Sung To The Song "I Will Always Love You" By Whitney Houston...From the film..The Bodyguard)...(1992)
If you do stay
You'll be tempting me to your way
In the bin you now go
I can't risk having you here everyday
Coz I will want to eat you
I will want to taste you
You
My biscuit you
Mmmmmm
Loaded with calories
And the fat thighs given to me
So goodbye
I won't cry
Plus my weight plays havoc with my knees
Coz I will want to bite you
I will want to nibble you
You
You could stay if fat free
And I lost all the weight you gave to me
And hadn't given me chin number three
I favoured you, but now set myself free
And I will always love you
Your soft chocolate goo
Your brown crumbly crumb base
Your sweet biscuit round face
Your taste that I still crave
Each small crumb I would not waste
My
Biscuit, I miss you
I'll always
I'll always want you.
Change The Record Poetry Contest
Sponsor : Natasha L Scragg
Written 15.10.21
DISGUSTING COMMERCIAL
As one gets older things begin to sag
Belly hangs over, energy lags
Better take thought for your health old man
Heed this add, start our diet plan
Oh, there’s fat-free, sugar-free, freedom from gas
Beach ball bloating a thing of the past
Darlene B,, bikini beauty, she lost fifty
From obese to trim now aint that nifty
I tell ya, gordo, though you may resist
Fifty off that paunch will never be missed
If going cold turkey has failed in the past
Cash on the line will save you at last
Our plan now comes with money back guarantee
So what if you pig out – go on a spree
Nothing’s lost but your self esteem
After the orgy macho bod only a dream?
No! Shovel in the junk food one last time
Then start life over, call up Trim Line
Dave Austin
give me some fried chicken,
as greasy as grease can be;
with fried taters on the side,
who's worried about fat free?!
give me a breast of chicken,
cooked in gran'ma's lard;
make sure that bird's extra crusty,
'cause i like my chicken hard!
bring on the jalapenos,
so hot i can hardly speak;
now tell mama to call my job,
i'll be sick for at least a week!
My dog likes the decorations from the Christmas tree,
He can eat them without any guilt because they are fat free.
He knows which stocking belongs to him and he checks it every day,
He checks it by chewing it up, it’s a game he likes to play.
Sometimes in the candy dish I will find a suspect slobber mark,
I know that he’s been sampling both the milk chocolates and the dark.
He ate a whole roll of wrapping paper the kind with shinny foil,
Then for dessert he had a bow and some curly ribbon from the coil.
He helps us to remember the good times when Christmas time has gone,
When the snow melts in the spring and we find spangles on the lawn.
No more cheese!
By Stanley Russell Harris
Poetry Soup Honorable Mentioned.
(The mad author)
Saw my doctor the other day.
Was a routine appointment I say.
Well was for me as I’m unwell.
Better than saying as sick as hell.
Another tablet I must take.
As my cholesterol number, is far too high.
Then Doctor did ask of me.
‘Do you eat cheese?’ She did you see.
I gulped and managed to squeak, ‘yes.’
Then she said, ‘cut it out.’
That raised my hackles don’t you doubt.
I faced the doctor and then did say.
‘That’s my main food, I eat every day.’
Then, I explained, ‘I’m sugar and fat free.’
And once specialists said, ‘no strong Greens for me.’
Between all the advice given there.
All I could have was a plate of air.
I was sorry, but begged to say.
‘Please don’t take my cheese away.’
Doctor did say, ‘your cholesterol is high.’
Did not add, ‘if you don’t lower it you will die.’
But it was implied, I do not lie.
So now fat-free cheese, and fat-free margarine.
On crackers, now I eat.
Or I eat brown bread, instead of white starched wheat.
One day I will fade away.
Not from what I eat.
But just because Doctor said,
‘Cheese, you cannot eat.’
I left doctors looking glum.
Her shopping basket was on the floor.
I saw she had two bottles of wine.
And blinking cheeses by the score.
0oo0ooo
If It Tastes Good, Spit It Out
By Elton Camp
Some diets for weight control
Fat-free, sugar-free do extol
Those who wouldn’t be fat
May have to eat a lot of that
Bran cereal that tastes like hay
And there’s even more to say
A muffin that is fat-free
Tastes very bad to me
With a salad I’m not thrilled
With E. coli, it may be filled
From now on, you must lack
A luscious, juicy Big Mac
French fries you eat no more
Their fat and sodium to abhor
Never think you can try
A slice of chocolate pie
Also quite hard to take
No more red velvet cake
The diet rule to recall
If good, don’t eat at all
Parmesan-crusted grouper
A low country broil
Topped with lemon and lime sauce
A hint of garlic
Brushed with olive oil
Cheese to please
Yum!
*Tasted this at a restaurant and now have mastered the recipe. Awesome fat-free
way to prepare grouper. Has to be broiled near the bottom of the oven or it will
burn before cooking. Entry for Sara’s "Low Country Boil" contest.
They filled me full of milk so white
Semi-skinned,fat free and light
The supermarket's, a place real cool
Full cream,my cousin, made folks drool
In and out of the fridge each day
Then,crushed in a recycle box,I lay
To the waste tip that week I went
Off to the plastic factory I soon was sent
Instead of rotting in brown earth
In a green revolution,I have rebirth
They filled me full of milk so white........
blowjobs behind park washrooms.
family packs of porkchops.
fisherprice or mattel.
pornstars praising jesus.
99 cent lipstick in pink shimmer.
aluminum christmas trees.
$5 viles of heroine.
made in china.
happy meals, 50% less plastic.
metal detectors in highschool.
colt 45 and the price of gas.
clogged arteries, 2 for $1.
eating worms for ratings.
pantyhose with runs and rips.
let tv teach the children.
retirement homes and digital cameras.
air conditioners.
trips to wal-mart.
bologne and 'i cant believe its not butter!' on wonderbread.
tourquois paint sold at half price.
sugar free, fat free, no calories. it might give you cancer. everyhing does.
mtv.
carnations and plastic leaves.
eating emotions.
sex as currency.
paying guilt off in installations.
welcome to crazy world.
They filled me full of milk so white
Semi-skinned,fat free and light
The supermarket's, a place real cool
Full cream,my cousin, made folks drool
In and out of the fridge each day
Then,crushed in a recycle box,I lay
To the waste tip that week I went
Off to the plastic factory I soon was sent
Instead of rotting in brown earth
In a green revolution,I have rebirth
They filled me full of milk so white........
Think I need a cowboy
With some fat free ranch
Think I’d like to see him
Swinging from a branch
Reaching out towards me
To get all my attention
Think I need a cowboy
Thought I would just mention
Think I need a cowboy
Not a yellow belly
To yarn the hours away
He betta not be smelly
Nor he be a bad egg
With skin so cold or clammy
Really need a cowboy
To be a little lammy
I do not want an odd stick
Nor a ten-cent-man
A namby-pamby is not handy
Doesn’t know the plan
To scoop me up
To make me his with lots of many kisses
I wanna be a cowgirl and a cowboys' mrs.