Best Expletives Poems
nobody sees you the way I do
in your wheelchair
with your unopenable arms
where everything crashes to a gray twisted landscape
my brother
alpha male
of demon strut clashes
in our shared childhood
once you flipped your hockey stick between my thin legs
to see how many stairs I'd tumble down
your yells to me to "toughen up"
cursing a younger brother
"bookworm sissy"
"vanilla boy"
to expletives that ran like tap water
when proximity was a contact sport
at the care home
to your lips
I spoon in pudding
its dull tranquility
vanilla
into a body that feels itself liquid, limbs pliable and porous
I'd like to re-touch our brotherly photos
to change them to accuracy
or crumple them like a wasp nest knocked to the ground
for nobody sees you the way I do
for nobody knows you the way I do
I was punctured by punctuations
The words you wielded with such disdain
A ravenous revolutionary
Pitilessly piercing deep into my vein
I pretended such positivity
Holding happy forward as my shield
Your attack so precise and persistent
cold and calculated you would not yield
You left little to the imagination
Expressive expletives flowed from your lips
The harmonization of my horror
I was firmly nestled within its grips
Attacked by your callous conversations
Skillfully white washing every event
They were but measly misunderstandings
Never the nouns that I thought you had meant
The truth is that I perceived your pleasure
Within that capacity of your cruel
Heading towards a cliff like a lemming
Dancing dangerously close like a fool
So I sought out new triumphant treasures
Better lines lead to a more complete me
No more would I dangle dangerously
Halting hearing you speak helped me to see!
In years gone by, folks didn’t like to say
God’s name to show surprise or great dismay,
and so you would hear “Goodness,“ “Gol” and “Gee,“
and also euphemisms for J.C.
Jiminy Cricket! Doesn’t that sound nice?
Jeepers Creepers, Jason Crisp or Cheese and Rice?
Godfrey Daniel! Surely you know that
is slang for God and “God rot it” is “Drat!”
“Oh my gosh,” “My goodness,” or simply “Lord”
replaced expletives that today come poured
from mouths of kids who can’t be mannerly
to just say “Leapin‘ Lizards“ or “Golly Gee!”.
You’ll hear (for damning something with God’s name),
“Dag nabbit” and “Dad gum.” They might seem tame
but fit the bill and give us a small thrill!
But dang it, why would someone say “Sam Hill?”
Words from the Holy Bible we enjoy
employing when we say Holy Moley,
Holy cow, Judas Priest (but WAIT!)
For Pete’s Sake! How did Judas ever rate?
Great Scott, there’s even Jumpin’ Jehosophat!
How the HECK did they ever come up with that?
By Jove, I’m nearly finished. Now pretty please. . . .
Instead of using Christ’s name, just say Jeeeeez!
Written July 26, 2015
My hubby just fell out of bed
He banged his elbow and his head
Now I can hear groaning
Expletives and moaning
I’m certain that he isn’t dead!
Only the first line is true – last night we watched a programme on how easily people lie but on this occasion I would call this poetic licence
10/10/18
Axe the old Don, a trump peter n piper
of incredulous hellish crud - be gone
ha air brushed pompous ****
Sunkist in Macy's window
then like a jackal hound, he doth run
after public outcry yelps
for his hide leaving
proletarian discord re: pyrrhic victory won.
Donald Duck Trump ™$ - a pompous ass
makes war with his big brass
knuckles and bucket of crass
maligns vis a vis character assassination
while kissing thing kith
darting forked tongue sharp as bro kin glass
inciting banal deathly hallowed
expletives toward lass
sees – especially Fox Television
news anchor woman Megyn Kelly
(quite so many ill mannered indiscretions ago)
inducing said personality
to bear the brunt of brutish mass
of vitriolic n vile insults sacrilegiously
maliciously, noxiously, opprobiously
incriminating, hellaciously,
desecrating opportunistically as hiss oh piss
so…NO amp pull VOTE of confidence from me
(thus far ohm host halfway to 2020 election
toward such a volt char quite rude, snooty
arrogant simian with sass.
I van (terribly hard pressed)
to describe while sitting on me rump
how he oh bomb in lee rages
gnashing false teeth
Wilma backside doth slump
still blasting Democratic nomination
(pa hill a reed) as sham –
from special interest bro and sis turn pump
he, the epitome of
crass bloviation, a malignant lump
whose rants,
sans presidential outcome a shame
bullying with his millions beds this,
that and another woman to bareback jump
disseminating gene pool
birthing more Quakers
and additionally doth hump
the mass media as some foolhardy charade
and caricature of a frazzled grump
this arboreal clothed ape erected Taj Mahal
phallic symbol, where players dump
and gamble away hard earn cash
for his kitty, as if that cachet
to grind and bump
lambasting with maniacal
like "Stormy Dan" yells
leering oafish ill pout
while hair rum
(of red follicular) bulls ad hocks
atop his bulbous aerosol sprayed locks
resemble a flock
of bronzed sea gulls mocks
heady measly shaped Muppet Ox
dis eased cranial hologram shocks
of a cretaceous, facetious tocks
(sic) exogenous, insidious, and obstreperous vox.
I was swinging from my glass chandelier
Lost my grip and landed smack on my rear
Banged my head and blood poured out of my ear
I screamed expletives nobody should hear!
The ache in my bum was very severe
Sobbing with pain I shed a salty tear
An ambulance was called, it was soon here
The driver said 'oh not you again dear ..
you need to stay sober and keep off beer…
It’s the second time you’ve done this this year'!
Checked with how many syllables
Contest Monorhyme Mania
Sponsored by John Hamilton
08~22~16
PARDON MY FRENCH
She swore like a sailor
and what did it mean?
Did he cuss as a pause...
were their cohorts unclean?
Were their vocabularies lacking
in something rich or refined?
Did they swear in frustration,
were their expletives unkind?
Was she to quit swearing
when dad counts to five?
Did he pay at the cuss jar
in a ten dollar crash dive?
Must they think of real words
and substitute when they can?
Should they change their slang
before, the *#!% hits the fan?
It's a hard thing to do in
replacing letters of four.
His teacher says,"try five,"
Her's says,"try a few more!"
Her Mom says more letters
is just what she needs.
And he tries to count five
but, his Urban impedes.
The kids say, four letters
are not that dirty or bad!
Why must they change them
when they like what they've had.
There is power in speech
and it tells all about us.
So use five letter words
and please, do not cuss.
The kids were too literal
in the teaching they heard.
They discovered, in short,
FIVE, is a four letter word.
By Edlynn Nau
© June 28, 2016
Wesley Melvin Buchan, also known as Wesmechan,
was a pusillanimous and a good-for-nothing,
although some people consider him a charlatan,
this scoundrel's office runs like a three-ring
circus. Oddly enough, many his coworkers and
classmates fear him no end, like a spider obsessed
with the asphyxia of planets, but the magic wand,
however, whether you like it or not, will infest
your brain and your wallet. Far from being a panegyric
this is indeed a diatribe, injected by venomous expletives,
deserved by this lunkhead, Wesley, a most idiotic
waste of space but I love him, although he's not my relative.
A tense mind, forsaking abilities
Days passed can not be recovered
The suffering brought upon, by choice
Fear arisen at the thought of the inevitable
I scorn at my sight; their pride, mistaken.
Excuses granting an escape, to relinquish
Forces I seek, to deny that which could have been
Regret masked, by an expression unseen
A promise to change, unmet by time's progress
Lies spoken; their trust, misplaced.
A resolve is thought, a distraction is discovered
A minute becomes an hour, an hour, a day
The effort becomes insuperable - the load does burden
To find others, does alleviate
A sleepless night, my own cause; perseverance, they presume.
An unsteady hand, prepares notes anew
Legibility is minimal, as panic progresses
Absorption is improbable - an attempt at redemption, in vain
Expletives remembered, relevant now
A head that aches; difficulty, they concede.
Eyes wake, pleading for rest
A disheveled appearance, hides no worry
The many lines crammed, indistinguishable
A dire situation, chiseling a cheat
Failure admitted; their forgiveness, undeserving.
While ambling down the boulevard,
I spied a swanky canopy.
As member of the avant-garde,
The classy bistro suited me.
When greeted by the maitre'd,
I nonchalantly said, "Just one."
He smiled and nodded graciously.
My gourmand venture had begun.
As soon as seated, promptly pounced
A waiter dressed in gray and pink.
"My name is Jacques," the man announced
And asked what I prefer to drink.
I ordered an aperitif
And proffered menu then perused.
In panic mode, I thought, "Good grief!
It's all in French. I'm so confused!"
When Jacques returned, with easy air,
I asked what he would recommend.
When he'd advised the bill of fare,
My gaze did then the room attend.
A masterpiece of elegance,
So understated and refined.
No chandeliers nor opulence,
Artistic taste and chic combined.
Came appetizers, quite a few,
And tiny salads, each unique.
With wines and cheeses right on cue,
'Twas gourmet dining at its peak.
For entrees there were perfect meats
With succulence beyond compare.
Then followed some exotic sweets
And coffee quite extraordinaire.
While savoring a fine cigar,
I said their chef deserved to win,
For haute cuisine the best by far,
Another star from Michelin.
When mammoth check was given me,
I calmly said I could not pay.
"Though penniless, you must agree
You've gained a customer today."
Was booted roughly out the door
With expletives obscene and rude.
In gutter prone, a vow I swore
That for assault I'd have them sued.
I did, however, leave a tip
On seventh race next afternoon.
That Jacques should into savings dip
And bet it all on Silver Spoon.
Raining cats and dogs, we didn’t want to get wet through
We dashed to the bus stop, to shelter as you do
There we huddled under the shelter as a cosy retreat
But a storm was brewing right under our feet
A lady held her umbrella up to protect her head
It was dry under the shelter but still she went ahead
She was twirling it round and poked a man in the eye
He wasn’t going to let this selfish action pass him by
He asked her very nicely to put the umbrella down
She got VERY irate and started to shout and frown
Soon expletives were flying- we moved out of the way
She cursed in Italian, we could understand what she did say
Umbrellas started flying- it turned into quite a fight
They were whacking each other with all their might
Suddenly a huge wave broke from the sea shore
We jumped out of the way to avoid any more
But the fight it continued and spilled on to the street
The words that were flying I could never repeat!
It was such a spectacle, everyone was staring
The foul mouth woman retreated but continued swearing
All she needed to have done was put her umbrella down
Sadly in reality she became the talk of the town.
A true event which happened on 1st November
2nd November 2015
Once again the annual holidays came, a time of great cheer
We, the batch mates of 1976 planned a mega get together
We wanted to make it an occasion to be memorized for ever
Tracking old friends was indeed a laborious endeavor
A lot of discussion and phone calls had to be made
And finally the expected date and venue were conveyed
We decided to meet at a holiday resort/restaurant
In Kovalm, on the shores of the blue water crescent
Beside the sea strand with restless waves heaving-
A respite from the tumultuous striving for a living
The gathering started off as a trickle, some came in time, some, late
Many faces were beyond recognition and found hard to relate
With nostalgic memories crowding in our hearts
And emotions of joy and longing choking our throats
We entered the conference hall in small streams
Its walls resounding with expletives of shouts, howls and screams
We were all set to partake in a communion beyond words and thought
And turn the pages of the past with memories fraught
Once everyone was seated inside, the formal session began
Followed by a self introduction, each trying to be as elaborate as one can
Travelling down the memory lane and helping the group reach back
The memory files, long forgotten and buried in the unused stack
In that salubrious ambiance we were all inclined to renew old ties
And rekindle friendship’s flagging flame before it dies
Felt we were still young with balding heads and graying hair
Expanding waistlines and bodies that needed constant repair
We remembered those who were deleted forever from life’s scroll
And thanked God for having got a chance to meet within that hall
The whole day, we sat and talked, sharing memories of our younger years
Gloating on and on about our literature class and our beloved teachers
We didn’t know that time was speeding past like a sprinting hound
With a sumptuous dinner, our session was finally wound round
And with a tearful goodbye, we bade adieu to all our batch mates
With a resolve to meet again whenever such a chance awaits
Though have traveled far and wide with family during vacations
This get together after decades stays happier beyond all proportions
Jan. 27.2022
My Favorite Vacation Poetry Contest
Sponsor- L. Milton Hankins
Hammering away happily
whistling,to himself blithely
his hammer slipped
his nail blackened
the expletives came quickly
ty Rick for the last line
Our Autumn Love
How many ages past as I recall
An image of my brawny self to quell
The ominous fear of growing old soon
What, Pray, intervenes to recast that spell
Voluminous love of feeling and touch
Render to me your body with lust
Crushing embraces and wet kisses on
your soft and flaccid skin, your oily shine
Give impetus to move my palsied hands
Across your bare exterior to soothe
and utter sweet expletives in your ear
Our eighty plus years have not bound our souls
Just a brief sojourn to the climax of love
©Ralph Sergi April 21,2016
*This poem is not necessarely meant to be sensual
but as a message to seniors that love whether
physical or spiritual should be the last thing you enjoy
until your dying day.
To the North, South, East, and West...
Geniuses are lost in the jaunty jewels of rakish cads,
The hazard morsel palaver allot odium on idioms...
Rankle virulent mishmash wheeze addle chagrin jives,
Loosing a volley of expletives ordure waft charmed oafs,
Self-iniquity gull maven heresy when blighted wizardry jinxes,
Ticklish cynic infidel swindle dupe cozen duress...
Squall patois and whammy sham schemas wriggle hoaxes,
Charlatans and hoodlums melange to dunce vows,
A shyster unquiet quivers with jester gestures now...
Semi-sacrilege vitiate and endemic jargon raze imps,
This collides as a white energy as dolt hooligan knaves beget...
Colloquial bilge putrefy, the rascals soon flatter us,
Bollix of potpourri lingo wanes to tutelary tongues,
Harlequin coercion argot musical novellas in history,
Pray our shifting shrapnel of karma, varnish boor minds,
Erstwhile, live grenades made of better lives are unvanquished as they are
thrown by unsung heroes into the North, South, East, and West,...amen...