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Vanilla Pudding

nobody sees you the way I do in your wheelchair with your unopenable arms where everything crashes to a gray twisted landscape my brother alpha male of demon strut clashes in our shared childhood once you flipped your hockey stick between my thin legs to see how many stairs I'd tumble down your yells to me to "toughen up" cursing a younger brother "bookworm sissy" "vanilla boy" to expletives that ran like tap water when proximity was a contact sport at the care home to your lips I spoon in pudding its dull tranquility vanilla into a body that feels itself liquid, limbs pliable and porous I'd like to re-touch our brotherly photos to change them to accuracy or crumple them like a wasp nest knocked to the ground for nobody sees you the way I do for nobody knows you the way I do

Copyright © | Year Posted 2023




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Date: 3/29/2024 9:19:00 AM
Brian, thanks for sharing this poem. I'm thinking about my own life, and there was a lot of bullying everywhere...mostly directed toward me rather than issued by me. Although as a youth, I did not behave as I would today. If you have indicated to bro what he did and how you felt....if he doesn't apologize and change, then shame on him. Sorry your parents or someone did not intervene. I hope you can focus on the future, which is extremely difficult for some of us based on brain chemistry.
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 3/29/2024 10:32:00 AM
Greetings Duke, My sincere appreciation for your words of support. My brother, hit by a major health setback, did ask for forgiveness for childhood bullying. This was a big step forward to self examination. I am sorry to read that you suffered from bullying too. May all be well with you. Take care. Brian
Date: 3/16/2024 12:03:00 PM
such a hard hitting piece Brian, the final stanza sure packs a powerful punch. I can relate to some aspects in my own life - was never sibling rivalry just my sister and I were brought up so differently and 10 yrs on we have no contact. hugs Jan xx
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 3/16/2024 8:32:00 PM
Thanks very much Jan, for stopping by to evaluate my posting. I understand family estrangement all too well. Perhaps with more time you'll have some kind of reconciliation with your sister? My brother + I are still at odds - just two very different people. Be well. Brian
Date: 11/26/2023 7:01:00 AM
Wow! What a great write and title too! The alpha male in his last state… My son-in-law lost his only sibling, a brother just within the past couple months…he died after having his skull crushed (being investigated as a story didn’t line up.) There relationship was rocky and distant and yet they were brothers. Faving your poem!
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 11/26/2023 7:06:00 AM
Thanks very much Kim for your kind remarks. I am sorry to read about your son-in-law's brother however - a truly horrific end to his life. Look after yourself, Brian
Date: 10/28/2023 9:01:00 PM
Forgiveness, your courage and determination, valient. That time must have been sad. I'm sure he is thankful for you now and wishes (if is able to) that he was kinder years ago. I empathize with you as I had a father who pitted my brother and I apart. Our conversations now are short, my brother and I. Your poem moved me, made me feel less alone. How big a heart you have.
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 10/28/2023 9:31:00 PM
Hello Marikate, I hope you've made peace with your family divisions. Sibling rivalry can leave lasting scars. I know them well. Look after yourself. May you enjoy peace and health always. Brian
Date: 9/22/2023 3:15:00 PM
A lot of depth and painful memories is this one Brian. Excellent poetry, my friend. Congrats on your contest win. This poem sure deserves a win. Have a great week! A poet friend in Texas, Bill
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/22/2023 8:05:00 PM
Greetings Bill, I appreciate your positive assessment of my poem. Unexpected overlaps in one's life can yield poetic results. Thanks again. Be well. Brian
Date: 9/17/2023 5:07:00 PM
Wow. So much in this poem. I am glad you got a win with it.
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/17/2023 5:26:00 PM
Thanks very much, Andrea. I appreciate your drop by + supportive message. Be well. Brian
Date: 9/17/2023 1:23:00 AM
Heartbreaking to go through this. My friend had a heart attack and has been in hospital for almost 4 months...so I've been through similar to you..Great poem and congratulations on your placement
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/17/2023 5:31:00 PM
Hello Silent One, Your message is much appreciated. The Vanilla prompt was the right spark, + experience, memory took hold from there. Thank you for the stop by. Brian
Date: 9/16/2023 12:56:00 PM
Brian you are brave, sad truths are everywhere so don't despair. Painful memoirs are for poetry and we shall read them and weep and feel what you feel. Wishing healing for you both. Congratulations on your top win! :)
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/16/2023 3:48:00 PM
Hello Anaya, thank you for your visit and supportive words. Fortunately for some readers of my poems, there are the children + nature poems to offset my unsettling ones. I appreciate readers such as yourself who see value in both. Best wishes always, Brian
Date: 9/16/2023 11:44:00 AM
Brian, I love this write. I too have a brother like that. In fact, he still brags about things that I have no interest in. He was pretty good at playing baseball and I wasn't, he always bragged about that...I like trout fishing he doesn't, so when I talk to him now, I make sure to tell him how many fish I caught and add a few (lol). I see you won in a contest :) Awesome! Congrats on that, my friend. Thanks for stopping by too...always a pleasure reading your comments. Charlie
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/16/2023 3:58:00 PM
Greetings Charlie, Thank you for sharing your brother-relationship dilemma. Never an easy situation to navigate. My brother's athletic prowess cast a long shadow. Fortunately, there are alternative galaxies. Be well. All the best. Brian
Date: 9/16/2023 9:07:00 AM
Dear Brian, your poem is powerfully poignant and intimate. Your gripping imagery and creative metaphors bring me into the soul of your poem, and into the scenes of your life. The beauty of your truth, your pain and your empathy shines as brilliantly as the artistry of your golden pen. A precious piece, a haunting verse, the feelings of which have found a home deep in my heart. A fav! Congratulations for your excellent win in Charlotte's contest. Warmest wishes my inspiring friend.. ~Susan
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/16/2023 3:51:00 PM
Dear Susan, your assessments of souper poems for so many of us make our days that much finer. Thank you immensely and congratulations on your top win. You set the poetry bar high indeed. Sincerest regards always, Brian
Date: 9/16/2023 7:23:00 AM
I feel great love in this poem Brian. "...love covers all offenses." I've written poems that lie in my archives, unpublished because of who may read them - and some are too painful and intimate to express openly. This fills me with warmth. Congratulations! :)
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/16/2023 7:29:00 AM
My warmest regards for your thoughtful comments, Linda. I agree - we often keep some poems secluded due to their pain that only have true cathartic impact for the poet. I do understand (+ appreciate) those who want no dark clouds. Thanks again. Brian
Date: 9/16/2023 6:02:00 AM
"when proximity was a contact sport"...that about summit up Brian. The pain will persist as all healing leaves scars
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/16/2023 6:06:00 AM
So true John. When we walk into the night, we carry our history with us. (Scars + all). Thank you for the stop by + comment. I hope all is well with you. Sincerely, Brian
Date: 9/16/2023 5:13:00 AM
Poignant, piercing, painful ~ what a deep, heartfelt write. Warmest congratulations on your podium finish, Brian
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/16/2023 6:08:00 AM
Greetings Seeker, Thank you for your kind remarks. I do hesitant to link my childhood trauma to poetry as my family sometimes reads my work. This time I went with the past. With appreciation, Brian
Date: 9/16/2023 5:10:00 AM
Dear Brian, i knew this would be a winner, well deserved, not always do we read such life experiences in such a poetic and inspiring manner. I felt this one and loved it. Congratulations
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Ink Empress
Date: 9/16/2023 7:25:00 AM
Here on soup? Oh, but for me thats what i like about a poem, evocative and meaningful writes, that leaves an impression, thoughtful, keep being you and you are truly a very forgiving and poetic person. Pleasure reading you
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/16/2023 6:15:00 AM
Thank you kindly, Ink Empress. Life experiences do give one's pen a nudge. In a supportive role, I am in nursing homes 3 to 4 times a week and see much. But poems that hold pain, that catch raw life are not always popular here. Many an NA has been stamped on such submissions like "Life Surfaces." Thank you again. Brian
Date: 9/16/2023 4:47:00 AM
This is such a sorrowful and heart-wrenching that can make anyone feel the vulnerability and ache of these emotions here. It's really painful to see our dear ones, who ones radiated such lively aura, now being parched in the misery of time. So heartfelt and soul stirring! Absolutely a brilliant write for the contest and heartiest congratulations to you on the well-deserved win!
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/16/2023 6:40:00 AM
My appreciation, Hiya, for your supportive remarks on my posting. My brother asked to be forgiven for torments inflicted when we were young. Difficult when insults in adulthood are an extension of childhood battering. But change does happen. My sincere appreciation for your words. Be well. Brian
Date: 9/16/2023 4:25:00 AM
a difficult decision on this poem, brian, as it was vying for the top spot..it has the feel of real experience and pain behind it; i read it many times, and each time it grew on me more and more, which is the sign of a good poem - it certainly isn't a vanilla poem, and you are certainly not 'vanilla boy'...(there's a little typo on second to last line) congrats on your win in my contest!
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/16/2023 6:44:00 AM
Hi Charlotte, Thank you for the recognition. Hesitation occurs often when I reflect on writing about childhood trauma. My brother went to the hockey rink; I went to libraries. My life at University College + grad school afterwards gave me such lasting rewards. Thank you for pointing out the typo. I edited the final two lines a couple of times + must have doubled the "you." My appreciation for the podium placement. Be well. Brian
Date: 9/15/2023 1:01:00 PM
Devastating poetry. Feeding him bland vanilla pudding at the old folks home, remembering when he was vibrant, ornery. This is true poetry Brian, and quite sad
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/15/2023 1:23:00 PM
Greetings Tom, Thank you for your stop by + affirmative note. Yes, there is irony in being accused of being a weak vanilla boy + then spooning vanilla pudding into one's abuser. I had a difficult time with my dad + brother. To be bookish is to be a nerd + devalued. Grist for writing + reflection, however. Best wishes, Brian
Date: 9/12/2023 1:24:00 AM
Wow. This blew me sideways a worthy winner, surely. So powerful and heartfelt. Quite astonishing.
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/12/2023 6:08:00 AM
Greetings Sam, Thank you for the enthusiastic response to my posting. Comments such as yours inspire one to write. Be well. Brian
Date: 9/11/2023 12:15:00 PM
Such a powerful piece Brian especially the last couple of lines. I so agree that forgiveness, no matter how hard at times, is the way forward. Time changes, people change but regardless, a sense of family duty remains. You have shown your strength of character, of heart and soul in this poem even though there are past, painful memories. You may be the younger brother Brian but you are the bigger man. Thank you for sharing. Blessings to you.
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/11/2023 1:13:00 PM
Greetings Christina, I immensely appreciate your kind words. Not being a sports fanatic alpha male, my dad + brother were disappointed by my introverted, solitary ways. Displeasure sometimes takes the form of blows. But we endure, forgive, push on. With appreciation, Brian
Date: 9/11/2023 11:41:00 AM
Wowser here Brian, some powerful writing here---this is the kind of writing I celebrate and I'm quite sure that Charlotte will as well, but even more than that...palpable in its entirety.
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/11/2023 1:16:00 PM
Thank you, Craig for your supportive words + strong appraisal of my posting. Experience does yield a poetry push with a bit of punch. Be well. Brian
Date: 9/11/2023 8:50:00 AM
This is so poignant and heartfelt how you’ve expressed here and told us your story so creatively. Felt the depth of this write: it truly is very touching. Goodluck for the contest
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Ink Empress
Date: 9/11/2023 9:49:00 AM
Absolutely i believe in forgiveness too.
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/11/2023 8:57:00 AM
Hello Ink Empress (great name by the way) Thank you for your thoughtful response to my poem. Family relationships are often a quagmire. Survival and forgiveness are keys to moving forward, however. Best wishes, Brian
Date: 9/11/2023 8:42:00 AM
How times and situations change, Brian! We can't help recalling and comparing, while emotions come and go, drifting between rancour and forgiveness. Looking at the upper-hand then and now! // paul
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Brian Sambourne
Date: 9/11/2023 9:01:00 AM
Thank you, Paul, for your insights. So true, time provides a valued perspective on relationships with an abusive hue. Circumstances change + so do we. Though sometimes pain clings. Take care. Brian

Book: Shattered Sighs