Best Dorky Poems
Overweight Terrier:
Porky
Yorkie
Un-cool Terrier:
Dorky
Yorkie
Spaniel dog breeder:
Cocker
Stocker
Parrot who mimics a Spaniel's bark:
Cocker
Mocker
Book on how to care for Cockers:
Spaniel
Manuel
Originally from England, a well-rounded Spaniel stays in shape by playing:
Cocker
Soccer
Then showers and dresses by its:
Cocker
Locker
Dachshund headgear:
Weenie
Beenie
Grouchy Dachshund:
Meany
Weenie
Proportionally, male Dachshunds have:
Teenie
Weenies
(But size isn't everything)
Dachshund making critcal life choices:
Eenie
Weenie...
Lassie was a level-headed dog and never engaged in:
Collie
Folly
Reared in a loving environnment, she was a rather:
Jolly
Collie
Bred in the capitol city of NC, making her a:
Raleigh
Collie
To commemorate her frequent (and often rowdy) visits to N.O. a streetcar was renamed the:
Collie
Trolley
Snoopy immigrated to the States but alas, was found not to be a:
Legal
Beagle
Thus he was deported back to England but was promptly knighted by the Queen becoming a:
Regal
Beagle
Now a celebrity, he even had an entourage of nubile young female beagles named:
Snoopy's
Groupies
Eventually, he met his soul mate, married her in Westminster Abbey and it is rumored that they engaged in numerous and somewhat kinky sessions of:
Snoopy
Whoopie
Bad-ass old bear:
Grizzly
Grizzy
Cougar from Arizona:
Yuma
Puma
Cowardly Cock-a-Doodle-Doer:
Chicken
Chicken
Un-cool Terrier:
Dorky
Yorkie
Larcenous bird:
Robbin'
Robin
Slave-driving beaver:
Dam it
Damn it!
Dachshund headgear:
Weenie
Beenie
Frankfurter for a Dachshund:
Weenie
Weenie
Grouchy Dachshund:
Meany
Weenie
Un-cool Terrier:
Dorky
Yorkie
A Terrier who pigs out too often might become a:
Porky
Yorkie
Spaniel dog breeder:
Cocker
Stocker
Parrot who mimics a Spaniel's bark:
Cocker
Mocker
Book on how to care for Cockers:
Spaniel
Manuel
Originally from England, a well-rounded Spaniel stays in shape by playing:
Cocker
Soccer
Then showers and dresses by its:
Cocker
Locker
Lassie was a level-headed dog and never engaged in:
Collie
Folly
Reared in a loving environment, she was a rather:
Jolly
Collie
Bred in the capitol city of NC, making her a:
Raleigh
Collie
To commemorate her frequent visits to New Orleans, a streetcar was renamed the:
Collie
Trolley
Snoopy immigrated to the States but alas, was found not to be a:
Legal
Beagle
Which of course drove:
Snoopy
Loopy
Thus he was deported back to England but was promptly knighted by the Queen becoming a:
Regal
Beagle
Now a celebrity, he is blessed with an entourage of young beagle admirers named:
Snoopy's
Groupies
*Submitted for The Funny Kid’s Poem Contest sponsored by Team Poetry Soup
Sand flows much too quickly in that goldarn hour glass
I'm no spring chicken, but I'll have to take a pass
If a guy thinks he rocks
Wearing fuzzy socks and crocs
That nerdy look is just too dorky for this lass
I've had lots of men flirt with me throughout the years
But one dressed like that and I'd be laughing with tears
He'd make an impression
And from my expression
He'd be very embarrassed by guffawing jeers
There's a rumor about Batman going around
When he saw Robin wearing socks and crocs in town
He swatted him with a "ZONK!"
"Why are ya dressed like a punk?"
"Take those hideous things off or you're going down!!"
I've always admired a man who has self respect
One who dresses with class and style, I'd not reject
I'd call him a silver fox
In well-shined shoes, he walks
But in fuzzy socks and crocs, he'd look train wrecked!
Guys, if you want a lady's provocative glance
Invite her to dinner and then share a slow dance
But remember that your shoes
Will give her the helpful clues
She requires to let your flirting lead to romance
June 10th, 2021
Fuzzy Socks and Crocs Contest
Sponsored by: Francine Roberts
***********************'
Silly Billy had no fear, he drowned it in a case of beer.
Handy Andie so adept, kept so busy, she never slept.
Dirty Donna did what you wanna, she lived just down the street.
You didn't have to ask her twice, she was so nice and very sweet.
Hairy Larry all alone, made the women grimace and groan.
Very scary in his approach, girls would crush him like a roach.
Steady Betty, always ready with what ever it took.
Found a way to save the day, be it by hook or crook.
Stan the man does what he can no matter what it takes.
Always appalled by what has happened, then says for goodness sakes.
Gabby Abby giggles and talks with nary a concern.
I wonder if there'll ever be a time she'll ever learn.
Bob the slob wouldn't get a job, he did nothing all day.
He looked a mess, and yes I guess, there's nothing left to say.
Chatty Patty talked so much, she developed lock jaw.
You'd think that that would slow her down, but nah.
Dorky Doug had quite the mug, he looked a little askew.
When he'd greet you on the street, you didn't know what to do.
Nick the stick was very quick, always on the go.
He never walked, he always ran, the word slow, he didn't know.
Guilty Milty quite the guy. He never looked you in the eye.
If you caught him at his game, instead of shame, he'd rather die.
Ditzy Mitzy, not a clue, in her ear, you'd see clear through.
Sandy Sandy, on the beach, the young men she would beseech.
Their young minds she couldn't reach, but that's not what she tried to teach.
Loser Lenny always played, what it cost, he never weighed.
Didn't know when to walk away, should have left, but always stayed.
Pervy Peter made skin crawl, I'm guessing his was pretty small.
You felt like you'd catch a disease, even if he would just sneeze.
Surly Shirley, not too girly, and not very nice.
You can ask her once, a question, but don't ask her twice.
Bendy Wendy in the breeze, did everything down on her knees.
The young boys she'd always please, when they would leer up in the tree's.
Kent the gent, his kindness spent, decided it was time.
To let them know just what he meant, but still did it in rhyme.
Holy Holly, quite contrite, prayed sincerely every night.
Oh, good golly, how she yearned for things to be just right.
In the interest of keeping your interest, I think I'll stop it here.
Like Billy up in the first line, I think I'll have a beer. :)
It is challenging to face difficulties in areas where your peers have surpassed at ease,
To always try your hardest to fit in, or try to please,
To excessively work on being at least average- is exhausting!
Yet dropping out of school is more taunting,
More taunting than being bullied, alone or discriminated,
You pretend to be alright- yet inside you can’t stop feeling humiliated,
Even if you give in to “being weak” by letting out a cry,
You remain un-heard and instead told to die!
You’re:
A burden upon your family,
A burden upon your school,
A burden upon society,
Being name called - dorky tool!
You let the words fly by you, and in your head mock their pitiful charade,
But right at the critical point when you’re holding that razor blade,
Hands tremble, voice quivers, you try to remain bold,
You can’t help but subside, and finally do what you’ve always been told
The hateful slurs then boomerang right back in your face,
Apparently it’s what’s best for the human race…
Way Back When Lingo! (Slang from the 1970's)
The '70's were way back when,
Once we were young,
the 70's had just begun...
There were hits that were around,
when we were all closer to the ground...
I was a dorky classroom teacher,
Like being a gross lay preacher,
For all the little chicks and dudes,
Who had to sit on it in primary school,
"Get real!" I'd say to them,
They answered back, "Ahem,
Up your nose with a rubber hose!"
When I'd asked them to write some prose.
They were in my face all day,
Can you dig it? Then they'd say,
"Dorky, don't chuck a spaz,
We're really not that bad.
Keep on truckin', Art is groovy!"
Didn't have a VCR for movies.
"Maths is sick!" they'd shriek,
"We're not perfect little geeks!'
"Awe, sooky sooky la la,"
I'd say, "Extra homework, ha ha ha!
Right on, looooking gooood..."
"Dream on, dorky, there's the bell!"
"Good night, John boys!" I'd yell.
"That's sick!" "Catch you tomorrow."
Hometime was no sorrow.
"Catch you on the flip side,"
As they ran outside,
"Don't go bananas at us!!!!"
Now we're old, why did I fuss?
Once we were all so young,
When the '70's had just begun.
Porky dorky was a good cook
Cooked the ham for a scary spook
The spook was knotty
Asked for a potty
Dorky missed his gobbledygook
On Halloween I always get a rock everywhere I go.
I decided to retaliate by throwing their rocks through their windows.
I never even get one piece of candy, that really blows.
I'm so ignorant that I cut my costume full of holes.
I look absolutely ridiculous and dorky in this stinking sheet, I don't even look like a ghost.
I'm paying people back for their unkindness, especially Lucy because she deserves it the most.
Last week Lucy told me to kick the football but I kicked her in the head.
She told her father and he started choking me, I thought I was dead.
When he got through strangling me, I dropped two Cherry Bombs down his pants.
I blew off his privates and now when he wants to give his wife some loving, he can't.
When people used to do mean things to me, they would laugh.
But now they treat me with respect to avoid my terrible wrath.
(This poem is a parody of the Peanuts Comic Strip.)
In the realm of comic book tales
There's a town called Riverdale
Where Archie Andrews hangs out with his friends
Riverdale High is the school they attend
Archie's best pal is Jughead Jones
He's the guy with lazy bones
Then there's dorky Ethel Muggs
She's got a crush on Jug
There's Dilton Doiley, he's a nerd
And "DUH" is Moose's favorite word
Reggie seeks Veronica's affection
But seems to be in love with his own reflection!
Betty is the girl next door
Archie is the one that she adores
Veronica is the spoiled rich girl
Who wants to rock Archie's world
---
5 -23-15
The color of the river is navy blue
The rivers current motion is so wavy
The wavy river sinks my feet in deeply
My feet which touch the sand gently
Swimming outwards towards the river is risky
Swimming outwards towards the river I see a fishy
The fishies are swimming around me somewhat crazy
This crazy feeling makes me feel dorky
The sand which rubs against my feet feels quite bubbly
The wetness of the sand is so muddy
The mud which sticks on my feet feels yucky
The yuckiness within my feet feels so mucky
The stickiness within my feet makes me feel icky
I need a lot of water to take the sand off me
When I stare at the river, I see a duck lonely
I think the other duckies see it as an ugly ducky
This ugly ducky is not a rubber ducky
I see the ugly ducky as a cutie
That cutie ducky is so lucky
Thank goodness that lucky ducky has me
All those other duckies are so unlucky
When my mommy saw me holding the ducky
The ducky took off in a hurry
The poor ducky took off feeling kinda panicky
That's the panicky feeling I get when she calls me
My mommy lovely wants me in a jiffy
That's the lovely moment I feel kinda frisky
That frisky moment makes me acutely
Petite five-pound Yorkie;
mother nature is full of small surprises, he's
scant dorky.
Mind of his own,
always so hungry, gnaws on his
dull bone.
Wind howls,
Tator, my whizz,
growls.
I wish my small Yorkie
could talk, instead, demands with his
growls.
4/11/2021
Poetry Contest: A Pet Minichu
Sponsored by: Mohan Chutani
6-12-3 ......4-8-2..... 2-4-1..... 6-8-1
6-12-3 ......4-8-2..... 2-4-1..... 6-8-1-
aba cbc dAd …. a,b,d third line
Minichu format: Total 12 lines (4 stanzas of 3 lines each)
Rhyme scheme: Aba, cBc, dbD, ABD.
4th stanza consists of repeat of: 1st line of stanza 1, 2nd line of stanza 2, and 3rd line of stanza
3. Syllable count : Stanza 1: 6,12,3, Stanza 2: 4,8,2, Stanza 3: 2,4,1, Stanza 4: 6,8,1
8/4/17
Never once was it all hunky-dory
Let me tell you my story
Grew up in rural territory
I went around and through terrain that was thorny
Whether or not the weather was clear or stormy
It quickly became gory
For those that called me dorky
And said my lyrics were corny
Because I was after much more than money, wisdom, and glory
I've seen my fair share of Rick and Morty
Spent a lot of time in a laboratory
And less near a quarry
Had a cat that was a tortie
Haven't yet had a corgi
Or Forgis
Pockets were looking slim or porky
Put down another forty
Meanwhile myself and shorty
Started getting horny
Telling me about how much she adores me
You Inspire Me
We met and you were shy
Afraid to reach out
Afraid of being judged
For being different and not being accepted
Never seeing the wonderful person you already are
The person the world sees
You are sweet and loving
A true beauty
A person who dares to be different
You are not just my best friend
You inspire me to march to the beat of my own drum
Not caring what others think
You inspire me to get to know people
And accepting them despite their differences
You inspire me to let them touch my life and heart
Just as you have touched them
So thank you for being
The beautiful person you are
And for daring to be my best friend
I love you and will always be there for you
My dorky, unconventional friend!
If asked to define the word “dorky”
I guess I'd describe it like this
Wearing stripes and checks together
A sight you surely can't miss
I'm not the ultimate style leader
But at least I do have some taste
Aside from an occasional style faux pas
At times when I dress in haste
Never be seen in horn rimmed glasses
An extreme example of dorkyness
White Adidas with black knee high socks
Now that's really hard to digest
When mom gets really behind in her chores
Hasn't washed my coordinate attire
Forced to wear stuff a little bit dorky
Not something to which I aspire
If asked to define the word “dorky”
Usually try to describe it like this
Stripes, checks and horn rimmed glasses
An example of ignorant bliss
© Jack Ellison 2012