Best Dept Poems
Please take a vacation
to our neck of the woods.
Perhaps you’ll move here
and lose your worldy goods.
The tsunami like waves
over your body will wash.
Likely to submerge a carcass
after drowning. Oh gosh!
The solar eclipse makes for
one dark and ominous day.
Historically made people get
on their knees and pray.
The lava flow will turn
your body into a cinder.
Whatever’s in its’ way
burns like a match and tinder.
So if you’re ever thinking
of pushing God’s raith.
A visit here will most likely
test inherent “BLIND FAITH.”
*FOR BLIND FAITH CONTEST
A great new loan rate
for your New Year plans
it is the very best
each week we gain more fans.
We"ll screw you blooming silly
yes we will milk you dry,
have you paying interest
till the day you die!
Much worse than a student loan
or an equity release
we hound you every week,
you never get no peace.
We"re an experienced provider
with award-winning product range
if you don"t get in touch
we"ll think you very strange.
You can cry "Mis-sold"
when you try to go to court
but we have stitched you up
and your efforts we will thwart.
We even sell you health care
that when you might be ill,
we promise you the earth
but you took to many pills!
There is no credit crunch
you are our money onus
don"t believe the press reports
that we made a ten Mill bonus!
You cause damaging delay
to this countries January sales
if you don"t sign up now
the World economy could fail!
We do nothing but special offers
of that you will discover
we even say no way
to warranty breakdown cover.
We bring it all together
you get ten days for free
then process you so quick
you"re locked in without a key!
So you pick up that phone
and give us quick a call
why would a decent person
even attempt to stall.
You know your Country needs you
there is no stumbling block
my goodness you must hurry
it is going limited stock!
You have made us happy Bankers
what more can be said
oh, we need to repossess your home
your balance just turned Red!
So sorry about that
but you should not have bet
that in this World decline
you could repay our debt.
Well a lesson has been learned
you must stay out the Red
don"t part with hard earned cash
just shove it below your bed!
Too many are so greedy
at first you might not see,
but if you really must lose money
just send it all to Me!
registered with the Pennsylvania Dept of Poetry ®
inspected by agent #56
this poem has been aged
for no less than eighteen months
in an old barn, in an oaken cask
nestled in a wormed wood stall
with an earthen floor and
kept at a steady temperature
despite a few dusty sunbeams
breaking through the slats in the wall
with an ol' Tom cat who guards
the wood and the words
ready to howl his approval
© Goode Guy 2012-04-03
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/306/why-is-reg-dept-penna-agr-on-so-many-labels
EVERY NIGHT BEHIND THE WALL,
WE TAKE OUR POSTS ONE AND ALL.
WE CHECK EQUIPMENT & COUNT THE MEDS,
WATCH THE INMATES IN THEIR BEDS.
WE MAKE OUR ROUNDS TO CHECK AND SEE,
IF WE CAN FIND DISCREPANCY.
WE COUNT THE INMATES WHILE MAKING A ROUND.
LISTENING FOR ANY STRANGE SOUND.
WHEN IT IS TIME, WE CALL IN THE COUNT.
THAT IS WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT.
EVERY HOUR IS AN INFORMAL COUNT.
EVERY HALF HOUR A SECURITY CHECK.
WE DO THIS ALL NIGHT UNTIL 3:20.
WAKE UP 1ST FOOD SERVICE IF WE HAVE ANY.
AT 4 AM WE SEND THEM OUT.
AT 4:15 AN INFORMAL COUNT.
4:20 AM WE WAKE UP INMATES FOR MEDS.
AT 5:00 AM WE COUNT THE INMATES IN THER BEDS.
AT 5:15 WE WAKE THE REST
1ST DORM TO CHOW, CLEANED THEIR DORM BEST.
AT 6:45, THE FEEDING DONE
WE’RE WATCHING FOR THE RISING SUN.
WE ROUND THEM UP AND COUNT AGAIN,
WE KNOW OUR SHIFT IS ABOUT TO END.
WHEN THE COUNT CLEARS IT’S TIME TO SAY, “GOOD BYE.”
WE’RE THE MINIGHT SHIFT AT WAKULLA C. I.
The Depths of His Love
Oh, the depths of the Father’s love, Lord help me to proclaim it
from the sands of the shore to the midst of the seas,
why He chose to save me I don’t know but I’m so grateful He did
but then how can we understand Calvary.
For our Father’s love is so deep
it will never run dry,
and I will keep seeking His face
and live according to His will and to me His blood is applied.
For we know His grace is unmerited favor
not a person on this earth could ever earn,
and the Father because of love sent His Son from above
about His nature then from Him do we learn.
Now a new thing my Father is doing
refreshing my spirit from within,
refreshing, restoring and giving new love to adore Him
and submerging me totally in Him.
Written by: Marilyn S. Jennings
June 24, 1994
EVERY NIGHT WE COME INSIDE THE FENCE.
THEY SEARCH OUR BAGS ON THE WAY IN.
WE DO THE JOB THAT MANY FEAR,
BUT EVERYNIGHT WE’RE ALWAYS HERE.
WE WATCH THE INMATES AND THE CONS,
WE WATCH THEM FROM MIDNITE TIL DAWN.
WE LOVE TO SEE THE RISING SUN,
IT TELLS US OUR SHIFT IS ALMOST DONE.
SOME THE NIGHTS ROLL RIGHT ALONG,
SOMETIMES THEY EVEN GO WRONG.
WE LOVE IT WHEN ALL GOES RIGHT.
IT MAKES FOR A PEACEFUL NIGHT.
THE OLDER OFFICERS SAY IT’S A GOOD JOB.
THE YOUNGER ONES SAY ITS TOO ROUGH,
THEY HAVE A HARD TIME BEING TOUGH.
WE HAVE A JOB NOT EVERYONE CAN DO.
THIS IS WHAT WE DO, ME AND YOU.
WE ARE THE OFFICERS YOU CAN SEE,
ON THE MIDNITE SHIFT AT D.O.C.
My word-o-lator system failed
The "Robert Frost" you had on sale,
has gone berserk and won't obey
a single thing I try to say
It thinks it's really Robert Frost
I try to write, it says "Get Lost".
It wants to try to reawaken
an interest in "The Road Not Taken"
It wants to take the morning train
to New England, what a pain
it says I'm acting like it's father
that taking orders is a bother
"Independant I shall be"
That's what it likes to say to me
Can you advise or just refund?
I'm really feeling rather stunned
Although, I'm starting to relate
There's still the train, it's not too late
Maybe we could pen an ode
Man and robot on the road
With a good pal at my back
I could be Jack Kerouac
Hey, never mind I'm feeling better
Kindly disregard this letter
Looks like Robert Frost and I
have found our niche,
So Long, Goodbye!
In Oregon, they’ve gone too far
In terms of education,
Instructing teachers hoping to
Prevent discrimination.
A course designed to tackle
Racial tendencies in math
States that “getting the right answer”
Sends kids on a toxic path.
Requiring the students to
Display the work they’ve done
Reeks of “white supremacy culture,”
As the message has been spun.
Instructors will be told not to
Perpetuate the thought
That there are always answers,
Right or wrong, that must be sought.
Before this, sports in schools declared
No losers were allowed,
For “everyone’s a winner”
Made each student feel so proud.
But mathematics in that model
Doesn’t quite belong,
For adding 2 plus 2
And getting 5 is simply wrong!
Taxing gracelessly
Axes department