Best Cucumbers Poems
Bill’s cucumbers grew long and hard
Nuns queued up for them in his yard
‘Twas their weekly treat…
They were not to eat
I’ll finish here… or I’ll get barred!
08/12/20
There once was a Nun who knew Bill
For his cucumbers gave her a thrill
Off to sleep she went, dreamt
Her thoughts heavenly sent
All sweating she woke up with a shrill
Now embarrassed she's off to confess
That a cucumbers left her distressed
To the Father she cries
Would they be Bill's he replied
I've dreamt, now let us totally repent
Some matters are subject to laws;
some others happen at random.
'De gustibus' a Latin tag goes,
non est disputandum.'
(Good time there's never to waste
on arguing long about taste).
So I relish radishes merrily;
I savour long sticks of celery.
The fruits of the earth are all wonders
except for slimy cucumbers
which I avoid like the plague in daylight,
which invade my dreams every night.
I fell in love with a Swede
whom I sincerely intended to wed,
When she told me she loved cucumbers,
I shuddered all over and fled.
CUCUMBERS OR NUMBERS
Here we are together, all as mates
Clustered in several separate plates
Vinegar soaked, as all pickles are
Yet each in our own way, a star
Adding that extra taste to cheese
As our main intention is to please
While we are still hale and hearty
The gherkin says, let’s have a party
Our French friend won’t understand
He’s a cornichon in that foreign land
But we like each other for good or ill
Even overshadowed by that tall dill
Lying here, no chance for any fun run
Especially with that big pickled onion
But we feel sorry for that brown lump
Just sweet pickle, and has got the hump
Yet believed to be a computer nerd
And quite up to date as we’ve heard
But at this party we’ve heard enough
So let us dump all the techie stuff
Even if it brings tears to our eyes
Python pickle will quickly de-serialise
Together – he and I – him and me
We grow things in abundance
Green beans, tomatoes, squash
Okra, calves, chicks and pigs
Guineas and turkeys, some kittens
A puppy who is mostly grown
But never too old to play
Together – we – us – our
Hearts thrive on a world
Of abundance, plenty, wealth
In rich, black earth that gets
Nutrients from a downpour
Pounding the ground and bouncing
Drops off the rocky path
Together – he and I – him and me
We listen to friends who bicker
Consuming time with quarrels
Never thinking about how this dispute
Can grow, like our cucumbers
Vining their way from a short word
One weed, to something you can’t pull up
A vine that leaves you feeling
Lost, lonely, silent
Amid the beautiful blooms
That proceed the vegetable
And the tired ache that throbs
Inside a heart who is breaking
From the sorrow of squabbling
"It's a pickle party!"
The neon flier pinned on the board said
Happy was the green speckled cucumber
When the text he read
"How lovely!" He thought with a bright grin on his speckled, dotty face
I must share the news, the mini-cucumbers have a place!
Pickles hardly party, but this would be really fun
Let's bring vinegar, garlic, onions, and dill and make it one
No one will soon forget!
"Pickle party, pickle party!"
Rattled off the happy tiny cucumber
And off he went to share the news
cathartic Cathy cautioned counted cucumbers
distressing dungeon dragon’s delicate Dalmatian
effective Evie enthusiastically explained efforts
following five frolicking frisky French francs
giving grateful granny goose grumpy grits
handily helping Helena’s high hysterics
igniting illustrious iguana’s intricate ideals