Best Cow Poems
I was blessed by a golden cash cow
She’s a wonderful friend to me now
For those in the know
She goes with the flow
Here’s my tribute, may she take a bow!
12~27~16
These were my first five "Monday Monokus":
"Three Monokus walk into a bar" posted 28 Sept 2020
don't challenge Death to a pillow fight or you will face Reaper cushions
"Mr. Descartes, will you join us?" "I think not", he said, and disappeared
the only time that cows will fall asleep is when it's pasture bedtime
Attribution: these one-liners were found online and the sources are unknown
"Good Moaning to You" posted 5 Oct 2020
Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog stand: "make me one with everything"
this sign seen at a butcher shop: "our lean beef comes from 2-legged cows"
there are just 2 kinds of people that drive me crazy those that can't count
Attribution: the first of these 3 one-liners was found online and the source is unknown. The other two were (to my knowledge) original to me.
"COVID Crazy" posted 12 Oct 2020
during covid I sit around like a head with its chicken cut off
I'm doing my first marathon this weekend hmm, netflix or hulu?
did you wake up grouchy today or did you allow him to sleep in?
Attribution: these one-liners were found online and the sources are unknown
"Avian Flew" posted 19 Oct 2020
indiscriminate lovebirds may contract a canarial disease
a few unprotected canaries have been known to contract cherpes
...most get lucky and are greatly relieved to find out it's tweetable
Attribution: I first heard this 3-part joke from my father-in-law many years ago. The source is unknown (I'm pretty sure he didn't make it up...)
"News Flash" posted 26 Oct 2020
"toilet stolen from local precinct police have nothing to go on"
"marijuana bill snuffed out by a Congressional Joint Committee"
the News is where they tell you "Good Evening" then explain why it isn't
Attribution: these one-liners were found online and the sources are unknown
A bossy old cow in the street
was rolling while licking its teat!
When it howled like a cat,
I thought: What’s up with that?
Can bossy old cows be in heat?
Inspired by both a poem and the limerick contest of Jan Allison
Living near the Lumni Indians
In our own Puget Sound
Is a family of humanoids.
Few folks know they’re around.
They come down from nearby mountains
To escape the winter snow
To where grass and game is available
In the valleys down below.
When the children should speak of them,
Their Indian elders tell them, “Hush!
They’re not safe around outsiders.
You all know what they did to us.”
They have relatives with different names
In exotic far off places.
The Sasquatch creatures are our own,
Though few have seen their faces.
Known as Bigfoot in our local myth,
(though many claim him real)
You’ll not find him in the circus
His wild mystery to reveal.
Supposedly he’s been here long
Before the white men came.
He made friends with Native Americans
Who consider him quite tame.
He walks as upright as any man
And is claimed extremely tall.
He’s covered in hair from head to toe,
Starting in the early fall.
They say that in the summer time
He’s as bare as you and me.
He walks boldly in the nudist camps
For everyone to see.
Joyce Johnson
There Once Was a Cow
That Didn't Know How
To Moo
Like Normal Cows Do.
He Took Lessons From the Duck
But Didn't Have Any Luck.
He Tried With The Quail
But That Was a Fail.
He Asked the Pig
Who was Really Quite Big
But Even He Didn't Know How
To Moo
Like Other Cows Do.
He Asked the Horse
Who Was Brilliant, Of Course.
He Thought it Was Funny
And Said 'Go Ask the Bunny.'
He Tried and Tried
Then Was Hit By a Plow.
And Died as the Cow
That Didn't Know How
To Moo
Like Normal Cows Do.
By Elton Camp
Tex had a longhorn he hoped to sell
But it was too dirty to do very well
It’d been lolling in the mud and dust
To get it all cleaned up was a must
So Tex pulled into the car wash bay
He put in coins and began to spray
He washed the critter nose to tail
Got it all ready for the cattle sale
But loading it back onto the truck
He got gored and was out of luck
So here’s the moral to this tale
Wash a cow and it may impale
Daisy was such a bossy old cow,
one who desired to rule the herd.
Her opinions were so highbrow
the others dared not moo a word!
Daisy would moo and moo all day
whilst the others chewed their cud.
I dare not disclose the things she’d say
if amiable cows mated with the stud!
One day Daisy met up with the local bull
who really was a quite handsome chap.
She fluttered her lashes, being on the pull
but her constant sniping was a handicap!
He mated all others in the bovine brood
which put Daisy’s nose right out of joint.
He detested her for her rude attitude,
yet, she insisted on arguing the point!
Daisy was ill-bred and she’d never yield
so all the other cows chose to back away.
Bull turned on his hooves and left the field
leaving Daisy all on her own chewing hay!
Although Daisy was the farmer’s oldest
she was just as nasty as the farmer’s wife.
He complained the old cow was the coldest -
I wonder which of them caused more strife!
The farmer didn't suffer from guilt or derision
when the slaughtering man came into town.
He allowed the butcher to make the decision
as to which cantankerous cow he'd put down!
12/10/18
One day, cow fell from a tree--
It bruised her nose and skinned her knee.
You're wondering how this thing could be?
Someone might know, but don't ask me--
I'm only telling you she fell,
And broke her horn and bent her bell.
The noise she made when she fell down,
Was heard for half a mile around.
You never heard a sadder sound,
As she sat, crying, on the ground.
But the saddest part that I can tell--
She broke her horn and bent he bell.
A large, black crow was soon in flight,
To spread the news of the poor cow's plight.
From north to south, from left to right,
Informing everyone in sight,
And the only thing that he would tell--
She broke her horn and bent her bell.
And when the farmer heard the news,
He nearly jumped out of his shoes.
He said, "I wish you would tell me
How that fool cow got in the tree!"
But all the old, black crow would tell--
“She broke her horn and bent her bell.”
The farmer hurried off, and found
His poor cow lying on the ground,
Bawling such a mournful sound,
With great teardrops falling down.
She cried so hard, she couldn't tell
How she broke her horn and bent her bell
He wrapped her knee, and, I suppose,
To dry her tears, he kissed her nose.
He led her home, and all was well,
When he glued her horn and fixed her bell.
All I can tell you at the end--
She never climbed a tree again.
We were winging cow pies at each other and it was fun.
But when a fresh one got close to our face, we were often done.
This is the story of how Daisy the cow
Became one of Santa’s reindeer
Poor Rudolph was down with the flu
So Santa said “Daisy, come here”
“I’ll put a splash of red paint on your snout
And for one night you’ll be able to fly”
And sure enough, with a glowing red nose
Daisy shot up into the sky
Santa fashioned some antlers from branches
From a nearby fallen dead tree
“Well now Daisy, you’ve come up a treat,
No one will notice the difference” said he
Daisy was ever so nervous
At how the night might possibly go
Especially as the weather took a turn for the worse
And started to heavily snow
But Daisy needn’t have worried
As the night built a head up of steam
Delivering gifts to boys and girls
The night flew by like a dream
That is when Daisy awoke
In her field, that was just by a stream
Daisy realized with heavy heart
That it HAD all just been a dream
Come the time for milking
The farmer looked at Daisy and froze
“Daisy, what have you been up to?
Why have you got a red nose?”
Daisy of course did not answer
Inside she just secretly smiled
Knowing that she had, played her part
In bringing happiness to every child
And in the far off distance
She could hear some carollers singing
And every now again she caught on the wind
The sound of sleigh bells a ringing.
***MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE***
©Gary Wayne Hill, 2019
“Have you ever seen a cow jump over a moon, grandma?”
Sweetest voice ever asks me.
No, I admit.
“I have!” he says with high glee in his voice.
“What color was the cow?”
Gold.
“What color was the moon?”
Gold.
What color was the sky?
Blue
“Dark blue or light blue?”
I meant gold. It was GOLD!
“If the cow, the moon and the sky was gold, how did you see it?”
I have magic eyes.
Ever hear these words, “How now brown cow?”
Wonder where it came from, this to me is very bizarre anyhow.
I realize that it’s just a little saying.
Why this crept in, I asked myself while praying?
You see many people have their ways and collect.
Artifacts like; key chains, buttons and I collected baseball cards,
I reflect.
My wife’s thing is cows,
Why, I can’t figure it, anyhow?
Cows are a blessing to mankind,
giving milk for all humans to survive.
“How now brown cow” is just a little phrase,
But the milk gives us cheese, other products and things that are made.
They give nourishment to fill our lives.
As the Lord put these animals on this Earth
for us to survive.
The Lord has put these brown cows for our use.
Along with all animals, if that’s what we choose.
Man has dominion over all creatures on this Earth.
And we should be grateful for these brown cows,
they were put here way before our birth.
There once was a chef named Lew
who swore Samuel's words were true
that Sacred cows make
a great tasting steak
and the best hamburgers too.
Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
Quote by Samuel Clemens (A.K.A. Mark Twain)
(1835-1910) U.S. humorist, writer, and lecturer.
Daisy was a bossy cow
How she loved to rule the herd
The other cows detested her
Yet they dared not moo a word
Daisy would moo and moo all day
Whilst the other cows chewed the cud
She gave her loud opinions
Whilst the other cows landed the stud
One day Daisy met up with the local bull
He really was a handsome chap
She fluttered her eyelashes for she was on the pull
But her bossy ways were a handicap
The bull mated with all the other cows
Poor Daisy’s nose was put out of joint
He hated her attitude she was very rude
Yet she still tried to argue the point
The louder and louder Daisy mooed
Made the other cows back away
The bull turned on his heels and left the field
And left Daisy alone eating hay
Now Daisy was the farmer’s oldest
And as bossy as the farmers wife
He knew for the sure the old cow was the coldest
Sure they both gave him tons of strife
So when the butcher came to town
To bargain for cheap cows all around
The farmer smiled and sent them both on down
Let the poor butcher figure which old cow to drown!
My 900th poem I wanted it to be a fun write
100 in a row #9 Sponsored by PD Linda
12~19~15
once an old cow named mckuen
her cud she always was chew'n
we asked please explain
when she crossed our lane
shor beats a' stand'n 'n moo'n.