Best Bunions Poems

The female onion was crying while on the stand,
testifying agains't the indecent celery man,
saying he was always stalking her to make a raw deal,
claiming she had way too much onion sex appeal,

Watching her at the Sweet Onion Club and following her every night,
he thought her...

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Limericks VI - Religion

Pell-Mell for Hell Mel
by Michael R. Burch

There once was a Baptist named Mel
who condemned all non-Christians to hell.
When he stood before God
he felt like a clod
to discover His Love couldn’t fail!



Why I Left the Religious Right
by Michael R. Burch

He's got Jesus's name...

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PERSONALS:

Must love raw onions
Void of toe bunions
Must have personality
Live in  reality
Must enjoy long walks
Void of stalks
Must not smell bad
Take bath, be glad
Must say, "I love sex"
Never be complex
baggage to be rid
Absolutely no kid
Must love to dance
Wear dry pants
Pay half the rent
monies well spent

If now...

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I have grown old and twisted with all my living;
my limbs gnarled and arthritic,
my skin rough, sometimes peeling,
turning dark beneath the sun.
Bunions and corns decorate my feet.
What a life I have lived!

In my youth, young natives sat on tender grasses at my feet;
i sheltered them...

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Driving my car across the country, numerous years ago, going to a new place,       
     Changing who I’d know
A loud bang broke the boredom and blue smoke filled the air, engine was 
  ...

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Hard of Hearing.

I went to visit Gran
to brighten up her day.
But that crazy batty women
never hears a word I say.

She moans and groans of aches and pains
and how her bunions hurt, then she'll ask,
"Who is it? Is that you my darling Bert?"
"No, I'll say, it's...

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Limericks IV - Donald Trump

The Hair Flap
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

The hair flap was truly a scare:
Trump’s bald as a billiard back there!
The whole nation laughed
At the state of his graft;
Now the man’s wigging out, so beware!



Stumped and Stomped by Trump
by Michael...

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Is it fair that youth is beauty
That the best we can ever be
Is before we are twenty three
Why can't a wrinkle be sexy
Who says grey hairs are icky
Contact lenses are too tricky
Comfort and ease of eyeglasses
Tri focal eyeglasses
But why, but how, when
Did youth escape and...

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what you will
    when over that hill

    well your feet will swell
               and body might smell 
 
       ...

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'Everything Aches' 
 
Oh my arms do ache as I write down this prose  
Most days it feels like the pain goes all the way to my toes 
Bring me back lazy days lying in the sun 
Or the age when being flexible meant...

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To see old relatives can get you thinking
if your health will also soon be sinking.
Will you get their shingles, bunions or bad knees?
Will you get dementia or need some surgeries?
And if afflicted, will you face it well or will you cave?
Or might you be the...

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Ladies and Gentlemen, good folks gather round!
What I have here to show you is worth every pound.
It will soothe your dry bunions, seal your canoe,
Moisten your leather, and stretch your shampoo.
At my own huge expense, from India to thee,
The famous, spectacular, Big Jumbo’s Ghee!

I’ve used...

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Although I’m no spring chicken,
I’d really like to say.
I finished my spring-cleaning,
only yesterday.

I sprung around the house,
cleaning high and cleaning low;
Stood back,
admired my work with face all aglow.

Then I went into the garden,
To plant out my spring onions.
But had to come inside,
To rest my feet...

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T oday is Duque’s Birthday.
H air is turning grey.
I ncontinence is threatening;
R est homes and decay.
T oday is Duque’s Birthday.
Y a Yas with Ya Yas
E ar hair and some nose hair.
I rrational chutzpah 
G out, bunions and arthritis.
H earing aids and blindness.
T oday is Duque’s...

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The pointed ears of a snail can be quite ornate really. Especially if adorned with precious stones as earrings. Buffaloes bulbous brows bear banging bunions. Marvellous. Just marvellous it is to watch the glass moving etiquette of a toque faced turtle necked triangular train man....

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