Best Bowler Poems
The poetry priestess Dawood
Donned her Bowler ,as only she could .
But a bad Irish breeze
Jellied her knees .
Still her squiggly scarf wrapped her GOOD !!!!
“Amazing tradition. They throw a great party for you on the one day they know you can’t come.“
Quote by Jeff Goldblum.
JOHNNY SPICER
In this tomb are the bits and pieces of the butcher Johnny Spicer
Got distracted whilst cutting meat and fell into the meat slicer.
JAMES.D.BOWLER
In this crypt are the flat remains of James.D.Bowlar
Tripped crossing the road into the path of a steam roller.
FREDDIE ALBRIGHT
In this grave is the head of surfer Freddie Albright
It was all that was left when he encountered a great white.
JIM BYRONS
Buried below are just the bones of hunter Jim Byrons
His rifle jammed and his body eaten by lions.
THE COMEDIAN
Hear lies Sid the comedian who thought it was funny
Kicking the bucket and owing the taxman money.
WILLO THE WISP
Lying below are the charcoaled remains of fire eater Willo The Wisp
Who drank too much petrol in his act and was burned to a crisp.
EMILY GRAF
Interred in two pieces is the magician's wife Emily Graf
Something went drastically wrong, and he sawed her in half.
PETE THE BUILDER
Above this grave is just the statue of the builder Pete
Fell headfirst into a cement mixer whilst mixing concrete.
JOE McNAIR
The loud crackling you can hear in this grave is of the killer Joe McNair
Too much power was used when they executed him in the electric chair.
Written on 11th August 2024.
The rumbling of thunder
From some bowlers in the sky
Makes me shudder, gape and wonder
Why we tell our kids that lie.
Does it reassure them, thinking
All that noise is just a game?
Or are they aware we’re winking,
Making such a silly claim?
As a child I did envision
Rip Van Winkle getting strikes;
And I pictured the collision –
Pins and ball – each bowler likes.
But I knew that my perception
Didn’t make a lot of sense
And that grown-ups used deception
At their little ones’ expense.
Still, perhaps their best intention
Isn’t really so off-base
If it soothes some apprehension
And puts giggles in its place.
So when thunder starts resounding
I will think just like a tyke
And find comfort that the pounding
Is another bowler’s strike!
Cuckoo Dancers
Discarded dusty beer bottle lying dormant on the tracks
Commuters await their carriage
Adorned in business like macks
Trees sway in gentle breeze
Capable of more tension,
Performing their shedding of leaves
Far too many to mention.
Pigeon jumps on pigeon
Mating season for all to see,
Another squirrel scurries across the tracks,
Across leaves and debris.
Solitary heron surveys the scene,
The dance of the platform,
The cuckoo dancers ensue.
Discarded shower gel lies half empty on the tracks,
How this could have got there, no one can tell
One person steps forward to check for his train,
Another steps back with woeful refrain
This pattern continues to emphasise my point,
Stemming from this anxiety a new dance I anoint.
Discarded crisp packet bounces gently across the tracks
Reminding me very much of a man on the moon,
Station clock shows the train arrival is now late,
Man grunts, swings his brolly...he is clearly irate.
Discarded cigarette pack fades gradually on the tracks
Whilst woman fixes make up, man kills time by playing with his phone,
Amazes me how people just can't leave them alone!
Man lights his cigarette in a reluctant fashion,
His car has broken down and he hates public transport with a fervent passion.
A multitude of people are gathered here today,
Business attire the name of the day
A brief case, a brolly, a black bowler hat,
And in some extreme cases
A flasher mack and a comedy 'tache!
Suddenly in the distance
A growing light appears,
A communal silent sigh of relief
As the train begrudgingly nears
Man stubs out his cigarette
As the train makes its approach,
In anticipation of his selection of coach.
Discarded Autumn leaf floating lazily across the tracks,
The platform is now empty
Awaiting its latest cuckoo dance!
Copyright
S Rose
there’s a temporal aberration
happening in my head
or it could be I am dreaming
or maybe I am dead
there’s a small purple t rex
who is wearing a bowler hat
while on his massive back legs
he’s sporting yellow spats
he’s dancing a foxtrot
summoning me with a wave
to join him in his frolic
but I just aren’t that brave
there’s an orchestra playing
composed of flying fish
under a banner stating that
we play anything you wish
the dance floor is crowded
I’ve just seen an antelope
with a sign on his back
all ye abandon hope
I am swimming in confusion
next to a cephalopod
all in all this situation
is somewhat rather odd
but I think I’ll just enjoy it
I may wake up by and by
or maybe this is just
a pleasant way to die
A pretty face that wears a smile or giggles on the phone
When sunlight glances through an open door
A robin that will sit and talk when I am on my own
Or getting lost in stories I adore
Some apple-pie and custard or a welcome cup of tea
Or just a word from one I love, to say that she loves me
A deep red rose that smells divine or sparrows having fun
An ice cold tarn high on a Lakeland fell
Outrageous rhyme by Ogden Nash and toast that's quite well done
A bakery that spreads the fresh baked smell
My Mother's home-made gingernuts, another cup of tea
A message from the girl I love that sends her love to me
A cover drive from Ali Brown that makes the bowler glare
A leg break spinning past the outside edge
A buzzard by the motorway that plunges through the air
Or walking on a tiny mountain ledge
Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding and maybe another tea
While hearing from the one I love that she's in love with me
A snowflake in the winter and autumnal golden leaves
A crocus that says Spring is on the way
The beach when all the ladies have been met by clothing thieves
Or flying kites on any windy day
Some chocolate cake, a nice big slice, then wash it down with tea
Another for the one I love who says that she loves me
I smile for all these little things I smile for so much more
For happiness is all we really need
I count up everything I love and marvel at the score
Is garnering such blessings really greed?
A bag of jelly bellies and a nice hot cup of tea
A dream about the girl I love, and when she dreams of me!
Bowling is what I do during Spring time
And swim hundred feet touching the sea floor
Flexing like a gymnast, swing overtime
Holding my breath, a bowler underscore
Bowls of clear blue waters I play for more
Bowling pins like needles for life I strike
Bowling and swimming, sports for life I like
Don't swim too deep without an oxygen tank...
Life is precious to keep as waters know no rank!
(Prosebite)
Felix was angry I could not blame the cat for that
Mr.Schrödinger should have opted for a clean bowler hat
His experiment was a chiller
Prussic acid was a sly killer
Felix could not endure the cheekiest quantum rat
But Mr.Erwin Schrödinger was a great digger of truth
He went straight to Huttenstrasse's " Who-will-bell-the-cat" booth
And He slurped his Irish Mooligan
Caught Patrick "Pat" Peter Sullivan
And put him in the black box and played qubit with Ruth
Sponsor Carol Eastman
Contest Name Humor Contest
14 January,2015
Pedaling along river drive
empty plastic grocery bags
fluttered and flapped from tree branches
like lost battle surrender flags
that line the drought-stricken river.
Their interspersed clings reminded
me of inundated levels
this now anemic river reached;
where once the floodwaters surged south
along its journey to the sea
its now imperceptive flow
struggles, its intimate's exposed:
river-bottom, water-worn rocks
sit like petrified bowler hats.
Unquotable quotes - III
When in Rome, do as the Roman Nero.
The rain in Spain falls mainly on the vain and the
insane.
A grenade a day keeps the refugee away.
Cut your coat according to your girth.
The kettle calling the pot back.
Like father, like son; like mother, like neither.
Singing in the rain can get you pain in Spain.
Singing in the rain in Paris can get you chicks who do
the twist with fairies.
A sound heart in a sick body is like a tart groggy with
toddy.
The sun also rises best in the West.
Who said beggars are not choosers: they can choose the
place and moment they beg.
A white tiger abhors orange.
A policeman’s girl always wears handcuffs behind her
back.
A lawyer who licks the back of hands always gets paid
first.
A judge who yells at you tends to reduce the sentence to
a phrase.
Building castles in the air with sand is cheaper by far.
A marathon runner remembers the thighs but not the
laps.
At the end of the day is when you make your greatest
mistake – you go to sleep.
Churn milk to make curd: churn speech to make turd.
Pounding rice as a marriage rite brings no surprise on
the wedding night.
One swallow doesn’t make a drunkard out of a
teetotaller, but it sure signals a dry summer.
Cricketing jargon
The late-cut is the shave you missed out.
The off-cut is the cover drive turned phut.
The leg-pull is the batsman’s bras de fer to the leg
spinner.
The long-stop is the twelth man on the field.
The straight drive pierces the umpire’s reverie.
The full-toss is the fast bowler’s slipped disc.
The ton-up comes after the spin bowlers give up.
The innings defeat is the army beating the retreat.
Test matches end up in ditches for pitches.
A bumper is an un-coded message from the bowler to the
batsman.
A bumper is an overt warning to the inveterate blocker.
Tail-enders get to face the best batsmen all-rounders.
Umpires inspect pitches at the start of a match for coins
dropped by lawn-mowers.
An over-throw is a fielded ball flung by an outfielder at
the umpires and which misses the wickets by miles.
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2016
More than twelve hundred souls
Meet their watery grave.
German U-boat patrols
Spark a fatal shockwave.
This echo of the past
Resounds throughout history.
Rousing war unsurpassed,
Deadly shroud of mystery.
The empire aids Cunard,
Loaning millions in pounds.
Lord Inverclyde toils hard
On deceptions unsound.
They hide admiralty
Within their merchant fleet,
And in reality
War barons plot deceit.
Famed cruiser so agile
Brings home the Blue Riband.
Propellers prove fragile,
New designs would respond.
While retooling the craft,
Gun mountings are installed.
Hidden away most daft
Down where the ropes are hauled.
However they decide
To switch their new design.
Large cargo holds shall hide
Munitions in her spine.
War with Germany starts
With land mines and blockades.
America builds parts
While Britain launches raids.
The Isles become war zones
With no sure passage back.
Submarines would throw stones
To sink the Union Jack.
So Daniel Dow protests
This British smuggling ring.
The prior chief suggests
Attacks these loads will bring.
A German message warns:
"Huge risk at British sea!
If allied flags adorn,
They'll be hacked to debris!"
Captain Turner is picked
To lead the merchant ship.
"Speed shall avoid conflict
On this momentous trip."
Voyage two hundred-one
Departs Pier 54
Under a watchful sun,
Fresh ammo in her store.
Steaming toward Fastnet Rock,
Bowler Bill seeks advice.
Three ships are sunk in shock,
Warnings are confirmed twice.
Posting double look-outs,
They ready the lifeboats.
Bill secures a black out
While taking careful notes.
Thirty miles from Cape Clear,
The vessel enters fog.
Weather thwarts so severe
The captain slows their slog.
The periscope spots them
As orders are passed down.
One button shall condemn,
Destruction all around.
The Old Head of Kinsale
Watches the missile glide.
The bomb shreds to assail
Those weapons stowed inside.
Debbie Guzzi
Contest Name
For Love of Language
Cricket-Rounders
A new bloodsport in the town,
We call it Cricket-Rounders,
The bowler runs up to the pitch, (22 yard run)
And the bouncer surely crowds ya, (rising ball gets ya)
A cricket ball as hard as iron,
At a hundred miles an hour,
If it gets you in the head,
On ya grave we put the flowers,
So ya better wear head protectors,
Good gloves upon ya hands , (broke fingers)
Borrow Joel Garner from the West Indies yes, (world champ bowler, cricket)
He’d bowl ya outa the grand stand.
When ya run tween the bases, keep ya eyes upon the flic,
The ball is coming to knock ya down , with bruises bloody quick, (knock down yer out)
If ya hit the ball over the fence it’s a bloody six,
And to the boundary only four, so eat your weety bix, (3 strikes yer out)
11 men a side till they’re bowled or caught/knocked out,
Bruises are good for heroes, yes no bloody doubt,
A world wide game it is to be, a war on the field of battle,
Don’t forget to duck your head for sure,
Or yer brain might start to rattle…
Cricket bat or baseball bat for the batter. … Pad up…
Don Johnson invention 3-nov-11
ELEMENTS part 2: WIND
Fiercely, it seemed the furious wind forestalled
The baseball game, bat and ball suspended.
How now must the players play without palavering
all over the green grassy glittering ball field?
Each one with helmets, tough hamstrings and hairy chins,
Chasing after that classic colored little ball
That the bowler spins lifting shins showing that
He'll get you out without any fuss for now.
A powerful element which elects at times to elope with roofs,
Assuming a windy whirling wrecking stance,
As though its speed should stall scheduled events
For which flyers were planned printed passed around.
A heavy task tidying up after this tempestuous wind,
After gales of gusty glaring gusts, push you from behind.
What a chaotic cheerless crowd, chattering on home,
To tell the terrifying tale to others.
Title: ELEMENTS part 2: WIND
Sponsored by: Brian Davey
Contest Deadline:
4/16/2016 @ 12:00:00 AM
I rubbed my eyes at the amazing sight,
A young bear and his bride about to wed.
The tree tops parted to admit the light.
The bride was dressed in lacy dress of white.
The bridegroom wore a bowler on his head.
I rubbed my eyes at the amazing sight.
I feared I'd be thrown out without invite.
The preacher wore a robe of brilliant red.
The tree tops parted to admit the light.
The forest creature guests were packed in tight.
The motley choir was by a raccoon led.
I rubbed my eyes at the amazing sight.
Fierce enemies were seated left and right.
At any other time one would be dead.
The tree tops parted to admit the light.
The festive crowd was dressed in colors bright
And patiently awaiting to be fed.
I rubbed my eyes at the amazing sight.
The tree tops parted to admit the light.
7/09/13
. Expire the Eye Walker
Creeping amongst the lash of nights eye = 9
He ignores around it, making dry = 9
Pulling the lids back with both fists = 8
As he skids across our eyes mist = 8
He causes bursts of replay = 7
Credible to some, at day = 7
Yet fixated are we = 6
On the sand we can’t see = 6
Annoying to some = 5
We’ll pick till it comes = 5
Love at a glance = 4
Sandman’s romance = 4
Most review = 3
His walk through = 3
To find = 2
He’s blind = 2
Grain =1
Brained =1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a “Mock Bowler” poem
Each
stanza reduces
syllable count beginning
with nine and ending with one
The form “Mock Bowler”, created
by Sandra Hudson, resembles the
pins at the end of a bowling lane
Each two-line stanza has the
same syllable count and
stanzas must rhyme
last words