Best Behinds Poems
Splendiferous skies
Sunflower sunrise
haystacks of lilacs
pastel daisies play
with robins and jays
fragrant grass finds
bunny behinds
cotton lambs coo
earth's lush rebirth
a spring dream
until my
face hits a
clinging
bug filled
web
3/09/21
Poem of the Day
3/11/21
There’s a thing called Corona that’s going around,
and the yakety-yak of it’s bringing folks down,
for it’s not like some circus that’s coming to town!
If you turn on your telly, you’ll probably hear
lots of news shows predicting this virus is near,
and the airports stand empty from everyone’s fear.
Just a week ago one of my friends only paid
twenty dollars for a standard flight that he made.
I say THAT’S taking lemons to make lemonade!
I'd say hop on a plane for perhaps a low fee;
now however, that's nixed by new rules that I see.
Just take walks with your dog or stay in for your safety
Perhaps you'll go out. Put a mask on your face!
and a handiwipe's great so that you can erase
pesky germs that are lurking in every space.
While your neighbors are running like crazy to buy
extra paper for wiping their precious behinds,
go to Amazon. There a bidet you can find!
Everything is now closed. If it's not far away,
pay a visit to Mom (if allowed). and l say
try to think of your lockdown as some fun "stay-cay!"
Whatever you do, please stop buying Purell.
Leave that stuff for the folks who are truly unwell,
and please leave on the shelves toilet paper for sale!
Yes, a person could die, but folks die from the flu!
Just eat healthy, be cautious; that’s all you can do.
It is not the Black Plague that is coming for you!
Odds of dying from it - I believe - aren't THAT bad.
Many many events are now cancelled; it’s sad.
But have faith it will pass, like the Saggy Pants fad!
March 13, 2020
For Nina Parmenter's A Rattling Rhyme 2 Poetry Contest
Re-entering contest because in light of new information I have learned since writing this poem, I felt the need to make major changes to some of my lines.
Lady Di
The princess we loved
At 5ft 10 tall with stunning beauty
This angel stunned the world
With her duty.
A young Diana did marry a Prince Charles
From other Royals she got snarls
An independent woman, we watched grow
With 2 sons William and harry
They filled her with life
They made her glow.
Thing soon turned sour
With an affair he had
This made Dianna
Very mad
She had 2 sisters and 2 brothers
Was talented on the piano
She like dance
Maybe the tango
Beautiful, humble, elegant
The charities she helped
Where to her testament
Diana the most influential person
Of the 20th century
We will forever hold her in
Our hearts and in our memory.
Related to Winston Churchill and 10 U.S Presidents
Towards the end of her life
She lived in torment
Diana developed a love interest
With Major James Hewitt
She looked happy
We knew it
Battling mental health issues, eating disorders
And suicide attempts
Behinds the scenes
Her heart was breaking
Whilst the paparazzi
Was staking
Media did not leave Dianna alone
There was no where she could turn
To be on her own
1997 Diana passed away in a car crash
The world in disbelief
We thought the media
Was speaking trash
It was true
There wasn’t a dry eye
How could this happen
Now her soul is in the sky
The driver of her car
Influenced by alcohol
Took this princess’s life
She was our real-life doll
Mother Teresa gave Diana
Rosary beads that where
Buried with her
Although no longer living
She still holds power
Thousands came to say goodbye
With many tributes
There wasn’t a dry eye.
Diana’s grave on an island
On her family’s lake
RIP Diana
You have no more heartache
No more new year resolutions,
no more lie on government restitution,
no republic can survive its dilution
no more pandemic blues,
no more wild-eyed cons[iracy cues
no more revenue that's due,
just a prayer for every ordinary me and you;
give me liberty, opinion and my own discretion
a say in the congressional gridlocked sessions
and give me my freedom of choice,
keep your Beemer, Lincoln, Lexus and Rolls Royce,
help me vote, let me speak my voice;
let me give my fair share
how much do you care
about health, hunger, poverty and medicare,
brother do you have a dime to spare,
is anyone with common sense there?
Where are the children too long missing
who's corporate behinds are you now kissing
what's with all the anger and the hissing,
end these shootings, hate fires the looting dissings
help the homeless and the poor, stop the dismissing
are your senate raging rants just visual political pissing?
Schumer, Pelosi, Manchin, McConnel and McCarthy
what is the point of your political party,
you play your little games of cat and mouse
while nothing is done in Senate or in House?
Get to work, do your jobs
stop the lobby dance and cut the hobnobs,
too long perhaps you hold power
all governments are now, equally soured
while the general population is deflowered.
*PV - Proverbial Verbiage
The Old Rotary
Dialing out…zzzzip…zzzzzzzip…zzzzzzzip
and
zip…zzip…zzzip…zzzzip
and brring…
long distance was not a thing
for children. they could only
ring those within their corridor
ching…ching
money didn’t grow on trees
the grown up made sure
we were wise
or they’d wise up
our behinds
but we didn’t even try
a bit smarter back then
smarting at smaller things
like
eating Mr. McGregor’s produce
throwing
stones at cars
but
we kept our hands
off the old man’s
cookie jar (PV)
rang Grandma
once a year (PV)
It was more fun to dial out
but by then a burglar
tied you up (PV)
They've tossed their souls away
again
harlots for a vote
they've fingered the race card
the rapist card
the Russian card
the Ukraine card
now they're playing mahjong
with a virus.
Muzzling our freedoms and rights
placing plastic tiles in our minds
when this latest fallacy fails
they'll boomerang (black)
to the race card again.
They're locking {we the people away}
giving early release to protect rapist
and assorted other derelicts... from the flu!
Do they think a tsunami of convicts
will keep six feet away from our
daughters
mothers
grandmothers.
My father used to sweat the flu out
I remember him saying
"get me another blanket"
we'd stack them three or four high,
The fever would break
he'd be back to work the next day.
only to inhale benzene rings
to keep us in meat and greens...
They don't make them like that anymore
This will be a baton head splitting summer
oppression will detonate
spill freedoms' soul onto the avenues
fringe factions will clash..
Come November
just remember who locked you up
released the filth of society onto our streets
remember who pointed fingers-fell asleep
while withholding your money
to gain political traction
trashing the economy
running helter skelter over livelihoods
come November-shout out people!
remember how your local gvt. couldn't find
illegal alien felons to deport them
but suddenly found them long enough
to give them your Wuhan money -your bread and honey
come November vote their globalist behinds out of office
and into their
plush-slush funded gated community
There once was a couple of brats
who engaged in continuous spats.
The result was a tie
when each scratched out an eye -
an old-Biblical tit for a tat!
The brats awoke bleeding and weak
when, half-seeing the havoc they’d wreaked,
they discarded their clothes,
their behinds to expose -
a new-Biblical turning of cheek!
One ticket admission to my home z o o!
SO many creatures, don’t know what to do-
a turtle and a bunny,
a stinky pug so funny,
a Golden Retriever who lost a s c r e w!
The bunny likes smelling the dog’s behinds,
too bad he will NEVER know what he’ll find!
a grossly dingle-berry,
something hairy and scary,
“GO find a carrot you’re way out of line!”
The pug snuffles and snorts through out the night,
then I’m yawning while I’m struggling to write-
the turtle has a long neck,
I’m always like, “WHAT THE HECK?”
then he basks while choking on a termite!
You may think my family is distressed,
and maybe we NEVER get any rest-
a million bucks I won’t take,
we have a bond that WON'T break,
we do love our z o o that’s quite picturesque!
Syllable Count: 10-10-7-7-10
Animal Antics Contest
Sponsor: Shadow Hamilton
Dedicated to my beautiful zoo:
Bo-my sweet Golden Retriever age 11 (dying of cancer :(....)
Mugsy-my stinky Pug age 12
Lucky-my white fluffy bunny age 3
Pebbles-my long-necked turtle age 2
Date Written: August 18, 2016
You're a mad rapper
I'm a mad hatter
Ideas in my head always bleeding
So lyrics you won't be needing
You spit them
I write them
You rap them
I rhyme them
Lines we be exchanging
Like I'd be interchanging
The lanes fast on the freeway
Paving the roads leading away
From the ghetto
Like Pinocchio was to Geppetto
We be each others woodwork
Combined we be the spork
Together in our minds
Like buns on girls behinds
We ain't getting lost
Whatever the cost
We'll stay in the light
Never fly stay and fight
Cause we be the illest
Cough Cough we infect the rest
Wanting to be part of the fuss
They try and copy 'r' us
But they will never ever
Be as swift or as clever...
Why Dogs Sniff Behinds
By Elton Camp
All dogs very long ago, a meeting did call
Each hung his behind on a peg on the wall
The conclave was going along pretty well
When a passing cat the canines did smell
Desire to chase him created quite an uproar
And the pack of dogs rushed out of the door
First, each a behind proceeded to snatch
However, dogs and behinds didn’t match
But in their frenzy to chase the cat,
The pack of dogs forgot about that
But, from that confused day until this
Dogs, their own behinds do miss
They would know their own by a whiff
So that why they always continue to sniff
You say that this tale you don’t believe?
Surely you can’t think that I’d deceive!
In younger days we would watch our figure
Now hear behind the back people snicker
Now through many years
Christmas treats and cheers
Behinds not in line, those bellies bigger!
I’ll make Chocolate pie resolution
Along with Pecan pie restitution
When our congress acquits
Stupid party line splits
That’s when this old sort admits, protrusion!
Once old fat cell was triggered
Being in behinds he snickered
In belly overlap
In lassie and old chap
Got them just the way he figured!
For and in honor of Carolyn Devonshire
And Contest
I have in my possession an object I really prize.
It belonged to two guys whom I really idolize.
'Twas a necessary device when straight razors were the fad.
'Tis the leather razor strop used by my Grandpa and Dad.
Its precise genesis is really difficult to gauge,
But it's certainly well over a century old in age.
It shows the scars as they went to all the trouble,
To hone their razors to rid their mugs of stubble!
I can picture them as young swains shaving before the mirror,
With a steady hand trying not to nick an ear.
With a brush and soap to apply lather to their face,
Later to meet their sweeties decked out in ribbons and lace!
Now I never thought of a razor strop in relation to education,
But Mom found a novel use for it much to my mortification.
When I became rowdy and tended not to mind,
That cold, hard strop was generously applied to my behind!
I will pass the old strop along to a subsequent generation,
With vivid tales of Mom's expertise in its application!
This only to add to family knowledge and lore,
But to use on tender behinds never, never more!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
This is based on the news out of fairfax, VA about a guy that is slashing ladiies behinds - there have been 4 or 5 reports so far. Piquerism or picquerism (from the French piquer - "to prick") is a paraphilia and form of adomasochism in which one finds sexual gratification through penetration of another person, most commonly by stabbing or cutting the body with sharp objects Piquerism or picquerism (from the French piquer - "to prick") is a paraphilia and form of sadomasochism in which one finds sexual gratification through penetration of another person, most commonly by stabbing or cutting the body with sharp objects
Some guys don’t think that it’s wrong
To ruin a pretty girl’s thong
They just love to cut
A young lady’s butt
Just to excite their own dong
Now in Fairfax, Virginia he’s found
In the aisles with dresses and gowns
With a well planned distraction
He goes into action
And pretty soon blood’s dripping down
He thinks that he’s pretty slick
With a razor, a knife or a pick
He finds a young cutie
And then slashes her booty
I tell you this guy is just sick
When the cops catch him it will be plain
That he’s reached the end of his reign
With his Piquerism
He will wind up in prison
And his booty’s going to feel pain
Mdailey 7/29/11
Stopped off for eggs
with ham(thought about keeping kosher for a while)
Have to say the ham was tasty!
Came up into the ESL Lab
My supervisor said he likes his
councilman
At 84 my mother
works 4 days for a Democratic Councilman
Whom I have spoken with
If I run for office
My platform would
be
More poetry open mikes!
Poetry can save your life
if you let it into your heart
Politics matters but:
EVERYTHING IS NOT POLITICAL
Voted the other day
I always do
I am a good citizen
So my fellow good citizens
reading this ode
Bet your behinds to the polls and vote
Eugene McCarthy and Abraham Lincoln
both wrote verse
Politics, poetry
Not mutually exclusive
So
Tambourines in the air;
Whistles and bustles in a
rhyme.
In the house of Khloe,
Melodies of the heart;
A reenactment in the farm house
of old rhythms.
Grand mother's tongue in cheek,
but she is gone;
Gone home to be with the lasses
Free from the pains of the masses.
The house of Chloe will never be the
same again.
Mirth and laughter gone through the
back door.
Enter the dragon, my mama with sternness
and a rod.
Not to be spared for our scrawny behinds
my mama.
The house of Khloe has changed course
never the same again.