Best Assholes Poems
I went to the hospital and they said they were going to shove a camera up my ass.
I told them that I didn't want that to happen, I told them that I was going to pass.
But they said it was too late because I'd already signed the papers that allowed them to treat me.
But I didn't want a camera up my ass, I would've rather that they used baseball bats to beat me.
They shoved the camera up my ass and it went in deep.
It really hurt because the idiots forgot to put me to sleep.
I cussed those assholes out and they said that they didn't like my attitude.
But they disliked it even more when they had to pay me two million bucks after I sued.
(This poem is only half fictional. I really did have a Colonoscopy in 2010 and I'm having to have another one next week.)
Lets have a toast for the jerkoffs
Lets have a toast for the assholes
Lets have a toast for the dirtbags
Lets have a toast for the criminals
Its not all your fault dickheads
Lets have a toast for the vigilant
Lets have a toast for the lovers
Lets have a toast for the successful
Lets have a toast for the truthers
Its not all your work independents
Lets have a toast for the gooks
Lets have a toast for the guidos
Lets have a toast for the gringos
Lets have a toast for the jigaboos
Nothing wrong with you
Lets have a toast for the freedom
Lets have a toast for the liberty
Lets have a toast for the human rights
Lets have a toast for the awaken
Its time to have a toast
Lets have a toast
For creation
lets have a toast
For being alive
Lets have a toast
03\22/2014
(a response to a provocative post)
Your voyeuristic **** post
Has got me choking on my toast
I should have better things to do
Than commenting on sex and poo
Whilst everybody likes a joke
‘Tis somewhat niche, the **** poke
Night up the alley, hard to see
For those without a front door key
What people do behind closed doors
With wives or husbands, friends or whores
Is up to them when with consent
I question, sir, your post’s intent
We English hide within our castles
No comment when it comes to assholes
Trolling really gets my goat
Fie, sir, flounder in my moat
I hope your banal gasket’s blown
Write what you know and get your own
by Gail
Once upon a time we used to say this rhyme;
Piss **** corruptiion snot, 29 assholes
tied in a knot, yah rah lizard ****,
fffuuuuuccccckkkkk!
God bless the 60's
college generation and the pre ne anderthal
anticommuno anticonservative anticrass
conspired 50's post war catlickco/protestco/religico/allinco
class ignopostco dontknowco genreo class of procreastino
letitbeso, statisquo esque. Lest it be known that the willful winds of youthful change blow out
be on their way to counter angst the powers that supposed to be.
Frank, Tony, Bing, Johnny, Dean, Bobby, Elvis and Sammy rose to to heights
of us universal but languished in antiquity when all was superficial.
Stay in within the realm that is true and the music that it
heralds is more than blue. Topic is keen and u know what I mean,
as it all in the family regardless of poverty and greed. Look
deep inside to the entrails u behold and garner yr questhoods as they're
expressed in your guy goods. I am sick of people who hide in their shame, whose only desire is to gain all from illfame. I speak from someone just side of white trash
who was given free knowledge and knows that is quite rash!. College initially
was out of my reach, but from my friends go for it, it's not what we preach.
Paperwork aplenty and lines unforgiving I pleaded, posed, placed until my
schedule was on target. Never before did I know such obeyance, to all before me regardless of surveyance. I did what I was told and was told what I did until both seemed the same. IU hater is when people say this is/was the best thing I ever did in my life. Really? What about the things/places/people to come in to share yr life. Age is a withering wonder of the things that from which u have experienced, learned, then applied to unfamiliar future u have remaining; in all this, is someone, anyone paying the least attention to what u r trying to say? And yes to date and I am sorry to say but have come to believe is just the way it is that, "Youth is wasted on the young". Love u and miss me in the final equation of the generational shift of things to come.
The Camping Trip
It was a cold, Gay night. Rosie O'Donnel and Kermit The Frog cuddled around the campfire,
Singing *****songs and eating eachother out.
Soon they got tired, climbed into their Assholes, and eventually fell asleep. Suddenly,
they were both wide awake. There was a loud raping sound outside the tent. Kermit The Frog
grabbed Rosie O'Donnel's cock and held on for dear life. Rosie O'Donnel started chanting,
“Here Lives the Lion, Only In Kenya, Only in Kenya Do we have Lions” over and over again.
Then into their tent fell their friend Jollie Rogers, The Magical Bro Dragon. Jollie
Rogers, The Magical Bro Dragon had been thirsty and had gone into the house for some Rough
Sex 12 Times in one Night. Now the cum was on the floor of their tent. But they all had a
good laugh and went back to sleep.
It turned out to be a very gay camping trip. And maybe next time they'll even leave PeeWee
Hermns's backyard.
It's amazing how quick things can change.
First your running with the kings, and then you're knocked out of range.
It's strange. I used to worry and stress over friends.
Now I've grown to be a man. Maybe know a few of them.
All that time I could of studied. Did better in school.
Got a job and made it big. Maybe now I'd be cool.
Who's the fool? Now who's the bull? I know that's not me on the top.
Life is always making turns weather you like it or not.
The past will always be the past. My glory days may seem gone.
But, now its time to start a new.The stories keep coming on.
I've got a new girl. She means the world to me.
She keeps me warm at night, my best friend, my new dream.
Since my car accident, still got a limp on one side.
Still working with my memory, still need a friend who can drive.
I love to Karaoke. I get noticed in bars.
My mom's always there to catch me. Tom's working with my mom's cars.
My sister's in the Army, my niece is a big part of my life,
Friend Zach keeps assholes off me, and God is my wife.
AJ's always there to help, Brian is my LOST bud,
Mary's out of school, Lil cousin, Hunter's a stud.
Grandpa still is my idol, JT is still the music man .
The Adam's still can party. Chris, living good on the sand.
I may only use one hand, but I plan to be the best.
At all I do in life, cause there's not that much time left.
The blood test that I took says Landon is mine.
I hope this all works out fine in time and help to make my son's life shine.
JC who's down in Georiga, my heart is screaming for you.
I hope that you recover well. It can't be worse then what I went through.
Uncle Jimmy where you at? Where's Matt, Corie, and Pete?
I know you all are doing good. Serviolo's are a hard team to beat.
How's the rest of the family? I love and miss you all!
I hope you all are standing tall and I pray we never fall.
These last words that I say, I say only to you.
We've got the best family in the world and you know I LOVE YOU!
War hell on earth, fire in the skies, rockets bombs, and bullets.
Freedom is on the line and souls get free to roam the skies of heaven or get tortured in the flames of hell.
Democracy and a free world, blood guts, and glory for freedom that isn’t free. Souls lost for a nation under God.
We live free while others die.
Casualties, of war, there is no innocence war is hell and all who are involved have a job to either fight and survive, or to do is die.
War the hell on earth.
The machine of death.
The action to make peace.
Till there is no war.
Some gave most the rest gave all.
Choppers, tanks, Hum v’s, jeeps, and jets race through nations bombing, shooting with engines roaring killing anything standing still or moving.
Death destruction the smell of burning bodies and the ground soaked in blood.
Angles up above shedding tears of pain.
From the soldiers keeping heaven and hell packed with fresh souls of the falling.
War is hell, but communism is worse in a Nation that is run by freedom and the constitution of bill of rights on which America was built on.
We live, we die some with honor and a will to defend our rights.
And others just live to take advantage of what America was built for.
That’s why there is war.
America is hated by most
And was become divided, those who understand the concept of war and those who oppose war.
Liberals, democrats, and socialist makes the word freedom mean nothing.
Yet those same assholes are the first to hide behind the 1st amendment right of freedom of speech and protest.
In fact they start wars inside the country that was once united by people, but now has become divided by acts of selfishness by letting freedom offend their agendas.
Which in fact will start a civil war.
War is the hell on earth.
A revolution is on a rise.
A new birth of America is upon the people.
Will be a new world, or the end of all things?
It’s enough thought to base a movie on when there is nothing left and all hope is lost and the Earth becomes an empty space.
The moon will have no face.
Human race will end up erasing itself
Once the last world war is won by whichever side wins first.
War.
I can see the world spinning way out of control
Drugs among the teens is really taking its toll
It’s all about the liquor beverages deep in the fold
What about the times when these kids dreamt and had goals?
Now they got that stench of weed stuck in their clothes
Molly stuck in their throat with a dick in their mouth
Abortion in disguise all these young girls riding out
No pride,
It seems as if there’s nothing inside
Many nights I stare at my wall
I fight back tears
Wondering what’s wrong with our beautiful young women,
No directions in need of love and affection
Lack parental blessings with a real life lesson
They all losing they soul
As I said in the 1st line
I can see the world spinning way out of control.
These girls so hungry,
It’s anyone guess,
Have to be taught to aim higher than less,
They all want to be like Miley Cyrus,
A virus,
Affecting their vision like a pirate,
Coming off as a whore who’s a tyrant,
We are in trouble!
They are so lost, ring the sirens!
While I pray in silence,
God, I’m a dial your number,
To help me overcome this frustrating blunder,
Too many precious queens and princesses to lose,
I’m confused while burning my fuse
Trying to figure out what it is to live in their shoes.
I got many views concerning this matter,
Just want to see our young women in good manner,
Want to see how they can climb and see their minds get fatter,
Do away with that useless chatter,
Leave the assholes and get their masters,
Achieve that first then see who can match you,
I bet none of them can,
They’ll take off quicker than a getaway van,
You don’t want a scrub but someone who really cares,
You have all the power use it positively wherever you can.
I loved all kinds of jerks in my career.
A cute narcissist with an egoistic style.
While back decided to be engineer,
I wished that it would help me spot them from a mile.
Another was with solid principles.
Early on I should have told him to go to hell.
We studied together those disciplines.
I'd have to see him at school and at gym as well.
I wasn't strong enough to handle it.
So then instead I sparked the electricity.
Some hurry to get a grip and beat it.
Instead I stayed and lost my authenticity.
Another jerk was an old-perv-doctor.
He molested his clients with smart life advice.
It's a shame I never loved a rock star.
He would probably possess the same list of vice.
Girls, don't waste precious time on assholes,
The story goes that you'll regret it in the end.
You'll walk and surely get some burning soles,
You'll have a cat, a flower and a heart to mend.
Do you see all the colors that shade us?
rivaling all sense and reason, laughing back hollow.
All smiles-- lieing first back. and truely cutting
across every shallow relevence ...riding silver ,slandered ,slanted...
Break
Sillence
Shouting
When? Without following with Why?
Words cross and fade, pass these lips timid
Why? Never.
Each and every thought lucid and untouchable
breaking on rocks, shores lusting foamfilled
moments breathed and retracted lifeless
........always
Spread the low intellect flat and even
to unlevel, descheveled constants, speaking
unheard conversations pasted falsely...
listing every disallusioned perception like bingo numbers openly.
We're truthful animals when subjected to questionable scenarios
as the painful plots make assholes of otherwise calmer cats.
This reality is necessary and bothersome.
To all who claim that they are always here for me,
whenever I need to reach out and seek support from anybody.
All of you, and I mean all of you are all hypocritical phonies,
who just want to feel good about themselves selfishly,
convincing yourself that you're helping one in need,
when all of you couldn't care less in reality.
When I am attempting to pour my heart out with great difficulty,
Shut Your Freaking Mouth, and just listen to me.
Allow me to complete a thought or sentence at the very least.
Don't be so driven to hear yourself talk so eagerly,
because the message you are sending to yours truly,
is, "I'm not listening, I'm not interested, I just want to talk on endlessly."
Allow Me To Express My Grief Openly,
without getting interrupted by your annoying voice continually,
and that's just the hypocrites I've dealt with personally.
To the rest of you out there, the assholes of many,
who claimed, "I'm here for you Bill. I would die for you Billy."
I never asked anything from any of you previously,
but when I asked all of you a small favor that was important to me,
a task performed literally costless, conveniently and effortlessly,
not one single response from my so called family or friends, not any.
was received from any of you bastards and bitches, not one of you phonies.
So I guess what I'm trying to express here in it's entirety,
is Screw All Of You Mother Screwing Phonies, SCREW EVERYBODY!
Every MotherScrewing One Of You, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!
They said that love was for creepers.
People who spend too much on booze
and praise saxophone blues.
Bodies aching for a warm touch-
waltzing alone in a room filled with people.
And love impairs your senses
makes you see the best in people.
It makes assholes look like heroes.
And love lessens your concentration
or intensifies it.
She only noticed his limp
after their fifth date.
And he was infatuated by her lisp
from the first day they met.
And I'm not a poet, when it comes to expressing myself.
So these words have stacked themselves
to the ceiling of my mouth
and I want to kiss you-
gently and sweetly
before they all burst out.
I'm love drunk.
and I slur and er at all the witnesses in this bar.
And they said that love was overrated-
and those three words were overstated.
But here I am serenading you,
my tears are bubbling in my champagne glass
this New Year's eve.
I now wear my heart on my sleeve
A new cuff-link that beats
and aches
and bleeds
whenever our hands meet.
I've forgotten the burden of being alone
and the pain of being stoned at home
when it's two in the morning and no one calls.
These words are all I can give you
so kiss me slow and kiss me smooth
before these words find a way to elude
this crazy mind of mine.
It's no secret that I've got trust issues,
Constantly drying my eyes with tissues,
Always expecting the worst from guys,
Cause all I've ever gotten were lies,
I can be the perfect girl and still I lose,
Cause it's always someone else they choose,
So with every new guy I bring my past,
That must be the reason we never last,
But trusting guys is the hardest thing for me,
When every time its the same **** I see,
Sneaking around like they got something to hide,
Never checking their phone when I'm by their side,
Talking to other girls about our relationship,
Then turning it around on me when I trip,
I tell them something is bothering me bad,
They say I'm crazy and then they get mad,
I've seen the same things from every single guy,
Every word out of their mouth is a big fat lie,
So yeah it's no secret that I have trust issues,
And I'll continue drying my eyes with tissues,
Cause there's probably no good guys out there,
Only players and assholes who will never care.
02-03-2018
I find poetry in the most absurd of ideals and euphemisms, but there are ideas that elude me
The fact of the existence of narcissistic assholes who believe themselves immune in statement
The fact of the existence of evil that goes unpunished when the stick is easily available
The fact of the existence of the most corrupt beings acclaimed as the saintliest ones
The fact of the existence of those who believe in science, but denounce observation
The fact of the existence of hypocrites that can never look in a mirror, lest they be burned
The fact of the existence of those who try to come together to get away from each other
The fact of the existence of disrespect among the privileged to a more privileged
The fact of the existence of stalwart defenders that are in truth attackers and offensive
The fact of the existence of those who will defend these people to seem superiors
but the most eluding fact is a statement made among one who lives among these existences
“Just Live with It”
But I will not
If only it was easier to search for
truthful partners, not assholes and whores
then maybe love would mean so much more
than finding someone who is a "score".
The pandemic must have been a way
Mother Nature told us we have gone astray
from the path of the righteous - our sins weigh
heavily on the planet at the end of the day.
Is heaven a place where all dogs go?
They are so precious; I guess it must be so
because how could hell contain the glow
of a bulldog, poodle, lab and beagle?
(all dogs are precious)
What if animals could speak to us?
What are the things they will discuss?
Will they be nice or will they cuss
at me once I hop on the school bus?
I want to get rid of my teddy bear.
It hurts to see its wear and tear.
Over the years, it has heard and bear
a lot of my tears, a lot of my prayers.
I fell in love with this one guy
but at the same time, I was quite shy.
This one time on a plane he touched my thigh
I felt the rush of club mile high.
He hasn't responded to my texts since...
maybe my body did not convince?
Thinking of him made my heart wince.
Another ass that I thought was a prince.