Wandering, leave my world behind,
A journey, new beginnings.
Unsure of what I’ll find,
Thoughts and images flash my mind
On this journey I’m embarking.
Wandering, leave my world behind.
These thoughts I have aren’t always kind.
Tangled, jumbled, darting, seeking,
Unsure of what I’ll find.
Pausing briefly to unwind,
The prospect of reflecting.
Wandering, leave my world behind.
Emotions strapped and, in a bind,
My steps slow down, I’m faltering.
Unsure of what I’ll find.
So, I embark, eyes remain blind.
This challenge I’m accepting.
Wandering, leave my world behind,
Unsure of what I’ll find.
Your hurt in turn hurts me
You are not sharing your pain
But you willing share your anger
I am not in your team
I am the opposition
You have closed your self away
Put up a defensive wall
Say little and expect the world
I can’t help if you dont want help
I can’t listen if you dont speak
I can’t read your mind if you isolate yourself
I can’t predict what will happen next
But you are doing a good job of barely staying alive
A good job of protecting yourself and hurting others
A good job letting others carry while you stay away
A good job of breaking everything while doing nothing
honesty...
disregard the tears streaming down my face
just hand me a tissue
and allow me a chance
to string some words together
to explain
honestly, explain
and in retrospect
it would be the next October
where I would actually feel the rain...
the wetness, the coolness
the awareness, and the agony
eventually, yes, I felt it all
(to be continued)
i tried to see you again
for the first time in almost five years
it was my fault for leaving
but when i said goodbye
i didn't know it'd be forever
i wonder what i would've done differently
if i had known
and now it's going on three years
since you passed
and i miss you more than you know
i just wanted to see you
so i tried to join you
but as i sat in the bathroom
with my head over the toilet
color draining from my face
vision going in and out
my brain imagines you're there
waiting for me
arms held open
but i know now i won't make it to you
yet another time i failed you
my brain puts you next to me
almost as if taunting me
just sitting there
watching me at my lowest
and we both know
this is my punishment
this is what i deserve
The first attempt
This is the first poem I try not to think about.
It is like crossing the plateau of Alentejo
I see the tarmac road that stretches miles ahead
must follow the lines of the road
or, fall off and sink into oblivion
Poetry is not unlike arithmetic; using words instead
of numbers
The hope is that the writing has an inner logic
That defies jumbled words
The instrument has a hidden note that tells us
That two is not four
I try telling you what I hear, it is easy, our obligation
to love our fellow beings
This request can be obtained by honest feelings
How do you fight when the battle is within you, and every attempt seems doomed to fail,
When you thought you were strong, but now you see you're caught in the web of doubt,
A stranger in your own skin, searching for a self that once seemed so certain,
I try to rise, but I fall again, chasing pieces of myself that have disappeared.
Once I was confident, but now I'm full of uncertainty,
Wondering if I'll ever find that part of me I'm searching for,
A labyrinth of intertwined thoughts, where the echoes of doubts constantly resonate,
Like a river flowing endlessly, taking me on unknown paths of the soul.
Every step is a battle with shadows, a search for the light hidden deep within,
When the heart remembers the times when faith was simple and clear,
Now, lost in a thick fog, I seek the fulcrum to find myself again,
In a world that changes incessantly, like a dream from which I cannot wake.
I gather strength from memories, from moments of courage and instants of peace,
From the brilliance of a clear morning when the sun warmed my soul,
And I try to remember who I truly am, beyond doubts and fears,
For deep in my heart, I know my true power awaits to be rediscovered.
I walk into my mom’s room, filled with fear,
As nausea is bubbling in my core.
I say nothing, it’s already clear;
I took a b’ttle of pills just like before.
Tears fall from my eyes and drip from my chin,
As screaming insults fall from my mom’s lips.
She yells, “Get in the car,” and the pr’cess begins.
She cont’nues to yell like she’s read’ng a script.
She says she’s not staying for this bullsh’t this time.
With that, she left—no “I love you,” no goodbye.
I’d never felt more alone in my life.
In the weeks that followed, I did nothing but cry.
In those three weeks, I only felt like a problem,
Reminding me, my own mom left me at rock bottom.
Just got charged for attempt to sale
Words on paper no need for a scale
Just pure joy and pain frowns and laughter
Living life to the fullest anything can happen
Dreams come true but the foot work has to be done by you
So many start and never finish
Made it through the beginning and then stopped I guess that's the ending
We all know a lot of people or pretending ride your wave and pay them no attention
See remember I just got charged for attempt to sale words on paper no need for a scale
Into racially charged environs
burst cattlemen with branding irons
Followed, fortunately, by squadcars' screaming sirens
Whew... Sure glad those were 'dry runs'
In snow and mud stuck off the road
On hill—we killed anti-skid mode
Then cleaned your tire tread
And rocked straight ahead
So now you've no need to be towed!
Do not knock on the door of my heart
if you don't know how to love
I just tried to leave sweety memories behind
Yet, ants and flies were rather unkind
You can’t understand how that sounds.
You laugh, but you look like clowns.
Don’t repeat the joke. Don’t assail
my ears with what you would call a humorous tale.
I don’t have the patience for this. My head pounds.
I’d rather eat coffee grounds
than listen to your waste of nouns.
But heaven forbid you notice this detail.
You can’t understand.
Your obliviousness astounds.
It begins to escape the bounds
of what reality should entail.
Yet you seem infinitely able to exhale
nonsense. There is so much about you which confounds.
You can’t understand.
Braced to fight tough for triumph
Stockpiled testosterone
Fizzed bicarb in her bloodstream
Sucked bitterness alone
Flooded home, battle surmounted
Safeguard marshy roost
Maladvised maveric trudged pond
Stacking bags of no use
Swirling water swarmed by spiders
Fear erased from register
Starless, deserted street industrial
Duty lead dim endeavour
Depth defiantly rejected her efforts
Scream's echoing ignorant
Yelled "help" at selected emptiness
Six months pregnant Sigrid
Fortfied ego, throat sore, exhausted
Dry in her fortress upstairs
Concede agitated bruises encumber
Defences laid dull despairs
31st March
Dependence is not defeat
Reminiscent time
Good days and bad days behind
Look to the future
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