Toff Poems | Examples

I Sold My Gold

In the dire moments of constant fear,
anyone can sense danger from all sides...
wondering if this is our final chapter,
or the continuation of more absurd lies!

I sold my gold to pay off some hefty bills:
a bracelet and a chain I wore at gala parties;
I agreed to a lesser price and feel at peace...
kicking off many worries to the lowest degree! 

I asked the bearded guy behind the glass window,
how much they were worth trying to make a deal;
he looked at me and with a raspy voice not so genteel,
" To be honest they aren't worth much, poor fellow! "

He handed me one hundred dollars
enough to survive a few miserable days;
I walked away unhappily, I was ripped off...
yesterday it felt good being an admired toff!  

I sold my gold feeling deprived of excessive pride,
it served a purpose but it left much emptiness inside;
greed is not the rule we must live by: gold is a wealth
well-earned, but it can't save us from destined death!

I Sold My Gold

In the dire moments of constant fear,
anyone can sense danger from all sides...
wondering if this is our final chapter,
or the continuation of more absurd lies!

I sold my gold to pay off some hefty bills:
a bracelet and a chain I wore at gala parties;
I agreed to a lesser price and feel at peace...
kicking off many worries to the lowest degree! 

I asked the bearded guy behind the glass window,
how much they were worth trying to make a deal;
he looked at me and with a raspy voice not so genteel,
" To be honest they aren't worth much, poor fellow! "

He handed me two hundred dollars
enough to survive a few miserable days;
I walked away unhappily, I was ripped off...
yesterday it felt good being an admired toff!  

I sold my gold feeling deprived of excessive pride,
it served a purpose but it left much emptiness inside;
greed is not the rule we must live by: gold is a wealth
well-earned, but it can't save us from destined death!

Clerihew Kossoff

Neglected was Leon Kossoff
expressionistic & never a toff
Known for his pool series
&so at ease

John Montagu

There’s a Nobel Prize for Peace
There’s probably one for war
I’d like to plead the case 
For adding just one more
They say he was just a hungry toff
Feeling the need of a quick snack
Between some few games of cards
Thus allowing him quickly back
To those gentlemanly pursuits 
Worthy of a man of his station
But to all us modern rushed folk
He’s the benefactor of the nation.
Johnson perfected dictionaries
Wellington his really useful boots
Worthy causes there  no doubt
Scarce worth the merest of hoots
Compared to Earl of Sandwich
With his eponymous fast food
Easily and quickly adapted 
To every nuance and mood
So lift your glasses please
Ply toasts upon the head 
Of the man who first invented 
Fun with two slices of bread
All hail to thee, John Montagu
The world doth owe great debt to you

Clerihew Rachmaninoff

Serge Rahmaninoff
abot of a 'musical 'toff
Despite a versatile reportoire
from Russia was compelled to retire

Clerihew Lasionov

Mikail Lasionv
was poor&never a toff
Founder of Rayonistic art*
of Cubism ,just a minor  part

*https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rayonism

Perhaps

Perhaps I'll find him
in realities cloak
steadfast with fiery dim
frozen woodland oak
capture my heart 
lead with your hand
stricken not to apart
laying in the sand
dusting me off
from past dues paid dearly
pedestal then he'll be toff
as I stand meek merely
speak my name
I chime ever softly
acknowledge me as your dame
my newfound lover courtly
tears now fade upon my brow
smeared not for 
laughter stained because of thou
pounding at my door
peace at last
from forlorn threats sincere
harnessed from the past
alas you're drawing near
Perhaps

Halloween Guide

Halloween is here!
But have no fear! 
This is my guide so you survive. 

Beware the graveyards full of ghosts and ghouls. 
The graveyard is where you will see zombies feasting.
Stay in the light, form large groups, don't be fools.

Beware the alleys vampires hang about usually toff.  
One look in their eyes and… boo! You're paralyzed.
Carry holy water, garlic and a cross, it fights them off. 

Beware the skies alien abductions!
Butt probes, clench cheeks, hopefully you stay breathing. 
This one's unavoidable good luck, maybe try some ruction?

Beware they pull you in with sweet smells, and words, it’s bewitchery.
It's diabolical, witches plans with humans hypnotized. 
Show some cautionary there's lots of trickery.

Halloween is here!
But have no fear!
Follow this guide and you will survive. 

                                               
                                                    (A. Bonds)
                                                     10-29-20


words used, alien, blood, cautionary, vampires, trickery, abduction, paralyzed, Halloween, feasting, diabolical

Mimi

Of childhood, a little story,
Mimi, fluffy dog, toy glory,
She lost an eye, tail wagged off,
Rubbed fur, not so toff,
But so well loved, I say,
Wish I still had her today!

Don Key and Muriel

Don Key the Donkey
Was a silly ass
He had big donkey ears
And wore an eyeglass
Looking very dapper
And extremely smart
It was his day off from pulling his cart
He liked going out
And enjoyed a laugh
As I mentioned earlier
He was daft
He dressed up
And looked like a Toff
He tried to look trendy
On his days off
Don wore a bow tie
Red with Yellow dots
He wore a patterned waistcoat
Of which he had a lot
He collected waistcoats
All in many hues
He had a penchant for clothes
Flash jackets shirts and shoes
To cap it all, a trilby
He tipped when ladies passed
Hoping she would have a chat
She walked very fast
Don was this donkey's Christian name
Key was the other
Not much thought went into that
He blamed that on his mother
Don sauntered down the Road
And Up and down the street
When out of nowhere
He spied a pretty mule
Her name was Muriel
They went to the same school
Muriel came over to talk
After they had a chat
They went for a walk

Sebastian

Sebastian dressed like a toff
Other people he would scoff
He was a snob, I suppose
People named him
Toffee nose

The Perplexities of Brexit From a Cockney Point of View

Sovrinty’s a grand ole gent,
But sovrinty don’t pay the rent.
I got six kids’ moufs to feed.
Sqeezin’ stones don’t make ‘em bleed.
Theresa gal sure went and blew it,
But oo blimmin’ else is there to ’ do it?
Oo else is there to clear the fog?
Wot’s your take, mate? That toff, Reese-Mogg?
Oo ever duzzit, do it fast!
‘ow long’s this Brexit lark to last?

A glossary of terms for the protection and benefit of young learners of English

soverinty  - sovereignty
don’t (third person singular present tense  - doesn’t
ole – old
gent  - gentleman
maufs – mouths
squeezin’, goin’, - -ing
‘em – them
gal – girl
oo  - who
blimmin’  - expletive filling word like bloody, damn, etc.
toff -  a sometimes derisive term for member of the upper class from a non-member of that class's point of view
duzzit  - does it
‘ow  - how

I Know That I Can Rhyme - Inspired By Contest

My rhyme is better than yours..
 I’ll say that without a pause.... 
and I know I've got just cause
 cos your poems are written for bores

You can post ten poems a day
I now don’t read a word you say
Your rhyming’s awful anyway
and you’ve no clue of good word play

At my simple poetry you scoff
acting like an ignorant toff
If you challenge me to a write off
you’d find your words in a piggy trough

It is a heinous crime
as you think that you can rhyme
your poems ain’t worth a dime
they‘re just so inferior to mine

I’ve got one final thing to say
your poetry is so passé
the rhyme is dire, it’s so cliché
I’m a better poet than you any day!

NOT aimed at anyone on the site
purely inspired by Contest of F J Thomas

4/29/18

The Amicable Divorce

Look, I found a new book to read,
This is a book of nonsense, indeed,
Titled, "The Amicable Divorce,"
I did snicker and chortle, of course,
Who wrote this? Some toff,
I sit and read and scoff,
I wrote companion lit.,
Equally full of blip,
"Improve your kid's English," 
Real vivid vocab, that's the way,
What this witch wants to  do to them,
Only one way to handle abusive men,
"Uppity, uppity, shove broomstick uppity,"
'The Amicable Divorce'? Heavy, heavy,
Look, a brand new book to read,
"The Amicable Divorce", nonsense indeed.......

The Rag Trade

"Headline news! The rag trade is torn to pieces!
Dolls are strewn across the streets with skirts lifted high.
Headline news! Markets are buzzing with voracious bees;
Stinging for honey, for money to burn. Sly.

May I escort you sir to higher gains? Just feed the slot
Machine coffers with offers of fine dining and lustful desires.
Become bloated and coated, botched and scotched
And drink embers mellow as you repast by the fire!

Suits you sir! That suit should fake them and shake them,
For you look a right toff and in those two tone brogues
None can guess and think anything less of you and your suit
That is pin striped and blue. Welcome to 'Cafe Rogues'.

Are you a gambler sir? Do you place your bets well?
Do you prefer evens or odds or don't you give a sod?
There are no consciences here sir! We'll take your money
And spend it on honey and fine clothes by God!

Paper!paper! Read all about it, headline news!
Dolls are found in alleyways torn to shreds!
Escorts are fattened calves ready for the slaughter!
Suited toff is found dying in Savile Row gutter!

Gambling money spinner wins. Camera closes the shutter.

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