Long Toff Poems
Long Toff Poems. Below are the most popular long Toff by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Toff poems by poem length and keyword.
Freely admit am more than a bit of a Test cricket junkie
VIP pass doff for punky class of Bazball’s start so spunky
Revel in rocking devil may care peacocking flair so funky
But when stuttered became rather cluttered and clunky
Then Ben not with his men again is still a cheeky monkey
Iffy getting squiffy forgot curfew & in a jiffy all got gunky
Palaver in a lather farce of toff ECB job & gob of slob Key
Smelt wrong the pong not dope has felt old school skunky
Hunky stallion did quaff the trough now rapscallion donkey
Scoff not bob on plunky fob off dob em in for being a flunky
Got a cob on Baz a show off ar*e & Rob chubby and chunky
Sob should burn on the hob as each other’s jail bit*h bunkie
Turn the door k*ob in lob Baz & Bob then Ben lose the key
There’s a Nobel Prize for Peace
There’s probably one for war
I’d like to plead the case
For adding just one more
They say he was just a hungry toff
Feeling the need of a quick snack
Between some few games of cards
Thus allowing him quickly back
To those gentlemanly pursuits
Worthy of a man of his station
But to all us modern rushed folk
He’s the benefactor of the nation.
Johnson perfected dictionaries
Wellington his really useful boots
Worthy causes there no doubt
Scarce worth the merest of hoots
Compared to Earl of Sandwich
With his eponymous fast food
Easily and quickly adapted
To every nuance and mood
So lift your glasses please
Ply toasts upon the head
Of the man who first invented
Fun with two slices of bread
All hail to thee, John Montagu
The world doth owe great debt to you
In the dire moments of constant fear,
anyone can sense danger from all sides...
wondering if this is our final chapter,
or the continuation of more absurd lies!
I sold my gold to pay off some hefty bills:
a bracelet and a chain I wore at gala parties;
I agreed to a lesser price and feel at peace...
kicking off many worries to the lowest degree!
I asked the bearded guy behind the glass window,
how much they were worth trying to make a deal;
he looked at me and with a raspy voice not so genteel,
" To be honest they aren't worth much, poor fellow! "
He handed me two hundred dollars
enough to survive a few miserable days;
I walked away unhappily, I was ripped off...
yesterday it felt good being an admired toff!
I sold my gold feeling deprived of excessive pride,
it served a purpose but it left much emptiness inside;
greed is not the rule we must live by: gold is a wealth
well-earned, but it can't save us from destined death!
The maiden was carrying a basket
it was full of sweet flowers for market
once she got there she places a blanket
then lays the bunches around a casket
A toff came along and got one for Ascot
he doffed his hat showing a crew cut
the fabric of his trousers was tricot
made up fashionably in cross cut
He invites her to join him at Ascot
leading her down to a leafy short cut
intentions clear he opens his tricot
so she made good use of hidden off cut
Flees from situation most delicate
to get involved much too intricate
after all you must follow etiquette
to remain in the temple's syndicate
Collecting up her flowers and basket
she made her way home out of the market
she wrote never again in triplicate
as her cat came over to affricate
She sat down to a dinner of brisket
followed by a nice tasty biscuit
getting it down, she cleaned the musket
finishes day ironing her weskit
~~~~~~
affricate means to rub up against
Tricot is a fabric or material
weskit is a word for waistcoat usually very ornate
Nuggety nudger & nurdler
Thorpey did embody
Epitomise, personify Test Cricket
Someone small standing tall
Reliant defiant giant but
Fragile and flawed
Did he know he was adored?
Cricket was his safe place
In the 90's nadir
Thorpey gave us solace
Succour..grace & cheer
Resilience & Brilliance
Beacon of light
Shining bright hark back
Dancing in the dark
Having a lark on
That Karachi night
Thorpey had the class
To topple Murali & Vaas
Wasim..king of swing & seam
Said he was best
Test southpaw he ever saw
Thorpey was really that good
Do you think he understood?
With the wood..own
Homegrown Robin Hood
Heroic & stoic raid
Stellar superstars slayed
Who plied their trade
During a golden generation.
Thorpey inspired and fired
Our salvation, resurrection
Regeneration as a cricketing nation
It doesn't get much bloody better than that!
Remember it was still ours!
No chagrin at the paywall
Mandarin sins appall
No red ball for us all.
Surrey & Lions Test legend
Rasping Demons descend
Grasping at the end
Gasping..quite simply
We lost a friend!
Not a toff from
The rank & file
Working class pass
No faff or fuss
Like us, one of us, the best of us
We cooed as he wooed us with the bat
That style to beguile trait..
Gratitude for the plenitude of fortitude
Attitude..gumption at every latitude he imbued
Hat do doff...a true first rate great
Touched, tickled & tinged by genius
Love you Thorpey..rest in power mate
An institution for the average man and also for the Toff
The gun blasts, the gates fly open. They’re off.
Eight magnificent Steeds already to win the race.
Trampling all before them, galloping at full pace.
Jeremiah takes the lead, closely followed by Your Grace.
Simply Simon at his heels, True Tess is gaining a place.
Here comes My Hero, a grand, black stallion gaining on the pack.
Flight Steward, Flame and Conroy are positioned at the back.
Stampeding round the bend, bulleting on the outside
True Tess the small grey filly, taking the lead with pride.
Manes flying in the wind here comes Conroy flying round the pack.
Now in second place, the odds thought him to be a hack.
Clumps of turf take flight from the pounding of the hooves.
Horses surging forward at an almighty pace, none wanting to lose.
Jockeys standing upright, leaning forward smashing their whips.
Jeremiah responds to the whip with an almighty lunge and trips.
The horse recovers, but all others pass him by, at least he wasn’t hurt.
Joyful screams from the punters as each horse puts on a spurt.
Simply Simon trapped against the rails pushes his way between a gap.
Racing with the pack, hurtling against the wind the jockey loses his cap.
Its anyone’s race as the galloping group head into the straight
There’s a oneness between each horse and its Jockey mate.
Wails from the crowd are heard, some had bet just on spec.
The crowd are on their feet as two horses are neck and neck.
The thunder of their hooves sending sparks My hero crosses the line.
A whisker in front of Tess. A photo finish sends tingles down my spine.
My ticket says Tess To Win, the track is silent for results of the race
The Marshall makes the announcement. Its my Hero in 1st place.
Sponsor Brian Strand
Contest Name A BRIAN STRAND PREMIERE no 1219 -- 23 May2023
In the dire moments of constant fear,
anyone can sense danger from all sides...
wondering if this is our final chapter,
or the continuation of more absurd lies!
I sold my gold to pay off some hefty bills:
a bracelet and a chain I wore at gala parties;
I agreed to a lesser price and feel at peace...
kicking off many worries to the lowest degree!
I asked the bearded guy behind the glass window,
how much they were worth trying to make a deal;
he looked at me and with a raspy voice not so genteel,
" To be honest they aren't worth much, poor fellow! "
He handed me one hundred dollars
enough to survive a few miserable days;
I walked away unhappily, I was ripped off...
yesterday it felt good being an admired toff!
I sold my gold feeling deprived of excessive pride,
it served a purpose but it left much emptiness inside;
greed is not the rule we must live by: gold is a wealth
well-earned, but it can't save us from destined death!
It’s great to be a member of the global elite,
The bean poles in my garden are standing proud and neat.
Organic veg is thriving thanks to ample bags of peat.
I never hear a siren roaming down my street.
I’m fairly relaxed when an airline goes under.
Got a business proposition? Let me find you a funder.
“When will I fix their boilers?” my tenants do wonder.
I’ll soon find a scapegoat, if I should make a blunder.
A product of a public school, the pride of Shrewsbury,
Forcibly convinced that you would rather be me.
The reality is I’m at the top of the tree
So every branch manager is looking up to me!
My diary is dependent on the diligent Katrina,
She runs the show like clockwork, you’ll find nobody keener.
She cuts through all the jargon so the minutes are much leaner
And can text me at the golf club or on my yacht in the marina.
I’m awfully busy, cannot give you an appointment.
Upbeat copywriters - you can find a place in my tent.
Relatively shielded from the risks of disappointment,
You’ll never find a fly in my ointment!
If the radiators splutter, I call my handyman,
If my money’s on a racehorse, then I hope it runs to plan,
On the promenade at Paignton I’m a suave and sandy man,
To a certain travel agent, I’m her “neat and dandy man.”
My doctor comes a-running if I ever get a cough.
Your trusted friends will recognise when you’re a toff.
I flutter like a butterfly high above your moth
So the sprinklers on my lawn are rarely turned off.
Sundays see me mulling over crossword clues
While my weekend valet cleans my outdoor shoes,
Got to keep my name out of the news.
Remember buddy: heads I win and tails you lose.
Now most of my investments are quite discreet,
There’s a chalet in Antigua and a villa in Crete.
Want some carrot cake while you’re thinking on your feet?
Then you’d better not quibble with the global elite.
This poem first appeared in the P.U.W. Anthology "In the Name of Democracy - Poetic Voices" on 22nd May 2021.
Mr Dennis...grimace..what the Dickens is going on...the menace
Inevitability of a celebrity on every terrace at the tennis..
The profanity and insanity of rampant vanity..
The gist..a D list tryst to bathe in the narcissist mist..
Blame.. tame or maim same lame fame name game shame..
Rich pickings at.. every look at me.. Wimbledon balcony..
Phew..is it too late for me lanky mate Stew..
Can't be ignored...a SW19 ticket you scored..
Hard to beat....pip..a meet and greet with the cheat elite..
Don't scoff...hats do doff...before we skip off on a toff trip to Crete..
A bit cranky..give me a hanky...he's gone a bit swanky.. wa**y...
Great..hanging out...lurking on board with the flawed fraud..
Applaud the encored smirking adored or abhorred hoard
Bored.. tanned trolls..champagne sippers in velvet slippers
Vain planned inane scrolls..no proles lost souls or nippers
Just skanky Yankee dolls & spank me molls maraud..day trippers
My Lord..thought your were berserking..working class..
Not the farce of up its own a**e..shirking VIP pass..
P.S just for you Stew..an ickle fickle tickle josh.. off my trolley volley..rhyming sickle...about you at some jolly posh tosh.. in a golly gosh wally folly pickle..
But still.. luv you bruv..you are the Guv..
Picket chitter chatter about posh pitter patter at Henley Regatta scoff for that matter at the natter which does flatter SW19 scene & don't give a jot about that lot at Ascot..the big ticket for the English toff summer is a visit to the home of cricket..
Old father time’s hold over his many wards
Mystery of the history hoards told marauds
Nooks & crannies mould books of records
Symphony scored sold on adored chords
Famed for the gold framed named boards
As teams and bold dreams cross swords
Peruse the queues that start before 8
Members remember the embers of fate
Quest for best seating you can’t be late
Bleating a fleeting greeting at Grace gate
Blazer with crest for their guest do wait
Dearly nearly yearly meeting with a mate
Linen suits competing cahoots see a spate
Die hard scorecard scribe should venerate
Suss a them & us tribe vibe does permeate
Josh subscribe to a golly gosh folly & fete
Farce awash with fuss cloche on nosh trait
VIP pass posh wally with off his trolley gait
Bollinger harbinger scoff do quaff a crate
Just ar*e twee look at me upper class date
Holler that working class squalor will irritate
Elite no blue collar street scholar reprobate
Bacon & eggs hues repeating Test portrait
Prices vastly soared stop ghastly hordes
Boxes chock a block with corporate frauds
No fan roared everyone…politely applauds
Panamas, trilbys or fedora do doff towards
Caveats for toff twa*s cravats Lords awards
Our fancy dress is outlawed caused discords
Sneer at beer from kegs cheer more Landlords
No dregs shaggy hair diadoras & baggy cords
Begs no diaspora from poorer smorgasbords
A ticket to the home of cricket though affords
The chance to roam and to reap rare rewards
Champers is poured toasting the scoreboards
Stored hampers explored boasting the accords
Hosting encores bar detours welcome to Lords