Swatter Poems | Examples

A Fly

The windows have been shut for days
So I cannot begin
To comprehend exactly how
A fly has gotten in.

The A/C’s working overtime
To counteract the heat
And though we’ve ventured out at times,
We beat a fast retreat.

It’s possible, I guess, that fly
Did hitchhike on our clothes
Or maybe in a shopping bag
Or someplace no one knows.

No matter how he made it in,
The next time he is sighted,
The swatter will be on the move,
‘Cause he was not invited!

annoying fly

fly lands on my face
once is not enough twice now
annoys me greatly

she swiftly flies off
landing on the tv set
where is my swatter

The Mosquito Squad

At last, Summertime is finally here. 
It's time to put away our winter gear;
Show some skin and have a little fun
While soaking up the warm summer sun.
But unbeknownst to you and me
Is a treacherous insect far worse than a bee.
The mosquito lurks beneath the shadows,
Waiting to eat people's legs, arms, and toes.
Yes, this critter has dreamt on the very day
That our sexy bodies will be his buffet. 
"This year", he declared without being snooty,
"My targets are the ankles, knees, arms, and booty.
But I cannot do this task alone."
So he calls the Mosquito Squad on the phone. 
The plans were made as the day turns to night.
A fellow mosquito yells, "Out goes the light!"
Then the leader says, "Now we strike!
Attack that juicy butt with all your might!"
As they fly with lightning speed, 
There was one thing that they didn't heed.
It wasn't noxious gas or the Swatter of Doom,
But all the mosquitoes heard was a loud "KABOOM!'
They hit the ground hard with the other dead flies;
For the Invisible Bug Zapper was their demise.

Animal 'Mini-Limericks'

     Zebras are clever little horses with stripes
       They know how to discharge without having to wipe

     They say pigs roll in the mud so as to get clean
        My wife keeps trying mudpacks if you know what I mean 

     A cow’s tail is a very effective fly-swatter
        Remember to first ask the butcher to slaught-her

     When I saw in the kitchen-sink a whale of a snail
        I called the Doc – Never mind our daughter looks pale

      “Honey, you promised to kill that June-bug, remember?”
        “Oh, yeah… You asked me last June, and now it’s December”

      Dog rhymes with hog, which in turn rhymes with frog
         But only one lives on a lily in a swamp called a bog       

      My vet told me my new cat would have up to nine lives 
         A Queen Bee snatched ‘em all when she flew out of her hive

John Doe

The chase after door was ajar.
From window to window, that far.
The buzz in my ear,
The fly needs to fear.
The whiz of my swatter on par.

“I’m hit,” says the fly, out of steam.
Is it truly dead or a scheme?
Over and over…
its eyes ice over.
I suck up the fly with air stream.

Dear Dad, you’ll be happy to know
the fly you let in, had to go
The show he put on -
Its buzz, it is gone.
It's buried in the bag - a John Doe.

gillo Swatter

the female is XX
 and the male is XY
 Every individual 
must have at least 
one X chromosome
Since the female is XX,
 each of her eggs has
 a single X chromosome
 The male, being XY
 can generate two
 types of sperm
 half bear the X 
chromosome
 half the Y.
Ebeye to
the Cock of Arran
they spoke candid 
about there love 
for one another
she used her position
could shield her from
the dooming tensions
of Hoglet Snob.Jaluit.

The set of Jaluit.

Bug Eyes

   The fly swatter is out,
   Bugs are all about.
   How could that be,
   What I see?
   
   Has many legs.
   Not a spider,
   Or a fly.
   But something fanciful on the eye!

   Swatted quick to the ground,
   SMASHED FLAT!
   Legs waving all around.
   "You killed my lashes", she wailed!

   Carefully,
   I slunk on by.
   Didn't realize,
   It was it was part of her eye!

BYE-BYE FLY

A fly flew through the kitchen window, I was frying,
He was big, fat and very black,
He nonchalantly settled on the drying rack,
No doubt had followed the aroma of food, uninvited prying,
With tea towel and fly swatter, was armed and eyeing.

Flew closer to the gas burner, unafraid of dying,
Both of us ready for deadly battle,
He would certainly not live to tattle,
There got you, but as hard as I was trying,
He was edging nearer to the liver I had frying.

Searching with his compound eyes, he found an aperitif filler,
A small onion, his taste-buds now craving,
My anger now increasingly scaling, 
Then with the prowess of a tactical serial killer,
Lashed out with the tea towel, wiped out the critter.

Summer Picnics Interrupted

Our picnic food draws pesky flies.
We each grab a swatter and rise
   to wipe out those devils,
   but those crafty rebels
escape. Then we don’t feel so wise.

Drinking Buddies

OK, I never liked you guys
But now we're drinking buddies
To my great surprise

That giant Texas heat lamp
Brought us together
Because the drought you couldn't weather

I set up bird baths, just not for you
You ran 'em off, and squirrels, too
I was afraid of what you might do

The birds were flighty, the squirrels wily
But you guys stuck together spryly
I admired your intelligence highly

I sensed you'd let me refill the water
As the Texas heat lamp grew ever hotter
No need for the fly swatter

Gentlemen you were as I refilled the drink
You landed on me and tickled me pink
Hmmm, Honey Bees, I need to rethink

Now I've spoiled you with cubes of ice
Cooling the drink to make it nice
Providing a small dose of paradise

I swore you off, but friends I now avow
You like me, too, I sense it somehow
Yes, we're drinking buddies forever now

Honey, I got to go water the bees...

Yesterday

I installed a “cat door”
The mice moved out

I changed the door locks
The kids climbed in the window

I decided to try a vegan diet
Now I have to find out what to use for bait
And go hunting

I bought my dog another pair of 9 inch red heels

The Parrot looked at me and mumbled “W T F”

She said she was tired of men looking at her
I bought her a fly swatter

I left my golf clubs in the handicap parking space

I took the bus.  I made it eight blocks before they caught me

Country Bugs

The moths get through the screen somehow
And when I walk outside,
The gnats and skeeters buzz around -
There’s no place you can hide.

The ants, at times, invade the house
And maybe, curled up tight,
A millipede will show, which is
A most unwelcome sight.

I haven’t seen the bees or wasps
But spiders must be here.
Their webs and those entrapped provide
The proof that they are near.

The country’s filled with bugs galore
And we can coexist,
But once they’re on my turf,
The handy swatter I enlist.

The Flies and the Bees

The Flies and the Bees

The sun has risen and set; another season has been resolved
and many acts of aggression that might never be absolved
No podium will be awarded for the deletion of kick the can
Unfortunately, we all now see, the true measure of that man

There are bees and there are flies, both buzz around the skirt
The bees work hard for honey, but the flies just love the dirt
Bees help pollinate, they make our world thrive and grow
Flies are filthy creatures that crave and lust for guano

Bees are essential for life, without them we all would die
Unfortunately, that’s not the case for the nasty little fly
The bee is well respected and works to save our land
The fly is just a nuisance, so keep your swatter close at hand.

Sometimes I Just Want To Stop My Brain

Sometimes I just want to stop my brain.
She laughs in my face.
She wiggles her dendrites.
She sticks out her tongue.
She gives me six more ideas for a drawing.

Sometimes I just want to stop my brain.
But she twirls around in the living room and does a flip.
She jumps off the couch and begins to ask me what ifs.

What if the refrigerator walked off angry?
What if the fly swatter turned on you instead of a fly?
What if the silverware drawer had a ghost living in it?

Sometimes I want to just stop my brain.
So I have to get really quiet and I have to lie down.
I have to close my eyes, and then I hear her laughing.
So I get up and do what she wants.
But I retain a really bad mood, because she does not leave me alone!

Stop Bugging Me

ouch! ouch! ouch!
pesky wasps
mosquito’s
and bugs
have eaten me alive

scratch scratch
itch itch
I'll treat my skin
with soothing lotion
then seek revenge!

my electric
fly swatter
zaps them
soon they’re doing
the dying fly!

17 syllables per stanza, checked with ps soup counter

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09/01/21

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