Real Not Fiction
A hole is a hole said the Mule
As he stuck his stump up a slapper
This saying was mirrored by another
Who told a story of his friends
And what recently happened
One long term friend has a gal
They’d been together 7 years
And planned to get married
Spending a lifetime together
Already lovers and more
You know how it goes
So to be happy in bliss
But a big problem arose
Another old school pal
Caused a fuss with the gal
Who was a guy before!
So now you’re a gal not a guy
How did that come about?
A trip to Thailand and cash
Lots of cash from her rich family
The school pal seeing the gal
Wasn’t aware of any of this
Just that he was in love
Happy and going to be married
To a gal who was once a guy
He was oblivious to this
Unlike the other ex-pupil
They gave the gal guy it
A week to tell her fiancé
All of the truth of they’d do it
I told the pal who knew them all
Make sure the guy who
Knew them all
Never killed the gal
Who was once a guy
Like the American one
What will happen
Within this week
Happiness or war?
A hole is a hole
Even if no kids
Reality not fiction
The Mule was right
Categories:
slapper, hurt, journey, romance, sad
Form: Verse
My uncle is married to Brandie -
A nympho who’s frequently randy
If she’s in the mood
He’s no chance of food ...
Their dining table comes in handy!
My uncle he dresses so dapper
Whilst Brandie resembles a slapper
Tight tops plunge so low
Huge boobies on show
Their neighbours wife sure wants to slap her
The neighbour’s husband has now clued
That Brandie sunbathes in the nude
He’ll climbs up his stairs
And views all she bares
To 'bird watching' he is now glued!
Part 1 written for Tania's contest but i couldnt resist extending the poem
08/30/20
Categories:
slapper, humorous,
Form: Limerick
Laughter's healthy, contagious, and brightens your day.
It's pun that's a groaner or joke that's risque.
It's a belly laugh, horse laugh, or laugh like a loon
At a comic strip. slapstick or clown or cartoon.
Laughter's chuckles and chortles, a snicker or snort.
It's a humorist's quip or a jester at court.
It's amusement that's droll or the last laugh that's best
Or a rib-tickler, knee-slapper, jape, or a jest.
Laughter's mirth and hilarity, wisecracks or wags.
It's a yuk or a cackle and zingers and gags.
You can giggle, guffaw, or can laugh up your sleeve,
Bust a gut, or with levity tension relieve.
Laughter's wit that's impromptu or monologue planned.
Its a sitcom with punchlines and laughter that's canned.
It's a pie in the face or a pratfall or prank
And comedian's laugh all the way to the bank.
Categories:
slapper, fun, giggle, happiness, humor,
Form: Quatrain
What if the strange woman walks in here and slaps me?
I am sitting in the beauty shop, being crazy.
We have never met.
She is walking in now, directly in front of me.
Less than eight feet away.
What if she reaches down and bam!
Slaps me across the nose,
Tweaks my throbbing nose,
cuts my throat?
She is closer now, walking right toward me.
She kind of looks like a slapper.
Do I duck, flinch, or just stop being silly?
Categories:
slapper, 10th grade, 11th grade,
Form: Free verse
URBANE DISDAIN
Rapier wit, persiflage and banter
In repartee, an eloquent out-flanker
Faced with insult, virulence and rancour
His response could not be ‘insoucianter’
When attacked or critiqued
He will not be piqued
Smooth as whisky antique:
These - his words cool and sleek
“You’ve a face like a snapper,
Your sister’s a slapper,
Your mother is built like a tanker”
.
Categories:
slapper, cool,
Form: Rhyme
Me slob clob be a dirty grey
me school an open alleyway
no sissy pens; we wield 'em guns
me canna count but me's no dunce
Clompers bare; me sneakers hocked
jiggle barefoot roll and rock
breathe in deep me dead-rat whiff
and suck me wacky backy spliff
Workavoidic be me graft
pleasure be a tankard draught
a willing gape to lard me wand
in Pete or Rex or busty blonde
Me rolled the slapper in the buff
caught the clap; she's up the duff
me downs no drink not alcoholic
comfy in me world shambolic
*******************************
Categories:
slapper, humor,
Form: Rhyme
I stumbled drunkenly through Stroud
Passed the kebab van on the hill,
When all at once I saw a crowd
Of ladettes – taunting the old bill;
Just for a lark, just for a wheeze,
Flirting and dancing, dressed to tease.
Bedecked with bling, drinking cheap wine,
A clowder of cats out to play,
Perfume and bags by Calvin Klein
All you can eat slapper buffet.
Looking for violence not romance,
Tossing the V’s in fighting stance.
The plods approached askance, as they
Ignored them and crouched down to pee;
The deluge nearly washed away,
The council’s prized floral display!
I gazed – amazed - at just how short;
Their skirts were and indeed how taut.
Often now – I sit down and cry
(Sometimes it puts me off my food)
When I recall what I did spy
The female form so crass and rude;
Those harpies in search of cheap thrills,
Stooped - pissing on the daffodils.
(apologies to Mr Wordsworth)
Categories:
slapper, dark, england, funny, girl,
Form: Light Verse
Why can't some women stay on their feet?
Getting laid, down, soiled marks upon clean sheet
Wide open legs, what a filthy dirty cheat!
Do you brush your teeth after each new cock lick?
Or wipe yourself clean before the next guy inserts a clean dick?
At least a whore gets paid for every trick!!
The muttonish way you dress, like some old slapper
Spluttering rubbish like some stupid rapper
****** flaps with teeth like a red snapper!
The trust you break, with the illicit love you make
So many different men, surprised your insides don't ache
As you wriggle and writhe with any old snake!
Impossible to narrow it down, who gave you chlamidia?
I should just be grateful to be bloody rid of ya
I am free from you and your devil claw.
You broke my heart and you crushed my soul
Letting every prick into your dirty little hole
Burrowing deep inside like a short sighted mole!
Don't blame me, it's just my hormones
Or something similar is what the whore moans!!
©John-Ovan.P.Hull
Categories:
slapper, angst, confusion, depression, girlfriend-boyfriend,
Form: Dramatic Monologue