Short Potty Poems

my ballcock
floats
in the tank
in the back
of my
mind...

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Locker room antics
should not be a qualifier 
for a president....

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those flying f-bombs
a thinking impediment
some speech sediment...

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Sometimes it just feels better to be a shit,
               instead of the toilet paper......

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Lettie was very spotty
Itching drove her potty
She bought some cream
Now she's serene
No longer spotty or dotty...

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Hippy was a potty moose
Read three books by Dr Seuss
One about a Cat
One about a Hat
One about Horton on the loose...

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Victoria's Secret hottie
Was modelling something naughty
With it all on view
What else could I do
But make a run for the potty?...

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In this poem-request, I hope I don't sound overly pushy or snotty :-)
But I pray more Depends can be donated so old people can go potty!...

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A standard toilet paper roll
Has shrunk two inches from its goal
Since all we need
Is just pure greed
And one old-fashioned finger bowl...

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Wanda Mann loves dressing naughty
So the lads will call her, "Hottie"
But out on a date
They all need to wait
Because she has to go potty!...

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     Of all the inventions which have
       blessed mankind o’er countless years

     The port-a-potty alone reduces me to tears
...

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On Venus, Captain Kirk was naughty
After which he ran to the potty
But life is seldom fair
No toilet paper there
So Kirk screamed, "Beam me up, Scotty!"...

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Dotty Bawdy-Body was haughty
Just like you, she had to go potty
Well, the Men's had no queue
So she went to their 'Loo
And became, "Naughty Dotty Hottie"...

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The President's daughter, Ivanka,
Designed the steel bra Vielen danke
But Trump can not cope
With what he can't grope
So he slapped a tariff on Tonka!...

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Sandy loved eating candy.
Andy got drunk on brandy.
Too much sugar made Sandy spotty.
Andy's drinking drove him potty.
They need to change their modus operandi....

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Privy, the potty place, putrid and purple,
Peeling paint is not appealing,
Plaster, patch and prime,
Purchase pail of paint,
Paint the privy.
Primrose…
Pretty!...

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Aches and pains all over my body
Guess I'm finally going to potty
Later than most
Don't want to boast
My stunning body's famous but a wee bit shoddyi...

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Only poo can make this world seem bright
Only poo can make what's heavy light
Only poo and poo alone can thrill me to the bone
So I fill my toilet to the brim with poo....

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Time for a birthday potty... err Party
For the one who writes a wee bit naughty
The birthday girl is Jan
She's sitting on the can
I think she might be farty... err forty!...

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Construction worker Fred, never snotty
Boastful, self-righteous, or slightly haughty
   They laid him to rest
   Midst tribute the best
Gold-plated, silver-edged Porta-Potty...

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After a long, long snooze, Rip Van Winkle

Woke with a start, his duds all a-wrinkle

Said he, a bit dotty

"Quick!   Bring me a potty

I'm in need of a humongous tinkle!"...

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Nanny taught me how to potty
I don’t like my pull ups soggy
She says stay til I make a plop
Then up from the potty I can hop
Ang go back to playing with froggy

© Mar 30 2010...

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The Congress it seems had no bathrooms.
They just held it or country was doomed.
They passed regulations
for eliminations
then out of both their chambers they zoomed....

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I’m frequently whisking my turds
Oh sorry, it’s twisting my words
My finger has got a break
I may make a miss steak
My speeling is that of dim nerds

5/22/18...

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Fart is a silly word, makes everyone titter
Causes that exact reaction, it's a fart emitter
Lighten up people
It's no more evil
Than “poopy” or “potty” or “twit my twitter”...

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