Short Flyswatter Poems

Michael McGregor wielded a wild flyswatter
he used it in places he not aughter.
Each swat made a mess
causing wife distress 
so he up and ran off with their daughter....

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     as the black cloud
     descends 
     on his field
     the fierce scarecrow 
     springs to life…
     pink plastic
     flyswatter
     in each
     hand
...

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if I Had
If I had a giant shoe horn
I would slide huge people into compact cars

If I had a giant flyswatter
I would smash rabid coyotes into pancakes

If I had a giant spatula
I would flip over your house to see your reaction...

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Fly swatter soup. Yum. Yum.
My palette is smiling. Mm Mm….
A rare delicacy, found only in the Midwest
If you live across the road from a pig farmer.
Best eaten in July, when the flies are biting.
Stomached by only a few. 
Yes, it is exactly as tasty as you think.
Can I count on you at six?
Bring a friend....

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B rewing her potions one Halloween eve, Witch Hazel
R eceived a sting from a bee;
E liciting the response of a flyswatter smack.
V ulnerable bee, he lay upon the dark, dank floor.
I nstead of sweeping away, little bee, Witch Hazel
T hrew him into her brew and laughed with glee,
Y a, haha, ha, I’ve got you now, take that for your sting!

...

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I wanted a larger sombrero, the spoiled child said.
Weird since she had a ten-gallon hat on her head
That’s all you are getting, her mother said sternly.
But she kept grousing and griping, this child named Hernly.

Her grandmother said “Fine, I will take the hat as my own.”
Hernly had such a fit, she was soon all alone
Except for her old-school grandmother who had a flyswatter.
What are you doing? Asked the naïve spoiled granddaughter....

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I would like to be a lady for a day the butterfly said.
Dressed in pinks and oranges, and perhaps a little red.
You cannot have it all, her godmother replied.
But I can make you yellow, and help you to glide.

So the butterfly turned into a lady on a warm Tuesday.
She glided into windows, but people shooed her away.
One tried to swat her with a flyswatter, and smacked her tail.
Turn me back into a butterfly, she yelped gliding off a rail....

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