I carry this reminder everyday like a quiet shield inside me,
Shivanee,on days when the world feels louder than my own voice.
Of that fact I am alive, I am sure,even when my thoughts try to make me doubt my own standing in the world.
I wake up and move through expectations, comparisons, unseen pressures,
and sometimes I forget that none of it defines who I am becoming.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"
and still I learn gently, slowly where I have been giving mines away.
There are moments I shrink without noticing,
letting the voices, memories, or silence decide my worth.
But then something in me pauses…
like breath returning after holding it for so long.
And I remember I am not what is said about me,
nor what I fear I am becoming.
I am simply here,learning to stand inside myself again,
without apology,without shrinking or validation from anyone,
My identity is not one thing
I am not one
I find the very notion insulting
I am an amalgamation of every person who loves and hates
I am my parents in ways I treasure and dread
I am the grandma I never got to meet and the grandpa who left too soon
I am the little girl I was and the woman I will become
My identity is not one thing
I will not be one
I am the places I've touched
I am the lilac walls of my childhood
The stage where I bathe in creativity
I am the bench in the Colorado woods where i left my tears fall
I am the home where my most precious memories live
My identity is not one thing
I am greater than one
I am passion
I am grief
I am creativity
I am every emotion I have have and will soon encounter
My identity is not one thing and to suggest such is to erase all that I am
I am not singular
I refuse to be one
C-ultivate yourself and keep your head up HIGH,
O-ver a billion stacks of gold
N-eutralize the value and take your place.
F-or, you have a soul beyond riches of the world.
I-nside you lies infinite light.
D-irect it and
E-mbrace your superpower.
N-ullify the incredulity of your selfworth.
C-apaciousness in you is clairvoyant
E-pidendrum orchid you are, however unapologetically
sprout as you should!!!
I didn't notice that the lines had appeared.
Tendrils of color stretching across my pale skin.
The blacked lines from a tight grip,
Handprints made a map of the lines I crossed.
I started to think they appeared because I didn't hold my tounge, or maybe because I didn't speak up enough.
Because I'd done the wrong thing, or I hadn't done something at all.
I looked at the black and blue handprints spread across my white skin,
And in the lines I started to see a barcode. A price tag.
As if this hurt determines the price of my faults, or what I am worth to the world.
It took a long time to understand that I was only seeing what I was worth to me.
I didn't notice that I was becoming more aware.
And you didn't notice I'd had enough.
My asking to be treated well came as a shock to you,
And I'm only shocked it took me so long.
Geek
Pass me a tablet
Pass me my phone
I'll order a take-out
To arrive here by drone
My eyes may be square
But behind them you'll see
One hundred percent human
Undespicable me
It's hard to relate
When your words are at loss
Though I'm happiest really
Ninja fighting a boss
There's a place sitting by me
Though I'm never apart
From my digital world
There's a space in my heart
I just need to complete
Not a level or zone
But this half finished person
To declare myself "home"
Jinjagoliath
5th February 2023
I see you girl ,
with those epic flaming curls
and the breathtaking sight of your eyes.
I see you everyday, igniting step by step.
so much to live, so much to learn , so much to fail,
but always , a young heart of fire.
I see those eyes envious of your light ,
plotting how to steal it.
Deceptive pupils , I see their rage, I see them scared,
because, who can anything against your flames?
Too powerful ,
let your heat burn, let your hell grow,
until all implodes.
Glass ashes to tame an indolent soul.
The secret of touching your heart ,
without getting burned
that I only know.
A danger to my thoughts
An intellectual imprisoned to her roots
Who am I to mingle?
Am I to squeeze the truth?
I am confused and tattered
But even when breaking
I make ends meet
What is it for me to further seek?
Despite of all the truth unfolded
Yet my questions are still tricked to be asked
I have tried drowning myself in distractions
Yet all is fated to be discovered
What were held are bound to dust
I’ve held me and still have not come ashore
Words written are better off than words said
But those unspoken have wrecked me more than it should
I have revealed baggages
And yet here I am still caught in a wordplay
A poetic disgust for those who fathomed
Yet applauded for those who knew lesser pain
I have been asked more than I have answered
Yet my questions remain a riddle
I am perfectly watered plant in a broken pot
Is it another riddle? Have I again made you wonder?
Our innocence was taken.
Our youth was was tortured.
Our identity was buried.
Our self worth forgotten.
But we remember our shame.
Our memory is branded with the scars.
Our self esteem is crushed to smithereens.
We lack self confidence and hide in the darkness.
When the light gleams we shy away.
But we remember our shame.
We didn’t know life could be so cruel and cold.
An uphill battle against the world and wind.
No one to confide in, no one to talk to.
No one to wipe away the tears.
But we remember our shame.
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