I always looked at people doing wrong
And said I could never do that
But look at me now
I saw people lying and said
I could never do that
But look at me now
I saw people hurting themselves on purpose
And said I could never do that
But look at me now
I saw people fighting to get
Every day, and said
I could never do that. I love my life
But look at me now
But now I look at myself every day and wish I couldn't.
-GHD
I never learned anything from my younger self,
I knew I needed therapy meds and a lot of help
Thoughts from my past are creeping up on me fast
As a child of many many children in the family
I was born third so no one gave a damn about me!
17 years old I saw my dad cheat on my mom
He gave her the ultimatum to choose him or thee
I was kicked out to my sister's so hard to move past this I'm now in my forty somethings.
Relationships I have found to be the hardest to have. What's wrong with me? Why does everyone hate me? What did I do wrong? Why am I still here on earth to this day?
Thoughts from my past are creeping up on me fast
Melt me across a sidewalk and walk all over me.
I hope I at least smooth out the cracks.
I hope one less person trips over because of me.
Crave away my flaws and make me into the most beautiful sculpture.
I hope no one sees my shavings.
I hope you look at me in awe.
Burn me when you want and watch me crumble over time.
I hope I can be bright enough for you.
I hope I don’t hurt anyone.
Tear me down and replace me.
I hope I didn’t do anything wrong.
I hope I was useful to you
In depths of solitude, I stand forlorn,
With shadow as my sole and steadfast friend.
By society shunned, from kinship torn,
I ponder on life's edge, its bitter end.
Upon the bridge, where thoughts of ending bloom,
My shadow's form beside me makes its stand.
This grim moment, midst the gathering gloom,
I gasp, “l'm not alone in this bleak land!”
For shadow's silent vigil, ever true,
Has walked with me through life's relentless strain.
In every trial, every triumph too,
He’s been my constant, through both loss and gain.
So, ‘neath moon’s light, and night’s cold embrace,
My shadow stands, my solace and my grace.
-Edward
For within you resides immeasurable worth!
You are not alone in this world.
You are not alone in the struggles of this life.
If you are having a difficult time, feeling overwhelmed and overburdened, there is help out there.
It is OK to share your struggles and talk to someone.
Call 988 for help
Text 988 for support
Visit: 988 Suicide and Crisis Hotline for support
Words encouragement
Bounce off with no meaning
Meaningless rumors
Absorbed like a dry sponge
Torments from others
Like a raging flood
Face hidden by his hoodie
He pretends to ignore
Rumors & torments
Scarred and torn by the words
He’ll fade away slowly
Not a single soul noticing
No emotions at all after his family's betrayal
I'm something I'm not proud to be,
but what if this something has always been me?
What if the monster that crawls in me is just my heart?
What if it explodes before I tear it apart?
My ruins will fly,
like vultures in the sky.
Picking on the dirt they find,
of the ground and my dead body's hind.
I tore papers to calm myself.
The only relief i got was none.
So i took the blade and carved myself,
and all it gave me was fun.
-ag
Should I be reminded of being a freak
I shall fall onto my knees
And cry before I break
But try before I wake
From this sleep so blinding black
I will look for what I lack
A sense of beauty on my face
The only sight of a disgrace
They see me as a freak
I must have had a leak
I cry and wail all night
Trying not to fight
The feeling of my face in the mirror above my head
It only reflects my weaknesses and nothing comforting
I wonder to myself,
“What do they think of me?”
O look in the mirror
Who stares back is never the same
We should change
Not stagnate
Yet I see different people
Those who I am proud of
Ashamed
Disgusted
Hate
Despise
I never know who will look back
She looks a bit like me
But that's only on the surface
That loathing runs deep
There are so many trapped
and tortured souls in this
desolate place.
We are ghosts, screaming for freedom,
darklings, crying for light.
Never sure how to grasp onto
something invisible,
without strangling it.
Even before the cold bars
made of murk and gloom
there was no hope,
only bleakness.
Now "lost'' takes on
a greater, deeper meaning
for us here.
Lost in the abyss of incarceration,
groping for strands of liberty.
Deprived of human spirit,
Forbade femininity, devoided masculinity,
By force at first,
But by choice over time.
Resisting may seem futile
Do rebel my Sisters and Brothers,
Insurgence is necessary
to rise and revolt!
But do not rise against "them",
Rise against your darkness
against your self hate,
your intolerance of others,
against your deep seeded fears.
For hope my Friends, and
the only way to survive this cage
is to Grab tight the Light, all your Strength Hope and Love
For it is the only weapon against
The descending into the the Darkness of the Abyss
it's about to hit midnight.
I'm in the bath crying. I'm crying not because the cuts
I just made sting like mad as I hit the water, but because
I feel disgusting and angry and sad all in one.
I had a horrible nightmare last night about Jack and what he did.
I woke up knowing it was a dream but can still feel him inside me.
I have been throwing up today because of how he makes me feel.
As the evening has come closer I have been feeling worse.
I decided to have a bath and cut myself as a way to
unwind and pass time until I feel tired.
As I ran my bath, I cut 1 line. but it didn't feel good,
all I could think of was how disgusting my body was and that
Jack had been all over it (and inside it).
I saw my upper thighs that he once pressed against,
and decided to cut his name into myself.
Then I did his initials and his name again a few times.
I cut over the scar of his name that was already there
as well as cutting new ones.
I straight away got into the water to feel it sting
I wanted to feel it sting as a way to punish myself and feel pain, because
cutting never did hurt.
Now I'm still sat here crying
and typing dreading getting into my bed.
For once we want to feel content
With the story the universe chose for us
And the person we were born and meant to be
We’re tired of longing
To be like that girl
To be like the girls on instagram and pinterest
Who have aesthetic feeds
Always put together and neat
Everything about them screams
Perfect
From the time they wake up
To the food they all eat
Avocado toast and lemon water
Why can’t we be her?
“It’s all social media” you insist
But somewhere along the line
We are unable to place a finger on the exact time
Our minds erased the reality that
All that was no more than fake
So we look at them feeling though
The way we live our lives is a mistake
And now we hurt ourselves trying to be her
Forgetting she is no more
Than a handmade character
May 30 was the day you left
You took my heart like a nigh time theft
Heart so broken I couldn't find a cure
Narcotics and Alcohol helped me endure
Smoke in my lungs gave me peace
Clouded the memory of when you decided to leave
It made everything seem alright
But your memory never stayed behind
Nights of smoking with the skunk smell
the moon saw how my tears fell....
I wonder if you would come back
Or should I go and get another pack?
Wolfgang sits alone in a Berlin bar
Plying drink to drink's still darker state,
Depressed, alone, and full of hate
For what he has become.
Young backpack enters and with uncertain
Tongue a conversation starts, until late
Drinking talk is done and Wolfgang must
Depart, but bids young backpack home
With prospects of a sheltered night and promise
Of a warming meal some streets way,
Not far. Wolfgang's wife is waiting.
A meal is cooked, unsteady Wolfgang sits
As wife joins to the right and backpack left,
Still drinking, until now beyond himself
Eyes roll, frame slumps still closer to the table.
Dear Wolfgang's wife at last explains
That Wolfgang is unable. "He's impotent.
My husband here has brought you home",
She says, eyes to the table. "He's brought
You home to be with me so I am not alone
At night. But see how much this hurts him.
When doing this he drinks to stave the pain.
And every time he brings a man, 'dear Wolfgang',
Is what I want to say, 'please don't do this again.'
i tell myself i love me
and then i break my heart
i ask for forgiveness
and it restarts
i tell myself i love me
and i treat myself well
until i make one mistake
then i treat me like hell
There is such a thing as self hate
Many Jews accuse each other of self hate
It is true - some Jews are filled with self loathing(including me at times)
But other people, too can hate themselves
Blacks, Latinos, Chinese and Scots
can all hate themselves
It is best NOT to hate your self
Although performers deal in this - and have made
mucho dinero out of it
I still say it is best
NOT TO HATE YOURSELF
Joy will come to you if you follow this advice
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